Ron was terrified. Who wouldn't be when you're walking through a herd of undead monsters, despite the few times he risked taking a peek outside the walls he hadn't seen many. So when one of them bumped against his shoulder while walking past, he hoped no one would hold it against him when he gave a rather undignified squeak.
He tried not to focus on them, on the hanging jaws holding on by pieces of stretched sinew that looked ready to snap. Many had their organs spilling out and none were fully intact. He looked away from an especially terrifying dead one, who's face was almost completely demolished, the previous person had nothing but a layer of muscle and torn and hanging skin as a face.
Ron looked ahead of him and away from the thing that used to be a person, someone with feelings and a family and morals. Now it was simply a corpse on its feet, everything it was, everything it cared about, meaning nothing anymore. Ron tried not to think too much about the dead ones, he tried wrapping his mind around the concept of it many times, of simply forgetting who you were, of being able to stand even after death. His mom had told him not to dwell on it, that it's just the way things are.
Ron shook away his thoughts and looked at the boy standing in front of him clutching his hand with white knuckles. Ron tried not to hate Carl, he tried to justify that what Rick did was right, that his dad was an out of control and abusive drunk. Ron knew that his dad wasn't a good person. That he didn't care about him or Sam or mom, that all he ever cared about was booze. But despite all the times Ron cried underneath the mans pulled back fist, all the times he walked in to find his mom lying on the floor and bleeding.
He couldn't help but be sad when he had died. Yeah his dad hit them but the very rare times he wasn't drunk he was a fairly good dad. They would talk about girls and his dad would laugh every time he pulled a face. Things were simpler before his dad realized his immense love for alcohol. He knew he was foolish to believe his dad could go back to the man he once was, but he hoped maybe one day he could find help, that he could be the kind and loving father he knew. But because of Rick Grimes it could never happen, his family could never be whole again.
Ron clenched his teeth trying for the millionth time to not let the thought of watching Rick die seep into his mind, no matter how much he wanted to see it become reality he refused to become his father, to enjoy other people's pain and misery without remorse.
Ron was pulled from his thoughts as everyone abruptly stopped. He looked ahead of him confused. His eyes widened as he realized the reason they had stopped was because Sam had broken out of the line and stood in front of mom still clutching her hand like a life-line. Tears were running down his face and his eyes held a look of utter fear. Ron had seen that look many times, when his father would lash out at the boy.
Ron had seen this coming on some level. He knew his brother wouldn't be able to handle this, after a lifetime of being sheltered, drawing and eating cookies. Ron was sheltered too but he knew their lives depended on this, he had learned to hide his fear, to not let it consume him.
Sam however did not share his ability to suck it up and stay strong. He was currently shaking and straining to not cry out while mom reassured him, trying her hardest to get him to keep moving.
"Sam, hey you can do this, Sam just look at mom" Ron tried, hoping to help the boy move along.
"Sam I need you to come with me, I need you to be strong" Jessie tried pleading with the boy.
Sam was shaking and mumbling "I-I want to"
Ron was ready to once again try to convince his brother to move when all of sudden his world came crashing down. He hadn't seen the dead ones, not until they were grasping Sam with their weathered and leathery hands. They bit into his head and shoulder. Ron could do nothing but watch as the blood poured down Sam's twisted and screaming face. The dead ones remained latched onto him tearing away his flesh, consuming him. They ripped away his skin and pulled away his flesh with their yellow and green teeth.
Ron could here his mom screaming, he could here Carl in front of him trying to get her to calm down and keep moving, but it was all muffled and blurred as he watched his brother get eaten alive, his screams ringing through his ears and resonating through his skull.
And then his mothers muffled cries stopped and Ron almost dreaded looking forward already knowing full well she was gone. Ron watched as she suffered the same fate as Sam.
Then he noticed something behind her: Rick Grimes, the man watched with a grief stricken face as Ron's mother was torn apart. Ron felt anger boiling inside him, how dare he, how dare he have the nerve to feel any kind of grief when this was all his fault. He wasn't the one who had suffered, who had just watched everything he loved die and he had the audacity to pretend like he gave a damn.
Ron turned his attention to Carl who was struggling and calling for his dad. Jessie, even though she was in the process of being eaten alive held onto Carl's hand with a death grip. One so strong apparently, because the boy tried pulling away several times, but to no avail.
