The ethereal floated down the sterile hall, internally complaining about how slow Dr. Vahlen walked. The armed guards marching behind him were obviously terrified, flinching every time he adjusted his arms or looked around too fast. The ethereal hoped all of the organization's soldiers weren't that useless.
"Honestly," Vahlen said in her German accent, "I do not understand why Bradford is so determined to get a popcorn machine installed. Nobody needs to be eating popcorn while a combat operation is underway."
"Fascinating." the ethereal said sarcasticly, his airy, self-echoing voice spooking the guards again. "Quick question, aren't all sleeping quarters in the opposite direction? This place looks more like a cleaned sink than a place to sleep."
"Well, the new Commander has finally taken direct charge of X-com's operations, and he has decided to… relocate your quarters to a more secure location."
"What?!" The ethereal flew to Dr. Vahlen's side, the guards almost shooting him out of panic, "'Secure location'? That was not part of the fucking deal. Who is this dickbag, anyway?"
Vahlen waved at the guards to stand down. "Commander Payens is taking precautions as he sees fit. Not everyone here fully trusts you yet. While I disagree with their paranoia, I think staying in the containment room for a short period will help you earn the Commander's trust."
As they reached the end of the hall, an automatic door opened to reveal a room with a large glass cylinder lined with metal bracers, housing a basic bedroom setup. The ethereal floated around the structure meant to be his room with disbelief.
"This is it? A tube of fucking glass?" He tapped on the side of the structure, producing a high-pitched ringing sound from the glass. "A drunk cat could break out of this thing. Will it even block psionics?"
"We can find out right now, if you want," Vahlen turned to the guards, who were still standing in the doorway, "Do we have a volunteer?" The guards froze for a moment before stammering out 'No' several times each. "Seems as though we will have to find out some other day."
As the ethereal sighed in frustration and drifted around his new home, Vahlen picked up a digital tablet off of a control console and began typing on it. "So, you dislike being contained, but also dislike the low level of security?"
"Don't get me wrong, this whole 'containment' thing is absolute bullshit, but if you're gonna do something, you might as well get it done fucking right."
At that moment, voices could be heard coming down the hall. The guards scooted aside to reveal four people walking towards the containment room. Two men in green were discussing something with a man in a brown suit, while a young Asian woman was staring at her phone a few feet behind them. Dr. Vahlen moved to greet them, while the ethereal remained close to his 'room'.
"They need to toughen up," the man in the suit spoke with a French accent thick enough to give anyone trying to write phonetically nightmares, "Putting bathing rooms in the barracks will make the soldiers feel entitled, pampered, and lazy. As will a popcorn machine in the Hologlobe room."
One of the men in green, a white guy with close-cut hair, quickly spoke up. "The popcorn machine is absolutely necessary, sir. For morale purposes."
The other man in green, an older Asian man, did his best to ignore the first guy. "I'm sorry Commander, but putting the closest bathrooms fifteen minutes away is just impractical, and-"
"Precisely!" the Frenchman interjected, "The time it takes to go from the barracks to the bathing rooms will help simulate the hardships of true war. It prepares them for-" He trailed off as he noticed the ethereal facepalm behind Dr. Vahlen.
"Dr. Shen, our discussion will have to wait. There is something I have to meet first," Dr. Shen opened his mouth to question the Commander's grammar, but the Commander spat out "I know what I said," before Shen could speak. The ethereal choose to ignore Payens's choice of words.
"I guess you're Commander Payens, then?" the ethereal said.
"You assume correctly, alien. What would your name be, if they do have names in your culture?" Payens smiled as if what he said was a grand display of wit.
The ethereal gave Payens a death stare through his helmet to see if he was joking. "Etxemkyata," he said, the guards bracing themselves as though the ethereal had just cast black magic.
"Anyway, alien," Payens said, grinning, "the reason I came down here was to invite to witness humanity's first counterattack against your friends. The ones who choose to attack us the warrior's way, as supposed to whatever underhanded techniques you have up your cloak."
This time, the death stare was an actual attempt to kill Payens through sheer hate alone.
"Fucking seriously? I risk my ass trying to bring you guys a head start against an invasion of your entire fucking planet and the asswagon they put in charge of the defense team thinks I'm just trying to trick you all? If they really wanted to, they could steamroll this entire planet in a damn weekend and still have time to go out for fucking scones. But they don't. They do their slow-burn, shits-and-giggles ritual, and they still crush people like they're a new fucking Walmart. Without someone who already knows how they fucking operate, this entire planet would get simmered. To a damn crisp."
X-com's highest ranking officers all stood there, speechless.
"So do you want to go or not?" said the woman on her phone, not looking up as she typed away.
Etxem tilted his head back, feeling victorious. "Yeah. It'd be fun to see how Mr. 'warrior's way' handles his first rodeo."
With that, the ethereal and the Asian woman left the containment room.
"Officer Bradford, what the Hell just happened?" Payens said, breaking the silence.
"Well, Commander," the white guy said, "it would appear that our extraterrestrial friend learned all his vocabulary from the Internet."