Aftershock
"Who you are is not where you've been. You're still an innocent."
It was all an act. It always had been. Dating back to before he even knew he was a demigod, Percy was always a master at blocking out his feelings. He knew how to drop shovel after shovel of thick soil into the hole his emotions were buried in. He'd done it in first grade when bullies picked on him for struggling to read and he'd done it during the Battle of Manhattan, when he watched his friends die one by one. Friends that he could've saved if he'd really tried. Good people, who were dead because of him.
The voices always came at night, "Your fault! Your fault!"
Everyone would tell Percy that it wasn't his fault. That there was nothing he could've done. But he wouldn't believe them. Yet still, he'd reply with a smile and a "thank you", knowing that it would be better for them to think he had brushed his failures off when actually, they clung to him like sand on a wet bathing suit. Daytime Percy was all grins and jokes, with no mentions of the wretched pit and wars he had faced. Nighttime Percy was bitter and heavyhearted.
Beckendorf, Silena, Lee, Bianca. The names haunted him when the lights went out. Percy swore that he made peace with his ghosts, when really the lives he couldn't save mocked him every night. And Bob, Percy had left him with Small Bob to fend for themselves in Tartarus. He should've found a way to save them. It should've been him holding down that damn button for twelve minutes, not the titan he'd forgotten about for years and then left to mop floors after wiping his memory. And Calypso. He never checked in on her to make sure the gods fulfilled their promise. Percy should've figured out a way to rescue her. The person who healed him after he blew up a volcano and nearly killed himself. He shouldn't have left her like he did.
Should've, would've, could've.
The memories of Tartarus were the worst. How Annabeth had looked so close to death covered in the death mist, how the fire from the Phlegethon burned his throat, and how the arai's curses pummel him and brought him to his knees. All the monsters he sent back to the pit, he never thought about how they felt. Sure, they were monsters but so were Tyson and Mrs. O'Leary. All the pain he'd caused, all the lives he took, and he was still worshipped by his friends and campmates. It wasn't fair. He deserved to be hated. He deserved to taste the sour poison on his tongue like Phineas and be speared like Geryon. He wanted to choke on poison like Akhlys and pay for the torture.
Torture. The most inhumane action that could ever be performed. Percy hated himself. As he stared glassy-eyed at the blank ceiling of his bedroom, he cursed himself in every way possible. The only person he could relate to and find comfort in about his troubles was Annabeth. But she was back at camp, helping Jason build a new cabin for the weekend. Percy didn't feel comfortable talking to his parents. They'd only worry. He didn't want to scare them with his horrifying adventures, either. Percy blinked and turned his head to look at the time. Three o'clock. In the morning. In for to five hours, he would have to slap a smile on and muster up some cheesy jokes in hopes to convince everyone, and maybe even himself, that he really was okay.
Annabeth and Percy had serious conversations about the pit. He vividly remembered when she told him about what she heard from the River Acheron. How the voices screamed at her that it was her fault that Luke died and that his blood was on her hands. Percy felt his stomach reel. He was the one who handed Luke the knife.
Percy's mind raced and raced. Memories pinched and prodded him, never letting him rest. When his body finally was able to relax, his mind wasn't. Percy didn't remember what the nightmare was about. He only remembered what happened when he woke up.
"Percy?" his mom knocked loudly on his bedroom door, "Percy, is something wrong?"
Percy was sitting up straight as a rod in his bed. His shirt was soaked with sweat and his throat felt scratchy and parched.
"Um, no." Percy lied, "I'm alright."
Sally hesitated, her voice was muffled through the door, "Percy, I heard you screaming. Did you have a nightmare?"
"I said I was fine, mom." Percy grew impatient. He wanted to be alone when his throat started to close and his eyes burned. He needed to focus on his cheeks staying dry.
With concern for her son, Sally opened the door anyway. Percy was sitting with his hands pressed into his lap and his shoulders hunched.
"Mom," Percy complained but his voice cracked, "I'm good."
Sally crossed her arms and sighed. She quietly shuffled over to Percy's bed and sat across from him. Pushing his disheveled hair out of his eyes, she caressed his face. "Tell me the truth, Perseus."
Perseus. She only busted out his full name when she was serious. Percy hated lying to his mom. Doing it every day was becoming exhausting. He tried to rub some sleep out of his eyes and ended up wiping away forming tears. Percy detested crying. He had to be strong, be a man, be a hero.
"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely, "I'm sorry."
"Honey, it's okay to cry," Sally rested her palm on his knee, "You've been through a lot."
