Disclaimers:
This is a parody of Paper Mario and the Thousand Year Door. All characters and various other royalties of Paper Mario are all reserved to Nintendo and Intelligent System as this is for parody use only.
This is an entirely separate universe from the original Paper Mario universe, so expect many inconsistencies made on purpose for comedic effect.
This story contains offensive content such as racist jokes, sexual content, sexism, drug use, a fuckload of violence, and a lot of other offensive shit that we can make jokes about. If you don't like offensive humor then I recommend not reading this but if you still decide to then please leave a comment about how offended you are, I'll get a kick out of it.
If you loved this game as a child and wish to preserve it as pure and full of childhood wonder in your mind then we recommend not reading this because it will fuck you up.
This parody is rated M for ENJOY!
Super Mario and the
Thousand Year Drama!
(Kai Version)
(Normal Mode)
Chapture 1: A Ghettoport's Welcome
Cough cough cough... Sorry. Bit of a cold... Long long ago in a far away universe different from our own, there was a town. A town where people lived happily. Like, it was one of those towns that sustained itself without any government and no one was luting, raping, or murdering or doing all 3 things simultaneously because they were high as fuck, none of that shit. They grew their own crops, and made all their own shit.
Everything was peaceful... until 1 day, tragedy struck when an oil spill happened... a big one! Yes! Believe it or not, they had that kind of advanced system back then. Basically, it caused some bad global warming that created a massive category 17 hurricane if that was even possible. This hurricane was so massive that it managed to demolish the entire peaceful town. That was the part where you piss yourself by the way, just like the thousands of people who saw the wave coming and couldn't do anything but piss and shit in the middle of the street while looking at the wave in horror and wishing that they had anal sex with their wife at least once before dying.
Basically, this cataclysm became incredibly controversial and touchy as many religions and cults of this world claimed this as their own prophecy but it wasn't and fuck them.
The town sank, but not low enough to be fucking the shit out of the hot mermaids of Atlantis. Nothing remained on the surface of the town and it became a huge dump. Eventually, it became inhabited by all kinds of fucking retards who just want to start some shit and fuck up their own living space. It went from a peaceful utopia (in the non Hitler way) to the grimiest, crimiest part of the Mushroom Kingdom and it sucked.
There was a rumor of there being a majical, legendary treasure buried along with the former town, possibly an expired welfare check. Apparently whoever finds this treasure will have their wildest of dreams come true! Wait.. where have I heard this story before...?
[Captain's log. Stardate: April 23rd, 2004. It was 5:00 PM vastly cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom about 64 degrees Fahrenheit. ]
[Ghettoport Central]
Here we have Princess Peach (age 34) in the town previously spoken of. She appeared to be on some sort of trip for who knows what reason.
Peach: Finally! I have some time away from Toadsworth! That butler is always staring at my ass! I'm wearing a poofy long skirt! It's not like it shows any kind of bulge or details or anything! And what kind of vacation is this anyway? Since I came here, I only been able to leave my room twice cause he set up an electric fence and I have to wear a collar keeping me from leaving! At least I was able to trick him by telling him that the collar was killing me so he took it off and I just ran out! Yeah! I told him "Fuck you!" and "Eat my pussy bitch!" At least now I can go see some real shit!
A mysterious merchant began to alert the Princess in a semi hostile tone.
Merchant (age?): Hey bitch! BITCH!
Peach: Hey!... I love it when people call me that! Whats up!? (said actually non sarcastically)
Merchant: You wanna buy something good? I plenty of knickknacks and doodads!
Peach: Oh! heh. No thanks I have plenty of drugs and royal vibrators.
Peach looks over the loads of garbage on the desk and her eye becomes fixated on a strange looking box that has a Dexter's Lab sticker on it.
Peach: Wait! I might not have this one! What's that in the box!?
Merchant: Welp, you see... this box here? Yeah. It holds this thing called a "map" where you find this other thing called "treasure." Treasure is a reward you get and the map takes you there. Pretty neat huh?
Peach: Well yeah! I'm not in first grade or nothing. But still! Wow! I love treasure!
Beld- I mean, Merchant: So do all of us. Anyway, only 1 with a pure and noble heart can open the treasure. So if you can do that, it's all yours. Free from charge!
Peach: Really!?
Merchant: Yeah. See, I've tried opening it even. Unfortunately I can't open it myself cause I'm secretly a bad guy. You might find that out later on. Anyway, first time's always free.
Peach wasn't paying attention for most of when he was talking because she was thinking about the time Mario pooped a butt and then that butt pooped and it was posted on Youtube.
Peach: So wait? How do you even know that there's a map inside if you can't open it?
Merchant: ITS TOO COMPLICATED! Do you want the damn treasure or not!?
Peach: Alright alright sheesh!
Peach then opened the box thus flashing out a bright beam of light resulting in Peach having mild seizure, but it's okay! She was fine as the seizure only lasted for about 15 seconds! but yeah. So that was the opening and you probably could have skipped it and enjoyed the game just the same, NOW LETS GET TO THE REAL STORY ALREADY!
Chapture 1 - 1: A Misadventure Awaits!
[Captain's log. Stardate: May 3rd, 2004. It was 11:00 AM partially cloudy in the Mushroom Kingdom City. About 64 degrees Fahrenheit. We know that you give a fuck about these details.]
[Mario's House]
Parakarry (age 32) the Mail Man flew towards Mushroom Kingdom's most famous hero/ fired plumber's house as he was delivering a package. Above the door in big font is labeled "MARIO" like the narcissistic wop he is, funny how it just says Mario when Luigi lives there too but Luigi is too busy getting money and pussy to even care.
Parakarry: Mail call.
Perakarry flys off mumbling to himself.
Parakarry: *sigh* I miss my old job as a telemarketer, I got an unlimited amount of phone sex from hot old ladies.
A day passed by as Mario (age 43) and Luigi (age 41) were passed out drunk with several Brazilian hookers also passed out on the floor while the sound system was left on playing "Let the Bodies hit the Floor By Drowning Pool" on repeat.
The Next day, Luigi opened the door having the biggest 5 O'clock shadow you could ever imagine. He finds a package on his doorstep thinking it's going to be goomba shit again but it wasn't on fire this time so he thought he's take a chance.
Luigi then attempted to wake up Mario in the crudest way he could think of. He rubbed his sweaty, greasy, Italian genitals that have been insides 3 or 4 hookers all over Mario's face.
Mario woke up and instinctually punched him in the fucking dick which then hit his balls so hard that they flew between his ass cheeks and got stuck between them, it fucking hurt.
This resulted in an unnecessary, emotional, boring therapeutic conversation about it that ended up with them discussing everything wrong with Loonatics Unleashed before wondering what the fuck even started the conversation in the first place.
