N/A: Hey, everyone! This one was wrote for the prompt: The way you say 'I love you', #10: Not said to me. And since I already had the idea to do this one, I thought the moment for it had come. Now, you should know this is just a small part of a bigger and more elaborated idea I'm still working on. More on that at the end of the fanfic. Enjoy!
"She doesn't do anything in halves
So when she says she loves you
Believe me she does with everything in her"
— sweetersandlazydays
She doesn't do anything in halves
Regardless the uncomfortable stares of everyone but the now engaged couple, Steven Hyde didn't move from his sit at the Forman's table. Not even when everyone forgot he was there, and the cheers and claps started; his ex-girlfriend and her now fiancée, this asshole named Milo, smiled to the crowed room. Jackie didn't even gave a look on his direction, not even once. She sat down with Milo, and eat the special meal Mrs. Forman had prepared for her and the few people she had asked the owners of the house to invite for her birthday celebration. All their friends and their families were there, Kelso and his very pregnant for the second time wife, his daughter and Fez with his now again girlfriend, Caroline. Forman and Donna had looked for a second or two at him, he just lowered his eyes to the food and ignored the happy aura of everyone around him, because this was something that would had happened eventually and the time had come at the end. Jackie was free of his ghost, had been free of it since the moment Donna, that big red cupid, had introduced her to this Milo guy. It ws Jackie's 22th birthday, and her biggest dream had come true: she was getting married.
It had been wild years. From his drunk year and a half, from 1979 to 1980 and a few months, to his now years of being sober, from 1981 to the current day. It was a promise he had made to not only his biological father, but Forman and then Mrs. Forman herself. Too many people he respected, man, he couldn't just pass from that. Then suddenly, this empty and cold feeling scratching at his stomach appeared, he knew it so well, the addiction that had nested on his body, product of his own stupidity. Hyde wasn't ending like his parents, no, he was making sure of that. Not even with this white feeling on his body at the moment, he was not breaking that promise, no matter how bad he was eying that damn beer Milo was down with in four gulps.
Yeah, that beer. Jackie's fingers were brushing its tip, they were sharing the bottle. They used to do that when they were together; she hadn't liked to drink from the bottle at first, but he had took as his job to teach her be less classy. Fez once told him, half joking and half serious, that what he did was prepare her for the real deal. The real deal was this man, this fucking Rolling Stone Magazine editor, owner of actions from what had been WB's competition back when Grooves was this big empire. This rich, good looking, newyorker version of Hyde. That's what his friend called Milo at Jackie's back anyway, 'newyorker Hyde'. They weren't alike, not at all. But he and Jackie shared a beer and he knew how to control his drinks, how to smile down at his fiancé and make her happy by sending her a cheesy kiss mid air. Ridiculous.
Milo was, after all, Jackie's fiancé and Hyde had to stand up, leave the room and nobody noticed. He was being ridiculous, he and Jackie had been nothing for three years by now, and yet– Yet he was empty, left behind, alone, fighting an addiction he promised his nine years old self he would never had. She had left Wisconsin passed half the year, back in 1980, to study at Madison with Donna and Forman. Then, she met Milo. And to no one's but his surprise, she had transfered to New York the moment he asked her to go with him after living a few months on a long-distance relationship. A fucking long-distance relationship, they could had have that when Chicago– No. Hyde stopped himself. No. Chicago was a blur by now, something he did talk with Jackie once he was sober and she has been living for a year with Milo. He didn't need to think of that now.
She had smiled back then, took his hand, and said, 'Thank you, Hyde' with the sweetest spark of genuine happiness on her eyes. Kelso and his lady had said it earlier today, this guy had brought back Jackie's hopes and dreams, and she was happy. Completely and genuinely happy. Something he had failed doing when they were together. This was… so different. He didn't knew what to do with it. So his fingers digged into Mrs. Forman's kitchen table as he breath deep, in and out, trying to remain zen, to not let out that part of him that had been holding certain kind of hope; that as long as Jackie's golden retriever of a boyfriend didn't propose and Jackie said yes, maybe one day they would find their way to each other again. But now, she was marrying someone else.
"Hey," her voice echoed the kitchen and Hyde looked up. She had appeared like summoned by his whiny ass, because, of course, she was the one they would send to the kitchen for more beer. He swallowed hard, nodding his greeting to her, "are you okay?"
The thing with Jackie was, in spite his horrible way of dismiss her when they had just broke up, she still cared about him. Deeply. That was the main reason he kept hoping but not doing anything, like always. During his last hangover, he had intestinal bleeding and ended in the hospital, were doctors not only found alcohol on his blood and piss test, but fucking heroin and it costed him everyone's pity look and his place at the Forman's. He could have gone to WB, his father would had helped him, even with the disappointed look on his face and the talk the man gave him once the smoke of the event was gone. Kitty didn't talk to him for days, while Red had truly yelled at him, and he had yelled back. His relationship with the man wasn't the same after that. But Jackie– God, Jackie. She had been the one to tell him to stay at hers and Fez's while he found himself a place, so he won't have to live travelling with WB or with his sister in Kenosha, leave Point Place.
