You Won't Regret It
Eli took one last look in the mirror before grabbing his jacket and it slipping on over his hoodie. He knew tonight was supposed to be cold but he hoped that what he was wearing would be enough. He left his room and walked down the stairs, greeting both of his parents in the kitchen.
"Okay, I'm gonna head out now. Wouldn't wanna be late, Fiona would kill me," Eli informed them.
"Are you sure you should be going out tonight, Eli? With everything that's happened these last few weeks, maybe you should stay home?" Cece asked in a worried tone.
"Mom, I'm fine. Please, I wanna go. I promised Imogen and Fiona I would be there to support them."
"Okay, if you're sure," Cece relented.
"I'm sure."
Eli turned and took a few steps towards the exit of the kitchen but was stop when his father's deep throaty voice called him back.
"Here its cold, you don't need to be getting sick," Bullfrog said has he held out the keys of his beloved Mustang. Uncertainly, Eli reached out and took the keys from Bullfrog's hand.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. You got your license back a few weeks ago. I trust you."
"Thanks dad."
Eli gave his dad a gracious smile before darting towards the door with a new found excitement for the night ahead.
"Don't stay out to late!" Cece yelled.
"I won't," he called over his shoulder before slamming the door behind him and rushing to the driver's side of the black Mustang. He climbed in quickly, thrusting the key into the ignition and starting the car. With the excitement of a child on Christmas morning he ran his hands over the leather of the steering wheel and listening to the purr of the engine. With one hand on the wheel and the other on the clutch he pulled out quickly into the street and shot off in the direction of Degrassi.
Cece and Bullfrog shared look at the sound of the loud engine and squealing tires.
"Are you sure you should have given him the Mustang?" Cece asked.
"Uhh, he's a teenage boy with the keys to a fast car. Let him have his night. I trust him," Bullfrog answered confidently.
Eli sped down the street, happy that he was finally getting to drive again. He let off the gas a little, not wanting to get caught speeding and have his license suspended again or worse, revoked. He also wanted to cherish the ride, knowing that it's not a long drive to the school. Eli flipped the radio on and rolled his eyes when he realised it was set to Bullfrogs own station.
"How conceited," he jokingly mumbled under his breath as he reached over to the glove box with his right hand. For the first time in his life he was thankful when he had to stop at a red light, giving him enough time to reach over and grab a CD. He slipped it into the CD player he'd helped put in a few years ago and the beginning strings of London Calling began.
He had barely reached the end of the second song when he entered the parking lot of Degrassi and slowed down, searching for a spot. Eli parked far away from the entrance of the school seeing as half of the parking lot was covered in booths and rides. As he took the key from the ignition he noticed the doors of the old Honda parked beside him open and out climbed Bianca, Drew, and another large dark haired guy, whose name, if Eli remembered correctly was, Owen.
With a sigh he climbed from the car and turned around to lock the door, used to the fact that it had to be done manually after having drove Morty for so long. Eli could feel the presence of the other three students still lingering behind him but he ignored them and continued on.
"Hey! Eli, right?"
He turned around at the sound of Bianca's voice saying his name. She was leaning on her own car, glancing back and forth between Eli and the Mustang.
"Yeah."
"Nice ride," she said.
"Thanks."
He was a little apprehensive to leave his father's car alone knowing that Bianca and Owen were lingering around but figured if they were with Drew he wouldn't let them do anything stupid. Eli turned away from the group and began walking over to the bright lights and loud sounds of the Frostival.
Everyone was filled with excitement as they ran around from ride to ride and booth to booth eating cotton candy and popcorn. Eli smiled, happy that, Imogen and Fiona had put together what was obliviously a success. His smile faded though when he caught sight of a certain auburn haired girl in the crowd. She was walking by herself with no apparent destination in mind. Eli was just about to follow after her when he heard the sound of Imogen's voice yelling over the noise that the carnival produced. He pried his eyes away from Clare and turned around just in time for Imogen's arms to be thrown around his shoulders in a tight grasp. Fiona smiled at him from behind Imogen and all he could do was smile back until Imogen pulled away and Fiona got her chance to hug him.
"I'm happy you came," she whispered in his ear as she pulled away.
"Yeah, me too. It looks like everyone's having a great time. You two did a really amazing job with this Frostival thing," he praised them.
"Thank you, Eli. We worked really hard on this," Imogen said as she slid her hand into Fiona's. He glanced at their intertwined fingers for a moment before a large smile graced his lips. Choosing not to comment, Eli spoke anyway.
