Wherever You Will Go
*This story is based around the time of the Season 5 finale, "Grave Danger". I do not own CSI, CBS, Nick Stokes (I wish) or any of the other characters from the show that are mentioned. The characters that I do own are "Cait" and "Nora" and any other characters I may have included that are not affliated with the show. The paragraphs in regular font is present day 2005 and the paragraphs in italic font are Cait's flashbacks of Nora's life, thus far. Enjoy! :)*
Cait rolled over, rubbing her swollen eyes and sighed as she pushed the comforter off of her legs. Through her curtains, the sun shone bright, illuminating her bedroom. Wincing at the aches in her muscles as she climbed out of bed, she tip-toed slowly out of her room, towards the bathroom. She cringed at the sight of her reflection in the mirror. Her knotted bun, now stuck out in sporadic chucks of hair; her eyes were bloated and blood shot; her nose, crusted with mucus.
Pushing the curtain open and twisting the shower on with her free hand, Cait yawned as she began to strip herself of the baggy tee and boxer shorts that belonged to her fiance, Nick. She told herself the night before, as she got ready for bed, that she shouldn't wear them. But within an hour of her turning off her light, she couldn't fall asleep without the smell of him close to her.
Cait closed her eyes and breathed in the steam, as she let the hot water pour down her body. Every inch of her shivered, though the warmth of the water hugged her like a blanket. Her stomach felt as though someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. Her heart was beating hard and slow against her ribs. Everything around her reminded her of the man she once shared this bathroom with. His shampoo still sat in the caddy, hanging off of the shower-head, next to her shaving cream and conditioner. His bar of soap was pasted to the shelf; dried suds from his last shower creating an adhesive that she couldn't bear to wash away. One day soon, she told herself, she would have the strength to take the half-empty bottle and cracked brick and throw them away. But at the moment, she felt as though, if she were to do so now, she would be throwing Nick away forever. Despite that he was already gone and never coming back.
After she stood in the mist for what felt like an eternity, Cait punched the faucet off and reached through the curtain for her towel. She pressed the warm fabric to her face and felt her heart drop into her stomach, when she smelled his scent buried within the cotton weave. In a hurry, she scoured herself free of all the water droplets and twisted the towel up on top of her head. Fully naked, she walked out of the bathroom, into the arctic hallway and back into their bedroom. Taking down the Texas Longhorns jersey, hanging in the back of her closet, she dressed herself in tattered jeans and the tee and pulled a clean pair of socks onto her feet. Getting ready in the morning had been fun for Cait, once upon a time. But that was before he left her. Now, it has become a hassle.
Downstairs, in the kitchen, Cait picked up the bowls and plates she had left on the counter, the night before, and placed them into the sink. Next to the faucet, sat an empty Sam Adams bottle. It had been there for days, but like the shampoo and soap, she couldn't bring herself to throw it away. Cait sighed, picking up the bottle and dropping it into the sink with a clank. At that moment, she heard a little voice across the room.
"Mama?" it said.
Cait spun on her heel, to the baby monitor, resting on the center island.
"Mama!" the voice called, again.
Cait wiped her hands on her pant leg and walked out of the kitchen, down the hall, to the last room on the left. Upon reaching the closed door, she stopped. Pink letters spelling out N-O-R-A danced on its face, surrounded by decals of Disney princesses. Nick had put them up, the moment they found out that they were pregnant. He didn't care how irrational it seemed; he had been so sure that the baby was a girl, that he couldn't wait another day to start decorating and preparing for her arrival.
"Mama!" Nora exclaimed, jumping up and down on her bed, as Cait opened her door.
"Hi, Baby." Cait smiled, slowly walking over to the three year old and lowering the guard on her bed, so that she could pick her up. "How did you sleep?"
"Good." the toddler smiled, hugging her mother. "Belwy woked up in da middow of da night wid a bad dweam but i told her da stowy dat daddy told Nowa when she had a bad dweam. 'member Mama?"
How could she forget? Nick had been reciting that story since the day she was born. Bad dream or not.
"What a good mommy you are! Did Belle fall back to sleep after you told her about Wynken, Blynken and Nod?" Cait asked, setting Nora down and opening the top drawer of her dresser.
"Yep!" Nora chirped, holding up her Princess Belle doll. "She fell asleep fasta' than Papa!"
Cait chuckled. No matter who was playing, the moment her father sat down to watch a football game, he would pass out in the recliner within the first half an hour, beer still grasped in his hand.
"What would you like to wear to Noni's today?" Cait asked, taking out a pull up and socks.
"Uh...can Nowa wear her jammies?"
Nora was always speaking in the third person.
"No, you cannot wear your jammies. You have to wear your big girl play clothes. You can change as soon as you get home though, if you would like. Does that sound like a good plan?"
"Okay, Mama. Good idea. I'll do that."
Cait giggled as she looked down at her daughter, who was smiling up at her.
"You are a goober, you know that?"
"A goofy gooba?"
"Yes, a goofy goober."
"I like being a gooba. Uncle Gweg says dat there is no life worf livin' if you dont laugh evwy day."
"No life worth living, if you don't laugh every day..." Cait echoed. "Well, that does sound like something that Greg would say. What else does he tell you?"
"He told me bout da day you and Daddy met." Nora replied, climbing back up onto her bed.
Cait froze.
"He did?"
"Yep." Nora nodded, sitting down and placing her teddy bear in her lap. "He told me dat you guys met at a theen. Is dat twue?"
Cait smiled and nodded, as she walked over to the toddler bed and sat next to her daughter.
"Sort of. We met when Daddy was at a scene and stopped at Mama's work, to grab some lunch."
It was back in 2000. Cait had just turned 18 and was working at a rundown diner, earning the money to get her through college so she could get out of Vegas and never return. She stood at the register, counting out her tips, when she heard the bell on the door ring. She looked up to see a tall, muscular man standing behind the counter, smiling at her, a LVPD hat on his head.
"Can I help you?" Cait smiled, sliding the drawer shut.
"Yes. I'd like to place an order to go? If that is alright." he replied, taking out his wallet.
He was southern and very cute.
"Sure. What can I get you?"
"Uh...good question." he chuckled. "Do you guys have BLTs?"
Cait pointed over her shoulder at the sign behind her.
"We do. In fact, it is the sandwich of the day. $3.99 for a 12 inch grinder."
"Great! I'll take one of those and a side of fries and a Coke. Please?"
"Absolutely." Cait nodded, scribbling on her legal pad. "Let me just put this in and I will ring you up."
"Great. Thank you."
After placing his order and ringing him out, the man sat down at the counter, to wait for his food.
"Are you a cop?" Cait asked, wringing out a dish cloth and wiping down the counter as she spoke.
"Me?" he replied, though he was the only one in the entire diner. "No. No, I'm a criminalist with the Las Vegas Crime Lab. I'm taking a break from a scene. There were shots fired down the street."
"Oh yeah, the robbery down at Connery's."
The man nodded.
"That's cool. I bet thats a fascinating job."
"Sometimes." he shrugged.
Cait raised her eyebrows.
"I love my job, don't get me wrong." he continued. "But it often gets you down, because it also reveals the ugly side of people. I love meeting new people and man, do I love kids. But I don't like meeting the type of people who are willing to kill one another for something stupid. Especially when it endangers a child."
"Do you have any children?"
"No, I don't. Do you?"
"Hell no." Cait chuckled, nervously.
The man raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to proceed.
"I definitely want a family. But when I can financially support them. I don't want them growing up missing out on opportunities or having to wear the same clothes school year after school year because I can't afford field trips, new clothes or vacations during the summer."
"That's very mature of you. Not many kids your age would say the same thing."
"I know. A lot of my classmates are already pregnant or with toddlers. I don't mean to sound rude towards them, many of them are very good mothers. It's just not for me. Life is hard enough right now."
Behind Cait, the cook hit a bell on the counter with a ladle. Cait spun on her heel and grabbed the styrofoam container and set it down in front of the man, with a smile.
"Thank you." the man smiled, taking it with one hand and lying down a $10 bill with the other.
"Anytime." Cait replied, smiling back.
"Hope this sandwich tastes as good as it smells."
"I hope so too." Cait giggled. "Enjoy your lunch and try to stay cool. It's hot out today."
"That it is. Perhaps if this is worth the $4, I'll stop by and get another one sometime." the man smirked.
"Well, then I will see you again."
"Sounds good."
The man waved as he made his way out of the diner. Upon reaching the door, he turned back to face Cait.
"Hey. Say if I were to ask you to have dinner with me...would you be interested?" he asked.
"I'd love to." Cait blushed.
"Awesome! Tomorrow night sound good?"
"I have to work until 8, but afterwards, definitely."
"Okay. I'll pick you up after your shift then?
Cait nodded, a little too eagerly.
"Great. See you then."
The man pushed the door open with his palm. Above him, the same bell rang as when he arrived.
"Wait!" Cait called out. "I don't even know your name."
