I've never even played any of the AA games and I've only watched gameplay for PW:AA, so I'm probably going to make everyone hideously OOC. Apologies in advance. Warning: Complete and utter crack.
The first thing Phoenix noticed was the shadow. The second thing he noticed was the shape.
There's someone in my room!
Scrabbling, Phoenix threw the covers off himself and forced himself upright, his body still asleep. He blinked rapidly, trying to focus.
"Huh…Hello?" he mumbled, squinting. The third thing he noticed was that he was not in his room.
"You slept in your office again," a voice came. Phoenix yelped.
"Whoa! Hey! What—?!" he spluttered intelligently. Before he could ask anything else, the person reached over and flicked on the lights. Blinded, Phoenix was forced to shut his eyes.
Who on Earth could it be?! A client? Apollo?
But when his eyes finally adjusted, he realized it was none of the above. He met face-to-face with a man with a cyan beanie and a gray hoodie. Whiskers were scattered across his cheeks, with a pair of sunken gray (or blue?) eyes.
There was no doubt about it—that was him. From the past, at least.
"Whoa!" Phoenix repeated, stunned. Calm down, Phoenix, and look at the evidence. There's only one explanation…this is a dream. Of course, there's no other way.
But as usual, the things he assumed were incorrect.
"Before you freak out," the man started, interrupting his thoughts, "Let me explain. Yes, I'm you, and no, you are not dreaming."
Phoenix's jaw dropped. Before he could ask any questions, there was a yelp from behind him and a muffled thump. Phoenix whirled around.
"Ow," someone moaned. He peered over the couch and his heart skipped a beat. There was another version of him, wearing his signature blue suit and red tie, except much younger than himself.
The man who'd just arrived looked up blearily. His eyes connected with Phoenix's.
"Yikes! Hey! You're me!" he gasped.
"What the heck is going on," Phoenix asked agitatedly, turning back to the guy—me? myself?—with the beanie.
"We're just getting started," Beanie-Phoenix said with an odd half-smile. "Hold tight."
"Waaaaahh!" Crash!
All the Wrights turned around to face a dazed man in a hot-pink sweater lying on the floor. He sat up abruptly, showing a white mask over his mouth and an oversized red sweater. Everyone except the new arrival groaned in embarrassment at the outfit.
"W-Where am I?" he asked fearfully. "Who're you? Why…you all look like me!"
"Lower your voice," Beanie-Phoenix advised. "And please stop calling me Beanie-Phoenix."
"Who? Huh?" Pre-Disbarred-Phoenix asked helplessly.
"I need to assign names to you guys so the readers don't get confused," Hoodie-Phoenix sighed, rubbing his temples.
"Readers?"
"I'll explain soon."
Another high-pitched yelp soon came, and everyone turned to the right. There was a very small version of Phoenix, his eyes full of panic.
"Wh-where am I?" he whimpered. "Who-who're you people?"
"Good," Hoodie-Phoenix said approvingly. "We're all here."
"Explain why there are four alternate versions of me in my office," Current-Day-Phoenix demanded.
"My office," Pre-Disbarred-Phoenix corrected.
"I really need to give you all names. Alright, lets do this. I'll be Eagle One."
"Eagle One?"
"Nah, I'm just kidding. I'll be Phoenix," Hoodie-Phoenix (now called Phoenix) replied.
"But I'm Phoenix!" Everyone retorted. Phoenix ignored them.
"4th-grade-Phoenix, you'll be Baby Phoenix. Phoenix from the first game, you'll be Wright."
"First game? What game?"
Again, he was ignored. "College-Phoenix, you're Feenie, of course."
Everyone except Feenie and Baby-Phoenix shuddered again at the use of the nickname.
"And finally, the gentleman I am now, you're Phoenix Wright."
"Those are some really confusing names," Wright mused.
Phoenix nodded. "Right. Let me just pause the story here to give a little reminder to the readers…"
4th-grade Phoenix, AKA the kid who cried because he got accused of stealing lunch money: Baby Phoenix
College Phoenix, AKA the guy who loved Dollie and wears that atrocious outfit: Feenie
Phoenix from the first game, AKA the guy who defended Edgey in Turnabout Goodbyes: Wright
Hobo-Phoenix, AKA the guy who adopted Trucy and played poker: Phoenix
Current-day Phoenix, AKA the 3D bamf in Dual Destinies: Phoenix Wright. Got it? Good.
"…Excuse me, what? Readers?" Phoenix Wright asked, dumbfounded.
"Yeah. You guys are here—"
"Don't you mean, I'm here? Or, I am all here? Uh…I probably shouldn't have said anything," Wright mumbled.