Luigi: Anyways, enough about this shit. Check this out! Peach sent you some letter.
Luigi showed Mario the letter.
Mario: Not Goomba shit this time? Sweet! About time!
Mario sniffed the letter to make sure it wasn't Goomba shit before taking out the letter which had the princess' emblem on it.
Luigi: God she pisses me off with this letter nonsense. We have EMAIL now!
Mario: Wait, let me see this...wait a minute, I CAN'T FUCKING READ IN ENGLISH! Luigi, can you read this to me?
Mario hands the letter to Luigi.
Luigi: Sure
As Luigi cleared his throat, he coughed up a grotesque loogy, possibly from chewing out some hooker pussy and vulgarly spit it on the floor.
Luigi struggled as he was reading Peach's grammatically atrocious letter.
"Hello ther Mario! I am now on my menstral vacashon and Im travling around the Mushrum Kingdum. And chek this out! Some old dum m robed wumin sold mii this map...a MAJICAL map! That could find teasure. I got it in this shady part of the Kingdom called Getoport. But since Im 2 week to find the tregure myself...Maybii u can do it 4 me! Prity Pleez? Wii can use the tresure 2 buy an infinat amount of drugs for evry1! Wii get 2 save r ecodomy and then trick the black naborhoods into doing the deadly ones like Crack Heroin Meth and even Chompadil!1 The map is on the bakj behind this paper. If it isisnt abvius alredy, bring the map with you when you come Meat mii at GettoPort or I will personally have U X-icuted for being stupid tee hee. Plox cum soon, k? XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD"
Mario: That fucking bitch! If she thinks she can bribe me with some materialistic treasure and some deth threats. I'm gonna put my foot so far -
Luigi: Wait! Mario! There's more!
"Oh and I wil have sex wiff you.
- Peach"
Mario stared at Luigi blankly for about 4 or 6 seconds.
Mario: LETS-A GO!
Luigi: *Sigh* He is so whipped…
Mario and Luigi immediately set sail on a boat to a new adventure and a new destination, one which they've never seen before.
Mario and Luigi are now seen riding a boat across seas on a sunny sunny day where the title reads "SUPER MARIO and THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA! (c)"
Now imagine as that title scene occurring that you're hearing the song "I'm on a Boat! by the Lonely Island" Nah. Just kidding, thats too gay! lol Imagine you're hearing "Break on Through by The Doors" GET IT!? Cause I replaced "Door" with "Drama." Get it now!? I only did it ironically! And anything done ironically is automatically funny and excusable according to the internet but seriously. Look that song up. I think you'll like it.
Chapture 1 - 2: The Stupid Boat
Due to the fact that you chose to read the cut version, you will be skipping this parts. Congrats! Read the uncut version if you wanna read about the fucking boat ride you fucks!
Chapture 1 - 3: Enter the Man Child
[Ghettoport Docks]
Luigi: That was the longest boat ride I'v-
A sharp and painful smell attacks Mario's nose as he cuts Luigi off
Mario: LUIGI! Get away from me! You smell awful! You smell worse than Honey Booboo's Mom! Your smell can single handedly give Helen Keller a reason for fear! I would rather huff a gallon on Jenkem than you right now!
(Look up Jenkem. You'll laugh. Fox News did a report on it.)
Luigi: Eat shit, you fat, gay pedophile!
Mario: You smell like you actually did eat shit! Go take a fucking shower!
Mario charges at Luigi, pushing him into the water violently
Luigi was fucking drowning but soon got his ass bitten by a Nibbles. It bit him so hard, that he flew away somewhere no 1 gives a fuck about right now.
Mario began eavesdropping on a loud possible pre-rape argument. The man plotting his assault was a fat blasted bearded bastard with a big ass spiky mustache, goggles that covered any distinction of his eyes. He wore a horned helmet like he was an edgy teenager trying to be a fucking demon or some stupid shit. He had a cape like Evel Knievel, and tights that gripped his groin so hard that you could see his mangina through his jumpsuit. The Girl in this feud with him was a Goomba who had on an Archaeologist helmet (possibly from growing up with Jackie Chan Adventures on Cartoon Network), She had a long blonde ponytail and was very pale for a goomba along with what seemed to be a nervous tick of hers which was to wink her left eye and to show 1 of her goomba fangs. She was also the only clothed goomba Mario has ever seen and it strangely turned him on much like a naked woman.
The Man began to corner the Goomba
Goombella (age 21): I'm not doing that! Thats disgusting!
Robotnik (Age 35): Silence you foolish shrewd! I know this is tough for you, but I want you to take off all of your clothes and put on only this diaper! All of Deviantart will love it and fap their micopenises off to the sight of your feet and hot diapered ASSSSS.
Goombella: No! Thats creepy as fuck! I'm not gonna be a part of your sick pedo fetish, asshole!
Robotnik: Come on... just wear the damn diaper like a good girl! It's super comfortable and looks fucking great! I put one on all the time before pleasuring myself while looking into a mirror! Hah-hah, yeah!
Goombella: That's fucking disgusting, you're sick!
Goombella began to tear up in disgust as well as panic for dear life, worrying about what he may do to her.
Robotnik: K im bored now. X-Nauts!
2 of his henchmen known as X-Nauts walked towards Robotnik.
X-Nauts: Yes lord!?
Robotnik: Bring her to my SEX DUNGEON where I will partake in countless deviant act on this fire-crotch, like RAPE and MORE RAPE!
Apparently, Robotnik is shaky on his definition of "fire crotch."
Goombella: NO! Get away from me!
As Mario eavesdropped, he assumed these events were quite normal, so he decided to walk around the drama hoping the Princess would still be frisky.
Goombella looked around frantically and saw Mario, the fat, Italian drunk who had saved the world countless times before (mostly by accident or in pursuit of pussy) and ran behind him in fear.
Goombella: HEY! RANDOM STRANGER! Get this pervy sub-cretin far away from me! I'm just really frightened, please!
Mario: Whoa whoa whoa! Don't get me involved! I just got here!
Mario: Excuse me Robotnik looking dude, don't mind me. I'm just a normal guy trying to get his poll wet.
Mario thought he smelled Marijuana on Robotnik, so he thought that they could smoke some together and smooth this stupid shit over while high as fuck.
Mario: Hey…do you have any weed?
Robotnik: Oh so your trying to foil my plan eh? Well sir, this is MY PRAY! You get your own!
Mario: That's fine, I was just leaving.
Robotnik: Are you trying to get sarcastic with me! Sarcasm is a huge trigger of mine!
Mario: How was that sarcastic? I was just -
Robotnik: I spent 5 years in therapy trying to deal with sarcasm!