The man chuckled, turning back towards her.
"It's Nick. Nick Stokes."
"Nice to meet you, Nick"
"You too Cait." Nick replied, smiling.
Cait smiled, waving her fingers as he walked out of the diner.
"Mama?" Nora said rather loudly, yanking Cait out of her thoughts.
"Yes, baby?" Cait said, clearing her throat and glancing at her daughter in the rearview mirror.
They were now in the car, on their way to drop Nora off at day-care. Cait's step-mother, Stacie, also known as "Noni" to Nora, was Nora's caretaker during the day. She owned an in-home day care and looked after a dozen children, including Nora, in her home with the help of two other women.
"Was you and Daddy's wuv, wuv at first sight?"
Buckled in her car seat, Nora sat with each of her feet up on the shoulders of the driver and passenger seats, in front of her. She sat like this every morning, though Nick and Cait countlessly told her not to.
Cait sighed and nodded.
"Yes. Daddy and I loved each other very much. Even after we had just met."
Without another word, Nora turned her head to look out the window. For the remainder of the drive, neither of them spoke. Cait glanced in the mirror from time to time to look at Nora, who was still watching the houses and buildings pass. She could see it on her little face that she was deep in thought, but she wouldn't say whatever she was thinking out loud. Nora was like a ticking time bomb. She would hold everything in until she couldn't any longer and when you least expected it, she would explode with a million questions about everything you could possibly imagine. She loved to talk, she loved to learn and she loved to pick peoples' brains. When they finally arrived at Noni's, Cait put the SUV into park and got out to walk Nora inside. When she opened the heavy back door, Nora was already unbuckling herself.
"Mama?" Nora said, as she climbed out of her carseat and hopped out of the car.
"Nora?"
"Did you and Daddy get married before having me?"
"No, darling, we didn't." Cait replied, taking Nora's hand, as she shut the car door.
"Did you want to?"
"Very much."
Cait picked up Nora's backpack, off of the wet grass and began walking towards the house.
"Was I an accident?"
Cait stopped walking and looked down at Nora, in shock.
"Absolutely not! Nora, where on Earth did you hear such a thing?" Cait gasped, kneeling down.
"Tommy said dat his pawents didn't want to have him. He was an accident. What does dat mean, Mama? I thought havin' an accident meant dat you went potty cuz you couldn't hold it?"
"Nora." Cait sighed, touching her daughter's arm. "There are a lot of things that that word means and I will certainly tell you all of them. But no matter what, I promise you that you were certainly not, in any way, an accident. You were wanted and loved very much, from the moment Daddy and I knew we were having you. We would never ever trade you for anything in the world."
"Even bwownies?"
"Even brownies." Cait chuckled.
"And pwincess barbie?"
"Especially Princess Barbie."
"Pinky pwomise?"
"I cross my heart, hope to fly."
Nora then threw her arms around Cait and squeezed her into a tight hug.
"I wuv you Mama."
"I love you too, sweetheart."
After saying goodbye to Nora, Cait made her way down the Vegas strip, daydreaming as she drove. She gazed out of the windshield, at all the people she passed. Gamblers leaving the casinos, prostitutes coming off their shifts, homeless people pushing carts. She was so lost in thought that she hardly noticed that she had flipped on the radio, until she heard the strumming guitar of a far too familiar song.
"Stars shining bright above you. Night breezes seem to whisper 'I love you'. Birds singing in the sycamore tree. Dream a little dream of me."
Stopping at a red light, Cait leaned her head against the head rest and closed her eyes.
"Say nighty-night and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me. While I'm alone and blue as can be. Dream a little dream of me."
This was their song. They had been dating for over a year and had just moved into a new apartment together. Nick had been working the graveyard shift, leaving Cait alone from sun down to sun up.
"Babe." Nick sighed, touching Cait's hand. "It'll be okay. You'll have the entire bed to yourself. You can roll around as much as you'd like. You won't have to listen to me snore. You'll hardly notice I'm gone."
"I know." Cait replied, blinking back tears. "It's just that I work and go to school all day and then when I come home, I'm ready to just change into pajamas and curl up and watch bad TV with you. But I can't. Because stupid people keep killing prostitutes and gangsters for drug money!"
Nick chuckled, glancing from the road, over at Cait. She was always overdramatic.
"Do you have school tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow is Saturday."
"Okay. Well, do you have to work?"
"No. I traded with Tracy so that she can go to her son's game next Saturday."
"Well, then I promise you, as soon as my shift is over, I will come home and curl up next to you in bed and when we wake up in the morning we can watch some bad morning TV."
Cait smiled and looked over at Nick, who was staring up at the red light they were stopped at.
"Does that sound like a good plan?" Nick asked, turning towards her and smiling.
"Yeah." she nodded, turning up the radio. "I love this song."
Nick nodded slowly, letting go of the steering wheel with one hand and reaching to squeeze her own.
"This is my song for you. For those long nights when I am not home and you start to miss me."
Nick twisted the knob, turning the volume higher and began to sing along.
"Stars fading but I linger on dear. Still craving your kiss."
He looked over at Cait, singing dramatically. Cait couldn't help but laugh.
"I'm longing to linger til dawn dear, just saying this. Sweet dreams til sun beams find you. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you. But in your dreams, whatever they be. Dream a little dream of me."
Nick threw his arm out towards her, pointing at her and singing as loud as he could.
"Stars fading but I linger on dear. Still craving your kiss. I'm longing to linger til dawn dear, just saying this." he bellowed. "Now your turn!"
"Sweet dreams til sun beams find you." Cait sang along, through giggles. "Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you. But in your dreams, whatever they be. Dream a little dream of me"
"Very nice!" he exclaimed, turning down the radio and chuckling. "See babe? Even the radio deejay, from all the way across the city hears where I am coming from. No matter where we are...at work or school...Vegas or Tokyo...I love you and I am always going to be with you. In your dreams and in person. I'm always just a second away. No matter what happens. I am yours until the day that I die."
Cait stood, staring at the sign, "Las Vegas Crime Lab", in big block letters, that hung above the doorway. She had been standing there, in the same spot for almost ten minutes, trying to work up the courage to walk in. She closed her eyes, breathing in the hot summer air, as dust and sand swirled around her.
"Caity?" a female voice said, beside her.
Cait turned to see Sara, one of Nick's old coworkers, staring at her with her mouth wide open and her eyebrows furrowed, in concern.
"Oh. Hi, Sara." Caity replied, forcing a smile.
"What...uh, what are you doing here?"
"I came to see some familiar faces."
"Cait..." Sara sighed. "Do you really think that this is a good idea?"
"Why not?"
"It's just that...Cait..."
"Can you stop saying my name and just say what you want to say? Please?"
Sara nodded, pressing her lips together tightly.
"I just think that you shouldn't be here right now."
"And why is that?"
"Because it is apparent that you are hurting and I don't want you to..."
"Of course I am hurting!" Cait interrupted. "I have every right to be hurt! And here you are, telling me that I am not allowed in...in...IT'S A PUBLIC BUILDING, SARA! YOU DO NOT OWN IT!" Cait screamed, throwing her arms up.
"Cait..."
"You know what, Sara? Just...go to hell."
Cait spun around on the heel of her shoe and stormed across the parking lot, leaving Sara standing in her spot, speechless. Cait ripped her keys out of her pocket and pressed the button on her key-ring remote multiple times.
"Unlock, you stupid piece of crap!" she exclaimed, hitting it against her hand.
Blinking back tears, she threw the keys to the ground, then punched the frame of the door.
"Caity, Caity, Caity!"
Cait looked up to see Nick's best friend, Warrick, running towards her with his hands out.
"Calm down!" he panted.
Cait stared at him angrily, tears streaming down her face.
"Just breathe for a moment."
He held one hand up as he kneeled down to pick her keys up off the pavement.
"What's the matter? What's going on?"
"I just...I came to see Grissom and you...and Greg and, and..." Cait sobbed. "And I'm standing there, trying to just walk in. And right when I am bout to go in, Sara comes over and says that I'm not allowed in there because of Nick. Because she thinks that, that I cannot handle it or some bullshit."
"Alright, alright, alright." Warrick said softly, pulling her into a hug. "It's alright. Just ignore Sara. She can be a real pain in the ass. She's just trying to look out for you. She doesn't want this to be any harder than it already is for you."
Cait stood, wrapped awkwardly in Warrick's arms, sobbing.
"Oh, this is just too much to get used to."
"I know, I know. Adjusting is always hard, especially with a child. But it will get easier with time."
"Maybe I shouldn't be here." Cait sniffed, wiping her nose on her sleeve.
Warrick nodded, forcing a sympathetic smile.
"I should go."
Cait pulled back from Warrick's embrace and smiled weakly up at him.
"Thanks, Warrick."
"Anytime, Cait. You know you always have us." Warrick replied, opening Cait's door for her.