"Nah, I'm treating all of you like different people. Makes things easier. Anyway, you guys are here for a purpose that I can't tell you, and you'll return to your daily lives soon enough. When you do, you'll forget all memory of this happening, so as to prevent a time paradox."
"W-wait," Baby Phoenix asked shakily. "You guys are me? In…in the future?"
"Yeah," Phoenix said with a nod.
"Wow! You guys are me from the future!" Feenie suddenly affirmed.
Phoenix rolled his eyes. "Yes, that's what I said."
A beat, then Feenie squeaked, "Why do I get the feeling that everyone here doesn't like me?"
Without warning, Wright leaned over to Feenie. "Do not stay with Dahlia," he hissed. Phoenix and Phoenix Wright nodded fervently at that.
Feenie's eyes widened with shock and offense. "You mean my little Dollie? Why wouldn't I stay with her? She's a perfect little angel! She gave me a necklace—"
"Okay, that's enough," Phoenix interrupted. "Didn't I already tell you guys you won't remember any of this later? Telling Feenie that his 'Dollie' is gonna be a crazy murderer won't help anyone."
Feenie gasped audibly. "Murderer?! Dollie is NOT a murderer! Are you guys bitter because she broke up with me later?! Wait, Dollie wouldn't—!"
"What do I do when I grow up?!" Baby Phoenix broke in suddenly, his eyes glowing. Everyone gratefully turned to the change of subject.
"Why, you become a defense attorney," Wright said proudly. His eyes then slid over Phoenix. "Say, what's with you? Why is there a whole new me with that outfit?"
Phoenix and Phoenix Wright met eyes.
"…You wanna tell him?" Phoenix said with a raised eyebrow.
Phoenix Wright winced, then turned to Wright.
"Tell me what?" he asked, his eyes curious yet slightly guarded.
"I become a defense attorney? Like Miles?" Baby-Phoenix continued, sounding even more excited. Everyone froze.
"…Yeah, like Miles," Wright said softly. When Phoenix and Phoenix Wright shot him a look, he raised his shoulders and whispered "Hey! You said we wouldn't remember anything! It doesn't matter what I say, right?"
"Right…" Phoenix Wright admitted.
"What were you saying before?" Wright pressed. Phoenix Wright sighed. I should've expected it. I'm good at pressing others, after all.
"You…uh…I…lose my…your, um—"
"Like I said," Phoenix advised, "Refer to everyone as if they were a different person."
"R-Right. Um, you lose your badge."
Wright's eyes widened in horror as he turned to Phoenix.
"Hold it! You're me?! When I lose my job? I turn into—I'm, I mean, you're wearing a beanie!"
"You also have a daughter," Phoenix added, eyes twinkling. Clearly, he was enjoying this.
"WHAT?!"
Phoenix Wright sighed, about to say something, when suddenly a knock came on the door. Phoenix Wright's eyes widened.
"Oh shoot, that's Apollo. He always comes in early. Everyone hide!"
With that, Baby Phoenix, Feenie, Phoenix, and Wright scrambled for a spot to stow away.
"Mr. Wright? Can I come in?"
For a second, Phoenix Wright expected Wright to respond, considering he was already used to their new names. Then, after a beat, he said "Oh! Yeah, sure!"
The door opened and Apollo peeked in.
"I just wanted to let you know that me and Athena going to be out for the day, investigating," Apollo informed. His eyes locked on something past Phoenix Wright.
"…Mr. Wright? What's that?" he asked, pointing. Pheonix Wright turned with some trepidation, his heart starting to pound when he saw a hint of a red scarf. Feenie! Why am I always haunted by you?!
"…Ah, nothing," he responded, trying to sound nonchalant, when suddenly there was a soft achoo!
Apollo's eyebrows furrowed. "Say, who were you talking to? I swear I heard a voice."
Phoenix Wright shrugged, the sweat already starting to collect. "I didn't hear anything! Anyway, you ought to, uh, get on that investigation…"
Apollo frowned. For a second, he looked like he was going to object, but then he just nodded and closed the door.
Phoenix Wright waited until he was sure Apollo was gone, then sighed in relief.
"I think we're clear," he whispered. The rest of the Phoenixes climbed out.
"…Who was that?" Wright asked.
"One of my understudies," Phoenix Wright replied proudly. "Then there's Athena and Trucy."
"Who're they?"
"Well, for starters, Trucy is my daughter—" Phoenix suddenly broke off laughing, and Phoenix Wright stared at him in confusion.
"It's just…the look on your face," he explained, gesturing towards Wright, who looked utterly lost.
"Does that mean I get a wife in the future?"
"Nah, you adopt her."
"Oh."
"You sound disappointed," Feenie added carefully. Everyone shot a look at him, except Baby-Phoenix, who was exploring the office wide-eyed. Feenie sneezed three times in quick succession, rubbing his nose. Other than that, the office was finally silent.