Robotnik began having an adult like hissy fit which resulted in him swinging a fist at Mario and missing.
Mario: Okay that's it! Nobody makes me flaccid and gets away with it! ITS ON!
[BATTLE MODE]
Mario: Power Level 20
Robotnik: Power Level 8
Battle Music: E.G.G.M.A.N. by Paul Shortino
(f you played Sonic Adventure 2, you'll know what I'm talking about)
Goombella: Alright! Kick his ass!
Mario: Shut the fuck up or I will rape you dead! I just wanted to get some pussy and leave but you got me into this bullshit!
Goombella: It's okay! Just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!
Mario: Bitch, I know how to jump! I'm fucking Mario! And how did you know I have a hammer!?
Robotnik impatiently punched Mario [1 Damage]
Mario: Ouch shit! Okay stop distracting me! I gotta put my foot up this guy's ass AND RAPE HIM WITH IT!
Mario jumps on Robotnik: [1 Damage]
Goombella: You got this! Don't give up!
Mario: Biiiiiitch! Don't just cheer me on! Fucking do something or are you one of those college girls who are only good for sucking dick and getting gangfucked by a pack of niggers!?
Robotnik uses ass blast on Mario: [1 Damage]
Mario uses Hammer but fucks it up a little: [1 Damage]
Robotnik: Oh please! My beautiful buns of brutality are far more fierce than your cheaply made jew hammer!
Robotnik uses ass blast: [Mario uses defense]
Mario: Your ass is like a pillow! I'd like to fuck it! That didn't even hurt one bit!
Mario uses hammer again but right: [2 Damage]
Robotnik: THAT'S IT! WHEN IM DONE WITH YOU, IM GONNA ASS FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT YOUR ASS BLEEDS AND WE BOTH GET AIDS! THEN IM GOING TO GO BACK TO YOUR HOMETOWN AND GIVE IT TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER CARED FOR!
Mario: GO AHEAD AND WASTE YOUR TIME! THERE IS NOBODY I FUCKING CARE FOR!
Robotnik charges with an ultimate ass blast attack worth 500 damage (strongest move in the game)
Mario deflects by shoving his fist up Robotnik's asshole: [1 Damage]
Robotnik rolled on his back and inexplicitly soiled himself from the harsh anal tension from Mario's fist thus embarrassing him.
Mario shakes all of the blood off of his hand and some gets on Goombella
Goombella didn't notice since she was recording the fight with her flip video camera to later upload on YouTube.
Goombella: Yay! You did it! I bet this'll go viral!
[END OF BATTLE]
Robotnik: Damnit! The 1 day that I didn't wear a diaper and I shat myself! CURSES!
Mario: What is your obsession with diapers anyway?
Robotnik stood with an embarrassing shit stain visible from the outside of his thin tights.
Robotnik: Oh im not done yet! I got 1 more trick in my pants!
Robotnik: X-Nauts!
A million freakin' X Nauts showed up
Robotnik: Get into your orgy positions of deth!
The X Nauts all started taking off their clothes under their masks and partook in disturbing sex positions.
Robotnik: Ready!?
Robotnik: ITS GO TIME!
Robotnik: PUNISH! THEIR! ASSHOLES!
Robotnik and the millions of X Nauts got into a violent sex orgy as Mario and Goombella snuck off. Their plan of gangraping Mario and Goombella failed miserably but they still had some pretty good fucking.
Goombella: This way!
Goombella pointed towards the direction despite not having hands.
Goombella: They all need to go to a loony bin. BIG TIME!
Mario: You bet your virgin cunt, they do!
Robotnik: MEN!
The X Nauts all got out of their sex positions.
Robotnik: We did it! We fucked them SO hard that they disintegrated into a million burnt cells so small that we can't even see them!
Lord Cru- I mean Robotnik looked into the sky, proud of his gay, retarded accomplishment that obviously didn't even happen.
Robotnik: Good work men! Mission accomplished! Now let's get back to the fortress. I have to catch a new episode of Orange is the New Black as I stick my hand down my pants and eat Hot Pockets! Hehe yeah.
Chapture 1 - 4: Toadsworth's only legitimate scene
[Ghettoport Central]
Goombella: Holy fuck that was terrifying... Thank you!.
Mario: Yeah its whatevs... It was kind of a boner killer though...wish you actually did shit in the fight.
Goombella: Oh... well in that case, heh. I don't normally do this, but since you totally just saved my life, I owe you this.
Goombella started walking toward him slowly and surely.
She started making out with Mario frantically
Mario wanted to save his man jizz for the waiting Princess, but due to the fact that he is a male, he couldn't resist. Mario is normally turned off by Goombas because…just look at them, they're fucking mushrooms with feet but Goombella had clothes on so it was kinda sexy, she was also light skinned and cute as fuck.
After an awkward 3 minute long make out scene, she began to unzip her clothes. Right as Mario grabbed her belt buckle, an elderly British butler of Peach's named Toadsworth (age 60) soon came out of no where and saw Mario and some blonde Goomba who thought she was in Jackie Chan.
Toadsworth starred in confusion before realizing what was actually happening, then he got behind Mario and started feeling him up, thinking he could make it a 3 way.
Mario back kicked him in the balls attempting to go for his shin but toads don't have legs
Toadsworth: AAHH!
Toadsworth received a huge purple old people bruise from the impact on his groin.
Goombella suddenly felt really embarrassed about the awkward make out session.
HAHA! You thought this fanfic would be more erotic huh!? You faggots thought this shit was going to turn all erotic, I bet you had your dicks out and everything. Why the fuck would you masturbate to a Paper Mario parody fanfic? You autistic, son?
Goombella: Oh my god! Sorry! I dont know what came over me! I'm not used to being saved ever…
Mario didn't give a shit.
Mario: Toadsworth!? What are you doing here!? Shouldn't you be guarding the castle?
[Cuts to a scene where a bunch of Bowser's Koopas, and Mushroom Kingdom citizens started pillaging and trashing up the castle with senseless violence.]
Toadsworth: Well... we do in fact keep the dark folk away from our vicinity known as the capital, so its all dandy.
Mario: I'm assuming you traveled here with Peach?
Toadsworth: Haha! It sheerly be of chronically ideal coincidence that we cross paths in such a pig stye as the south side of Mushroom Kingdom is it not? You see, we made venture in a halt because Peach and I had to gander at this rather negro affiliated location. We had to do a little thing called "trolling" a high class game rather where we fool the darker folk into shooting each other.
Mario: Sooo... Peach is here?
