Title: Happy Birthday
Series: Magic of the Heart (Prologue/?)
Author: Althea
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc
Rating: PG-13 for theme eventual R
Pairing: Harry/Sirius (implied preslash for now)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue.
Summary: Canis Major Drabble Challenge word "naïveté "
Warning: AR. This is NOT a deathfic. Contains Suicide ATTEMPT. Mention of self-mutilation. Angst.
Author's Note: Will be continuing this.
Archive: Canis Major and my site, althea.dreamscrying.net once I get it posted there.
Word Count: 498
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry sat counting the minutes until midnight. It would be July thirty- first and his sixteenth birthday. He should have been happy, excited even. He just couldn't seem to muster the energy to pretend. He wasn't excited or happy. He didn't know if he ever would be again. How could he be? He was a murderer. Sirius was dead. His friends would send birthday presents and happy wishes, but none of it mattered. With the naïveté of a true Gryffindor and a child, he had thought that Sirius would always be there for him. He never suspected that he would lose the man who had become so important to him.
No one even realized just how important. Sure they knew he blamed himself and that he loved Sirius and missed him greatly. No one realized just how much. He hadn't even realized what the animagus meant to him until he was gone. Somehow he had fallen in love with his godfather. He knew that it even if Sirius had lived he couldn't have done anything about it. Sirius would never have returned his feelings. Everyone would probably think there was something wrong with his feelings.
The Boy Who Lived was gay and in love with his godfather who was wanted for murder and twenty years his senior. Now that man was also dead and Harry didn't know if he could go on. He knew he needed to live but he just didn't know if he could go on without even being able to see Sirius ever again. He felt so alone. He just wanted to hear Sirius, to be near him once more.
He had decided to do it so he could be with Sirius again. Soon he would be going to stay at headquarters for the summer and then back to Hogwarts. If he was going to do it then it had to be now. The Dursleys wouldn't stop him even if they found him. They would be grateful to be rid of his unnaturalness. He had a razor that he had taken from the bathroom. He had cut himself, just to get used to the feel of the blade going through his skin. Tonight he would do it. At midnight he would take the step to join Sirius. He wasn't afraid; there was nothing for him here. His friends all had each other. They would go on without him. He needed Sirius. He had to be with him again.
Almost time now. Thirty more seconds. The blade slowly bit into his flesh. Blood flowed and dripped onto the floor. It was almost over he could feel himself growing weaker and the room became blurry around the edges. Just before he lost consciousness he had one last thought.
'This is what it is like to die.' As a bright red light enveloped him and the small second bedroom of Dudley Dursley in number 4 Privet Drive was empty. Except for a large pool of crimson on the floor.
TBC
Series: Magic of the Heart (Prologue/?)
Author: Althea
Feedback: althea@alexandria.cc
Rating: PG-13 for theme eventual R
Pairing: Harry/Sirius (implied preslash for now)
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't sue.
Summary: Canis Major Drabble Challenge word "naïveté "
Warning: AR. This is NOT a deathfic. Contains Suicide ATTEMPT. Mention of self-mutilation. Angst.
Author's Note: Will be continuing this.
Archive: Canis Major and my site, althea.dreamscrying.net once I get it posted there.
Word Count: 498
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry sat counting the minutes until midnight. It would be July thirty- first and his sixteenth birthday. He should have been happy, excited even. He just couldn't seem to muster the energy to pretend. He wasn't excited or happy. He didn't know if he ever would be again. How could he be? He was a murderer. Sirius was dead. His friends would send birthday presents and happy wishes, but none of it mattered. With the naïveté of a true Gryffindor and a child, he had thought that Sirius would always be there for him. He never suspected that he would lose the man who had become so important to him.
No one even realized just how important. Sure they knew he blamed himself and that he loved Sirius and missed him greatly. No one realized just how much. He hadn't even realized what the animagus meant to him until he was gone. Somehow he had fallen in love with his godfather. He knew that it even if Sirius had lived he couldn't have done anything about it. Sirius would never have returned his feelings. Everyone would probably think there was something wrong with his feelings.
The Boy Who Lived was gay and in love with his godfather who was wanted for murder and twenty years his senior. Now that man was also dead and Harry didn't know if he could go on. He knew he needed to live but he just didn't know if he could go on without even being able to see Sirius ever again. He felt so alone. He just wanted to hear Sirius, to be near him once more.
He had decided to do it so he could be with Sirius again. Soon he would be going to stay at headquarters for the summer and then back to Hogwarts. If he was going to do it then it had to be now. The Dursleys wouldn't stop him even if they found him. They would be grateful to be rid of his unnaturalness. He had a razor that he had taken from the bathroom. He had cut himself, just to get used to the feel of the blade going through his skin. Tonight he would do it. At midnight he would take the step to join Sirius. He wasn't afraid; there was nothing for him here. His friends all had each other. They would go on without him. He needed Sirius. He had to be with him again.
Almost time now. Thirty more seconds. The blade slowly bit into his flesh. Blood flowed and dripped onto the floor. It was almost over he could feel himself growing weaker and the room became blurry around the edges. Just before he lost consciousness he had one last thought.
'This is what it is like to die.' As a bright red light enveloped him and the small second bedroom of Dudley Dursley in number 4 Privet Drive was empty. Except for a large pool of crimson on the floor.
TBC