A/N: Intended as a one-shot, but I may have to continue this one. I just can't get it out of my head.
I apologize in advance for any typo-s. You see, I had shoulder surgery on my dominant side yesterday so I am typing this all with my right hand.
There was a knock on Jane Rizzoli's door, and it made her groan. Whoever it was, she didn't want to talk to them. She wanted to feel alone. Unless of course, it was her. Jane's door would always be open to that Maura Isles. Jane didn't know happiness too well but when Maura was around, she began to become familiar with it.
Sometimes Jane wished that she'd have given her a ring and asked Maura to be hers, and that she could have done more than wrap her arms around her honey blonde, but other times Jane wished her and Maura never had crossed paths. She was always held back by telling herself that she wasn't good enough for her. Only, she was, and perhaps still is. But Jane hasn't seen Maura for almost six months now. She let her go, but hasn't really let go of her. Jane never would. The knocking again. "Jane. Please..." It's Maura's voice and she's crying. This is my fault, Jane thought, she'd never forgive herself.
It's funny to Jane that she answers the door with a smile on her face. All the pain Maura's caused doesn't matter to Jane. Especially when it means Maura will come back. "You okay?" Jane asks sincerely. Jane would let her come for whatever she wants any day, anytime, with no questions asked. She's a little bit in love with her still.
Maura shakes her head. "What happened to us, Jane?" Maura stepped into Jane's apartment and smothered herself with Jane's willing arms. In truth, Maura would always miss Jane. We were best friends, companions, soul mates, more than friends? Jane thinks, but then she remembers how things have changed. She thinks hard, but it doesn't really work. She just doesn't know.
"I really don't know, Maur. Where did we go?" Jane retorts. She'd wanted an answer to that question for a long time. Jane doesn't care that she hadn't seen Maura in almost six days. Sometimes, they would just fall out. She misses her, and she's right there, in her arms. She wants to savor the moment because it never seems to last with Maura. People hit on her and there's no real good reason for her to say no to them. They are allowed to sweep her off her feet. Jane has also been given chances with other guys but shes felt like she was cheating when she thought about saying yes.
She finishes sobbing, and pulls away. "It's my fault. All my fault. I couldn't just open my eyes and see that you're right here. You always wait for me like I'm worth it, like only my heart matters to you."
Jane was taken aback, because in all honesty she wasn't expecting to hear that of all things. At all. Though she felt like all of her time being patient had off, she wouldn't let Maura do that to herself. "No, no," Jane wipes away the tears on Maura's face with her sleeve. "It's neither of our faults. We didn't choose to live this way... It just happened. You're not unhappy and neither am I so what's wrong?" It was for the most part true. Jane wasn't unhappy about her waiting around for Maura to come along.
"Thank you..." Maura doesn't say anything else, but goes to sit on Jane's couch, and Jane follows her, closing the door behind her. Maybe this time, Jane thought, Maura will stay. Jane had grown into letting Maura cry on her shoulder, and then spending the night in bed or on the couch with her, only to wake up alone. It sometimes made her sad, that she'd do anything for Maura. The two ended up with Jane sitting up with Maura's head in her lap. Jane was playing with her hair.
"You're always welcome here. You know that." Jane answers, honestly a little broken.
"I don't think I can do this anymore, Jane." Maura said broadly, almost shattering Jane's now delicate heart. All she does is whimper. Maura knows she doesn't really deserve anything else from Jane, but she also knows that Jane would give it to her anyway. They were both broken. "I can't keep going with the... leaving you. I want you to know that I- I don't even know how to say I'm sorry anymore."
"You can start with staying here for more that till tomorrow morning." Jane let out as sweetly she can. "I miss you when you're gone, and you know what, Maur?" Maura nodded. "I believe your apology. I do, but I also think we're a little bit broken, the two of us, don't you think?"
Maura thought about Jane's notion, then said, "I think, i understand what you're trying to say, but, say we both work really hard at not being broken..." Then she asked, "Where do you see us?"
"Either married or out of touch." Jane had thought about that a lot before, she'd had the time. Maura blinked in surprise. For the first time, Maura hated to hear the cold, hard truth. She'd have to pull it together, or they'd both fall apart. "I mean, my door's always open for you, but. That doesn't mean my heart will always be..." Jane finished.
The last comment hit Maura right in the heart. Jane showed her what unconditional love meant, but she'd ignored it the whole time, and taken it for granted. Maura sat up, and slid into Jane's lap. She wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and brushed her lips against Jane's. Jane wanted to pull away. She wanted to be mad, but she let her little bit of love take over. The little bit of love was all she had left. Their kiss deepened as Jane used her arms to pull Maura closer.
When the two split apart for air, Maura whispered into Jane's ear, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry Jane."
Jane believed her. She really did. "I accept your apology, Maura. I love you. I really do." Maybe this was the last night she'd be worried about waking up alone. Maybe, just maybe, that was it. Jane felt a rush of arousal as she pinned Maura to the couch, placing kisses all over Maura's face. Maura returned the kisses. The two of them fell asleep just like that. Jane had her arm resting over Maura's side, and Maura was holding Jane's hand.
RandI RandI RandI
The next morning, Maura woke up, in Jane's arms and a smile on her face. It saddened her that she'd left every time shed been given a chance. She felt Jane stir behind her. Quickly she turned to place a kiss on Jane's lips. "Morning, there Jane." Jane had never smiled that genuinely. Maura was still there. That was enough for her, that day.
"Morning." Uncharacteristically for herself when alone, Jane shot up. "Up for some coffee?" Maura nodded, given practically no choice. She followed Jane to her kitchen.
As Jane was standing at the counter, Maura came up behind her, wrapping her arms around Jane's waist. The two sighed. "I guess I have no idea what we're doing either." Maura admitted.
"It's okay, Maur." Jane turned to face Maura. "We're both broken. Maybe someday, we'll fix it and we can be good. But for now, we're going to drink coffee, watch tv, walk, talk and be together like nothing's wrong. Alright?"
It was good enough for Maura. She kissed Jane, because she was a little bit in love too.
Thanks for reading.
Let me know if I should take this farther or anything. Unfortunately, I am a bit spacey and out of it because of pain meds. Sorrynotsorry.