Toadsworth: Say! Did you catch that recent episode of Hell's Kitchen!? Boy, Gordon Goomsey really let this 1 guy have it I tell you! Haha! He told him, "you burn my fucking Shroom Cake in the fucking oven? Then I'll will fucking make like fucking Hitfuckingler, and fucking burn you in a fucking oven! Cause you fucking cook like a fucking jew!"
Mario became so frustrated that it... actually started to hurt the tip of his penis.
Mario: YOU OLD FUCK, PUT IN THE HEARING AID, TAKE YOUR ATTENTION PILLS OR WHATEVER AND JUST ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION, YOU HAIRY, OLD MUSHROOM FUCK!
Mario: IS
Mario: PEACH
Mario: HERE?
Toadsworth: Oh... Why yes! Peach must have sent you a letter. You must be looking for the fine temptress?
Toadsworth died a little...
Mario: Yes... Get to the point...
Toadsworth: Well... we lost her.
Mario facepalms in frustration for 10 awkwardly silent minutes.
Toadsworth: If it makes you feel better, we suspect that Bowser did it.
Mario: How the fuck did Bowser even know that she was here? Has she been updating her facebook with her location again? I fucking told her to stop doing that because that is very obviously the leading cause of her getting kidnapped. So what now? Off to Bowser's castle again? I'm gonna have to go all the way there after just getting here?
Toadsworth: I am not in the slightest certain. You know how she behaves while she is attired skin tight white ghetto leggings. I always inform her not to come crying to me when she becomes peckered by a congregation of negro men.
Mario: So wait... You're suggesting maybe she got murder-fucked?
Toadsworth: … Wait! Mario! I have an Idea!
Mario: ...
Toadsworth: You!
Mario: ...
Toadsworth: You're Super Mario!
Mario: ...what?
Toadsworth: You can do it! You always find a way to save the day! Haha! I knew you'd come here for a reason.
Mario: Welp... I
Toadsworth: I believe in you Master Mario! Now I have partaken of the whoozyness that is Xanax and I shall be off to slumber in the random inn behind us. If you need a place for rejuvenation, you can act upon such deeds in my room. Feel free to pull up Peach's mattress tranched in her cooch juices and period blood. Our room is upstairs above Podley's Pub. Now save peach or I shall have you executed!
Toadsworth walks away.
Goombella: God damn that felt like forever!
Mario: ... Pub huh? You know, this place might not be so bad... still smells like shit though. Ay, Goomba Girl, how old are you?
Goombella: 21!
Goombella started to blush.
Goombella: Also, there's no age rule against drinking here!
Mario: Sweet! Wanna grab a drink?
Goombella: Yeah sure.
Chapture 1 - 5: Goombella's name is a play on "Goomba" and "Portabella"
[Podley's Pub]
Mario and Goombella walk into a bar... and they started talking about relevant shit pertaining to the story that hopefully won't drag on too long.
Seen at the pub are a couple of shady looking goons that don't matter right now. They have the song Living after Midnight by Judas Priest playing which is 1 of the best stereotypical bar songs imaginable.
Goombella: So wait, did that guy mean that "thee" Princess Peach is missing!?
Mario: Are you fucking serious? I'm "thee" Mario, so why would you think I'd be rescuing anybody other than, "thee", Princess Peach. That bitch gets kidnapped all the time and every time it's mentioned on the news, they blow the story out of proportion and keep on talking about it for like weeks after I've rescued her and the problem has been solved.
Goombella: You don't have to go on a fucking rant, asshole. So you're really, "thee", Mario then? I thought you just kinda looked like him…you look a lot fatter and grosser in person…
Mario takes a shot of his rum
Mario: Wait, I thought you already knew that. Oh and fuck you.
Goombella: So you're Mario!? O.M.G.! I love your games!
The song changes to Black in Black by ACDC an even more generic bar song.
Mario: Yeah. Sorry about *burp* killing all Goombas?
Goombella: Well don't stereotype us... We're not all like that. But still! You're freaking Mario! That's so cool! And you're in a pub with me! That's... kind of hot!
She started to blush again along with getting a little wet in her panties. Just a little... but don't tell Mario. If you got hard from reading that then you should feel bad about who you are.
Goombella: So wait... What are you doing here exactly?
Mario: Well Peach made me meet her here or she'd have my ass executed and not sex her. She mailed me this treasure map that i've been whipping my nose with.
Mario took another intense shot of rum.
Goombella: A map? Lemme see! Lemme see!
Mario set the map down on the bar table
Goombella: Wait... This actually looks like something I've been studying this summer with my college professor. I came here with him on a research trip. He was only taking honer student's and chose me, also-
Mario interrupted rudely
Mario: Did you suck his fucking dick to get in?
Gombella: …..No.
Mario: Liar... But what does this have to do with Peach missing exactly?
A random guy far in the background of the pub rudely accumulated a loud fart that was casually ignored.
Goombella: I don't know, but we should see him, he's renting a house for this project that could actually involve that map! I kinda have a feeling this and the Princess may be connected.
Mario: None of this is making sense. I mean, this isn't like some fucking DiVinci code or nothing.
Goombella: Well. Think about. She sends you a map, then goes missing, this is textbook prologue formula. Now come on! No time to waste.
Goombella has joined Mario's party. Wait... It is even really a "party" yet?
Mario: Oh god damnit
[Initiation Mode]
Well assuming that you've played Paper Mario 2 or 1 even, you know about her bitching ability.
Goombella has the superpower of knowing about every person, place, and or thing along with their secrets except for Mario apparently. The book she carries around contains information on every enemy and boss in the fucking game, makes me kinda wonder if it has info on everyone in the entire world.
Goombella: See that purple skinned long haired woman next to you Mario? Shes a trap.
*Mario looks over at the trap sitting next to him at the bar*
Mario: ...
Goombella: A drag queen.
Mario: ...
Goombella: A transvestite
Mario: ...
Goombella: She's a dude.
Mario: EWW! I just tried to make a move on her... thanks I guess.
[End of Initiation Mode]
Mario: So, we have to go?
Goombella: Yeah! Besides, i'm starting to feel uncomfortable here. Everyone's been staring at us for this entire conversation, probably because you're the only normal human here and people like you are kinda rare.
Mario: ...ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffshit.
Chapture 1 - 6: Wiggers live here too
I'll assume if your reading this version you don't give 2 fucks about this scene either. You know that whole thing in the game where the bandit bumped into Mario and stole 50 of his coins? Yeah. That shit.
Chapture 1 - 7: This story comes with a Professor.
[Professor Frankly (Age 67)'s House]
Mario and Goombella entered the professor's house as he was passed out drunk on a bottle of Dalmore Scotch with a vacuum nozzle on his dick. His old ass can't handle his liquor like he used to so he must have passed out while fucking the vacuum so hard that not even knocking the door down could wake him up.