But he wasn't just sorry for crying. He was sorry for everything. For lying to her, for never telling her the complete truth, for being away from home for almost a year, and for letting the Romans give him that dumb tattoo he knew she hated. He was sorry for the friends he abandoned and didn't find a way to save and he was sorry for all the horrible things he'd ever done.
"I'm supposed to be a hero," Percy sniffed. Sally shifted so she could wrap her arms around him. Percy prayed that Paul had the sense to stay in his room.
"And you are, Percy," Sally soothingly rubbed his shoulder, "What makes you think that you're not?"
Percy didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to bring up the horrors of hell he'd faced in front of anyone. Especially in front of his mom.
"I've done bad things," was all he offered, "Bad, bad, things."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Sally suggested lightly, oblivious. She stroked his hair softly.
Percy shook his head and tried to take deep breaths, but his breathing was shaky. Tears ran down his face at an alarming rate and Percy couldn't recall the last time he'd cried so hard. He tried to wipe them away quickly, but it was no use.
Sally shushed him like he was a child, and in a way, he was. "You're okay, now. You're safe here." Several minutes passed and Percy tried to stop crying with no success. Sally reached over to Percy's nightstand and plopped a box of tissues in his lap. "Do you want me to call Annabeth?" she suggested.
"No!" Percy said a little to loudly, "Sorry, I just - she doesn't need to hear about this."
"She's your girlfriend," Sally put in.
"Exactly," Percy countered.
A couple of more minutes passed and Percy's sobbing slowed to shaky breaths.
"Mom?" he eventually said. His mother made a sound to indicate that she was listening, "There are a lot of things that I haven't told you."
Sally straightened up and squeezed his arm. Percy continued, "A lot of things about... about Tartarus. And they're scary things. Which you probably don't want to hear about. And I completely understand if you don't."
Percy didn't know what he expected to happen. "Sweetie, I'm here to listen if you need me to. What's bothering you?"
Percy glanced around the room like he was going to be jumped at any moment. Then, he started talking. Filling the room with the words that were trapped inside his head for so long. Things he'd barely even let his mind wander about. He told his mom about the pit and about every terrifying moment he'd protected her from.
"This isn't fair!" he ended up yelling as he jumped up from the bed, "I'm so sick of being a demigod, having to go on stupid quests all the time, dealing with all these asshole gods, and watching my friends die all the fucking time! I'm so done with all of this shit!"
Sally didn't scold him for cursing. She just listened and let him pace around his room in a rage. "I'm supposed to be worried about getting into college and fucking my girlfriend and getting my driver's license like a normal person. I just want to go to college and graduate and get married and start a family. That shouldn't be too much to ask! I want a stupid tiny little house with a minivan and a dog."
Sally didn't flinch. Percy ran his hands through his hair and balled his fists. "I tortured that goddess. It doesn't matter if she was the goddess of Misery, it still makes me a terrible person who deserves a worse fate than her. And Calypso, I promised her that I wouldn't leave her stranded and then left her on the gods damn island. And I told Nico that I'd watch over his sister and look at how that turned out. Everything I do bites me in the ass in one way or another. It's all my fault, I - I couldn't save them."
In his last sentence, his anger faded and his voice broke. "I hate crying."
"I know, baby, I know," Sally hummed, "We all do, but sometimes it's better than bottling everything up. Don't you feel just a little bit better?"
Percy lifted his shoulders, "I guess," he mumbled.
Sally rose and guided him so he was sitting on his bed. "I'm going to get you a glass of water, okay?"
Percy nodded, his eyes stung each time he blinked and his face was hot. What was he doing? A seventeen year old Savior of Olympus, who'd saved the world more times than he could count, was crying like a baby in front of his mother. Sally came back and handed him a clinking glass of water as she sat down beside him.
"This is embarrassing," Percy noted, calm from his outburst. The glass was a relieving cool, "I shouldn't have said all that stuff. I probably scared you, too. The only other person I've told about some of this stuff other than Annabeth is Jason."
"Don't worry about me, worry about yourself," Sally tucked his hair behind his ear, "You spend so much time dwelling on what you could've done and who you could've saved when it's all in the past. Not everything is your fault, and I know it's hard to believe, but you have to trust me. You're a good kid, Percy. Just watch your language."
"Oh, gods," Percy buried his face in his hands, "Sorry about that. I was pretty in the moment."
"I'll give you a pass," Sally said, "But I'll probably tease you about that whole 'fucking your girlfriend' thing."
"Mom," Percy whined. He couldn't even attempt to hide his blush.
