Disclaimer: Don't own it.
A/N: This story randomly came to me while riding the train to work last week.
The sinking sun was casting bright oranges and deep reds on the Ember Island horizon as Fire Lord Zuko was escorted to his resort home by his personal guards. The home was located on the grounds of his childhood one; but shortly after Zuko's coronation, he had ordered renovations to the home which was nearly in disrepair after years of neglect. Dismissing the day guards to their quarters on the property, Zuko entered his estate with the night guards and was surprised to find the house so dark and silent. Zuko knit his brows. He had been at Ember Island for the past three days for a summit with the Fire Nation's top policy makers. It had been nearly two years since the end of the Hundred Years war and progress had been slow, yet steady. The Fire Lord had called this meeting between his most trusted advisors and the Nation's most influential political figures at the popular resort island in the hopes of easing the tensions between the opposing factions. He was pleased that they seemed to be making headway more quickly than they did in the meetings at the capital. The previous nights, Mai had anxiously awaited his arrival home at the end of a long day of meetings, but this evening she was nowhere to be found.
Hearing hushed whispers coming from outside of the room in which he was presently located, Zuko exited and traveled in the general vicinity of the murmurings. The gentle "swish" of his silk robes alerted the servants of his arrival. While they were bowing, foreheads pressed to the kitchen's cold, ceramic, tiles, Zuko, putting on his most commanding voice, asked, "Where is Lady Mai?"
"She is resting in her chambers Lord Zuko. She took ill this afternoon and has been there ever since."
"Ill?" he asked, his voice returning to its normal tone and cadence. "Is she ok? Why wasn't I notified?"
"I'm sorry my Lord, I do not know the details of her illness. I heard that she fainted on the balcony. I also heard that she was very adamant about not disturbing you during your important meetings. Very adamant, sir."
"Pssh, that's absurd. Mai is not exactly the fainting type. Still, if this is true, I am very disappointed that she didn't want me to know. Was a physician or a healer called?"
"No sir. She was very adamant about that as well. Lady Mai can be quite, well…persuasive." Zuko chuckled at this and nodded his head in agreement as he exited the kitchen.
Zuko knocked on the closed door to Mai's bedroom, but opened it before she granted him entry. Mai was lying on her side resting her head in her slightly balled palm. Her long black hair cascaded down her shoulders and spilled over the garnet colored bedspread. Hearing the door open she quickly closed the book she was reading and shoved it under a pillow.
"Hey." Zuko's greeting was testy. He had obviously seen her reading and was a little put off by her attempt at secrecy.
"Hey" she replied and swung her feet around so that she could face him.
She gave him a sweet smile and his previous insecurities melted. Coming closer, he sat down beside her on the bed and kissed her. "So what's this I hear about you fainting?"
"Uggghhh!" She rolled her eyes. "I did not faint. I merely said that I felt faint. There's a difference."
"Ok, so why did you feel faint?"
"I dunno. I think I was hungry or something. I just felt a little dizzy." Seeing that Zuko wasn't really buying her story, Mai reached around and pulled him closer to her. Before pressing her lips to his she added, "I'm fine."
He didn't answer but instead ran his hands underneath her black cotton shift while she untied the sashes to his robes.
Later that evening, Mai and Zuko walked along their private strip of beach. As they walked on the jet black sands, the couple talked about the large feast that will be held the following night to culminate the summit. The wives and families of the attending nobles were invited and it would no doubt be one of the most important social events of the summer.
"Are you nervous about tomorrow night?" Zuko only asked because he was extremely nervous.
"Not really. I don't have to say anything to a crowd of hundreds of people."
"Yeah…thanks for reminding me."
"You act like you don't do public speaking on a regular basis. That is kinda your job" Mai added with a smirk.
Zuko stopped and looked up at the crescent shaped moon and the bright stars littering the sky. He took a deep breath before proceeding. "I know but this time it's not about politics. I'll be announcing our engagement. I don't know why that terrifies me more, but it does."