Goombella: Ah jeez. He reeks of liquor! It smells awful!
Mario rolled his eyes at Goombella when suddenly, he got an idea. Mario decided to play 1 of the most annoying, embarrassing and unintelligent songs known to mankind. He pulled out his cell phone, hooked it up to some speakers in his house, and started blasting Cat Scratch Fever by Ted Nugent on full volume.
The professor jumped as he was startled by the baffling garbage that is Ted Nugent! A bunch of random artifacts he brought with him also shook from the loud volume, several dildos fell off his shelf and onto the floor to Goombella's disgust.
Professor Frankly: TURN THAT SHIT OFF! IT'S LIKE SOMEONE TOOK THE HOLOCAUST AND CONVERTED IT INTO AUDIO!
Mario's plan worked successfully as the half Jewish, elderly forayed Albert Einstein in Goomba form grabbed Mario's phone and chucked it at the wall thus breaking it.
Mario: Hey that was my phone asshole! GOD DAMMIT THIS TRIP FUCKING SUCKS SO FAR!
Frankly: Robbers! All of you get out or i'm calling the Hawaiian mafia on you scum!
Mario: Not until I kick your anciently pruned ass!
Goombella: Whoa whoa whoa! Mario! Must you always pick a fight with everyone you meet?
Mario: Yes.
Goombella: And Professor, it's me. I was in your archaeology class last year.
Frankly: Saying "Its me" doesn't help. Wait... are you the student I gave an "A" for letting me gag you in the shower while you fingered yourself? No wait... she cancelled because another girl she didn't like was coming here.
Goombella: Yeah... No. Im the student from your Archaeology IV class you gave an "A" for doing that... mouth thing while I was in a clown suit.
Mario began to laugh his fucking ass off which made Goombella tear up a bit.
Frankly: Oy Vey! Goombella! Thats right! We flew here together. I remember now! While you were in the bathroom in the airport. I couldn't help but follow the smell of the Auntie Anne's section with that cinnamon pretzel sent they used. Yeah... I lost you and give up after I spent about a minute looking for you. I just assumed you got murder-fucked so I gave up. Anyway, yeah... your alive... How are you?
Goombella: I'm good. You know, I just finished my junior year at University of Goom! GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Frankly: Yes, I got it! You told me before we left.
Goombella: Goombas…
Frankly: Wait who's that behind you? Isn't he 1 of our janitors? Are you sleeping with a janitor!?
Goombella: Yeah. Go sure... Anyway, we were hoping you'd tell Mario about that legend about the treasure underneath GhettoPort. I thought that if anyone knew more about it, you would. After all, you lectured us about it last year. Although I feel bad for spacing out during it.
Frankly: Oh. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. Alright so pay attention this time.
Frankly began to face Mario.
Frankly: Including you lard ass!
Frankly got Mario's attention as he dropped a shit ton of rare artifacts he was previously juggling in the air.
Frankly: I can cooperate with you however, you tykes just have to PAY ATTENTION! Now... First of all, about the treasure... There are many hypotheticals of what this treasure may be. Yes. Many rumors indeed. Some state that it may be a generic treasure chest, another star rod, rare drugs, sliced bread, porn, blueprints of a radioactive doomsday device that can alter our thermal atmosphere. I've read some book that it may even be Odin, or Satan, or Glycon the All Powerful, or some kind of Shadow Queen. Personally, its probably just an expired welfare check. Who knows what's actually in there. 1 thing I know for certain is that if you want to unlock the treasure, you must collect all 7 Star Spiri- I mean... all 7 Chaos Emer- Wait no... I actually mean all 7 Dragon Bal- No! Wait... I got it. Its actually all 7 Dedly Star Stones. What in Good Gandhi's Ghost is with all of these "7 objects?" Yeah... Its 1 those kinds of stories. No seriously. What is the obsession with collecting 7 objects!? Ehh who knows.
Goombella: Yeah! I remember you bringing up the 7 Dedly StarStones. They open this "Thousand-Year Door" I learned about in Art History II for a humanities credit. Once you open it, you find the treasure!
Frankly: Yes. Correct for a student that got by with sexual favors... But i'm afraid finding this treasure is impossible without the majical map. Once placed on the shrine facing the door, the map will give a location of the 7 dedly stars 1 by 1... Oh yes... Indeed impossible I must say.
Goombella: But Professor! You'll never guess this. Mario over there has the map!
Frankly: WHAT IN THE NAME OF COUNTESS BATHORY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT! NO 1 HAS BEEN ABLE TO FIND THE LOST MAP IN HUNDREDS OF YEARS! Are you saying that this low life specimen has uncovered the ancient map?
Mario: Yeah... you bet your old yellow non toned goomba ass I have it!
Mario hands the map to Frankly.
Frankly: You bastard... If I had arms, I would punch you so hard in the stomach, that I will grab your spine out of your flesh making you my bitch.
Frankly: Columbus' Carcass! this seems to be the real deal! The Majical Map! You sir, I now actually have some slight respect for you now. You may have even just saved my career. Jumping Jehova! In that case, bring the map! we must bring it to the ancient door right away!
Goombella: But wait... Finding this alone is a huge discovery in on itself, don't you wanna examine it a little?
Frankly: There's no time I say! NO TIME!
Mario: Why do I feel like this will take much longer than "no time?"
Frankly: NO TIME!
Chapture 1 - 8: If you thought the ghetto was bad?...
[Ghettoport East]
Meanwhile as they traveled through the crummy irrigation system, they soon made it to Ghettoport's sewere. Can you imagine what that shit must smell like? I mean, you're in a fucking sewer... in a fucking 3rd world ghetto. You will probably die in real life. And I will laugh.
[Ghettoport Sewers]
As they exited the warp pipe, 3 horny, horny goombas were standing in front of them almost as if they know Mario and friends were going to come down.
GoomButch (goomba) (age 38): Ey Jew nosed pimp! (directed to Mario) Whos that hot piece of ANAL with you. Is she your bottom BITCH!?
GoomBalls(paragoomba) (age 43): I'd like to bite on her nipples till she gets a STITCH!
GoomBuddy (spiny goomba) (age 38): I wanna grind up her organs, and rub them on my dick till it starts to ITCH!
Goombella got really pale and started to feel shock and sickness that perverts actually managed to out perv Robotnik.
Mario: Can I help you 3?
Goombella: Oh my god! Does everyone in this fucking town have to be such a pervert! No! Really! Literally, EVERYONE I met here is a fucking perv!
GoomButch: We are 3 goombas and we like to fuck!
GoomBalls: You got a cunt? Well you sure are in luck!
