Disclaimers:

This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.

You should feel bad for reading this version.

Super Mario and the

Thousand Year Drama!

(Stupidly Fast Version)

(Easy Mode)

Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome

Cough cough cough... Sorry. Bit of a cold... Long long ago in a far away universe different from our own, there was a town. Everything was peaceful... until 1 day, tragedy struck when an oil spill happened... a big one! Yes! Believe it or not, they had that kind of advanced system back then. Basically, it caused some bad global warming that created a massive category 17 hurricane if that was even possible. This cataclysm became incredibly controversial and touchy as many religions and cults of this world claimed this as their own prophecy but it wasn't and fuck them.

The town sank, but not low enough to be fucking the shit out of the hot mermaids of Atlantis. There was a rumor of there being a majical, legendary treasure buried along with the former town, possibly an expired welfare check.

[Ghettoport Central]

Here we have Princess Peach (age 34) in the town previously spoken of. She appeared to be on some sort of trip for who knows what reason.

Peach: Finally! I have some time away from Toadsworth! That butler is always staring at my ass! I'm wearing a poofy long skirt! It's not like it shows any kind of bulge or details or anything! And what kind of vacation is this anyway? Since I came here, I only been able to leave my room twice cause he set up an electric fence and I have to wear a collar keeping me from leaving! At least I was able to trick him by telling him that the collar was killing me so he took it off and I just ran out! Yeah! I told him "Fuck you!" and "Eat my pussy bitch!" At least now I can go see some real shit!

A mysterious merchant began to alert the Princess in a semi hostile tone.

Merchant (age?): Hey bitch! BITCH!

Merchant: You wanna buy something good? I plenty of knickknacks and doodads!

Peach: Alright alright sheesh!

Peach then opened the box thus flashing out a bright beam of light resulting in Peach having mild seizure, but it's okay! She was fine as the seizure only lasted for about 15 seconds! but yeah. So that was the opening and you probably could have skipped it and enjoyed the game just the same, NOW LETS GET TO THE REAL STORY ALREADY!

Luigi opened the door having the biggest 5 O'clock shadow you could ever imagine. He finds a package on his doorstep. He then attempted to wake up Mario in the crudest way he could think of. He rubbed his sweaty, greasy, Italian genitals that have been insides 3 or 4 hookers all over Mario's face. Mario woke up and instinctually punched him in the fucking dick which then hit his balls so hard that they flew between his ass cheeks and got stuck between them, it fucking hurt.

Luigi showed Mario the letter.

"Hello ther Mario! I am now on my menstral vacashon and Im travling around the Mushrum Kingdum. And chek this out! Some old dum m robed wumin sold mii this map...a MAJICAL map! That could find teasure. I got it in this shady part of the Kingdom called Getoport. But since Im 2 week to find the tregure myself...Maybii u can do it 4 me! Prity Pleez? Wii can use the tresure 2 buy an infinat amount of drugs for evry1! Wii get 2 save r ecodomy and then trick the black naborhoods into doing the deadly ones like Crack Heroin Meth and even Chompadil!1 The map is on the bakj behind this paper. If it isisnt abvius alredy, bring the map with you when you come Meat mii at GettoPort or I will personally have U X-icuted for being stupid tee hee. Plox cum soon, k? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"

Mario: LETS-A GO!

Mario and Luigi immediately set sail on a boat to a new adventure and a new destination, one which they've never seen before.

"SUPER MARIO and THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA! (c)

Luigi: That was the longest boat ride I'v-

A sharp and painful smell attacks Mario's nose as he cuts Luigi off

Mario: You smell like you actually did eat shit! Go take a fucking shower!

Mario charges at Luigi, pushing him into the water violently

Luigi was fucking drowning but soon got his ass bitten by a Nibbles. It bit him so hard, that he flew away somewhere no 1 gives a fuck about right now.

Mario began eavesdropping on a loud possible pre-rape argument.

Goombella (age 21): I'm not doing that! Thats disgusting!

Robotnik (Age 35): Silence you foolish shrewd! I know this is tough for you, but I want you to take off all of your clothes and put on only this diaper! All of Deviantart will love it and fap their micopenises off to the sight of your feet and hot diapered ASSSSS.

Goombella: That's fucking disgusting, you're sick!

Robotnik: K im bored now. X-Nauts!

Robotnik: Bring her to my SEX DUNGON where I will partake in countless deviant act on this firecrotch, like RAPE and MORE RAPE!

Goombella: HEY! RANDOM STRANGER! Get this pervy sub-cretin far away from me! I'm just really frightened, please!

Mario: Whoa whoa whoa! Don't get me involved! I just got here!

Robotnik: Oh so your trying to foil my plan eh? Well sir, this is MY PRAY! You get your own!

Mario: That's fine, I was just leaving.