"I'll see you around?" Cait said, climbing into her car and looking back at him.
He nodded, shutting the door behind her and waving briefly.
"Drive safe."
"I will." Cait smiled. "Bye."
Warrick continued to wave as Cait revved her engine and pulled out of the parking lot of the lab. Driving back down the strip, she glanced at herself in the mirror. Much like that morning, her eyes were bloodshot and her nose was dripping with snot. Cait reached into the center console and pulled out a travel pack of Kleenex.
"Oh, that is just disgusting!" Cait grumbled, as she wiped her nose vigorously.
As she tossed the crumbled tissue into the plastic bag, hanging off of her gear shift, her cell phone began to ring. It was Stacie.
"Hey Stace." Cait said, balancing the phone between her ear and shoulder. "I can't talk long, I'm driving. What's up? Is everything okay?"
"Hi, dear." Stacie replied. "It seems Nora has come down with a little bug. And I would just lay her down with some juice and a movie but I'm afraid that the rest of the children will get it if she stays here. Following the other parents requests, I have to send her home. Are you free to pick her up?"
Cait sighed and pressed her fingers to her temples. She could feel a headache coming on.
"Nora is sick? That's odd. She felt fine this morning. I am coming past the pyramid now. I'll head to you. Tell her to get her things ready and I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."
"Thanks, dear. I'll get her ready now."
"Alright. Thanks Stace. See you soon."
Cait clicked her phone off and tossed it onto the seat beside her. As she predicted, fifteen minutes later, Cait was pulling back into Stacie's driveway. When she walked into the house and looked around at all the playing children, she spotted Nora sitting on the couch alone, watching cartoons. She didn't look flushed or pale, in fact, she looked perfectly fine, as she did that morning. Cait stepped over blocks and other toys and over to her daughter, who beamed when she looked up and saw her mother.
"Mama!" Nora exclaimed, jumping off the couch and hugging her legs.
"Hi, Buggy. Noni called me and said you were sick. Are you alright?"
"No. I want to go home."
"Why? What's wrong?" Cait asked, silently hoping it was something that could be fixed with a pretend doctors visit or a lollipop from the bank, on the way home.
"I hurt."
"What hurts?"
Cait kneeled down to face Nora.
"Your belly? Your head?"
Nora shook her head.
"Then what is it?"
"My heart."
"Why does your heart hurt, baby?"
"It's bwoken."
"...why is your heart broken?"
"Cuz Daddy pwomised me, he'd come back."
Cait felt like someone punched her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her. Oh, no.
"He broke his pwomise."
Cait closed her eyes as she pulled her daughter into a hug.
"Oh, baby..." she sighed, a tear falling down her cheek.
An hour later, after a sandwich and a kiddie sized ice cream sundae, Cait had finally gotten Nora down for a nap. She flopped down onto the couch, a photo album in hand, and covered herself with the Longhorns blanket draped across the back of the sofa. She flipped open the cover and felt her heart start to race as she looked straight into Nick's eyes, shining back at her from the page. It was a photo taken at the surprise birthday party Cait had thrown for him, the summer Nora was born. He wore his favorite jersey, the very jersey she was wearing now and he was smiling wide, like the Cheshire cat.
"Something smells amazing!" Nick whispered into Cait's ear, as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
Cait smiled as she stirred a pot of chili and leaned her head to the side, allowing him the room to nuzzle against the crook of her neck. The kitchen was filled with various smells; chili simmering, lasagna baking. Cait had been on her feet since eight o'clock that morning, fixing the buffet of food for the party. Though they ached, Cait refused to stop moving until everything was ready to eat.
"Why don't you let me take over for a bit?" he asked, running his palm in circles, over her belly.
"No. It's your party. You're the birthday boy. You don't need to do anything but enjoy good company and eat lots of food." Cait replied, shaking her head.
"Cait. Dr. Bensen said that you shouldn't be on your feet for long. And you've running around doing everything for hours. Let someone take over so you can sit down and rest."
"Nick!" Cait exclaimed, turning to him. "I'm nine months pregnant, not dying from cancer. I'm fine."
"I just don't want you over-doing it and putting too much stress on your body."
Cait sighed and set the spoon she held in her hand onto the counter.
"Okay. I'll go ask Stacie if she'll help."
"Thank you." Nick smiled, kissing her gently. "I only nag because I love you."
"I only allow it cuz I love YOU." Cait giggled, kissing him back.
Outside, in their backyard, 40-something people from the lab and police station, along with their families, mingled, while snacking on chips and dip, pretzels and soda. Dish by dish, Stacie and Nick carried down the entrees Cait had been tending to all day; lasagna, chili, hot dogs and hamburgers, potato salad, macaroni salad, every picnic food you could think of, she made. When they had finished and everyone was crowded around the 6 foot table, laid out to create a buffet, Nick stood on a chair and tapped his beer bottle with a metal spatula.
"Excuse me. Everyone...if you could stop filling your plates for a moment. I'd like to say something."
Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at Nick, who hopped down off the chair.
"It's extremely hot and I know you all want to stuff your faces so you can go back to swimming in the pool or sitting under the tent but I just wanted to thank every single one of you for coming. It really means a lot to me that you all decided to give up your Saturday to come celebrate my birthday with me and my family. As you all know, Cait and I have a little one, whom will be blessing us with her presence any day now. And we couldn't be more excited to start this new chapter of our lives together. But with fingers crossed, today will also be the beginning of a new sub-chapter, if you will, for Cait and I. And despite that I was not expecting an audience...I'm very honored and touched that you all are here to witness it."
Nick set down his beer on the picnic table beside him and walked over to Cait.
"Caity. Thank you so much. Not just for what you have done for me, today. But also, for what you do for me, every day of my life. You are the most incredible person I have ever come to meet. You're phenomenally intelligent, strong-willed, motivated and the most loving human being on the planet. Our daughter is the luckiest child, to have you as her mother, I am the luckiest man, to have you by my side and we are incredible blessed to have you in our lives. I can't imagine my life with you in it."
Nick took Cait's hand into one of his own and slid his other hand into his pocket.
"I want to wake up to you, I want to go to sleep with you, I want to eat, breathe and be with you until the day I die. Without you, I am nothing but a lonely man, afraid of the world and everything that it comes with. With you I am everything I am meant to be. I am strong, I am confidence, I am not afraid of anything."
Out of his pocket, Nick pulled a velvet white box. The crowd began to murmur as Cait's eyes grew wide.
"Please say you will continue to be that rock for me."
Nick slowly pulled open the top of the box, to reveal a 2 carat three-diamond set ring.
"Will you marry me?"
"Yes!" Cait exclaimed, through tears.
Nick stood up and threw his arms around Cait, smothering her in kisses. The crowd of guests began to clap. Nick stepped back and beamed with joy, when suddenly Cait froze, her face white with terror.
"What? What's the matter?" Nick asked, looking concerned.
Without a word, Cait looked slowly down at her legs, which were soaked.
"Is that - did your water just break?" Nick exclaimed. "Cait, did your water just break?"
Cait nodded, still staring down at the droplets running down her calves.
"Oh my...oh my god! We need to get you to the hospital, now!"
Nick began to hyperventilate, looking around in panic.
"Nick. Nick. Nick." Catherine said calmly, rushing over and grabbing Nick by the shoulders. "You need to stay calm and breathe. You're not going to make this any easier, hyperventilating like that."
Nick nodded, gulping.
"Okay. Her water broke. Cait, have you been having contractions at all today?"
"All day."
Nick looked over at Cait, surprised.
"And you didn't tell me?"
"Nick! Focus!" Catherine snapped, waving her hands in front of his face. "Okay. How many minutes apart have they been? If you were to guess?"
"Maybe, seven?" Cait shrugged. "I haven't really been keeping track since coming outside."
"Okay, that's good! In a normal delivery, you don't have to 'rush' to the hospital unless the contractions are five minutes apart. That gives us a little bit of time to get everything together and get to the hospital, without worrying about the baby arriving in the car or in the living room."
"Where's your hospital bag? I'll go grab it." Sara said, touching Cait's shoulder, gently.
"Uhm..." Cait sighed, pressing her fingers into her temples. "In the baby's room, I think."
"Yeah, it's sitting on her dresser." Nick nodded, pointing up at the house.
Sara jogged across the yard, up the deck stairs, disappearing into the house. Catherine then turned to the crowd and held up her arms.
"Well, ladies and gentlemen...looks like the party is over. We've got a baby on the way!"
"You guys can all stay, if you'd like." Nick offered, looking over at Stacie. "If someone doesn't mind staying behind to make sure the doors get locked when everyone leaves?"
Stacie and Cait's father, Jim, both nodded.
"We'll stay here. You guys go get that beautiful baby." Stacie smiled, walking over to hug Cait.
"What are you doing, Mama?" Nora said, coming around the side of the couch, causing Cait to jump.