GoomBuddy: I'm so horny, I could have sex with a duck!
Goombella: EWW! Mario! Please kill these guys. Shit on them if you have to. I don't care! These gooms are really making me wanna BLLEEEEEEGGGGG!
Goombella barfed all over Mario
Mario: AHH! GOOMBELLA! You Bitch! I just finally got Luigi's barf out of my overalls!
Frankly: It appears you got 1 of each class of Goomba you're up against. Incase you haven't noticed. Look out for Goombuddy. His bought a metal boob helmet probably from some kind of back alley porno convention with him. That shit can do more damage. And Goomberry flies. So you can't use ground attacks!
Goombella: Okay! Mario, I'll forget about the gore. Lets just kills these ass clowns before I kill myself!
GoomButch: Then all that would leave is your body.
GoomBalls: We like necrophilia, its quite the hobby.
GoomBuddy: We'll pound you all day till your corpse is all floppy.
Frankly: That last 1 didn't rhyme so well...
Goombuddy: Hey man, fuck you!
Goomballs: We will, we're bi too!
GoomButch: My favorite place to fuck is in the zoo!
Mario: Okay! Stop the fucking rhymes already! You're not Team Fucking Rocket, alright!
[BATTLE MODE]
Battle Music: Oooooh Yeah by Yello
Mario: Power Level 20
Goombella: Power Level 18
v.s.
GoomButch: Power Level 3
GoomBuddy: Power Level 4
GoomBalls: Power Level 3
GoomButch: I'm gonna mop the floor with you using my penis!
GoomBalls: Anything sexual can easily please us!
GoomBuddy: I once masterbated to a fetus!
Mario: ...w...why...?
Goombella uses tattle on Goomballs.
Goombella: This is Goom...balls... He has a power level of OH JUST KICK HIS ASS ALREADY!
Mario uses feet power to jump on him twice thus splattering him: [2 Damage]
The goombas were way too horny to care about 1 of their best friends getting killed.
Goombutch jumps on Mario: [1 Damage]
Goombuddy jumps on Goombella: [2 Damage]
Goombutch: That should have killed you! Why are you here!?
Goombuddy: I wanna knock you out, and do you in the rear!
Goombella: Ugg. These guys are the worst.
Goombella uses tattle again.
Goombella: This is Goombuddy. Kill him next. He wants to fuck me in the ass!
Mario uses hammer of morning wood crushing him under his helmet: [2 damage]
Goombutch: Take your last breath, cause i'm gonna kill you. Afterward, i'm gonna... stick my... dick... in you. I CAN'T RHYME ON MY OWN!
Goombutch jumps on Mario: [Mario deflects it countering with 1 Damage]
Goombella uses tattle: Hes an ordinary fuckin goomba...
Mario finishes him off with a hammer smashed face. Thats a Cannibal Corpse reference: [2 Damage]
[END OF BATTLE]
Goombella: YAY! We killed them! And i'm not vomiting! Awesome Sauce!
Mario: Dont... Please don't ever say that again.
Goombella: Sorry.
Frankly: Hey wait a second! Aren't you that one expert of exterminating the Goomba race!
Mario: Yes sir I am.
Frankly: You sir have earned much more respect from me! Those low class degenerate Bowser Goombas make us all look like a species of dullards. All the more applause to you good sir.
Mario: Yeah. I guess thats a way of looking at it.
They then walked past the goomba corpses without any regards or remorse whatsoever
After a few minor obstacles, they got stuck. They then found a spooky borderline satanic looking treasure chest. Maybe its a portal to hell? Wanna find out? Well, READ THIS DAMN PARODY AND FIND OUT! Although you've probably played the game so never mind.
Black Chest Voice (age 1032): Yo sup niggas.
Mario: You... you mean us don't you...
Black Chest Voice: Ye. I can hear yo asses waddlin' all up in here. What? Wanna start some shit? Bitch!
Goombella: What? No! We're kind of just stuck on this obstacle where the door is way too high up for us to get to.
Black Chest Voice: Thats cool. Listen here. Wanna know how long my ass has been stuck in this chest? Get this, we talkin' 1000 years, nigga.
Mario: You know, you don't sound 1000 years old but you do sound like you're trying to hard to speak ghetto.
Frankly inspected the chest.
Frankly: He's not even a real black chest, he was spray painted black, I see white spots on the back.
Black Chest Voice: Bitch! Don'chu bu judgin' me up in this bitch! You wanna start some shit? 1000 years in this box can drive you all mad n' shit.
Mario: Again, we Don't want to "start shit." Alright bitch?
Goombella: Mario, just stop...
Goombella: Hey box person, if we can unlock you out of your box, do you think you can help us out and get to the next door.
Black Chest Voice: Whoa whoa whoa... No 1 said anything about openin' no boxes. But yes. That'd be pretty cool girl... Hey! You wanna start some shit!?
Goombella: Okay, now I think you're just goofing around with that whole "start some shit" gag.
Black Chest Voice: Hehe yeah bitch. Hey, while we still talkin, any chance you lookin for a good fix?
Goombella: What do mean by "fix?"
Black Chest Voice: I MEAN, DRUGS. like, crack n' shit.
Goombella got confused do to the fact that crack was not invented until the 1970s. She just assumed that being trapped in a box for so long made the voice delusional enough to start talking "black"
Goombella: Oh! Heh... No thanks. We should really find your key though.
Mario exits from a door behind them after entering it some time ago during the conversation.
Mario: You mean this key? And Yes! Don't listen to her, we would LOVE some crack!
Goombella: Where'd you find that!?
Mario: Well, you told me to "just stop," so I just ADHDed out, looked in that room behind us, and actually DID something useful!
Black Chest Voice: Ah hell ye! Now slip that thick black rod in so you can open mah box!
Mario: God damnit.. Now i'm horny.
Frankly lets out a laugh
Frankly: The fucking key is spray painted black too!
Mario inserts the key into the animus chest when suddenlyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,
Black Spirit: Ah heel nah! All yallz is suckas!
Black Spirit comes out of the chest thus isolating Mario in a background of darkness.
Black Spirit: YOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYOYO!
Where da Hood At? by DMX starts playing.
Mario: Oh HELLLLLL NO!
Black Spirit: Bitch! You fell for mah motha fuckin' trap nigga! Ah ye! It gets wors up n' dis shit! So get this, get this. I just popped a curse on yo ass!
Mario: Are you FUCKIN' KIDDING ME!? FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!
Black Spirit: Hehehe yeee. You wanna hear 'bout mah curse I just dropped all up in yo ass!? From now on, you gon' be turnin' into a mutha fuckin' paper plane nigga! But only when you rub your ASS on a gray stoned platform with 1 of dem' shrines of a paper airplane! And when I say "rub yo ass," I ain't talkin' 'bout none of dat figurative jive, I mean you "literally" gotta "RUB YO ASS" fo it to work. Got that nigga?
