"AND THAT'S WHY YA DUMB, LILY-LIVERED SONS OF GUNS BETTER SHOVE OFF, AND NEVER COME BACK! YA HERE ME? NE-!" I screamed at the enemy a final time, just as my entire world around me seemed to collapse in on itself and become swirled in a torrent of darkness. The picture in my fiery head of the battle of Deadhand's Fall disappeared in an instant as I felt myself impact against something solid. The fleeing enemy soldiers. The no-good trespassers trying to hit me with their insignificant weapons. Skaarl. All of it vanished in that single moment, and my eyes opened to the sight of the ceiling.

I had fallen out of bed. Mumbling some curses to myself, I stood up off of the floorboards and looked to the window. Morning sunlight showed through it and that was enough to tell me that it was time to get up. Licking my tongue through my sharpened teeth and running it across my lips, I let my tired mind come awake and think of what should be done next.

With nothing better to do, I set out to to change from my night clothes. After getting dressed in my war attire, the last thing I put on was my sturdy helmet. Knocking a fist against it, I heard a sound plunk that I couldn't help but grin at. I went to collect the last thing I needed for the day, while I reminisced on my life so far.

Living out in the northern plains was a simple endeavor. For me, anyhow. Find food here, kill a trespasser there, feed Skaarl said trespasser here... it was a pretty good life. With challenges that would make unseasoned greenhorns piss their britches with fear that I got to face on a daily basis, there wasn't much to be bored by. It was around this moment I came across my pocket pistol sitting over my aged, cracked, mahogany desk.

I had many a good time with this trusty weapon. Like that one time a I ran into an enormous, rabid dire wolf. Damn thing scared my lizard Skaarl, who threw me from my saddle and ran for the hills like the cowardly steed she was. After giving that disease-addled creature the rundown of who was boss with my own two bare hands, I finished it with a shot to the temple. Put up a hell of a fight, but made a good meal. Skaarl certainly seemed to think so, once he came back.

Shoving the thing into its holster by my side, I made my way to the front door and opened it with a squeak of its hinges. The first shape to greet my good eye was Skaarl, who was lying on her back on the dirt ground with one leg kicking in the air as she dreamed whatever lizards dream of. Probably food, or something.

"Hey there, Skaarl," I greeted, gaining her attention. My loyal steed woke up instantly, jumped to her feet and turned to me; the lizard's face showing her typical dumb, wide-eyed expression and frill raising around her neck. Making a purring noise, Skaarl's head tilted curiously.

"Waghfla?"

I chuckled. "Nah, not yet, but you'll eat soon. We gotta go out and find us s'more land first. Gotta make sure none of them flea-bitten, no good, trespassin' sneaky-sneaks is attemptin' to take it from us."

She chattered her teeth together as I yoinked my axe out of the dry, nearby ground I had planted it in the day previously and approached her, placing my free hand on the horn of the saddle resting on her back. Hopping on, I made sure my pistol was set and canteen was filled a final time before Skaarl voiced her disagreement.

"Freeglarg."

"Shut yer hole, ya dumb lizard," I mumbled. Hitting his rump a single time with the tip of my trusty weapon, the lizard began bounding forward on her two long, muscular legs, leaving my house behind and entering the mostly-barren, tall grass-covered terrain in front of it. The shapes of the snow-tipped Ironspike Mountains sat far away in the distance, many, many miles away. It always felt good to look over what was rightfully mine from time to time.

"This way!" I said to her, pointing to where I wanted to go. Without an argument to make, Skaarl began taking us northward with a spring in her step and a twinkle in her wide eyes.

Dag nabbit, I love this lizard.

Some time later on our trek through the plains, Skaarl and I were still going strong. Most things looked nothing out of the ordinary, and we didn't come across anything of great importance so far. Any critters that saw us stroll by ran off or hid in their holes except for the birds, which just looked down on us with what I'm willing to reckon was jealous disdain. The sun rose high in the sky, and we continued onward. As we reached the top of a large hill and looked down it, something big finally came into my view, causing me to frown and growl.

It appeared to be an encampment of sorts, lying at the base of the hill. There were three large tents of a tan-brown color, much like the rock scattered at random in these plains. Without a second thought, I jumped from Skaarl's back and ducked behind a large nearby boulder, followed by Skaarl herself.

"Ya know who they is, Skaarl?" I whispered, taking out the hollow gourd filled with mushroom juice from the back of my belt. "I got no earthly idea. I do know they ain't s'posed to be here, since this is my land and all, but who they are is another question entirely."

"Skralg!" she chirped, before her attention was stolen away by a big fat bogfly that began buzzing around her head, to which she promptly snapped up. I shifted her a low-browed, sideways glance and raised the brow over my good eye.

"Whattaya mean you think they's just a bunch of friendly people lookin' fer something? Nobody here's friendly! Not even them fuzzy ground squirrels we always see poppin' out of 'em holes in the ground! Come on, Skaarl. Even you know that."

He merely gave me back an innocent look and let his tongue fall out of his mouth as he watched me take a quick chug of my juice, before popping the cork back over it and hooking it back up to my side. "Gralkwarg! Kugo?"

Hearing her vividly through my furry ears, I couldn't help but chuckle. "Yeah, yeah you're probably right... sorry buddy." The two of us just continued to observe what went on down below. As I watched the few figures set up their cozy, stupid little camp, I tried my darndest to figure who they was. Now, I've seen Noxians - hell, I'm a Noxian - and these were most definitely, one-hundred percent not Noxians. They looked so... shiny, fancy and full of happiness as they went around and fixed parts of their camp. They practically reeked of smugness! Must be them thrice-damned, fancy-pantsed city folk from Demacia. Or Ionia. Or Piltover. Never did like any of them.

"Say, Skaarl. You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" I asked her next. She turned to me as I gave off a large, wicked smile. "Let's go and... er... 'give them our foremost greetings'. It's about time I got ya some lunch, eh?"

With that, I hopped onto my steed with a quick leap. As I got her to move out of the cover with an extra hard crack on the behind with the butt of my axe, screeching in excitement, Skaarl jumped into the air and curled into a ball. As she began to bounce forward and picked up speed to rival a bounding boxordoth, I balanced myself over her rolling form by continuously hopping. I stretched the axe in one of my hands back and pointed a finger forward with the other in as menacing of a manner as I could convey, letting loose a battle cry of my own.

"CHAAAAAAAARGE!" I screamed so loudly that the wind flying around me began to distort, the air leaving my lungs fully but coming back the next time I took in a deep, hate-filled breath. "TAKE NO PRISONEEEERS!"