"Geez! You scared me!" Cait giggled, opening her arms and welcoming Nora into a hug. "I was just looking at some old photo albums. I didn't hear you get up. How was your nap?"
"Good. Can I look wid you?" Nora asked, climbing onto the couch and plopping down next to Cait.
"Of course." Cait replied, reopening the album.
"Look! There's Gwampa Gwissom!" Nora exclaimed, pointing at a picture of Nick's supervisor.
Nick had seen Grissom as a father figure, since his own father lived in Texas.
"That's right. And Aunt Sara." Cait nodded, pointing to Sara, who was standing next to Grissom.
"Mama? If Sawa and Gwissom are togetha, then why do I call her Aunt Sawa and him Gwampa?"
Cait began to laugh.
"I was wondering when you would catch on to that. Uh...well, you started calling Sara 'Aunt Sara', before Grampa and her started dating. So, instead of confusing you with trying to explain that they were together, she just stayed Aunt Sara"
Nora nodded, turning the page.
"Who is dat?" she asked, pointing to a man she knew, but did not recognize.
"That's Greg."
"Dat is not Gweg! He has spikey hair!"
"That is too Uncle Greg! He had a mohawk back then."
"A what?" Nora exclaimed, shaking her head excitedly. "A bow hawk?"
"No." Cait giggled. "A MO-HAWK."
"What's a mohawk?"
"Its when you shave both sides of your head and leave a strip of hair in the middle. Just like that."
Cait pointed to the photo and traced the line of hair on Greg's head.
"That's not a mohawk, Mama!"
"Then what is it?"
"That's ugly!"
Cait bursted out laughing.
"You are not wrong."
"I tink I like his hair betta now, than that thing." Nora giggled.
"Mama does too."
Nora turned the page and froze. It was an entire page of photos of her and Nick.
"Is dat me?"
"Mhm. That was the day you were born."
"Daddy was there?"
"Of course Daddy was there!" Cait chuckled. "Why wouldn't he be?"
Nora shrugged, quietly turning the page.
"Hey, Nora?"
"Yeah?"
"Can Mama ask you something?"
"Sure!"
Cait reached over and took the album from Nora and set it down gently on the coffee table.
"Can we talk about what you said earlier at Noni's house?"
"What did I say?"
"You said that your heart was broken, because Daddy broke his promise...?"
"Oh.." Nora said, looking away.
"Nora, Daddy didn't leave you, you know that right?"
"Then why did he leave?"
"Sometimes, its just their time to go"
"...but he's a daddy..."
"I know, baby. I know."
Fourteen long hours later, at the birthing center, Cait sat up in her hospital bed, grasping Nick's hand tight, breathing slowly through another contraction.
"Oh. My. God!" she panted. "This sucks! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
Nick chuckled, rubbing her lower back.
"Breathe, hon."
Cait took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"It probably wouldn't be so bad if you would breathe like we learned in class."
Cait turned and glared at Nick, who smirked and shrugged his shoulders.
"Down girl. I'm not critiqueing your labor strategy. I'm simply just saying."
"Do YOU want to push a baby out of your penis?" Cait snapped. "Then, shut up."
"Relax, honey, I was just suggesting you try breathing like we learned in lamaze. It may help relax you and get you through the contractions. That's all."
Cait opened her mouth to respond, when another contraction began. She inhaled sharply.
"Breathe. In through your nose...out slowly through your mouth."
Cait slowly blew out her breath of air.
"Good! Now, do it again. In...now out." Nick coached, softly. "Good."
When the contraction released, Cait leaned back in the bed and closed her eyes.
"I am going to be so happy when this is over." she sighed, popping an ice chip into her mouth.
"I love my birthday." Nick said suddenly.
"Why?"
"Why not? It's my birthday, for one. You and I got engaged, for two. And our baby is coming, for three."
"Yeah, but not on your birthday."
"No...but close. That's good enough for me."
Cait smiled, as her obstetrician, Dr. Bensen, walked into the room.
"Hello, Cait!" Dr. Bensen exclaimed. "I came to see if you are fully dilated yet, or not."
"God, let's hope so!" Cait sighed, adjusting herself.
Dr. Bensen chuckled.
"Last time I visited, a couple hours ago, you were seven centimeters dilated. Let's cross our fingers and see if you are the full ten, shall we?"
Cait and Nick both nodded as Dr. Bensen snapped his gloves on and placed his hand on her belly.
"You know the drill." he smiled as he gently inserted his fingers into Cait, to measure her cervix. "Well, Ms. Cait, you are in luck. You are at 10 centimeters! We are just about ready to get this show on the road."
"Finally!"
Nick looked at Cait, nervously as Dr. Bensen's nurse, Jackie, helped Cait set her feet into stir ups and began to prepare for the delivery.
"It'll be fine." Cait said softly, kissing the side of Nick's palm.
"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" Nick chuckled, wiping a beat of sweat from his forehead.
"Alright, we are all set to welcome this beautiful little girl into the world!" Dr. Bensen smiled. "Now, Cait. In the past hour, have you had any urge to push?"
Cait shrugged.
"Sort of. I just want her out of me. But I have been holding off on the pushing, in case it was too early."
"Well, thank goodness for that! Alright, on your next contraction, we are going to start pushing...get that baby's head down through the birth canal. What you are going to do for me, if you can, is you are going to wrap your arms around each of your legs and pull them close to you. As close as you can, as if you are hugging them to your chest. If that gets to hard, Nick and Jackie can always hold your legs up for you."
Cait nodded, reaching for one of her legs.
"Then, upon your next contraction, you are going to bear down and give me a nice strong push for ten seconds. Push, as hard as possible. Then, we'll take a break and do it again in a few moments. You are going to, if you don't already, feel a lot of pressure in your bottom. Giving birth is just like pushing out a bowel movement. You'll use the same muscles to push down little Nora, as you do when you use the bathroom."
Nick cracked a smile.
"Hey, Doc? Has anyone ever pooped on their baby, as they came out?"
"Nick!" Cait gasped, blushing.
"As a matter of fact, Nick, yes. It's actually very common. As I said a moment ago, you are using the same muscles to push the baby through the birth canal, as when you push out a bowel movement. And often, when a woman has been given an epidural, the nerves in the lower half shut down, so to speak, and the muscles relax, leading to the excretion of a BM during birth."
"Well then..." Nick said, turning to Cait. "Honey, I will still marry you, even if you poop on Nora's face. Just don't tell her when she's older because she'll be humiliated to know that she was born a shit-head."
"Oh my god, Nick, that is so gross." Cait grumbled covering her face. "I can't believe you just asked that!"
"What?" Nick chuckled. "It's no big deal! Everyone poops. It's okay if you poop a little. I'll still love you."
"Good to know." Cait replied, sarcastically.
"Alright. Are you ready?" Dr. Bensen asked, clapping his hands together.
"Yes." Nick and Cait said in unison.
As if magic, at that moment, another contraction began. Cait clenched her eyes tight and beared down with all of her strength. Beside her, Nick counted slowly under his breath. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10. Cait let out a slow exhale and opened her eyes.
"That was excellent, Cait. Let's do another one."
Again, Cait squeezed her eyes shut and pushed, until she was red in the face. At the end of the bed, by her bottom, Dr. Bensen sat, coaching her through each contraction. Within 5 short spurts, the baby had already emerged through Cait's pelvic bone and was beginning to crown.
"Would you like to see the head?" Dr. Bensen asked, pointing to a hand mirror, in Jackie's hand.
Cait shook her head quickly, not opening her eyes.
"Oh, I do!" Nick exclaimed, stepping around a nurses aid and standing behind Dr. Bensen.
Nick's jaw dropped for a moment, then he smiled.
"Oh my god, baby. She has hair."
Cait felt her eyes fill with tears.
"Almost done, Cait. Give me one more good push to deliver the head."
Jackie held up Cait's leg, as Nick had been, as Cait pressed her chin to her chest and pushed. Dr. Bensen used his hands to gently ease the baby's head from behind the stretched barrier of Cait's vagina.
"Here she comes!" Nick said, excitedly.
Nora's head then pushed its way out.
"Okay, Cait. Hold on for a second, don't push. I'm going to suction out her airways and then we will deliver her shoulders."
Dr. Bensen sucked the amniotic fluid from out of Nora's nose and mouth, then put his hands under her head and neck to support her while Cait pushed out her left shoulder, following by her right. With Dr. Bensen's assistance, Nora slid out of Cait in a flooded, slippery rush. Dr. Bensen picked up the newborn and set her gently on Cait's belly, as Jackie and another nurse hurriedly wiped her clean of vernix. Behind them, Nick stood, his mouth opened wide, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?" Dr. Bensen asked, clamping the umbilical cord and handing a pair of sheers to Nick. "Cut between the clamps. Right there in the center."
With shaking hands, Nick snipped through the cord and handed them back to Jackie, as the other nurse carried Nora over to be weighed and measured. Nick rushed over to Cait and kissed her on the forehead.