"Are you saying that marrying me is more scary to you than rebuilding the world after a hundred year long war!?"
Zuko realized how bad his comment sounded. It was not at all what he meant but it did sound that way. "No! Oh my gosh Mai! I swear to Agni that's not what I meant! I…"
Mai turned to him and slipped her arms around his neck. She looked into his eyes and read all the emotions there. Sometimes she could still see the little boy who had knocked her into a palace fountain all those years ago. It was that mixture of passion and confusion, frustration and adoration that so endeared him to her. She kissed him and felt his arms circling her waist. Tilting her head, he deepened the kiss. After a few moments she broke away. "I don't think you have anything to be worried about."
They continued walking; the only noise between them the crash of waves. With her thumb, Mai rubbed the back of Zuko's palm that was holding hers. She slowed her pace and casually asked, "Do we have to keep with the tradition of marrying six months after the formal engagement announcement?"
"Mmmm, pretty much. I want this to be a very traditional courtship. I think for the stability of this nation I should adhere to the custom. There have been many of my opponents, especially those with a military background, who have criticized me harshly for taking my father's throne and ending the war. They question my loyalties for siding with the Avatar. I think it's in my best interest, our best interest really, that we go about our engagement in the manner my father, grandfather, and great-grandfather did."
"Oh" was all Mai could manage. She wanted to edge out a witty reply to his long winded response, but she was too preoccupied to engage in her usual sarcasm. Instead, she rubbed his palm even quicker and harder.
"Please Mai. Please don't tell me you want to postpone the wedding. I don't think I could deal with that. We sneak around enough as it is and I'm starting to crack under the stress. I've never been a good liar and I've always been slightly paranoid. I know your maid servants are aware that you rarely sleep in your chambers, but if word were to spread I think the scandal could be disastrous!"
Mai looked at Zuko's panicked face. He was so cute when he was flustered. "I actually wanted to move it up."
"Oh…ok." Zuko could feel the heat drain from his face. He felt a little embarrassed for his unnecessary rant. "I think we could push it up a month or so and no one would object."
Looking away Mai continued. "Do you think they would object to pushing it up say, I dunno, five months…maybe?"
"Five months?! Are you insane? That means we'd be getting married next month! That's in four weeks! There is no way that we could have a respectable, royal Fire Nation wedding in that time! Absolutely not! Why would you even ask me something that ridiculous?"
Mai looked at him stupidly. Was her boyfriend, soon to be husband, and Lord of the Fire Nation really that dense? Yes, yes he was. She had hoped that he could figure it out on his own, but she obviously was giving him too much credit. Mai exhaled loudly and crossed her arms across her chest. "Because I'm pregnant you idiot."
"P-p-p" was all Zuko could sputter out. He couldn't bring himself to say the word. It was almost as if he didn't speak it then it wouldn't exist. He crumpled to the ground. He sat Indian-style and ran his hands through the sand occasionally letting it glide through his open fingers. A few tense minutes passed and he finally whispered, "How?"
"How Zuko? Well I guess only you can answer that" Mai snapped. She couldn't believe his reaction to the news. She was furious. She turned to walk back toward the house.
"Mai wait! I'm sorry." Zuko scrambled to his feet and jogged after her. He didn't want to yell because there were two guards within earshot. Catching up with her he put his hand on her shoulder. She quickly batted it off. "Mai, please forgive me. I'm, I'm just shocked. I thought I had taken the proper precautions to make sure this wouldn't happen." He ran his fingers through his loose hair and when he reached the ends pulled hard. "Are you sure, though?"
Mai just stared. Even after apologizing he still sounded like a jerk. "Do you think I would have told you if I wasn't? This isn't the type of thing I want to come back a week later and say 'oops, sorry false alarm!'"
"So you went to the physician?"
"Yes."
"Did anybody recognize you?"
"I went to my family's physician who has cared for me all my life. He doesn't know who I am in relation to you if that's what you mean. He questioned how the unmarried daughter of such a high ranking official could end up in such a predicament, but I didn't entertain his queries. I guess after tomorrow's announcement he'll know why."