Mario was confused as if he actually got cursed or if the spirit was just high.
Mario: Uhh... Oh noo... don't do that... Anything but that...
Black Spirit: Hahaha! You fucked now bitch! You FUCKED! Now if you don't mind, i'm gonna go pay Snoop Chomp a visit! That way I can possess his ass and smoke weed all day! Gotta fly!
The spirit flies away to possess Snoop Chomp apparently.
The background turns back to normal.
Goombella: Whoa! What the fuck was that! Mario! Are you alright.
Mario: Yeah im good. Apparently in that thing's words. "My ass is cursed."
Goombella: Oh shit! We'll I'll be on guard if anything happens. Like, do think that was the ghost of King Ramesses or something?
Frankly: Don't be stupid! Hes an ancient pharaoh from 1300 BC! Maybe if you payed attention in class instead of writing your absurd fan fiction, you'd learn a thing or 2!
Frankly: Speaking of nothing, what in ragnarok is this platform?
Goombella: What is it?
Frankly: Im not quite sure. It appears to contain a shrine of some sort of airplane like shape. And why is it facing the direction of that high up doorway.
Mario began to recollect his recent curse as he then got an obvious idea.
Mario: Hey let me see this.
Goombella and Frankly began to stare at Mario in confusion as to what he was planning.
Mario began to stand on the stone platform. As soon as he got on, he unbuttoned his overalls, pulled down his pants and leopard skinned thong. He began rubbing his fat greasy hairy unkempt ass like a dog with a rash on the shrine.
Frankly: Good Miyamoto, Mario! Show some dignity!
Goombella: Eww! I was hoping your ass would be hott unlike the rest of you but god, you're fucking disgusting! It looks like 2 deflated hot air balloons!
Mario began to glow as he transformed into an airplane version of himself. He began to hover in the air.
Mario: Alright you 2. Get on!
Frankly: Bon Jovi! If we get on Mario, maybe he'll be able to take us to the door.
Goombella: Are you sure?
Frankly: Yes! Lets get on already!
Mario and friends flew to the door and crashed into the wall above the doorway with no physical consequences whatsoever.
Goombella and Frankly got off of Mario's plane shaped body just fine as Mario reanimated back into his human form.
Mario then landed on Goombella comedically.
Goombella: Get your gross ass off me!
Frankly began to walk through the path.
Frankly: This way!
As last, Mario and friends finally made it to the cathedral sized room containing the ancient door facing them.
Frankly: Look you 2! There it is! The Ancient Door for legends! Its real! Haza!
Mario: Uhh... yeah. Kinda hard to miss a giant red fucking door the size of holy hell. Why is it that the door looks so fancy but the entire sewer looks like shit?
Frankly: Quit ruining the moment Mario! Come! Lets us partake in a closer look.
Mario: I'd like to partake in my foot in your ass...
Frankly: What was that? Oh never mind.
Goombella: Hey Professor, what's with this weird pedestal?
Frankly: That must be where you place the map! Mario! Stand on that thing and raise up the map!
Mario: Am I gonna die?
Frankly: Well... Maybe. Hopefully yes!
Mario: Alright then. Anything to get me out of this shit.
Mario got on the pedestal and raised the map as Frankly ordered. The map started glowing and hovering a few feet above him. A giant shrine surrounding the platform also started to shine around him.
Mario: This feels like a satanic ritual mixed with Indiana Jones shit!
The map began to animate a drawing of a castle shaped like a dugtrio on the middle right handed corner with an indication of 1 of the 7 dedly stones marked on it. The left and right of the 3 towers were tilted at 30 degree angles slanted from being vertical. Lets hope that this is just featured in the drawing and that the castle isn't actually like that. That would be the worst architectural structure ever.
The map then stopped glowing and dismissed suspension as the ritualistic process concluded thus landing in Mario's hands.
Goombella: Whoa! That was crazy! What did the map just do there!?
Frankly gazes at the map.
Frankly: Hrmmm... How did that castle drawing get ther- Oh yeah. That ritual! Astounding! Now that we've witnessed this first hand, I can finally be famous for telling people about everything we just saw.
Mario: No... I'm pretty sure they'll just lock you up in a psych ward.
Frankly: Oh to hell with all of you. To the lab everyone!
Frankly suddenly referred to his house as "the lab" like he was some kind of pretentious asshole. (Which he is)
Chapture 1 - 9: Tentacles are natures dildos!
Frankly's House
Mario and friends returned back to Frankly's house to analyse the map.
Frankly: Good news everyone! I finally figured something out about the map!
Goombella: What is it professor?
Frankly: It turns out that months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th. In Jewish mythology, Sunday refers to the day of the sun right? Well, when its Sunday, how many days does it take to get to Friday? 6! Well, whats 13 minus 6? 7! 7 can also refer to 7 dedly stars. Besides the sun, you can't see stars during the day, but when can you see stars? Night time! Where you can also see the moon! Back to my point about the 13th, there are 13 full moons in a year. What else is the moon known for? Controlling the earth's tide. Well, when the 7 dedly stars were made a thousand years ago, it caused a cataclysm where the tides went rampad! Which caused people problems. And when people have troubles with water, what do you do? They call a plumber! And whos a plumber with the map guiding us to the 7 dedly stars that can solve a problem!? Mario!
Goombella: That... just sounded like a theory you just pulled out of your ass.
Mario: I'm not even a fucking plumber anymore! How the fuck does this shit even make sense!
Mario got mad as he impulsively smashed a hole in Frankly's wall with his fist.
Frankly: Don't you see! You have a majical map power!
Goombella: Uhh... Mario... I think the Professor is off his meds... Like, this is starting to freak me out.
Frankly: We must test this!
Goombella and Mario: NO!
Mario: I swear to god I am going to slit your throat and stick my dick in there and skull fuck you as I use your blood as lubricate! You hear me! So help me god!
Frankly did not know how to reply to that, yet he was impressed with Mario's ability to stand up to him as not many oftenly do this.
Frankly: Well... speaking of maps, I have to ask, where in Odin's beard did you find it?
Mario: Some dumb high school prom queen wannabe bitch.
Goombella: Princess Peach mailed it to him!
Frankly: Princess Peach you say!? Why thats quite a celebrity! She was asking me what it was earlier. So I told her it was treasure and then to fuck off thinking she was that student that I 72ed with. Did you know that she doesn't do any of the political work in the Kingdom?