"You did amazing!" he whispered, kissing her repeatedly.
"You didn't pass out." Cait giggled, through tears.
"No, I certainly didn't!"
Jackie then turned and walked over to Nick and Cait, holding Nora, wrapped in a blanket. She smiled as she placed her gently into the crook of Nick arm.
"You'll want to support her head and neck with your elbow or hand, when holding her, until her neck muscles are strong enough to hold her head up."
"Okay." Nick nodded, not looking up from Nora, who was staring at him through her squinted teal eyes.
"Have you chosen a name?"
"Nora Angela Stokes." Cait smiled, trying to adjust herself.
"That's a beautiful name. You chose an angelic name like Angela, because she's an angel?"
"It's also my sister's name. We're close." Nick added, glancing over at Cait, then back to the baby.
"Oh, that's nice. It's perfect."
"She's perfect." Nick whispered, kissing his daughter's forehead.
Pushing her peas around her plate with her fork, Nora looked up at Cait, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Hey, Mama?"
"Yes, Nora." Cait chuckled, stirring a pot of noodles.
Nora had been playing 20,000 questions with Cait, ever since she woke up from her nap, hours earlier. Each time she had something new to ask, she'd begin with the same first question. 'Hey, Mama?'
"Do you like Uncle Gweg?"
"Of course I do, sweetheart. Why do you ask?"
"How come we don't have any pictures of him?"
"We do. You saw some in that album that we were looking at earlier."
"No. I mean in fwames on the wall. Like dat one."
Nora pointed up at a picture of herself as an infant, hanging in a frame above the padio door.
"Why would we have a picture of Greg on our wall?"
"He has one of you." Nora shrugged, scooping a forkful of peas into her mouth.
Cait turned to Nora, raising her eyebrow.
"Where did you see a framed picture of Mommy?"
"At Gweg's house."
"It's probably a picture of Daddy and his friends and Mommy just happened to be in it."
Nora shook her head, setting down her fork.
"No. It's just you. It's in a fwame."
"Where?"
"In Gweg's woom."
"Why were you in Greg's room?"
"I had to go potty when I went with Daddy and Gweg's bathwoom was being redone. So, Gweg let me use his bathwoom next to his woom. It's sitting on his dwesser, in a white fwame."
Cait sighed and walked over to sit next to Nora.
"Nora. To be honest, I don't really know why Greg has a picture of Mommy in his room. But the reason that we don't have any of him framed, on the wall, is because Mommy and Daddy liked seeing pictures that made us smile, old memories, when we walked into the room. If we wanted to see Greg, we could just go to the lab or to his house, because it never really changes."
"Then why have so many pictures of me? You could just go to my woom to see me."
"Yes. But we can't go to your room to see the baby you. We would see our big girl. Sometimes Daddy and I like to remember when you were a little baby. It's a happy memory for us."
"Oh...I guess dat makes sense." Nora nodded, picking up her fork.
"Okay?"
"Okay."
Cait ruffled Nora's curls as she stood up and walked back to the stove, where her pasta was boiling.
"Hey, Mama?"
"Yes."
"What was I like as a baby?"
"You were silly, very smart, stubborn..."
"Did you like me?"
Cait looked over at Nora and smiled.
"Oh, yes. We loved you very much."
"Nora..." Nick cooed, holding out a Cherrio, for his daughter. "Would you like a Cherrio?"
The infant smiled, reaching up for the oat cereal.
"Can you say please?" Nick asked, holding it just beyond her hand.
"Peez?"
"Very good!" Nick smiled, as she took it between her pointer finger and thumb.
"What do you say now?"
"Tay you." Nora smiled, showing her few baby teeth.
"Good memory, Nora! You're so smart."
"Smaht." Nora echoed.
"That's right." Nick chuckled. "You are very smart."
"Chee-wio!" Nora screeched, pointing to the box of cereal on the table.
"Why don't we take a break from the Cherrios and have some real food? Whatya say?"
"No." Nora shook her head, reaching across her high-chair tray. "Chee-wio."
"No, Nora. We're going to eat dinner. No more Cherrios."
Nora scrunched up her nose at Nick, threatening tears.
"I'm sorry, Bug. But one cannot live on Cherrios alone."
"Chee - " Nora paused, as Nick turned towards her. "-wio"
Nick fought a smile. She was persistant, he'll give her credit for that.
"No. Din-ner."
"Cheewio" she giggled.
"Dinner."
"Cheewio. Cheewio. Cheewio!"
"Dinner, dinner, dinner."
"Are you really arguing with an eighteen month old?" Cait asked, walking into the kitchen.
"She's stubborn!"
"Like her father." Cait chuckled, kissing Nora's forehead.
"Psh, like her mother!" Nick argued.
Nora clapped her hands together, smiling a toothy smile.
"Nora, can you tell Mama what we were practicing?" Nick asked, walking over and holding a cooked elbow macaroni out. "What do you say?"
"Peez." Nora said, taking it.
Cait smiled, watching her slip the oily noodle between her fingers and shoving it into her mouth.
"Good job. Now I gave you what you asked for. What do you say?"
"Tay you!" Nora replied, her mouth full of noodle.
"We're practicing new manners." Nick said, nodding at Cait and holding an noodle out to her.
"Very nice."
Cait smirked, pushing away the pasta in Nick's hand and walked over to the fridge.
"How was work?" Nick asked, glancing over his shoulder and checking Cait out as she reached for a soda on the bottom shelf of the fridge. "Any brides need to be put back in their place?"
Cait was a manager of a salon, that focused on weddings, but also the occasional pageant and prom.
"Not today." Cait sighed, shutting the fridge and cracking open the seal of the bottle cap. "Luckily, the only dramatic thing that went down today, was that Carolyn's curling iron shit...I mean POOPED the bed."
Nick chuckled, glancing over at Nora, who was too preoccupied by the handful of pasta on her tray.
"Well, that's good. I'm glad you had a nice easy day."
"Me too. How was your day? Enjoy spending it with the baby?"
Nora looked up from her supper and scrunched her nose at Nick.
"Yeah, it was good. We just hung around the house and played. She went down for a nap around 1:00 and slept until about 3:30. Then we watched The Lion King...what little time she could pay attention, that is."
"Awh, sounds like some good Daddy/Daughter time." Cait smiled, kissing Nick gently. "One of my clients is getting married this evening, so I need to run back to work for an hour or so, to do hair and makeup for the bride and her wedding party. I should be back around 7:00 to put Nora to bed, before you go to work."
"Okay, baby. Have a good time." Nick replied, kissing her back.
Cait walked over to Nora and kissed her forehead.
"Bye, baby. Mama will be back soon."
"Bye-Bye." Nora said, waving at Cait, as she walked out of the room.
Five minutes later, after Nick heard the car start and the garage door open and close, Nick walked over to Nora's high-chair and set down a cup of mashed peas and powdered cereal in front of her. Nora stared down at it, then looked back up at Nick, in disgust. Nick began to laugh. He wasn't a fan of peas neither.
"Alright, Miss Nora. Now, Daddy knows that you don't like peas. He doesn't really either." Nick said, sitting down in a chair, in front of her. "But let's try to get through this as easily as we can, so that we can put it behind us and pray that Mommy never buys the goopy greens again. Okay?"
Nick stirred the mixture vigorously, before scooping out a small spoonful and held it up to Nora's mouth.
"Open." he said, opening his own mouth. "Ahhh..."
Nora stared at him, wide eyed, her mouth clamped shut.
"Open up for Daddy. Please?"
Nora shook her head, pushing the spoon away.
"Nora. You have to finish dinner. Have some protein to go with those carbs. It's yummy, see?"
Nick turned the spoon and pretended to take a bite. Nora looked at him, unamused.
"Please." he sighed.
Nora paused, before smirking.
"I do?" she said, pointing to the spoon.
"You want to hold it? Sure. You can feed yourself." Nick replied, handing it to her. "Be careful."
Nora picked up the spoon, eyeing it carefully. She then dipped it into the pea/cereal and pulled out a overflowing scoop. Nick knew what was about to happen, before it did, but it was already too late to stop it. Nora held the spoon above her head and dropped the goo with one single plop.
"No!" Nick exclaimed.
Nora beamed, squealing as she dropped the spoon and began to rub the soupy mush into her hair.
"Well..." Nick sighed, cracking a smile. "I guess it's time to skip the side dish and take a bath."
Nick unclipped the tray and set it on the table, before turning back to unbuckle Nora from her harness. She waited with her arms up, for him to pick her up. Placing his hands under her arm-pits, he lifted her out of the seat and balanced her on his hip, careful not to smeer peas everywhere. Carrying her down the hallway, towards the bathroom, Nora stared at Nick, a smile creeping across her face. Nick turned his head slowly, to look at her and started to laugh.
"What are you looking at, you goober?"
"Da-deeee" she squealed, kicking her feet.
"Yes, Princess. Daddy. You ready to take a bath?"