Zuko attempted to atone for his earlier mistakes by being positive. "Well I know he is to follow a strict confidentiality code, and I'm sure he can be trusted if your family has employed his services this long." After a long pause he continued. "Tell me what he said. Is the baby healthy? Are you healthy? Is it going to be a boy or a girl? I want it to be a boy. No, maybe a girl. No, boy, definitely a boy. How far along are you? When will he be born? What should we name him?"
"Zuko" Mai tried to interrupt him but he prattled on. She could tell that the shock had worn off and he was genuinely excited about the news. "Zuko!"
"Hmm?"
She actually giggled. Zuko often had that affect on her. "One question at a time. I don't know the answers to half the things you're asking me! Dr. Hao says that I'm perfectly healthy and he estimated that I'm about six to seven weeks along. The baby will be born in early spring. Dr. Hao says there is no way to know if the baby is a boy or a girl before its born, but I was reading old wives tales that say you can."
"So that's what you were reading earlier." Mai nodded. Zuko suddenly gasped and his eyes grew wider. Earlier. "Did he say that…you know. Is it ok to still do that? Will it hurt the baby?"
Mai groaned and rolled her eyes. How had she ever fallen for such a simpleton? "We can still have sex Zuko. It's not going to affect the baby." She noticed his silent victory and shook her head. He then hugged and kissed her.
"I'm sorry for being such a jerk earlier. I love you and I'm so excited about becoming a father!"
Mai gave a half-smile and blushed. "I accept your apology and I might sorta, kinda love you too." She didn't mention her excitement about becoming a mother because she honestly hadn't thought about it like that. She knew she would be having a baby, but she didn't think about her role in relation to the baby as its mother until Zuko acknowledged his. All of a sudden Mai felt very, very scared.
All of the trees in the palace courtyards were now bare, the winds were bitingly cold even in the midday sun, and the days were growing shorter. Autumn had well entrenched itself in the capital city of the Fire Nation and was preparing the citizens for its sister season's arrival. This time of year is particularly hard on the fire benders' chi, and as such, Fire Lord Zuko will not meet with his advisors until mid-morning. Until that time, Zuko would lay in bed under the heavy down comforter with his new wife.
They were married two months ago in a quiet, simple, yet still very elegant ceremony attended by only their family and closest friends. However, when they returned from their week long honeymoon, the royal couple threw an elaborate party attended by nearly 2,000 guests. At the time of the wedding, no one, including the gAang, Zuko's uncle Iroh, or Mai's parents, knew about the baby. It was only within the last week when the royals dined with the former governor of New Ozai and his wife that they shared the good news. Mai's father was thrilled. He was happy that the Fire Lord found favor with his daughter and considered her pregnancy fortuitous. Her mother, however, was far less enthused. She had heard the rumors in the spas, salons, and tea houses of the city. Many of the city's upper-class women believed that their new queen was an unscrupulous young woman who had gotten herself into 'trouble' and that was the reason the Fire Lord was wed only five weeks after announcing his engagement. Mai saw through her mother's façade, as she had been the one to teach her daughter how to wear it, and bristled. Their relationship had been strained since the onset of puberty and this was just another crack. However, this morning, Mai's mind was far from her rocky relationship with her mother.
Mai and Zuko had established a morning ritual, and this morning was no different. Zuko warmed his hands and explored his wife's changing body. Her breasts had become fuller and her hips had widened. Her growing stomach could be concealed by her robes, but when undressed he could see that the little pouch that was become more and more pronounced. He spent much of his free time attending to Mai, caressing her stomach, and talking to his son; they had tried one of the tests as described in the book and determined it would be a boy.
"Stop it Zuko that tickles!" Mai kicked her legs and tried to suppress her laughter as Zuko's loose hair swept back and forth across her belly. He was nestled in between her legs, his head just above her navel.
"I'm trying to tell my son how tiger seals got their stripes and you're interrupting my story!"