"Which I hope you're not," Sally pointed her finger at him.
"Mom!" Percy snapped.
"Because then we'd have to have a very serious talk. See? I am a good mother."
Seconds ticked away in awkward silence. Sally spoke, "You're not, are you?"
"No, mom! Gods." Percy exclaimed.
"Don't lie to me," Sally warned, "Perseus..."
"I swear we aren't! I can promise you that." Percy held up his hands in surrender.
"Then, what?" Sally pushed, teasing him, "First base? Second base?"
"Seriously, mom, this is getting really humiliating."
"Third?"
Percy groaned and covered his face with his hands again. "Holy crap, this is actually happening."
"Look, Percy, you're seventeen now and have a girlfriend that you've been dating for almost two years. I know that you might have some feelings towards her that you - "
"Mom, we've had this talk before. I really don't want to hear it again."
"I've been meaning to bring this up recently since you and Annabeth are getting pretty serious. I mean, you obviously want to start a family with her and live together so I just want you to understand the importance of consensual, safe sex until you're ready for the big steps."
"Well, why do you have to bring it up, now?"
Sally shrugged, "I thought since we were being so open, that it was a great time. Plus, it's a mother's job to embarrass her son."
"You're doing a great job." Percy dryly congratulated her.
Sally laughed and stood up, rubbing Percy's shoulder. "I bet it's third."
"I'm not telling you!" Percy crossed his arms.
"Yeah, I'm definitely sure it's third," Sally smiled and shuffled over to the door, leaving Percy gaping at her. He didn't want to deny it because he made a silent promise to himself to be honest with his mom. But he also didn't want to confirm it, because that would lead to endless teasing.
"Are you good, Perce?" Sally asked seriously, "I can stay longer if you'd like."
Percy noticed the dark moons under her eyes and realized that he probably had similar ones, if not worse. "No, go to bed. I'm okay now."
"Goodnight, Percy," Sally said then glanced at the clock. It was nearly four o'clock. "Or should I say good morning?"
Percy smiled, "Goodnight, mom."
Sally flicked the lightswitch off and was about to close the door when Percy stopped her, "Mom, wait! Can you, uh, do you think you could leave the light on?"
Sally kept her neutral expression, not wanting to humiliate her son anymore than he had been, "Of course," she said and light flooded the room again.
"Thanks," Percy bit his lip and slipped under his covers. Sally shut the door as he laid his head down. For the first time as long as he could remember, Percy had a calm, dreamless sleep.
...
"Today is never too late to be brand new."
Percy woke up slowly. His eyes opened one at a time and he squinted at the light pouring in his room. Birds chirped loudly outside and Percy almost laughed out loud at how normal his morning seemed. Rolling over and wiping drool from his mouth, wow, Annabeth was right, he did drool a lot, he examined the clock. He was mistaken, it wasn't as much of a normal morning as it was a normal afternoon.
"2:00?" Percy croaked, "Wow."
When was the last time he slept for ten hours, or for more than three or four at a time? Percy's slumber had been completely uninterrupted, too. What a blessing.
The events of the night before flooded back to him and he blushed pink. At least he was just with his mom but Paul had most likely heard everything considering the small apartment. Reluctantly, Percy slid out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and tried to push his hair down to no avail. As he turned to leave, a shimmering mist appeared in front of him. The Iris-Message slowly materialized revealing glimmering gray eyes and golden princess curls.
"Hello, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth smiled, "You're finally awake." Percy realized that she'd probably been trying to get in touch all day, only to find him sleeping.
Percy's face lit up as he took her in, "Yeah, I had a pretty rough night." He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.
"Is everything okay?" Annabeth leaned in closer.
"Yeah, yeah," Percy waved his hand in a dismissing motion, "It's all resolved."
"Well, maybe we can talk about it in person," Annabeth suggested, not buying his crap, "Is it alright if I stop by later? I was planning on it anyway."
"Yeah, of course," Percy's heart leaped, "I've missed you."
Annabeth laughed, "It's been two days, Seaweed Brain. But still, I've missed you, too."
"Oh, just a head's up," Percy hesitated, "My mom sort of knows how far we've gone."
Annabeth cocked her head to the side, confused. Percy didn't get to see her like this very often. "What do you mean?"
"Like third base far," Percy nodded as his cheeks reddened.
"You told her?" Annabeth hissed.
"She guessed! I didn't confirm it but she has her suspicions."
"Great," Annabeth rubbed her face with her hands, "Alright, I'll see you in a bit."
