"How is she?"
"She's alright. Asleep, now" answered the nurse. "You can go right ahead"
I shuffled slowly down the corridor, step by step. Finally I reached the room at the very end of the corridor and I knocked softly on the door before opening it. I made my way inside and looked around the familiar room. The walls were painted pale yellow, and white lace curtains fluttered gently in the breeze that came in through the open windows. In one corner was a bureau, its surface cluttered with pill bottles, lotions, tubes of ointment and other such items. I walked slowly to the bed in the corner, where she was sleeping. Every time I saw her I was saddened by how old she looked. Her skin looked two sizes too big, and her once vibrant, long curly blonde hair was now white and wispy. Her arms and legs were painfully thin, and the bones in her chest stuck out. I knew it killed Sam to be stuck in a bed in a nursing home. It killed me to have to put her there, but I couldn't take care of her anymore. We both had the same problem. The mind was sound, but the body just wasn't able. I slowly lowered myself into my usual chair next to the bed, wincing as my joints protested. I made myself comfortable and looked at Sam sleeping peacefully. If I looked carefully, I could still find the girl I once knew. I closed my eyes, remembering the first time I met Sam.
I was sitting at a table in kindergarten, alone, colouring in a colouring book. Suddenly, a tiny girl with wildly curly blonde hair came and stood next to my chair, planting her hands on her hips. I looked up at her, terrified by the fierce expression she wore.
"Hi…" I said slowly, not sure what she wanted.
"I want that colouring book" she demanded. Well, that answered that question. I automatically held out the book, terrified of what this girl would do to me if I didn't. Unfortunately, our teacher was standing close enough to hear what was going on.
"Samantha!" she scolded. "That wasn't very nice. Freddie was colouring in that colouring book, so you can find another or wait until he's finished"
The girl wheeled around to face the teacher.
"My name is Sam, not Samantha" she said. "And I don't wanna wait. I want that colouring book NOW"
She leaned forward and grabbed the book from my hands, thumping my forehead before she started marching away. She didn't get far before the teacher grabbed her shoulder and wrenched the book out of her hands, giving it back to me.
"Sam, go and stand in the corner" she commanded. Sam glared up at her, and I could have sworn I saw the teacher cower a bit before she mirrored Sam's expression.
"And face the wall" she called after Sam, who was stomping to the corner. I watched Sam stand in the corner, her hands on her hips, and although I couldn't see her face, I could just picture the thunderous expression she wore as she glared at the wall. Suddenly, she whipped her head around and gave me the most murderous expression I had ever seen.
At recess, she cornered me by the swings.
"That was your fault" she growled at me. I looked at her, confused. My fault? How was it my fault? I was about to tell her that when I saw her expression.
"Sorry" I quickly apologized. She still looked furious, so I wondered what could possibly console her and stop her from killing me. Suddenly, I had an idea. I reached into my bag and pulled out a Fat Cake. Usually my mom didn't let me eat those, but the teacher had given me one after Sam thumped me, as a kind of consolation.
"Here" I said, holding it out to her.
"What is it?" she said, eyeing it suspiciously.
"It's a cake…thing" I said.
She took it, still looking at me suspiciously and opened it. She reached her hand into the package and broke off a tiny piece of Fat Cake. She put it in her mouth and chewed slowly, evaluating the taste. Then her eyes widened. She ripped off the rest of the package and shoved the rest of the Fat Cake into her mouth at once. I was watching her, fascinated and disgusted, when she turned and gave me a small smile through a mouthful of Fat Cake. I knew I was forgiven, for now.
And she hasn't stopped eating those Fat Cakes since I thought to myself. Even after they had been discontinued, I had managed to find a specialty store that sold them. Also, when Sam had heard that they were going to stop making Fat Cakes, she went insane and bought out the Fat Cake supply at six supermarkets, so we didn't run out for a while. Sam shifted in her sleep, causing her nightgown to slip down her shoulder and expose her collarbone, which stuck out of her thin chest. I had always loved to watch Sam sleep. Even before we were married, even before we were together, I loved to watch Sam sleep. She looked so innocent and peaceful when she was asleep, like a child, her eyelashes brushing her cheeks and her golden curls splayed haphazardly around her. Then, of course, she would wake up. And relentlessly cause me severe physical and emotional pain. I thought back to all the things she has done to me over the years. The pranks ranged from small and harmless (such as filling my shampoo bottle with blue cheese dressing) to huge and downright mean (making me get a fake tattoo of her face on my arm). I remembered the time she announced on iCarly that I had never kissed anyone. I remembered thinking that my life was over, and that I could never leave my house I again. I remembered begging my mom to let me move to Wyoming. But then Sam fixed it. That was the thing about Sam, she was constantly pulling crap like that, but she could always turn around and undo whatever she had done, no matter how hopeless it seemed. She had a way of pulling through and fixing the things that really mattered when she knew she had gone too far. I could still remember the feeling I got, sitting on the fire escape with my laptop, hearing Sam announce that she had never kissed anyone. Sam had seen the violent humiliation I had been enduring as a result of never kissing anyone, and she was willingly telling the world that she had never kissed anyone, just to get them to lay off me. She was taking a metaphorical bullet for me, and I remembered realizing that what Sam had just done was possibly the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me. Maybe she doesn't hate my guts as much as I thought I remembered thinking in astonishment. Then she had turned up on my fire escape. I closed my eyes again, allowing myself to get lost in the memory.
"Well? Should we? Just so both of us can get it over with?" I remembered being petrified at the very notion that Sam would say yes, but inexplicably sad at the notion that she would say no.
"Hmm. Just to get it over with?"
"Just to get it over with" I clarified, my stomach doing cartwheels.
"And you swear we both go right back to hating each other as soon as it's over"
"Oh totally" I remembered feeling a twinge of sadness somewhere in all that nervousness. "And we never tell anyone"
"Never"
We looked at each other, neither of us able to believe what was about to happen.
"Well. Lean" Sam commanded. I took a deep breath, braced myself and leaned towards Sam. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips against hers, trying to ignore the fireworks that were going off in my head.
It's just the kiss. It's not Sam, it's just the kiss I tried to convince myself. Yeah, okay.
I pulled back, opening my eyes. Sam and I looked at each other.
"Well...that was…" I began, not sure how to finish that sentence without getting beaten to a pulp.
"Nice" Sam finished.
"Yeah, nice" I said, relieved that she had taken that problem out of my hands.
"Good… work…" she said awkwardly.
"Thank you, you too" I said, wondering if she was feeling the same way I felt.
She got up to leave.
"Hey" I said, before I could stop myself. I suddenly realized that there was no way I could tell Sam what I really felt. Sam turned slowly, as though she was nervous to hear what I had to say.
"I hate you" I improvised, smiling. Somehow, that was even better than telling her I liked her. Somehow, it conveyed exactly what I was trying to say. I prayed that Sam would get the meaning behind the words. But she just gave a short laugh of relief.
"Hate you too" she said, before turning and leaving. I watched her go, then sank back in my seat and pondered what the hell had just happened.