Mai sighed. "You're such a dork." Of course she couldn't help but smile as he placed a kiss on her stomach.
Later that afternoon, Mai was to host a tea for the wives of several foreign dignitaries. She was not looking forward to an afternoon sipping tea and pretending to be interested in the price of linens in the markets of the Earth Kingdom province of Wei Tong; but as wife of the Fire Lord, she had an obligation as a cultural ambassador to entertain such drivel. Trying to prolong the inevitable, Mai slowly dressed in her formal robes. She made a mental note to schedule an appointment with the tailor as the bust of the gown was now too tight around her swollen breasts. She sat at the vanity in her dressing room and waited for her servants to comb her hair and apply her makeup. As one of her maids swept her hair into the style befitting a Fire Lady, Mai winced at a sharp pain in her lower abdomen.
"I'm sorry my Lady. Did I hurt you?"
Sucking in air through clinched teeth Mai responded, "No, it wasn't you." Something wasn't right but she didn't know what was wrong. After minutes of nearly excruciating pain Mai ordered the girl to stop brushing her hair and send for the physician. She struggled to stand and return to her bedroom suite. Her head was swimming and she felt another sharp pain, this time sending her careening toward the floor. Mai could feel something escape her body and she cried out in pain and terror.
It was going on the third day and Mai still remained in the bed. She had not bathed, eaten, or spoken since losing the baby. Her pale face was ashen and her once fiery golden eyes were dull, the whites red from three days of crying. She allowed no one, save Zuko, to come near her let alone touch her. Zuko alone could understand her insurmountable grief. That first night he held her as she rocked back and forth, clutching the small red and gold blanket Ty Lee had sent just days ago from Kyoshi. She silently wept as had Zuko. The second night was not much different from the first and it looked as though the third night would be more of the same.
Dr. Hao had found Mai on the floor of her dressing room three days ago. She was moaning in pain and her gown was soaked in blood and fluids. He knew that the baby was lost and if he didn't act quickly he might lose her too. He later explained to Zuko that there is a life giving organ that grows inside the mother as the baby grows. If it becomes separated from the mother, it can result in massive blood loss killing both the baby and the mother.
"I am so very sorry Fire Lord. I cannot explain why this has happened. This was a freak occurrence. She is a very young woman and appears healthy, but pregnancy is still a vast sea of unknowns in the medical field. I know the Royal Academy of Sciences is investigating why some women experience premature labor, but there are no conclusive answers yet. Some babies can survive when this happens, but at only 20 weeks along it would be impossible." Seeing the troubled look on the young Fire Lord's face, Dr. Hao squeezed Zuko's shoulder and added, "It is, however, very likely that she will be able to carry a baby to full term in the future, but we will have to monitor her carefully when that time comes." Zuko had Dr. Hao escorted out of the palace and returned to his wife who was curled in a fetal position facing the drawn curtains. Two days later he stared at the same lifeless lump and pondered how he could resurrect his wife.
Zuko ordered the servants to draw a hot bath for Mai. She still refused to eat anything that was brought to her, but she did nod her head when her husband asked if she would like some hot tea. It was the first substance that had entered her body in many days, and in between slow, silent, sips her eyes studied the brown liquid as if it held the answers to the questions swimming in her head. By the time she finished her tea the bath was ready. Zuko had intended to hand Mai off to a servant to bathe her when she planted her feet firmly and refused to budge. He knew that was her way of saying "No, I only want you."
Dismissing the servants, Zuko stepped out of his clothing and helped Mai do the same. She was a little wobbly as she stepped into the tub carved from black obsidian. She let out a sigh as she sat down. Zuko began lathering a washcloth and watched as a tear rolled from one of Mai's closed eyes. She squeezed her eyes tight and two more drops, one from each eye, forced their way out. Zuko had never seen Mai, even in childhood, so vulnerable and it frightened him. He raised one of her arms and lacing her fingers in his, held it so that he could wash her. She opened her eyes and stared at him. She didn't say anything, but he could see the gratitude in her eyes.