"Love you," Percy offered.
Annabeth sighed, "Love you, too."
Percy waved the IM away and followed his grumbling stomach to the kitchen.
"Morning," he said to his parents. Paul was drinking hot coffee while eating a large sandwich and Sally was washing dishes diligently.
"Hey, sweetie, can I talk with you in the living room for a second?" Sally said calmly as she dried her hands with a damp towel. Percy's heart raced.
"Um, sure, mom." Percy cleared his throat and got up from the table, his chair sliding across the tile loudly. Paul continued to read his book and sip his steaming coffee.
He followed her to the corner of the room by the door and she lowered her voice, "Percy, chill," she started off with, "You're not in trouble."
"Is this about what happened last night?" he inquired sheepishly.
"Yes, sort of, just listen," Sally said and Percy became suddenly aware of how much taller he was than her, "I just wanted you to know that the Fields's bathroom flooded last night."
"The family that lives below us?" Percy asked and licked his lips.
"Yes," Sally nodded and, was that a hint of a smile on her face? "I'm not entirely sure it's your fault but I wanted to let you know."
"That's embarrassing," Percy breathed in heavily, "I think I've died of humiliation multiple times in the past twenty-four hours."
"Oh, Percy," She reached up and kissed him on the cheek, "Here, why don't I get you some afternoon breakfast?"
As his mom made him blue pancakes, Percy sat in awkward silence with Paul. Sally spared them both. "How do you feel about a movie, Percy? Paul and I were going to get tickets to see one of those new superhero films."
Percy suddenly remembered his conversation with Annabeth. "Crap," he huffed, "I told Annabeth she could come over today. I didn't know we had plans."
"No, no, no," Sally said, "You don't have to come with us, you can stay here with Annabeth."
Percy was appalled, "But, we'll be alone." he noted, "Just the two of us."
"Yes, honey, I realize that," Sally turned her head and winked. Percy burned crimson.
Paul looked up from the book he was reading and winked, too.
"C'mon, you guys!" Percy whined as they laughed, "Not cool!"
...
Two hours later, Percy heard three solid knocks at his door. His parents had left for the movie several minutes before.
"Coming!" Percy called and slid in his socks over to the door, "Hello," he smiled as he twisted the knob open.
"Hey, Percy," Annabeth pecked him on the lips, "How are you?"
"Could be better, could be worse." Percy took her coat and hung it on a hook. Annabeth pursed her lips and leaned against the wall. Percy gave a sheepish smile and motioned for her to follow him into the living room.
"Are your parents here?" Annabeth inquired, looking around.
"Nope," Percy winked at her jokingly, "They left for a movie." He flopped down on the couch and Annabeth primly sat next to him, so their thighs were touching.
"Oh," Annabeth licked her lips, "Fun. That gives us about three hours."
"Yeah," Percy nodded.
"Just kiss me already," Annabeth laughed and closed her eyes as Percy leaned in. He kissed her gently and Annabeth's insides fluttered. No matter how many times they touched, she still felt like it was a whole new experience each time.
Annabeth was so focused on how salty and supple her boyfriend's lips were, and how breathtakingly amazing his hands felt in her hair and on her waist she almost didn't hear the key in the doorjamb. "Fuck," she muttered as she pushed Percy away and shifted to the opposite side of the couch, resting her feet on Percy's lap.
Sally jogged in and snatched her wallet off of the kitchen table. "Hello, Annabeth dear." she smiled warmly, "It's nice to see you."
"Hi, Sally," Annabeth cleared her throat from it's dreamy tone, "Have fun at the movies."
"We will," Sally locked her gaze on Percy, "You be good to her, Percy."
Percy huffed, "Bye, mom."
Sally left with a devilish grin, there was no doubt she knew what they were previously up to. When Percy and Annabeth heard her footsteps disappear, they both sighed.
"I think we should take this moment to discuss how exactly your mother found out about our sex lives." Annabeth moved back next to him.
"It's a really long story," Percy started even though he knew Annabeth would make him tell her anyway, "But we have a time so I'll start."
Percy told her about how he couldn't fall asleep, which didn't seem to surprise her since they'd had discussions about sleep and nightmares before. He explained at how he snapped and told his mom about everything, even things he could hardly think about himself. He left out the part that he was sobbing until the very end of his story. All the way through, Annabeth rubbed his chest and stroked his hair like he was a helpless puppy.
"And uh, this is the part I've kind of been avoiding telling you," Percy choked, "Because it's really not like me and it's super humiliating."