"Yeah, just a little tired." He answered, leaving it clear he wasn't up for a chat. She only nodded, and returned to her search for the drinks.
But there was something he would never admit to anyone and he still wondered why Jackie or Fez didn't say anything, not now and not back then: this bitchy angel had be the reason why he stopped consuming drugs. Alcohol, that was WB's, Forman's and Mrs. Forman's doing, but the heroin? That was her. It wasn't something he did much, he had just started experimenting with stuff when the intestinal bleeding happened. But with only one reason, he had stopped. 'It hurt me seeing you like this, please stop', she had said, her pretty face a sad poem, and he sat back on her couch that had become his bed, looking at her mismatched eyes, amazed by her love. Why would she love him that much after all he had done to her?
"You know…" He started, she looked up from the fridge at him, "congratulations, to you and Milo. He did quite the show, uh?"
"Yeah", she admited with an almost shy smile. "I… wasn't expecting him to do it in front of everyone."
"Jackie, everyone knows you love to be in the spotlight." He couldn't help but smirk, she laughed just a little. "He did good."
"Yeah, Milo…" She looked at some lost point in front of her, he knew the smile on her face. That smile that makes you feel the center of her universe. "Milo is always so good with me."
Back then, she had took care of him while he tried to stay sober. She nursed him through his hangovers when he failed at first, got him gum and chips to chew for the anxiety caused by the desintoxication of his body, stayed up at night when he felt ill. Living with her during those months had been all the confirmation he needed to know there was still something between them. Meanwhile, Donna had ploted something else with her skinny boyfriend. They had met Milo, who had gave them a big conference at uni, who was interested in Donna's writing, and who was an editor from Rolling Stone. He had been perfect for Jackie, romantic and cute, desperate for love and commintment, and Donna knew it. And because he had done nothing to let her know his real feelings, wanting to be over with this soul and health salvation project before doing a move on her, the charming newyorker had found his way into Jackie's heart easily. A fucking nightmare. Timing will always be his worst enemy.
The smile remained there, she looked up at him and sighed. "Steven–"
"Baby?" Milo was in the room, and Hyde's eyes followed his voice to the older man. "Hey, Hyde."
"Harrington," he greeted him with a small nod, "congratulations."
"Thanks, man. It's… really nice to hear it from you." Fuck this guy. He was too much of a good guy, alright. "You need help there, m'lady?" Milo offered a hand to his fiancé and Jackie nodded, giving him the four beers. "You know…" he started with that sickening voice he always used when he wanted to make Jackie smile or give him a kiss, "There was something I didn't tell you back there…"
God, Hyde hated him all the same anyway. He looked down, unable to just fly away from there. If he did, they will knew it was affecting him, and staying was just suicide. His legs stayed put, and he swallowed the bitterness on his tongue. Jackie smiled at her fiancé and asked for it, that curve on her lips was a big fat lie, man. He knew it, that was her lips way to give her away when she was lying. The first time he saw it was after their first kiss, then when she tried to deny her mother had abandoned her, every damn time she didn't want to let her feelings out, be truly known by the people around her, she smiled that way. Hyde wondered for a second if Harrington didn't knew this, or if he was just ignoring it. Milo smiled back and his voice sounded like a distant murmur.
"I love you."
Jackie giggled, Hyde looked up almost by instinct, he was always drawn to her laugh. She was caressing Milo's chin with her tiny fingers of both hands, looking into his eyes until he closed them. "I love" and her eyes went to Hyde's face in that second, his back straightened in his spot, "you." She looked back at her fiancé and kissed his lips with just a smooch. Then, her mismatched eyes went back to Hyde's face, "I will always love you, somehow…"
It was Milo's turn to giggle, she looked at him before he could see her staring at Hyde. "We should get these out or Red will kick my ass.", he said.
"True." She said, nodding with her eyebrows up.
He walked off, happily back to the dinner room and Hyde stood there, looking at Jackie with too many questions in the tip of his tongue. The soft way she has talked, the almost sensual, hypnotizing, tone she had used to say those words, how she had looked at him, everything– It was just– So not what he was expecting her to say when she had called his name before Milo came in. But her eyes had that glow of nostalgia when she looked at him again, giving him a tiny smile before walking back into her fiancé's arms outside the kitchen. It meant nothing he didn't knew already, but it made him feel thin and zen again. Hyde closed his eyes, savouring her words, knowing it was the last time he would heard them.
Yes, he thought. In a way, he will always love her too. Even if she wasn't for him.
N/A: Don't get Jackie wrong. She isn't truly lying to her fiancé, she does loves Milo and she wants to marry him, but like the awesome MistyMountainHop told me once: loving Hyde is part of Jackie' character, and I do believe these two will always love each other, some way or another. And also, this piece is part of a bigger thing I'm writing. Like a little prequel. My dear NannyGirl already knows about it and has been encouraging me to keep writing, and I've been talking a little about it on my blog back in tumblr for a week by now. 'Heart like yours' will be out soon, once I finish the fic (because I don't want to leave it without conclusion, so first I will finish it).