This is for a prompt I recieved on AO3: 'AU where Evan is crushing on Connor and he wrote 'Murphy' instead of a first name so he has to explain THAT to Connor'
Dear Evan Hansen,
Turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be?
I know, because you picked a Murphy to pin all your hopes on and they don't even know. In fact, they hate you. Maybe if I could just talk to them…
Maybe nothing would be different at all.
I wish everything was different.
I wish I was part of something. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. I mean face it, would anyone notice if I just disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely,
Your most best, and dearest friend, Me
"…Hey."
Evan jumps in his seat, just as he presses print. He spins around and yep, seeing that it is in fact Connor Murphy standing there does nothing to help his heart rate. In fact, the blood might be rushing to his face quicker than normal. That's nice.
"Um. H-Hi Connor. Hey."
Why, why, why did he have to have a crush on Connor Murphy? Before today, they hadn't even spoken. Their first bit of contact had been Connor pushing him over! That was hardly the foundations for a good relationship and yet even now, he still wants to get to know Connor, know whether he is like Evan himself and whether…maybe he should actually listen to what Connor is saying.
"…sorry. So…yeah."
Evan blinks. "You're sorry?"
Connor raises an eyebrow. "For shoving you…?"
"Oh. That. Right. That's okay!"
It was not okay. Not really. Why was he saying it was okay?
Both eyebrows rise this time, creating a perplexed expression that was almost, well, cute.
(Oh yeah, that was why.)
"Really?" He asks and Evan just nods. He can barely function in front of people he doesn't have embarrassing crushes on, let alone bad kids with soft, bouncy hair and eyes that look unfairly attractive when surrounded by liner.
"Huh. No one's signed your cast."
Spontaneously combusting has never seemed so appealing. Should he reply? No, everything he's coming up with just sounds so pathetic…
He ends up shrugging and before he knows it, Connor is bringing out a pen and saying, "I'll do it."
Almost like a zombie, Evan lifts his arm and allows Connor to write his name on the cast. This can't be happening. Connor Murphy cannot be the one person to sign his cast. What does it mean? Does it mean more than Evan thinks it does or is he just projecting because he's a pathetic mess who couldn't have got a crush on someone safer like Zoe. No, he decided her brother was the one he wanted to get close to. Maybe kiss a little.
"…friends, or something."
He really needs to stop zoning out.
"Friends! Yeah, I'd like that," he manages to get out and oh God, what if that wasn't what Connor had said because he's looking at Evan strangely and now he's looking at the printer where a piece of paper is-
Where his letter is.
"Wait a second, I-"
Connor snatches it up and scans it quickly. Barely a second later, his head snaps up and angry eyes paralyze Evan.
"Did you write this? What the fuck?"
"I-I just-" The words are stuck in his clogged throat, unable to get out. He had expected a bad reaction, but this fury, it was something else and Evan didn't know what to do.
"Why the fuck would you have all your hope pinned on Zoe? Is this some kind of joke, did you know I'd be in here?"
"I didn't kn-wait, Zoe?" Suddenly, it makes a little more sense. "I-I wasn't talking about Zoe in my letter."
"God, you really are some kind of fre-," Connor freezes, the letter crunching in his grip. "Is this the joke?" He looks at the letter again, actually finishing it this time and for a moment, he looks completely lost, before a hint of frustration comes back. "You're lying," he states but the confidence has clearly been knocked out of him.
"I'm not," Evan says, wondering if he picks up speed with his chair spinning he could fling himself out the window. "These letters are for my therapy. I'm, well, I'm supposed to be the only one who sees them so I have no reason to lie."
Connor falls into the seat beside him. It's lucky they're the only ones in the lab; he doesn't know what would have happened had someone else been in here. "Why the fuck would you like me?"
It's a difficult question, because even Evan's not even entirely sure of the answer. He goes through answers, rating how much they might freak Connor out, before settling on the most honest one.
"Because we're similar."
"Why would you think…," Connor trails off, reading the letter again. His sharp eyes look up at Evan. "You really feel this way?"
Evan sighs, picking at his cast just below Connor's name. "Like I said, I have no reason to lie. I'm in therapy for a reason."
"Don't you have Kleinman?" Connor asks, a hint of anger returning with Jared's name.
"We're not exactly friends," Evan admits, a sour taste in the back of his mouth. "His mom kind of forces him to hang around with me."
"Wow."
Evan's face flames. He can handle Connor's anger, his confusion, but he can't take his pity. "If you could j-just give me my letter, I'll go-"
Connor rips the letter back before Evan can grab it. "Wait. I wasn't-wasn't insulting you or anything it just…sucks."
"Yeah," Evan huffs, eying the piece of paper warily. "It does."
"Hm." Connor runs his thumb along the letter thoughtfully. "You don't know me," he says blandly. "And you have all your 'hope pinned on me'. That's dumb."
Evan bows his head again, shame coursing through his blood. "I-I know, okay? I'm stupid. This is stupid. I'm just a mess and I-"
"But maybe…maybe we could, I dunno, talk or something. See just how similar we are," Connor interrupts with a smirk that contains an edge of darkness. It quickly softens into a neutral expression. "Why don't you, shit, come over to my place or something. My family have some thing on today so I'll have the place to myself."
Shame gets replaced by hope and finally, Connor gives him his letter back. It might not be the date that had a 0.001% chance of happening but it was something. It was potential.
"Sounds good," he smiles, and it actually gets reflected on Connor's face.