"…So, what time period are you all in?" Phoenix Wright asked, breaking the silence.
"What do you mean?" Wright asked, still seeming a little shell-shocked.
"You know…I'm here, in the present, but you guys are from the past."
"Well, I'm from the middle of when I was…disbarred," Phoenix put in.
"Uh, I just finished my third case as a lawyer," Wright put in.
Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "So you don't know about DL-6 yet?"
"…Sorry, what?"
"Guess you don't."
"I think Feenie is in the time right before Doug told him what's up," Phoenix Wright continued, jerking his head at the pink-clad man.
"What about you?" Wright asked, facing Baby-Phoenix with a gentle look on his face. "Man, I can't believe you're not freaking out."
"Is Miles still at school?" Phoenix Wright asked carefully.
"Yup!" Baby-Phoenix said with a happy nod.
"Have you had your, um, class trial yet?"
A look of fear entered Baby-Phoenix's eyes and he looked away, not responding.
"Poor kid," Wright said sympathetically. "That trial really scared you, huh?" a pause. "I mean, it scared me. I hated that trial."
Phoenix Wright got an idea. "Speaking of that, Larry's the one who stole the money."
Wright, Feenie, and Baby-Phoenix whirled around to face him, slack-jawed.
"What?!" Wright was the first one to respond. "After all this time?!"
"When something smells, it's usually—"
"—the Butz, I know, oh man I should've figured it out!" Wright put a hand to his head. "Dang, I wish I could remember that! I wanna yell at Larry now!"
"…Was I really that surprised when I found out?" Phoenix Wright asked Phoenix. Phoenix nodded with a small grin on his face.
Phoenix Wright then turned around to face the sheer oddness of the situation. There were 5 Phoenixes in an office, most of them freaking out and running around.
"When will you guys be leaving?" Phoenix Wright asked Phoenix.
Phoenix glanced at the clock. "I think we have about five minutes." he raised his voice. "Hey, I think we should have a tell-all time."
"Tell-all time?" Feenie echoed, head cocked. He then looked around. "W-why do you guys look at me like that whenever I talk?"
I want to completely forget 'Feenie', Phoenix Wright thought exasperatedly. "Yeah, like he said, what're you talking about?"
"I dunno. Don't you guys wanna know what happens to you in the future?"
"I do! I do!" Baby-Phoenix put in excitedly. He raced to the center of the office, sitting down cross-legged. The other Phoenixes followed, sitting in the same position.
"So," Phoenix began, "Since we don't have much time, I think Phoenix Wright should start, and tell us what happens with his life."
Phoenix Wright blinked. "Well. Um. I become a pretty good lawyer, I think, and…" he searched the faces of himself, trying to say something that none of them knew.
"…Edgeworth wears glasses," he added helplessly.
"Miles?" Baby-Phoenix asked curiously. "What does Miles do? Is he here? Is he a really good defense attorney too?"
Phoenix Wright winced at that. "Um…"
"No lies," Phoenix put in ominously.
He sighed. He didn't want to stun his 4th-grade self, but…
"Miles doesn't become a defense attorney. He goes into prosecution."
Baby-Phoenix's face fell. "What?! But he was so sure! He wanted to be like his dad!"
"Some things happen to Miles," Phoenix murmured quietly.
"What happens to Dollie?" Feenie suddenly asked, his eyes dancing with curiosity. Instantly the whole room burst into a bunch of responses, mostly groans of embarrassment and panic, the noise becoming louder until Phoenix Wright could only pick out two responses.
"We only have five seconds!"
"You're being too loud!"
In all the noise, Phoenix Wright missed the knocking at his door, when suddenly it opened.
There stood Edgeworth, his smooth, gray eyes widening in shock at the sight of the 5 Phoenixes sitting on the floor.
"Miles!" Baby-Phoenix cheered, and then suddenly they all vanished.
"…Wright," Edgeworth spoke after a second.
"Um, yeah?"
"Did I just…see five copies of you sitting on the floor?"
Phoenix gulped. "…Uh, what?"
"I…nothing. Ahem. Sorry for bursting in. I wanted to let you know—"
"Gahhh!"
Phoenix whirled around, and there was lying another version of Miles, this one much younger than the one standing in front of him now.
"Oh, no," Phoenix sighed. "Not again."
Not willing to explain anything, Phoenix slipped past a dumbfounded Edgeworth and into the hall, running away from what was sure to become a Miles-party.
There we go! A couple things: no, I've never watched Doctor Who, two, I don't usually care for fanfics that break the 4th wall, but I couldn't resist, three, I still don't understand the "eagle one" joke, but I'm going with it.