Pain, red, satisfaction. The things I feel and see every single day.
Well, except for hurt, depression, and a fist raised in the air.
The first group of words, however, are things I do to myself. They help with taking my mind off of the things in reality, because every time I bring the razor down to my arm, the only things I feel and see are pain, red, and satisfaction.
Over and over again.
"Annabeth! You better be down here in a hot second before I slap your ass!" I hear mother yell, cutting into my thoughts, just like how I cut into my skin. I scramble to put the blade in my desk drawer, under some post-its, and run downstairs.
"I told you, no running." Mother says, in a voice that has scared me for years. It still scares me a bit, but I'm not scared of her. Just what she does to me is the real fear.
I duck my head, hoping she's in a good mood. "Sorry Mother. I won't do it again."
"I'll slap you silly if you do." promises Mother, and I know she always keeps them. "Where's breakfast? I expect it on the table in twenty minutes."
"Yes Mother." I find some pans, and turn on the stove with with two on the top. As I start scrambling eggs and putting the bacon on a plate, the twins run downstairs. As usual, Mother doesn't say anything.
When Mother and the twins, Bobby and Matthew, first moved in, they were nice and all. The twins were only eight. The second Father got a job that worked him out from sunrise in the morning to sunset in the evening, Mother started abusing me verbally and physically. The twins, only eight at the time, starting following Mother's footsteps, and started treating me like shit.
You get used to it after a while.
"Hurry up. Never met a person as slow as you." Matthew complains.
Today, I am brave enough to mutter, "Good morning to you too, brat." It last for only a second though, as Mother hits me in the head, hard enough so I bump into the corner of the kitchen cabinet above me.
"Watch your mouth."
"Yes Mother."
After five minutes, I stand in the corner of the kitchen room, silent, as Mother and the twins gobble up their meal. Mother doesn't starve me, but she doesn't let me eat at the same time as the twins and her do. Instead, she makes me wake up at six in the morning, so they don't have to look at a disgusting creature while they ate.
Her words, not mine.
I never had much self-esteem anyways though, so it wouldn't really matter.
"You better start running to school, since a nerd like you wouldn't want to be late for class." Bobby smirks. Pretty lame insult, but he knows how much I hate being labeled a "nerd".
Mother never drives me to school, saying I have to exercise my fat ass. I have a healthy body, fit for running, but I'm on the skinnier side.
"Do you need anything else, Mother?"
"No."
Not even a goodbye, though I never expected it in the first place.
But I guess I wouldn't have expected this whole entire situation either.