"Bath?"
"Yep. Bath. You're all messy."
"Metty."
"Messy, right. You're so smart, repeating everything Mama and I say. We have to be careful with that."
"No-No-Too-Da-Bee-Bee-Dada-Bee-Bee." Nora cackled, in her former baby gibberish.
"Oh yeah?"
"Da-deee. Go...bat...No."
Nick pushed the bathroom door open with his toe and set Nora down on the floor.
"Yes, Nora. You have to take a bath. You have peas in your hair."
He leaned over and turned the faucet on, dropping a few plastic toys into the water as it rose. When he turned around, Nora wasn't sitting behind him. He looked up in time to see her diaper waddling away from him, followed by her feet.
"Hey, you! Bring your little pampered tooshie back here, missy!" he called out, jogging out of the room.
She was a fast crawler but it only took him five steps to reach her. He bent over and scooped her up in his arms, tickling her belly as he flopped her over his arm.
"It's bath time, silly goose."
Nora giggled wildly, as she tried to push his hands away from her stomach.
"Noooo!" she screeched. "No bat...pay!"
"No. No playing, bath first."
Nick carried Nora back into the bathroom and began to pull her onesie over her head. When he got her completely naked, he set her in her seat, in the tub and poured a dollop of baby shampoo into his hand. As he scrubbed her curls free of the now crusting veggies, Nora picked up one of the foam alphabet letters that were floating around her.
"What letters that, Bug?"
"B." Nora replied, tossing it down and reaching for another.
"Very good. What is that one?"
Nora paused.
"G." Nick said. "Like Greg."
"Geg."
"Yes, Greg. Or Grissom."
"Gi..." Nora began, before stopping.
"Grissom."
"Giss..."
"How about, Grampa?"
"GAMPA!" Nora exclaimed. She knew that name well.
"That's right, Buggy. G is for Grampa." Nick smiled. "What is that one?"
Nick pointed to another letter, floating by her foot. Nora reached down and picked it up, studying it.
"Do you know?"
"M."
"Close. N. Like..." Nick leaned over and put his finger to Nora's heart. "No-ra."
"No-ah"
"Nora. Right. Or..." Nick put his finger to his own heart. "Nick."
"Nick."
"Very good!"
After Nick rinsed the suds out of Nora's hair, he wrapped her in a towel and carried her down to his bedroom, to get her into her pajamas. As she lay on the bed, while Nick dressed her in a clean onesie and sleeper, Nora rubbed her eyes and yawned.
"Are you tired?"
Nora shook her head and reached up for Nick, who picked her up with a smile.
"Let's go watch a movie while we wait for Mama to come home."
"Mama work?"
"Yep. She'll be home soon. Until then, we'll have a bottle and watch some TV. Sound good?"
"Yeth."
"Alright. Good deal." Nick nodded, kissing her cheek and walking down the hall to the kitchen.
When they rounded the corner, into the living room, Nick walked to the center of the room and set Nora down on the carpet, where he could see her from the kitchen. He handed her a stuffed bear, as well as a teething ring and walked into the kitchen, opening the fridge to take out a bottle of apple juice. Taking a clean bottle out of the dish drainer on the counter, Nick carefully filled the bottle a quarter of the way, then turned on the faucet and poured an ounce of water, to dilute the juice. Nora didn't like when he did this but not only did it save juice, it also had half the sugar and junk that would stick to her brand new baby teeth.
Back in the living room, Nick picked up Nora and set her in his lap on the couch, bottle in hand. It didn't take long for her to drink the entire bottle. But instead of crying for another one, like she had many nights before, she nuzzled into the crook of Nick's neck, thumb in her mouth, and fell asleep. Nick closed his eyes and smiled. He loved moments like this. Nothing could ruin his mood. With Nora, he was in paradise.
Cait made her way around the house, turning off lights and locking the windows and doors, before heading up the stairs to brush her teeth. In the bathroom, Nora stood on her step-stool, brushing her teeth, clutching her Princess Belle doll. Cait smiled as she walked into the room, just as Nora leaned over to spit out the toothpaste.
"Pa!" Nora exclaimed, blowing the glob of spit into the sink. "There. All clean."
"You did all your teeth? Front and back?"
Nora turned to Cait and smiled wide.
"Yep!"
"Good job. Go climb into bed. Mommy will be in, in a minute."
Nora jumped off her stool and ran out of the room, to her bedroom. Cait shut the bathroom door behind her and turned to look at herself in the mirror. She looked tired and haggard; the last few days showing, far too well, on her face. She brushed her teeth, pausing to yawn a time or two, then slid off her jeans and the Longhorns jersey and dropped them into the hamper. Cait opened the closet door and took down Nick's bathrobe that was hanging on the hook, on the other side. She hesitated but then put it on. She tied the belt around her waist, tugging hard to get it to remain around her smaller frame. It felt cold but familiar. The soft cologne scent of his aftershave still lingered in its collar. She ran her hands slowly over the bust and sleeves of the robe, closing her eyes and breathing it in slowly.
"I miss you." she whispered, fighting back tears.
She stood for a minute longer, holding what little she had left of him, close to her skin before unraveling the belt and sliding out and replacing it back on its hook. She closed the door, threw the shirt she wore the night before over her head and rushed out of the bathroom, without a single look back.
"So, Nora..." Nick said, propping his head up with his elbow.
It was a Saturday and Cait was at work, preparing for a massive wedding, with over a dozen bridesmaids. With thirteen heads of hair to primp and over twenty-six eyes to glamorize, Cait had been gone since 6:00 that morning. Which left the entire day to Nora and Nick, by themselves. It was raining outside, so they were spending it indoors, in the middle of the living room, coloring and listening to Barney.
"Yes, Daddy." Nora replied, setting down a green crayon and reaching for a red.
"A certain somebody's birthday is just around the corner."
"Yours?"
Nick chuckled, adjusting his arms under him.
"Yes, mine. But that's not the only birthday."
"Mine?"
"That's right. August 18th."
"When is your birthday, Daddy?"
"The day before."
"The 16th?"
"Nope. You missed a number."
Nora looked at Nick, puzzled.
"12..13..14..15..16..."
"17!" Nora exclaimed.
"Right. August 17th is my birthday."
"When is Mama's birthday?"
"Fifteen days after yours. September 2nd."
"How old is Mama?"
Nora set down the red crayon and reached for the blue one in Nick's hand.
"She's 23."
"How old are you?"
"I'm old."
"How old?"
"Old enough."
"How old?" Nora giggled.
"I'm 34."
"Are you older than Mama?"
"Yes, I am."
"How much?"
"11 years."
Nora looked up at Nick, her mouth open and eyes wide.
"Josh is 11!"
Josh was Nick's nephew, Nora's older cousin.
"Yep. So, I was Josh's age when Mommy was born."
"You're old."
Nick started to chuckle.
"Yes, I am."
"How old will you be when I'm 11?"
Nick paused for a moment, thinking.
"...42."
"and Mama?"
"31."
"You're old enough to be a Gwampa!"
"Woah-ho-ho, let's hold on a second. I may be old, but I'm not THAT old." Nick laughed.
"You wanna know how old I am?" Nora asked, sitting up and crossing her legs.
Her princess sneakers blinked as they hit the floor.
"How old are you?"
"I'm thwee."
"Yes, you are."
"I'm almost a big girl."
"You're already a big girl."
"No. Big girls go to pwe-school. I don't. I stay home with you all day."
Nick tried to hide his hurt feelings. Was Nora tired of spending every day with him?
"Do you want to go to preschool Nora?"
Nora nodded, not looking up from her picture.
"Alright. Daddy will talk to Mommy about getting you into preschool. If that's what you want."
"I don't want to go to school. I want to go to Noni's. She has a pweschool at her house."
"Okay. Noni's it is, then."
Later that night, after Nora had been put to bed, Cait slipped out of her clothes and into their bed. A moment later, Nick walked into their room, fresh out of the shower and wrapped in his favorite cotton robe.
"Nora asked me about going to school, today." he said, opening the top drawer of his dresser and glancing back at Cait, in the reflection of the vanity mirror. "She said she wanted to start going to preschool at Stacie's house, during the day, instead of hanging around the house with me."
Cait nodded slowly, pulling the blankets up over her chest.
"Well, she is old enough. And she does spend a lot of time with just the two of us. She lacks interaction with other children and she needs that socialization skill. Maybe she's ready to go out and give it a try."
Nick walked over to the side of the bed and sat down next to Cait.
"Do you really think she can handle it?"
Cait sighed, sitting up and scooting close to him.
"Nick...who are you really worried can't handle it? Her...or you?"
Nick looked away from her and sighed. It was true. Nick WAS afraid that if Nora began going to school during the day, that he would lose the precious time he got to spend with her, while she is still young.
"Nick..." Cait said softly. "I know that you are afraid that everything will change. But that's how it goes. Life changes, every day. She's going to be three in a week. We can't expect her to be ready for kindergarten, if we're too scared to even let her go to preschool. We eventually need to start taking those first baby steps."