"So, what is there to do at this Frostival thing?"
"Well..." Fiona began explaining the many activities to be found at the Frostival as they started making their way over to the cotton candy stand after Imogen briefly interrupted, claiming she couldn't wait any longer.
The three friends spent the rest of the night joking around, eventually meeting up with Adam and convincing Eli to go on the Ferris wheel despite the fear of heights he would never admit to. The hours flew by and soon things started to settle down as people left one by one and the rides and booths where starting to close up. Eli, Adam, Fiona, and Imogen were some of the last remaining students, Fiona insisting that she and Imogen had to be the last to leave seeing as they had organized the event.
The group of four sat a picnic table near the Ferris wheel, watching the dwindling crowd and talking about the events of the evening, when Eli decided it was time for him to leave.
"Well I promised Cece I wouldn't stay out too late, so I'm gonna head home. This was great you guys, I had a lot of fun," Eli praised the girls one final time giving each of them a hug as they said their thanks; "Do any of you need a ride though, I can wait a little bit longer."
"We're good. We're just gonna get a taxi back to my condo."
"We're having a sleep over!" Imogen exclaimed excitedly, throwing her hands in the air and taking Fiona's left along with her. Eli and Adam shared a look before perverted grins grew on both their faces, causing Fiona to reach out and smack Eli's arm and just miss Adam who managed to dodge her swing.
"Not that kind of sleep over. Boys," she huffed in frustration.
Fiona rolled her eyes as everyone just laughed and Eli shrugged his shoulders. He turned to Adam.
"So how about you, Adam? Need a ride home?"
"No. Thanks though. Bianca's supposed to give me a ride. And there she is," he said as Bianca's car pulled up as close as it could and she honked the horn violently; "I'll see you guys later. Call me. Maybe we can all do something over the break."
Adam ran off over to Bianca's Honda and climbed into the back seat beside Owen. It was an odd sight to see considering everything that had happened last year, but the Torres boys seemed to put all that behind them.
"Alright, well I'll see you two ladies later."
They shared their final goodbyes and Eli took off in the direction of his father's car. There were only a few cars left in the parking lot, most of them belonging to teachers, so the walk felt a lot longer than it had when he first arrived. When he reached the Mustang he brought his hands up to his face and blew into them softly before reaching into his pocket to grab the car keys. When he was comfortably in the car he turned the heat on immediately and sat there for a few minutes letting the car and himself get warm.
Eli looked into the rear view mirror getting ready to pull out of his spot just in time to catch a his second glimpse at Clare's auburn curls tonight. After a little contemplation he backed out of the parking spot and slowly drove up behind her. She was looking down at her feet and picking at the cotton candy in her hand when Eli pulled up beside her and rolled down his window. She didn't stop or look up.
"Hey!" Eli yelled out his window.
"Hi, Eli," she replied, recognising his voice immediately but she still didn't stop.
"Do you want a ride home, it's pretty cold out," Eli offered.
"It's fine Eli, I'm just gonna throw this out and then walk home."
She motioned to the cotton candy in her hands. Clare wondered why she even got it in the first place when she knew she wouldn't be able to eat it. At the time it just seemed appropriate, like maybe it would make her fit in and she would no longer feel so alone in the crowd.
"Come on Clare, just let me give you a ride," Eli insisted.
"I'm fine, Eli. I don't need a drive home," she snapped. Eli quickly took his foot off the gas and climbed out of the Mustang, leaving the car running. He jogged up to Clare who rolled her eyes when she felt his hand grab her forearm lightly. He swung around to get in front of her but still didn't let go. Clare avoided his eyes, looking down at the ground but Eli just bent his knees so he could look into them.
"Hey, we're friends right?" Eli asked her in a soft tone. Clare nodded her head in response; "Then let me take you home." Eli tried one more time.
"No, no, I can't do that."
Clare pulled her arm out of his grasp and pushed passed him, fully expecting that to be the end of their conversation. What came next surprised not only her, but Eli also.
"Don't walk away from me again!" Eli demanded out of frustration. Suddenly their past came rushing back to them and for the first time since they had begun their tentative friendship a few months ago, they were forced to face it. Clare turned around slowly, afraid of what, Eli she would find. She got a second shock when instead of the raging Eli she expected, she found him breathing deeply and looking directly into her eyes; "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but I'm trying so hard, Clare."
"Eli..."