Rick seeming to suddenly realize his son was in peril because he pulled his axe out of its sheath. His face was unreadable and stoic as he made his way to Carl, hefting the weapon. Ron didn't know what he was doing at first he just knew that whatever it was it was going to get someone killed. Just like everything else the mad man did.
Ron watched in horror as the man pulled his arm all the way back, axe in hand, and brought it down to meet Jessie's wrist. He held no more grief in his eyes as he hacked away at her arm as though she were nothing, as though all the kindness she had shown the murderous man didn't matter. At this moment Rick cared about nothing but his son. Because that was who Rick Grimes was, he's selfish, a killer with no remorse, without a fleeting thought for others.
Ron once again felt his anger resurface. He shuddered at the horrible thoughts running through his head of the many different ways he would like to watch Rick Grimes die, he wanted the man to suffer, no he wanted him to feel the same way he did. He wanted Rick to lose everything. It scared him that he wished more than anything that Rick would watch Carl get ripped apart the same way Sam and his mom had. Ron shook his head trying hard to dispel his thoughts, what was he thinking, Carl didn't deserve that, maybe his dad did, but Carl had been nothing but nice to him, and here he was wishing the kid would get ripped apart, what's happening to him? He's becoming like his father wishing for other people's misery, what has he become?
Ron was ripped from his thoughts as Carl fell to the ground with Jessie's severed hand still wrapped firmly around his wrist. The boy quickly got to his feet, readjusting his hat and prying Jessie's cold hand from his now bruised wrist.
Ron's attention was dragged down to the ground where a gun lay in the blood stained and once perfectly green grass. Ron recognized it as the gun Carl had taken from him after he had attempted to kill the boy in the garage. Without a second thought he quickly reached down and picked it up, not a hundred percent sure why. Ron turned his attention to Carl and Rick as they gained their bearings. They were going to make it, they were going to get away unscathed while Ron had just lost everything. He couldn't let that happen, they didn't deserve to make it, they didn't deserve to be happy, they were killers, they needed to pay.
Ron held up the gun with shaking hands. He knew what he was about to do was wrong. That maybe there was a chance that Rick didn't deserve this. But at the moment, Ron just couldn't find it in himself to care.
"You"
Carl turned at the sound of Ron's voice with an utterly surprised look. Ron felt a twist in his stomach at the boy's betrayed face. Carl had given him a chance. He had trusted him. Carl didn't believe he was a killer but here he was.
He couldn't help but feel bad for disappointing the boy. Ron had learned fairly quickly that Carl was a good person, the moment the boy had looked him in the eye he knew it. The first time he had seen him, despite how guarded he was, Ron could still see the hurt in the boy's beautiful ocean blue orbs. He could tell Carl was traumatized, that he had seen too much. Ron had never had to survive out there, but he wasn't oblivious, he could only imagine the horrors the kid had to have faced at the age of fifteen.
And here he was ready to take the last thing he had left. At this moment Ron Anderson knew he was too far-gone.
"You" Ron said one more time, finally embracing that this is who he was, he was a monster. He was his father.
And with that final thought he pulled the trigger.
He didn't think Carl would do it, he didn't think the boy would do something so stupid yet brave and selfless, something Ron would have never done for his father. But there was nothing he could do now.
All he could do was watch as the fifteen-year-old boy leapt in front of his father without hesitation, without a second thought. Ron's eyes grew wide as he watched the bullet burst into the boy's chest a cloud of crimson blowing out from the edges of the injury.
Carl clutched his chest with blood seeping between his pale and nimble fingers. He stared up at Ron. His electric blue eyes held no sadness, no fear of dying. Ron knew Carl didn't regret sacrificing himself. It's who he was. It was like this is what the boy had been waiting for, a death worthy of dying, Being able to take his last breath knowing he did the right thing.
Ron's mouth hung open and his eyes were wide as the gun slipped from his grip and clattered to the ground. Ron stepped forward he wasn't sure why, he just felt he needed to do something.
But it was too late, Carl's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell backwards into Rick's arms, who was there ready to catch him.
Ron had thought he wanted Rick to suffer, that he had wanted him to watch Carl die but at this moment, watching Rick's face twist in pure agony, watching Carl bleeding and on the brink of death, he immediately realized how wrong he was.
I think this might just be a one shot, if you would like for this to be multi-chaptered just let me know :)