Three weeks had passed since Sue learned about Sean's fellowship in Ghana. Since then, she continued to see him here and there around campus and for a few lunches, but the timing never seemed quite right to reveal her true feelings. Besides, nearly every time they got together, he would immediately start talking about his upcoming trip, not that she could blame him because it really was exciting. In just one week he would be leaving for the summer. Sue contemplated telling him the truth before he left, but she still wasn't sure if she should. What if he didn't feel the same way and their friendship was ruined? What if he did feel the same way and then he immediately had to get on a plane to Ghana? Over the past few weeks, Sue carefully wrote down her feelings in a letter. She carried it with her in her backpack in case she ever got the nerve to actually give it to Sean before he left for his trip. Anyway, it was time for her to focus on the present. Final exams were just around the corner and in addition to that, she had offered to help Sean pack this afternoon for his big trip.
Sue arrived at Sean's apartment right on schedule. Actually, she was there twenty minutes early, but she didn't want him to know that. When Sean opened his door, he greeted her with a cheerful smile and a big hug. Sue loved the way she felt when he held her in his arms and she savored every second that she got to be this close to the one she loved.
"Suzy Q!" Sean said excitedly. "I'm so glad you're here. It's sooo nice of you to help me out, I know that final exams are coming up and you really didn't need to do this for me." He continued as he returned his arms to himself.
"Oh, it's okay. I want to help!" Sue replied cheerfully, even though she felt an emptiness inside that diminished her usual exuberant personality.
"Great!" He replied. "I was just packing away my winter clothes for storage...I won't be needing them in Ghana." He laughed. Sue chuckled quietly in response, having a hard time hiding her disappointment. She went over to the pile of winter clothes and began folding and stuffing items into storage bags. They chatted for a while about school, exams, and of course, his trip. After a while, Sue began to feel a little better, enjoying the time that she had left with him before he was gone for the next three months. She paused when she picked up a familiar, gray sweater that caused memories to flash through her mind. This was the sweater he had worn on Christmas. The Yankee Swap. The kiss. She remembered the way his lips felt against hers. She remembered the chill in the air being replaced by the warmth of his hands. She held the sweater close to her heart as she reminisced about that night. She was pulled back into the present when she heard the voice of the man she secretly loved calling her name. Embarrassed, she cleared her throat and promptly folded the sweater and stuffed it into the bag.
"Is everything okay?" He asked with an interested smirk on his face.
"Wh...what? Oh, yeah, I was just thinking." Sue replied quickly, hoping he didn't see the ridiculous smile on her face when she was daydreaming. "Oh, by the way!" She continued and she ran over to her backpack. She pulled out his scarf that he had left with her the night of her birthday. She had been meaning to return it to him, but she partly forgot, yet partly wanted to hold onto it.
"Oh yeah!" He said with a look of recognition. "I totally forgot about this." He continued.
"Don't worry, I washed it." She laughed, trying to remember that night. It was her 21st birthday and he had been there to look after her after she had one too many drinks.
"Thanks." He smiled. After a moment, the smile was replaced with a look of curiosity as he thought about that night. Unbeknownst to Sue, she had made some interesting confessions that night that left him feeling pretty confused. "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that night." He said, unsure if he should bring it up.
"Really? What about it?" She asked, genuinely confused. As she tried to piece together the evening, she remembered being at the bar with her mom, running into Sean in the quad, and getting sick.
"Well..." He said in hesitation. "You had some...interesting...things to say." He continued.
"I did? Well, you never know what kind of CA-RAZY things are said under the influence of alcohol." She laughed, slightly concerned about what she had said, trying to be casual, but sounding like a dork. Sean chuckled and looked down at his hands.
"Yeah...crazy things..." He repeated, sounding disappointed that this conversation wasn't going as he had hoped.
"So what did I say?" Sue asked while she continued to fold clothes.
"Oh...nevermind, it's just silly." He replied. He was used to being rejected by now.
"Yeah...I don't think drinking is really my thing." She said. She felt a little bit ashamed that he had seen her at her worst.
"Same here." He replied.
The final week disappeared in a hurry after a pile of exams and preparing to go home for the summer. Today was the day that Sean was leaving for Ghana. Sue had agreed to take him to the airport. Usually, his parents would have been there to say goodbye, but they were already away on a community service trip in Chicago. Sue had relocated her secret love letter from her backpack to her purse. She still debated on whether or not she should give it to Sean. She pulled up to his apartment building and he came into view seconds later with 2 pieces of rolling luggage and a backpack. She got out of the car to assist him with his bags but like the gentleman he was, he handled them on his own before getting into the car. Before the trunk closed, Sue looked at his backpack sitting there, partly unzipped. After a moment of hesitation, she swallowed the lump in her throat, pulled the letter from her purse and shoved it into his backpack before slamming the trunk closed.
What have I done!? Sue wondered to herself when they arrived at the airport. In a panic, she rushed to the back of the car hoping to be able to take the letter back, but it was too late. Sean had already swung his backpack onto his shoulder and removed his luggage from the car.
"So...this is it!" Sean said nervously. He had been so excited about this trip up until this moment when his nerves were getting the best of him.
"This is it." Sue repeated. Sean and Sue just smiled at each other for a minute, not sure what to say, before Sean stretched out his arms to bring Sue in for one last hug. This hug wasn't like their usual friendship hugs. It lingered. Sean squeezed Sue tightly and breathed in the scent of her familiar shampoo. Sue closed her eyes, enjoying this moment, trying to commit it to memory. As they began to separate, Sean slid his hands along Sue's arms until their hands were touching. He pulled one of her hands to his mouth and softly kissed it. Sue's heart skipped a beat as she wondered what this meant, but she decided he was just being a Donahue.