Cait leaned over and touched his arm. He looked up at her, with tears brimming his eyes.
"She's always going to be our baby. But you can't keep her two forever. As much as I'd love to."
Nick choked out a laugh, through tears. Cait smiled and pulled him into a hug.
Cait sprawled out in bed, staring up at the ceiling, though she couldn't actually see it in the dark. She could picture the ceiling fan, spinning like a propeller above her, circulating the sticky, humid air. She rolled onto her side and looked down at her alarm clock. 2:37 AM. She had been lying there for 6 hours, wide awake, weaving in between sleep spells. Many nights she spent doing this very thing. Her thoughts kept her from getting any rest. And when her brain was too tired to think, her breaking heart took over for her mind. Deep, below her belly, she felt a familiar fluttery feeling and with that her heart sunk lower. She had been feeling it for almost 3 weeks. It began just before Nick left. Before he got to feel it himself.
The following Monday, when Nick went downstairs to get a cup of coffee, he found Nora sitting on the couch, half dressed, wearing her backpack. He stopped at the edge of the couch and raised an eyebrow.
"Hey, No'...what are ya doin, Bug?"
"I'm waitin to go to school!" she replied, holding up a tin box that once held assorted chocolates.
"Wha...uh...wh..." Nick stammered.
A dozen questions were swimming around in his head.
"What is the tin for?"
"It's my lunch box."
"Mommy bought you a lunch box."
"Oh..."
"Why are you dressed like that?"
Nora looked down at her nightgown, mismatched socks and sneakers that were on the wrong feet.
"What do you mean?"
"You're in your jammies..."
"It looks like a dwess"
"But it's not. Bug, you can't wear that to daycare."
"It's pweschool." Nora corrected, narrowing her eyes at him.
"I'm sorry. You cannot wear a nighty to preschool."
"Why not?"
"Because they're pajamas. You wear day clothes during the day and pajamas at night."
"What about nap time?"
"That's an exception. You can wear day clothes during nap time."
"What's an esseption?"
"An exception is like excluding something. To exclude means to keep out. Like, for example...Mommy makes you dinner. You like the hamburgers and potatoes but you do not like peas. You like everything, excluding the peas. So, you wear day clothes during the day, because you play and jammies at night, because you sleep...but nap time is sleeping during the day, so it's an exception. You don't HAVE to wear jammies. Make sense?"
Nora nodded, though Nick could tell she had no idea what he was talking about. She was only 2, afterall.
"Okay. So, we need to get you dressed."
Nora slid off the couch and walked down the hall, towards her room, leaving Nick to trail behind. Nick watched her toddle into her room and drop her backpack onto the floor before turning back to him.
"What should I wear?"
"Well, let's start with undies and socks" Nick replied, pointing to her dresser.
Nora walked over to her dresser, opened the top drawer and pulled out a pair of underwear and socks.
"What now?" she said, setting them on her bed.
"What else do you wear during the day?" Nick smirked.
"A shirt." Nora giggled. "And pants."
Nick chuckled as she pulled out a princess tshirt and a pair of denim jeans.
"Yup. Anything else?"
Nora paused for a moment then shook her head.
"Alright. Then put them on."
Nora dropped down onto her bottom and began to pull her night-gown over her head. Nick dawdled, picking up toys around the room, while she undressed, then redressed herself. She was getting older by the day and with age came independence and awareness of privacy. There would be days that he would have to be around her naked, like today. She was still only three and couldn't take care of herself. And he didn't want to give up all rights to being a good father but he didn't want to make Nora feel uncomfortable around him, in any way. He saw enough men like that at work. It sickened him to think about those monsters.
"I'm all done, Daddy." Nora said, sliding her foot back into her shoe and standing up.
"Much better, Buggy. You look very pretty." Nick smiled, taking her hand. "How about some breakfast?"
"Can I have eggies?"
Nick looked down at Nora, who was staring up at him with her big, doey brown eyes. Her eyes were his favorite thing about her. Cait had hazel eyes and blonde hair. Nick had dark brown eyes and darker brown hair. Nora had Cait's curly blonde locks, her nose, her little ears and her hands. But she had Nick's eyes.
"Of course you can."
Nora jumped up and down excitedly, then ran out of her room, down the hall to the kitchen. Nick followed her down to the kitchen, where Cait was now standing at the center island, pouring a cup of coffee.
"Hi, Mama!" Nora exclaimed, hugging her leg.
"Morning, baby." Cait smiled.
Nick walked over to Cait and kissed her on the cheek.
"Good morning."
"Morning."
"Sleep okay?" Nick asked, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a carton of eggs.
Cait shrugged, handing Nick the milk, sitting in front of her.
"Go back to bed. I'll drop Nora off."
"I'm alright. A cold shower will wake me up."
Nick leaned up against the edge of the stove, watching Cait go about her business. She looked sluggish, tired and pale. He wondered if she maybe came down with a bug.
"Hon." he said softly, touching her waist as she passed.
She turned and looked at him with sunken eyes.
"Are you sure you're alright?"
Cait nodded and forced a smile. Nick sighed, watching her walk away and disappear down the hall, to the bathroom. From the kitchen, he could hear the shower turn on and the curtain slide open. But the water wasn't loud enough to mask the sound of Cait retching.
"Nora." Nick said, scooping eggs out of the frying pan onto a plate.
Nick walked over to the table and set down the plate of scrambled eggs in front of her.
"Eat your breakfast. Make sure to blow on it, it's hot. Daddy will be right back."
He pushed in her chair and blew on her eggs, to "pre-cool" them, before walking silently down the hall.
"Cait?" he said, knocking twice on the door.
He hadn't heard anything from her in a few minutes. But he wanted to check on her, just to be sure.
"Cait?" he said again, this time opening the door slowly.
He found Cait on the other side of the door, sitting on the lid of the towel, her head in her hands. Her bangs were damp and matted to her forehead. The rest of her hair was piled up into a messy bun.
"Are you alright?"
She nodded, not moving any other muscle.
"I could hear you in the kitchen. Are you sick?"
Cait shook her head, wiping her nose on her hand and looking up at him. Nick noticed that her eyes were red and wet. She was crying.
"Babe." he whispered, rushing over and kneeling down in front of her. "What's the matter? You can't tell me that it's nothing because I heard you vomitting in the kitchen and now you're crying. Please tell me."
Cait stared at him, tears glistening.
"I'm pregnant."
Nick's legs suddenly got heavy. His knees felt as though they were cemented to the floor.
"You..You're pregnant?" he repeated, steadily.
Cait nodded, wiping a stray tear off her cheek.
"Uh...o-okay." Nick stammered.
Cait buried her head in her arms and started to cry again. Nick pried open her arms and lifted her chin.
"Hey." he said softly. "This isn't a bad thing. We've been here before. And look, here we are now, three years later, with a beautiful, intelligent daughter and no criminal record for child endangerment!"
Cait started to laugh.
"We can do this."
"Are you sure?" Cait sniffled.
"I am very sure." Nick smiled, leaning in and kissing her gently.
That evening, Nick stood stirring macaroni, when Nora walked up to him and tugged on his pant leg.
"Yes, Princess." he smiled, glancing down.
Nora then held up Nick's pager, which was lit up and blinking.
"Shit!" Nick gasped. "How did I not hear that?"
He took it from Nora and rushed over to the phone, hanging on the wall.
"Sara. It's Nick." he panted, nearly a second after his finger pressed the last button. "Really?"
Nick sighed, rubbing his temples.
"Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can."
Without another word, he hung up the phone and turned back to Nora.
"Gotta go work now?" she ask, looking disappointed.
"I'm sorry, Bug." Nick nodded. "Daddy has a scene to go to. I'll call Noni to come stay with you until Mommy comes home."
"What about our camp?"
Nora turned towards the living room, which was now tented with blankets and chairs.
"As soon as I finish with work, I will rush home and we'll still have our camp-out."
"Pwomise?" Nora said, holding up her pinky.
Nick took her little finger in his own and squeezed it snugly.
"I promise."
7:00 AM came sooner than Cait had counted on. It felt like five minutes before, she had closed her eyes and finally drifted off to sleep. Yesterday had been an emotional doozy and Cait would love nothing more than to lie in bed all day and do nothing but today was a day that everyone depended on her, more than ever, to do the world a solid and drag herself out from under her warm blankets.
She tip-toed into the bathroom and turned the shower on, per usual. But instead of stand in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection, she went back into her bedroom and yanked open the door to her walk-in closet. The entire left side was all of Nick's clothes, mainly his suits for court. There was one missing, at the end of the long line of polyester jackets. It was his favorite suit and it was the one he would be wearing when she saw him later today. Averting her eyes, she pulled down a hanger holding her favorite black dress and slammed the door behind her.