Mario: Yes. And now i'm trying to save her so I can fix her plumbing. And by "fix her plumbing," I mean stick my dick in her va-
Frankly: Astounding! It appears that the map has an identical function of that to a radar! That ritual earlier must have installed an image of the first dedly star! It seems that you will have to head to the Petal Meadows east from here.
Goombella: Petal Meadows...?
Mario: Of course. The first level is always a fucking grass level. How overwhelming...
Goombella: But wait. How do we get there exactly?
Frankly: Well simple. You walk there!
Mario: Yeah but, how do we get there and you know, not do that?
Frankly: You 2 are so lazy! *Sigh* Youth always wasted on the young. I dont know! Find another warp pipe that will take you there.
[Ghettoport East]
Frankly: NOW ALL OF YOU! GET OUT OR I WILL HAVE YOU 2 ASSASSINATED BY THE HAWAIIAN MAFIA FOR ROBBING MY HOUSE!
Mario and Goombella silently leave while the door slams behind them as if Frankly went senile and traced back when they first met in the beginning of part 1 - 7.
Goombella: *Sigh* That was so dumb. So if we do find this warp pipe, where do you think it' ll be?
Mario: Up my ass. I don't know. Let head this way!
Mario: Hey Goombella. Check this out. I stole his power smash badge! Now he can't add an extra 2 damage on opponents while using a hammer function! But I can!
Goombella: I wanna call you an asshole, but that may have just been the smartest thing I've seen you do so far.
Soon after that pointless drama, they realized it would have just been smarter to go back through the same warp pipe from earlier and find some more results that way. Hopefully, we don't run into anymore rapey rhyming goombas like last time.
[Ghettoport Sewers]
Mario and Goombella later found a room with a brown warp pipe. The only problem with entering the warp pipe is the huge body of dirty ass fucking water blocking the way.
Mario: Shit... I guess were gonna have to swim through this.
Goombella: Wait! Mario! The water in this region is overpopulated with-
Like Luigi, Mario got bit by a fucking nibbles causing him to fly, crash on the ceiling, and land flat on the ground. causing 1 damage
Goombella: Like I was saying, the water in this region is overpopulated with these Chain Chomp looking fish things called "nibbles'."
Mario: ... God dammit! What is with these obstacles!?
Goombella: Don't worry Mario! I'm sure we can-
Mario: No! How the fuck are we gonna get through here!
Mario randomly found/ hammer smashed a random long white tentacle sticking out of the water just dangling there like some deformed cock or something.
The tentacle happened to be attached to this disturbing looking squid thing that appears in alot of Mario Hentai known as a "blooper." His name is Big Blubbah (Age 27)
Big Blubbah (Age 28): ARUUUGHEGPBJFFSDAUGFUCKHERRIGHTINTHEPUSSYFEIUBENUGFBEUFBERRRRR!
Mario: Hey look! Its 1 of those endangered retards that live in the sea! Hows it going!?
Goombella: Wait, I took a language class on other species! Although I got a C- in that class...
Big Blubbah: GRIGODHFNDOJCDDOUBLEPENETRATIONCODJFFEOFHEF
Goombella: OH HELL! That thing just said that he wants to double penetrate us with his tentacles!
Mario: You mean that thing wants to rape us!? Oh you are so ded you glow in the dark dildo!
Big Blubbah: FEIOFHEFIENFOEFBEFUBEUOEBUIWILLPUNISHYOURASSHOLESANDURETHRAS
Goombella: NOW THAT THING IS SAYING THAT IT WANTS TO FUCK US INSIDE OUT AND THROUGH THE MOUTH! Mario! We are so killing this thing!
Mario: Sweet! I love killing things!
[BATTLE MODE]
Battle Music: 99 Ways To die by Megadeth
Mario: Power Level 14/20
Goombella: Power Level 13/18
v.s.
Big Blubbah: Power Level 18
Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5
Big Blubbah's tentacle: Power Level 5
(lets just say it's power level is 28)
The blooper suddenly began hanging from the ceiling during the fight
Mario: You look like a moldy dilator used for giving cheerleader's blue waffles! You also smell like shit!
Big Blubbah: ODFHDVOJNDSGOJSDGNRAPEFOEFHEFOSEJFB
Goombella: That thing wants to make us our... waifu...
Goombella uses tattle: Thats a blooper. It has a power level of 18. Bloopers are very horny creatures that are psychologically blinded by their own sex drives. They live for 1 purpose and 1 purpose only; penetration.
Mario: Yeah... I kind of know what bloopers do. I'm even why they're endangered.
Mario uses jump on 1 of the tentacles: [2 Damage]
Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Goombella: [1 Damage]
Big Blubbah uses tentacle smack on Mario: [1 Damage]
Mario: That thing almost fucked us!
Goombella: Yeah! We gotta be careful or next time, he'll put those things inside us!
Big Blubbah: EEFOHEFIBFDIBCHEWMEOUTDSIBI
Goombella: Now he wants us to tastes his tentacles!
Mario: Fuck that shit!
Goombella uses jump on the stronger tentacle: [2 Damage]
Mario: Whoa! When did you learn how to fight!?
Goombella: Yeah, I took a women's self defense class back in college.
Mario: Wait, so that means you could have fought that Robotnik guy on your own!? What the fuck! Ah whatever.
Mario and Goombella continued the fight with the blooper as Mario thought of a brilliant idea!
Mario: I got an idea!
Mario began as he rolled up a joint with a bag of the fire weed he purchased earlier.
Goombella: What! You're ACTUALLY gonna get high NOW!?
Mario: Well... yeah, but i'm also gonna smoke his ass down!
Mario pulled out a lighter and took a big ass hit of fireweed. Instead of smoke, he blew fire all over the blooper destroying all of his tentacles resulting in paralyzing him. [3 Damage All]
Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]
Mario uses hammer: [2 Damage]
The blooper remained paralyzed
Goombella uses jump: [2 Damage]
Mario uses the power smash badge to bash it's brains open: [4 Damage]
At that point, Mario kept "beating a dead horse" by smashing it with a hammer repetitively trenching both Mario and Goombella in the blooper's blood.
Goombella: Alright Mario! Thats enough! Hes dead!
Mario: Sorry. I'm just really stoned right now.
Mario levels up raising his power level to 30
[END OF BATTLE]
And so, new fucked up adventures await Mario and his newly acquainted friend; Goombella! Who knows what adventures they will face beyond their warp pipe journey! What kind of characters will they face? And what more will we learn about the 7 dedly stars? Many questions will be read once we break on through to the other side next chapture on SUPER MARIO AND THE THOUSAND YEAR DRAMA!
- To be continued
Credits Music: I'm Against it by the Ramones
Credits:
Creator: IAMMASTER
Co Editor: Nipplord