Robotnik: Are you trying to get sarcastic with me! Sarcasm is a huge trigger of mine!

Robotnik: I spent 5 years in therapy trying to deal with sarcasm!

Robotnik began having an adult like hissy fit which resulted in him swinging a fist at Mario and missing.

Mario: Okay that's it! Nobody makes me flaccid and gets away with it! ITS ON!

[BATTLE MODE]

Goombella: Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!

Mario: Bitch, I know how to jump! I'm fucking Mario! And how did you know I have a hammer!?

Robotnik impatiently punched Mario

Mario: Ouch shit! Okay stop distracting me! I gotta put my foot up this guy's ass AND RAPE HIM WITH IT!

Mario uses hammer.

Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS!

Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack.

Mario deflects by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole.

Robotnik rolled on his back and inexplicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.

[END OF BATTLE]

Goombella: Holy fuck that was terrifying... Thank you!.

Mario: Yeah its whatevs... It was kind of a boner killer though...wish you actually did shit in the fight.

Toadsworth came by out of nowhere.

Mario: Toadsworth!? What are you doing here!? Shouldn't you be guarding the castle?

Toadsworth: Well... we do in fact keep the dark folk away from our vicinity known as the capital, so its all dandy.

Mario: I'm assuming you traveled here with Peach?

Toadsworth: Well... we lost her.

Mario facepalms in frustration for 10 awkwardly silent minutes.

Toadsworth: … Wait! Mario! I have an Idea! You're Super Mario! You can do it! You always find a way to save the day! Haha! I knew you'd come here for a reason.

Toadsworth walks away.

Mario and Goombella walk into a bar... and they started talking about relevant shit pertaining to the story that hopefully won't drag on too long.

Goombella: So wait... What are you doing here exactly?

Mario: Well Peach made me meet her here or she'd have my ass executed and not sex her. She mailed me this treasure map that i've been whipping my nose with.

Mario took another intense shot of rum.

Goombella: A map? Lemme see! Lemme see!

Mario set the map down on the bar table

Goombella: Wait... This actually looks like something I've been studying this summer with my college professor.

Mario: None of this is making sense. I mean, this isn't like some fucking DiVinci code or nothing.

Goombella: Well. Think about. She sends you a map, then goes missing, this is textbook prologue formula. Now come on! No time to waste.

Goombella has joined Mario's party. Wait... It is even really a "party" yet?

Mario and Goombella entered the professor's house.

Goombella: Professor, it's me. I was in your archeology class last year.

Frankly: Oy Vey! Goombella! Thats right!

Frankly: Wait who's that behind you? Isn't he 1 of our janitors? Are you sleeping with a janitor!?

Goombella: Yeah. Go sure... Anyway, we were hoping you'd tell Mario about that legend about the treasure underneath GhettoPort.

Frankly: K. PAY ATTENTION! Collect 7 Dedly Stars to open the Thousand Year Dorr under Ghettoport.

Goombella: Professor! You'll never guess this. Mario over there has the map!

Mario hands the map to Frankly.

Frankly: Columbus' Carcass! this seems to be the real deal! The Majical Map! You sir, I now actually have some slight respect for you now. You may have even just saved my career. Jumping Jehova! In that case, bring the map! we must bring it to the ancient door right away!

As last, Mario and friends finally made it to the cathedral sized room containing the ancient door facing them.

Frankly: Look you 2! There it is! The Ancient Door for legends! Its real! Haza!

Frankly: Mario! Stand on that thing and raise up the map!

Mario: Alright then. Anything to get me out of this shit.

Mario got on the pedestal and raised the map as Frankly ordered. The map started glowing and hovering a few feet above him. A giant shrine surrounding the platform also started to shine around him.

The map then stopped glowing and dismissed suspension as the ritualistic process concluded thus landing in Mario's hands.

Goombella: Whoa! That was crazy! What did the map just do there!?

Mario and friends returned back to Frankly's house to analyse the map.

Frankly: It appears that the map has an identical function of that to a radar! It seems that you will have to head to the Petal Meadows east from here.

Goombella: Petal Meadows...?

Mario: Of course. The first level is always a fucking grass level. How overwhelming...

Goombella: But wait. How do we get there exactly?

Frankly: Well simple. You walk there!

Mario and Goombella silently leave while the door slams behind them.

Goombella: *Sigh* That was so dumb. So if we do find this warp pipe, where do you think it' ll be?

Mario: Up my ass. I dont know.

Soon after that pointless drama, they realized it would have just been smarter to go back through the same warp pipe from earlier and find some more results that way. Hopefully, we don't run into anymore rapey rhyming goombas like last time.

Mario and Goombella later found a room with a brown warp pipe.

- To be continued

Credits:

Creator: IAMMASTER

Co Editor: Nipplord