Nick drove down the strip, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, singing along to Bob Neuwirth's "Lucky Too", on the radio. He had begun his shift an hour before and after Grissom presented Warrick and Nick with two cases, one which was very tempting, the two decided to flip a coin for it. The toss up was between an assault at a strip-club and what the lab calls "trash pickup". Though he thought that Warrick cheated, he lost and he was now on his way to a sketchy alleyway, where a "body" had been reported. When he arrived at the scene, the officer on duty led him to the body, which was actually only a pile of intestines.
"Tasty." Nick grimmaced, looking down at the coiled mess.
As he knelt to get a better look, the officer behind him began to retch. He leaned over and vomited on the side of the curb, clearly put off by the smell and sight of human bowel.
"Hey." Nick called out, as he pulled a pack of bubble gum from his vest. "Ya want some gum?"
"No, no." the officer replied, waving back at him.
Nick chuckled, shaking his head. Standing up and dusting off his knees, he began to walk down the alley, away from the organs on the pavement. He was scouring his surroundings, camera in hand, when he spotted a styrofoam cup, inside of an evidence bag.
"What the hell?" he thought to himself.
The lab used red tape to seal their evidence bags. This one had yellow. He knelt down, took a picture then picked it up to see it in the light. Suddenly, something is clamped over his nose and mouth. Nick tried to fight whoever had grabbed him but within seconds, he loses consciousness.
After a quick shower, Cait slid into her dress and twisted her hair up into a tight french braid. Ringlets framed her face, which was grey from lack of sleep. Her stomach was doing somersaults. She couldn't stop herself from trembling, when thinking of that coming afternoon. Nothing could prepare her for what was in store. She traced her eyes with soft chestnut brown liner and dabbed a couple coats of mascara over her lashes. A remarkable improvement, if she could say so, herself.
When she finished getting ready, she slid her feet into black stilettos and walked carefully down the stairs, to the living room, where Nora was already dressed and ready. On the couch sat Stacie, who was also dressed to the nines, a thin smile on her face. She was faking, Cait could tell.
Everything was fuzzy. He could hear cars passing, but couldn't make out anything in his surroundings. When his vision finally focuses, Nick realized that he was in the back of a vehicle, his wrists zip-tied tight behind his back. He lifted his legs, preparing himself to kick out the back window when the vehicle stopped. He paused, holding his breath, waiting. As it had an hour before, a cloth was pressed over his mouth. It reeked of chemicals. Chloroform. He worked enough cases, to recognize that smell anywhere. He fought with all his might but to his dismay, the chemicals served their purpose as he once again fainted.
"Mama?" Nora said, playing with the lace trim of her dress.
"Yes, baby?"
"Will Daddy's friends be there?"
Cait hesitated before nodded.
"Yes. A lot of Daddy's friends will be there."
Nora looked up at her mother, then grandmother, then back down at her dress.
"Do you think Daddy misses us?"
"I do, Bug." Cait sighed, looking out the window. "I'm sure that he misses us very much."
When Nick came to, he felt hot and sticky with sweat. His hands were free but the air was thin. He looked around for any indication of where he was, but it was dark, beside the faint shine of a lime-green glowstick. He tried to lift his head but it hit something cold and hard.
"Ugh." he sighed, rubbing his forehead.
Trying to adjust himself, he managed to reach down beside him and pick up the glow stick, which illuminated wherever it was that he was lying. Using the glowstick as a light, he held it up, looking behind him, above him, and to the left and right of him, only to discover that he was encased in a plexiglass box. He knocked on the lid a few times, still not fully aware of the situation he was thrown into. Nick ran his hand down beside him to his holster, where he found his gun lying against the box wall. He brought it to his chest and with what little space he had, lifted his head to check the magazine and cocked it. Fully loaded. When he set the gun back down beside him, he felt something hard and cold. He picked it up, squinting his eyes to make out what it was. It was a tape recorder. Fiddling with the buttons with shaking hands, he pressed play.
There was a faint buzz of empty silence but after a moment, a taunting voice started to speak.
"Hi CSI guy. You wondering why you're here? Because you followed the evidence. Because that's what CSIs do. So breathe quick, breathe slow, put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger. Any way you like...you're going to die here."
Then with a click, the recording ended. Nick felt his heart start to race. His mind buzzed with so many thoughts, he couldn't make sense of them all.
"I can't die!" he thought to himself. "I have a family. I have a daughter and a fiance and a baby on the way. I have way too much to lose! What if nobody finds me? I can't die down here, alone, stuck in this box forever! I have to get out of here! I have to see my girls again!"
Nick began to hyperventilate as he pounded on the lid of the glass coffin. When it wouldn't budge, he started to scream; a scream that cuts through you like a thousand knives. And then, he cried. He cried for his parents, he cried for his coworkers, he cried for Cait, he cried for himself...and he especially cried for Nora.
Cait looked around at the crowds of people who stood on the front lawn of the parlor. Many of them looked at her with sadness and pity in their eyes. Poor little Cait, left alone with two children to raise. She closed her eyes, breathing slowly from the pit of her belly and when she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see Grissom standing before her.
"Hello Cait." he said, a small smile forming.
"Hello, Grissom." Cait replied, smiling as well.
"How are you?"
Cait sighed, nodding.
"As good as could be expected. And you?"
"I am doing well. How is my beekeeper?"
Cait scanned the crowd, in search for Nora.
"She's around here somewhere. She's good. Asking lots of questions, some of which I don't have the answers to...but overall she's doing okay."
Grissom nodded, sympathetically.
"She's strong like her mother."
"She's level-headed like her father."
Grissom sighed, looking down at the grass.
"Cait..."
"Don't." Cait interrupted. "Please...just...don't."
"I am really sorry for..."
"Grissom. Please." Cait said softly, fighting tears.
"Cait."
Cait turned and walked away as fast as she could. Shoving down the urge to either burst out in tears or vomit all over the ground, Cait rushed into the parlor, into the first room she came to. She leaned over, her hands on her knees and stared at the carpet as she fought to catch her breath. When she stood up straight, her heart stopped as she realized she had walked into the very room where Nick was.
Nick didn't know how long he had been in the box. All he did know was that it was getting hotter, the longer he stayed down there. He was started to feel tired. He closed his eyes for a moment, when suddenly, the box lit up with a bright, white light.
"What the hell?" he thought as he covered his face, shielding his eyes from the light.
Two minutes later the light went out and a gust of air rushed over Nick's face. He leaned his head against the wall, gulping down the oxygen-rich air. Like clockwork, the light turned back on and the air went thin. On, off, on, off. Nick couldn't understand what was going on with the light, but it was beginning to drive him crazy. He needed air, not light! Remember his gun beside him, Nick reached into his pocket for the last piece of bubble gum from the pack he was chewing, earlier that night. He shoved it into his mouth, like it was his first bite of food in months and chewed vigorously. When the piece was moist and rubbery, he took it from out of his mouth, broke it into two pieces and shoved them into the canals of his ears. Then, picking up his gun, he racked the slide and for a moment, paused and put it to his chin. But giving it a second thought, he turned the gun towards his feet and shot out the bulb.
The coffin went black and once again, the circulating air was restored. Nick panted as he pressed his face up against the face. He was desperate to have more air. He'd give anything for a breath of fresh air.
Cait stared at the man, she knew to be Nick. He had the same wavy brown hair, the same gentle face, though it was now as still as stone. She could recognize him anywhere. On shaky legs, she walked slowly across the room, towards him. Her heart was racing hard, inside her chest. When she reached him, she stood there, trembling, and began to cry.
"How could you do this to me?" she sobbed. "How could you leave me? How could you leave Nora?"
Cait reached out and touched his cheek. It still felt soft, as it always had. She missed touching those cheeks, when he came up and gave her a kiss, after a long day of work. She missed running her fingers through his hair, after he stepped out of the shower. She missed hearing his laugh, down the hall, as he watched cartoons with Nora in his lap. She missed everything about him. Cait shook her head. She was angry. She demanded an answer. But Nick remained silent. He didn't have an answer. He never would.
Nick was starting to get bored, of all things, and hungry. He stared at the wall of the coffin, lost in thought, when was interrupted by a loud cracking sound. He began to pound on the lid and walls of the box, under the impression that someone had finally found him. Though his throat was dry and hoarse, he started to sing "Lucky Too" loud, so that whomever was digging him out could be sure that he was still alive. When noone uncovered the lid, Nick looked around and realized that the crackling was not somebody digging above him, but the box breaking apart around him. A direct result of him shooting out the lamp, earlier.
*AUTHORS NOTE: Reviews are Much Appreciated and Encouraged. I Love Recieving Feedback and Suggestions on How I Can Better the Story or Simply What You Thought. I Am Not Finished, Believe It or Not. I Am Taking A Day to Step Away from the Computer and READ and SLEEP, As I Have Been Working On This All Week! This is the Longest Story I've Written So Far and I'm Very Excited to Continue. Hope You Enjoyed!*