It was day four. Mai had nibbled at the food brought to her and bathed again with her husband before he left her to attend to his duties as ruler of the Fire Nation. Everyone in the palace knew that she had taken ill, but very few knew that she had been pregnant and fewer still knew that she had miscarried. The Fire Lord had made it very clear to the those privy to the situation that if he heard any rumors within the palace walls he would not hesitate to have not only their employment terminated but to personally book their one-way passage on the next cargo fleet bound for the Southern Water Tribe. In the four days since the miscarriage, Zuko had yet to hear any such rumors.
Back in the bedroom suite, the linens had been changed and the windows opened to aerate the apartment, but Mai still curled in the fetal position and clung to the damp red and gold baby blanket. Mai heard a polite rapping at her door but ignored it. She had no intention of speaking to whoever was behind the door and hoped that they would figure it out on their own before knocking again.
"Mai?" A voice gently called from inside the room. "Mai, its mom."
Mai placed a pillow over head and shut her eyes. Perhaps it was just an apparition and would shortly disappear.
"Mai sweetheart, I heard the awful news. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I wish you would have sent word sooner! I would have come days ago but I had no idea this had happened." Mai noticed that her mother couldn't bring herself to say that she had lost the baby. Mai huffed at the thought. Then, removing the pillow and stroking Mai's hair her mother hummed a lullaby that she used to sing to Mai when she was a little girl and more recently to Tom Tom her baby brother. Mai began humming along and feebly smiled. Her lips felt chapped and smiling only made it worse. Her mother reached into a satchel and retrieved some lip balm. As her mother dabbed the ointment on her lips, Mai tried to remember the last time she and her mother had been this close. Sadly, she couldn't recall.
Mai's mother stayed for a few hours, and though she and her mother did not speak, her spirits were noticeably lifted. Before leaving, her mother kissed Mai on the cheek. "Mai, I know you may not believe me now, but it was meant to be like this."
The ethereal feelings evaporated and Mai sat upright and stared at her mother quizzically as though she had magically transformed into a giant hog monkey.
"I knew you wouldn't understand. You're too young."
Mai gave her a look that said "try me."
Sighing her mother continued. "Mai, please keep an open mind. This baby could have been disastrous for your reputation! People were already talking about your rushed marriage. If you would have shown up with a baby on your hip after being married less than a year people, important people, would be incensed. We are a very proud and respectable people Mai. I know I have raised a daughter of high moral character, but what the two of you did was shameful! Agni spared your life but took the baby's to show his displeasure."
Mai's chest heaved so violently she thought it would explode. She opened her mouth before she was fully aware of herself. "You bitch!" They were the first words she had spoken in many days and her voice was weak, barely a whisper, but she repeated it until her voice was stronger. "You fucking bitch! Get out and don't ever come back!"
Mai's mother stumbled backwards in shock. "So this is what passes as acceptable language when speaking to your mother at court these days. Deplorable!"
Mai rose and stood against a bed post to balance herself. "Respect? Respect? I know you're not giving me a lecture on respect. How dare you speak to your queen in such a manner? Do you know the penalty for such insolence?" Mai had never played the royalty card before but her mother was asking for it. It was as though years of pent up rage flowed through her body and found its release. "I am the wife of your Fire Lord and you will respect me! Leave this palace at once and don't even think about setting foot inside these walls!"
"Mai, I think you're…"
"Leave!!"
Her screams melted with her tears and an alarmed guard entered the suite. Her mother fled through the open door while Mai tried to regain her composure. She hated that her mother had elicited such an emotional response from her, but it proved to be just the nudge she needed. On the fifth day, Mai awoke shortly after dawn, greeted her husband with a palatable "good morning" and slowly readied herself for a new day.
A/N: Yeah I know, not the happiest of stories, but I still enjoyed writing it. Mai's show down with her mother more than made up for the grief that I was feeling writing earlier parts. Please R&R!