"I'm gonna miss you, Suzy Q." He said quietly, still holding onto her hands.
"You will? I mean...I'm going to miss you too." She replied, not wanting to let go. He laughed a little bit.
"Of course I will. I lo..." He started to say before he realized what he was doing. "I love hanging out with you." He continued.
"Me too." She replied. Sean pulled her closer again for one last squeeze before he had to go. This time, Sue kissed him on the cheek before their embrace loosened. Sean looked like he was trying to say something important, but no words came.
"Have a safe flight. E-mail me when you get there?" She asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"Okay." Sean replied, still lost for words. He sadly waved goodbye and Sue did the same. She stayed by her car as he walked toward the terminal doors. She continued to watch him walk away until she could no longer see him. She let out a deep sigh before getting back into her car.
After checking his luggage at the ticket counter, Sean walked toward the security check point with his backpack over his shoulder. He was kicking himself for not saying more before he left. Of course, he could still call her or send her a message, but that's not how he wanted to do things. He kicked off his shoes and put them on the security belt before placing his backpack down next to them. The security buzzer rang when his bag was scanned and an agent came over to him.
"Excuse me, but you have to take your laptop out of the bag." The security agent said to him.
"Oh, sorry about that, sir." Sean said politely as he reached into his bag to pull out his laptop. An unfamiliar envelope fell out of his bag and Sean tilted his head in confusion. The front of the envelope simply had his name written on it. Unable to open it at this instant, he carefully placed it back into his bag while he went through the checkpoint. When his bag came out the other end, he eagerly reached into it to pull out the letter. He sat down on a bench as he opened the envelope and began reading.
Sean,
Ever since Christmas Eve, I've struggled to find the right words to say. Maybe I am just afraid to be honest about my feelings. Maybe I am afraid of rejection. Maybe I am afraid because I've never felt this way before. All I know for sure is that I love you. I understand that you might not reciprocate these feelings, and that's okay. I just needed to tell you the truth.
Your special snowflake,
Sue
Sean turned the letter over to see if there was any more but the backside was blank. He read the letter again in disbelief, mouthing the words to himself as he read it. He could feel his heart pounding and his hand was slightly trembling. He set the letter down next to him and opened up his laptop. He logged into his email account and began typing in Sue's email address. He nervously tapped his fingers on his laptop as he tried to figure out what to write. He then picked up his cell phone and scrolled down to Sue's name. Of course, he could just call her...if only he knew what to say.
Sue walked into her apartment and tossed her keys onto the kitchen counter. She plopped down on the living room couch and turned on the tv. She mindlessly scrolled through the channels, unable to concentrate on anything that played on the screen. She checked her phone to see if she had any messages, but there were none. She wondered if Sean had seen the letter yet. Maybe he wouldn't see it until he got to Ghana. Maybe he did see it and didn't want to talk to her. The thought of that made her feel slightly sick. She tried to shrug off the negative thoughts. She walked over to the freezer and pulled out a pint of ice cream. She took a clean spoon out from the dishwasher that she hadn't yet unloaded and returned to the couch. Twenty minutes and a pint of ice cream later, she heard a knock on the door. She assumed it would be Brad since she had called him earlier. She told him about the letter and he told her to go for it. He was probably just following up to find out what happened. When Sue opened the door, she dropped her now empty ice cream container on the floor in surprise. "How did you?" She stammered. Sean stood on the other side of the doorway with a nervous expression on his face. He held the envelope in his hand and still had his backpack hanging over his shoulder.
"I took an Uber." He said. "Look, Sue...I.." He began to say before Sue cut him off.
"Aren't you going to miss your flight?" She asked in a hurry.
"No, it was delayed...it doesn't leave for another 4 hours. Sue, I got your letter and I..." he hesitated.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." Sue started to say before she was cut off by Sean's lips pressing against hers. He kissed her slowly at first, sensing that Sue was still feeling tense. Soon enough, he felt her relax and she leaned into the kiss, slightly parting her lips against his mouth. He accepted the invitation and quickened the pace, kissing her more urgently and wrapping his arms around the small of her back, pulling her closer to him. He carefully walked her backwards into the apartment and closed the door behind them. Sue kicked the ice cream container out of the way as they made their way to the couch. Sean dropped his backpack to the floor and sat down on the couch, lowering Sue down with him and she sat down on his lap, still wrapped tightly in his embrace. After a few minutes, Sean reluctantly broke away and gently stroked Sue's cheek with his fingertips, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.
"I love you too." He said simply, forcing a wide, dorky grin to appear on Sue's face.
"You do?" She asked.
"I have for a long time...I was just afraid to say it, but I really wish I would have told you sooner." He said as he looked at his watch.
"Me too." Sue laughed casually, remembering that he couldn't stay for long.
"Maybe I don't have to go...I don't want to leave you like this..." He started to say. Sue shook her head.
"No, no...you have to go...this is going to be a great experience for you." Sue said, trying to be encouraging.
"But I..." Sean started.
"I'll still be here when you get back...and we can talk while you're away, right?" She asked.
"Of course." Sean said, a smile spreading across his face. "I guess I'm going to have to ask you to do the favor of taking me back to the airport." He laughed.
"Sure. Buuuut...not quite yet." She said with a smirk.
"Not yet." Sean repeated as he pulled her closer once again, kissing her gently.