"Percy, I've been from hell and back with you," Annabeth said sympathetically, "You shouldn't have to worry about telling me things."
"Well, when my mom first came in, I - I started crying. And I cried a lot. Like a fucking baby." Percy glanced over in fear to see Annabeth giggling, but she wasn't. Her stormy eyes were locked with his and she nodded for him to continue. "I just couldn't help it. After everything we've been through, I couldn't hold it in anymore."
Percy hung his head with shame and Annabeth shook hers and lifted his chin with her fingers. "Percy, don't beat yourself up about this. There's absolutely nothing wrong with anything that happened last night."
"Even if I did talk about 'fucking my girlfriend' in front of my mom," Percy grinned.
"Hey, what're you gonna do?" Annabeth proceeded to attach her lips to his. Best. Girlfriend. Ever.
This time their make-out session wasn't interrupted. As the room got hotter, Percy's hands tucked under Annabeth's shirt and slipped under the lacy bra she only wore for special occasions. Soon enough, Annabeth's hands trailed from Percy's hair down his chest and below his belt. His jeans were soon popped open and his fly was down. Annabeth slowly kneaded the bulge in Percy's boxers and Percy moaned loudly.
Percy removed his hands from Annabeth's breasts and she lifted her arms as he pulled her shirt over her head. "Let's go into your room," Annabeth breathed.
Annabeth grabbed her shirt off the floor and beat Percy to his room, tossing her shirt onto his desk and sitting on his bed like a goddess. "Who's turn is it first?" she bit her swollen rose lip.
"Both of ours," Percy approached her and she was forced to lay down as his broad shoulders hovered above her with strong arms on either side.
"Do you mean," Annabeth wondered if she understood correctly, "Like, sex?"
"Only if you want to," Percy explained, "I have condoms in my nightstand."
"Let's do it," Annabeth's eyes lit up, "I've been wanting to do this for so long."
"Me too," Percy's voice was muted as he sucked on Annabeth's neck.
Then, one thing led to another and Annabeth's entrance was hovering over Percy's cock and they both froze. Annabeth didn't know why she was so nervous because she loved Percy more than anything and this was supposed to be a magical experience for the both of them. And Percy couldn't comprehend why he was so afraid of having sex with his girlfriend of nearly three years.
They both started to talk at the same time.
"Maybe we shouldn't-"
"Are you sure this is-"
They both blushed.
"You go first-"
"Go ahead-"
Annabeth sat on Percy's legs, "Maybe this is a bad idea."
Percy nodded, "Yeah, I don't think we should go through with this."
"Good, me either."
"For now maybe we should just stick to what we know."
"Right," Annabeth peeled off the unused condom and set it to the side, "And in that case..."
The two continued more comfortably. As soon as Annabeth's delicate lips and skillful tongue popped off Percy's dick, his head was soon between her legs and she was emitting little sounds that drove Percy crazy. Then, when all was said and done, they put their clothes back on to protect themselves from the icy apartment and settled down on the couch.
"I think that was an embarrassing moment avoided for the both of us," Annabeth admitted, "First times are supposed to suck, anyways."
"I'd rather avoid the awkwardness and leave it for another time," Percy agreed.
They spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling on the couch, flipping through channels and occasionally leaning in for a kiss. Percy couldn't help but smile at how much of a normal couple they'd been acting like recently. Watching television together, fooling around when parents weren't home, and going on regular dates to movies and restaurants.
"What're you smiling about?" Annabeth nudged him.
"Nothing," Percy sighed, "Just happy to be here with you."
And that was the complete truth. Annabeth had always been his anchor. Ever since he bathed in the River Styx and maybe even before that. She'd been his reason for staying mortal after the Battle of Manhattan and his motivation to keep moving forward when Hera granted him the blessing of amnesia. It was only a distant memory in his brain when Annabeth had gone over than cliff when they were fourteen and how utterly and undeniably terrified he was when he thought she was going to join the Hunters of Artemis. He chuckled at how obtuse he'd been about his feelings for Annabeth all those years. How completely in denial he was about even having a crush on her.
Percy and Annabeth struggled across the country to find that damn lightning bolt and sailed through the Sea of Monsters. Alone, they held up the sky and together they weaved their way through the labyrinth. They fought in the Battle of Manhattan and then plunged into endless darkness. With their brave friends, they defeated Mother Earth and something in Percy's gut told him that there was more to come. More pissy gods and ruthless monsters to face. So many more quests and journeys to be forced to follow. Because truly, Percy was almost an adult. Which means that his adventure was only just about to begin.