"Let me talk, please," Eli pleaded. Clare just nodded her head, allowing Eli to continue; "I want to be your friend, Clare, because I care about you and I like being around you. But being your friend is really hard when you can't trust me. I know that's hard for you after everything I did but I don't even feel like you're trying. Clare you need to tell me right now if you even want me in your life at all. If you don't that's fine, I'll drive you home and that will be the end of it, you won't have to deal with me outside of Dawes class, but if you do please tell me so I don't feel like all my effort is useless."
Clare didn't know how to respond, so she took a few steps to get her thoughts together. Thinking she was walking away again, Eli carefully followed her movements with his eyes. She stopped about five feet in front of him and turned back.
"Why do you have to be so nice to me?"
"Huh?"
"You just basically told me I could say I never want to see you again, but you'd still drive me home."
"I just want to make sure you're safe, it's cold and dark out and...I...um," Eli stuttered out.
"See, that's what I mean. You're making everything so hard."
"Clare you're gonna have to expl..."
"I've been having feelings for you!" Clare yelled, catching the attention of the few people left at the Frostival, Imogen and Fiona included. Surprised by her outburst, Eli's eyes widened in shock and his mouth fell open for a moment before he regained some of his composure and spoke.
"You mean like, romantic feelings?" Eli questioned stupidly because he was incredibly afraid of getting the wrong impression and scaring Clare away again.
"Yes, Eli. Romantic feelings."
Neither Clare nor Eli knew how to respond in the situation. Eli was amazed that Clare would ever feel that way about him again and Clare couldn't believe that she had just told him.
When she had realised a few weeks ago that some of her feelings for Eli were beginning to resurface she panicked and told herself that she wouldn't go down that road again. She tried spending less time with him, only talking or hanging out when it was completely necessary. Clare's tactic's however only seemed to make things worse, as she spent all the hours she had away from Eli, thinking about him.
The early days of their relationship haunted her daily and she had to continuously fight the fantasy in her mind of ever having the old Eli back. There was still a large part of her though that wondered if they could ever get back to that. She had seen the Eli she fell in love with coming back over these past months and no matter how hard she had tried to fight it, she couldn't help but fall again.
"So what does this mean?" Eli asked in a barely audible tone.
"I don't know, Eli. I'm scared."
"Of me?" Eli asked, already knowing that answer but feeling glutton for punishment. In his mind Eli worried if maybe he was becoming a masochist.
Clare knew it was time for her to tell Eli the truth, instead of lying just to reassure him like she had been trying to do since she herself had first realised he was sick.
"Eli, I'm not afraid of you. I'm afraid of that person you became. I love you, the real you. The guy I met last year, the one who was supportive, and sarcastic. The guy I could talk to for hours without ever running out of things to say. That's a guy that I've seen these past months we've spent as friends. And I realised that we didn't break up because our feelings for each other faded, we broke up because you were in a bad place and I wasn't ready to handle it."
"You shouldn't have had to, but Clare I'm better now. I got help. We could do this again, try again," Eli spoke passionately.
"You have no idea how badly I want to believe you, how badly I wish we could try again. But I'm so scared because I don't think I can lose you again, not the same way I did before. I'm petrified I'll regret it," Clare whispered as she lightly shook her head.
"Clare, look at me please."
When she didn't look up from the ground, Eli took it upon himself. Erasing the few steps that separated them, Eli took her vacant hand in his left and lifted her chin with his right.
"I can't promise you that things will be perfect, and I can't promise you that we won't fight, or I won't have bad moments or even days. I definitely can't promise you that we'll never break up again. And I most certainly can't look you in the eyes and tell you that you won't regret it. What I can tell you, Clare is that someday you'll look back at life and you'll realise that you regret the things you didn't do, a lot more than you regret the things you did."
All was quiet when Eli stopped talking. The remaining lights from the Frostival faded out and the left over people seemed to disappear, leaving Eli and Clare as the only two remaining things. The cotton candy in Clare's hand fell forgotten to the ground before her arms wrapped around Eli's neck, pulling him down into the most passionate kiss they'd ever shared. Eli's own arms found their way around her waist and pulled her in closer to his body. Both of them relished in the warmth that the other provided. The kiss deepened quickly, becoming desperate as the two tried to make up for lost time.
They pulled apart when whoops and hollers brought them crashing back into the real world. Both their heads moved to face the direction the sounds were coming from, where they found Fiona and Imogen smiling brightly and clapping.
"Quite the show!" Fiona yelled.
A blush covered Clare's cheeks as she swiftly shot her head back around. Eli chuckled lightly and rested his forehead against hers.
"How about that ride home?"