Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Naruto is the property of Masashi Kishimoto. (Though I certainly would mind taking some of those sexy beasts of characters off his hands if were ever so inclined)

WARNING: this is M-rated so I can do whatever I want with it. (I am a first class pervert after all. Heck, I could probably give Jiraiya a run for his money)

Damn, this was not how things were supposed to go down. She was supposed to swoop in and save the day and have praises (along with a lifetime supply of ramen) rained down on her from the high heavens.

Maybe Kakashi- sensei would rub her head and give her that disgusting, piece of shit eye-smile (she honestly needed to find a way to rip of that mask) while she would discretely stare at his ass and see if she could covertly cop a feel, Sasuke (that stuck up, positively anal bastard) would degrade her hard work and proceed call her a dobe (to which she would call him teme and they would fight and she would grope him), Sai would be Sai and Sakura (with her sexy pink locks) would recognize her love for her and they would engage in passionate lesbian sex for weeks on end and probably invite her other two (excluding Sai, he was just too infuriating) teammates to join in.

…Okay, maybe not so much, probably something more mild, like… she would suggest it and Sakura would beat the ever-perverted shit out of her, just the way she liked it. But noooooo, things never went her way.

Naruto was pissed. What was with bad guys and thwarting her plans for the future? First it was Zabuza who happened to be about to die and have her soon to be boy toy sacrifice himself, then it was Orochimaru pouring a gallon of piss on her chunin exam promotion flames and after that it was … you know what, you get the idea.

So, it just so happens that at the moment when she and the bastard sealed the rabbit bitch, she decided,

'Hey, I'm not going down without taking one of you with me.', and it just so happens that Naruto was the one she wanted to take.

She then activated some jutsu with her annoyingly overpowered rinnegan and sucked her in along with Kurama who resided in her tummy.

Now Naruto was exhausted with no fucking clue where she was. It was dark and damp and she felt weird and where her glorious tits were supposed to be felt abnormally light, she couldn't remember ever feeling them that light, they had been there since her preteen years. Actually she felt very small and frail and Kurama (the tsudere fuzz-butt) was out like Naruto with a Sakura gifted concussion.

It was times like these she wished the more mentally inclined members of the ninja society were present, like Shikamaru for example, it helps that he wasn't half bad to look at and too lazy to defend himself from her grubby paws with a bad case of wander lust.

Mm… he was quite well endowed and fit, … he was quite the frisky drunk. Naruto's cerulean orbs glazed over in remembrance of the good old days, and a slight blush stole over her cheeks. Shit, she needed to focus, not think about drunken, yet well executed, trysts.

What was the first thing she was supposed to do when in an unfamiliar place? Check for ramen! No, nonononono, she needed to set her priorities straight. Oh yeah, she was supposed to check her surroundings.

But, not now, she was soooo tired. She could do that later. Yeah … she could… do *yawn* that… la….

And thus Naruto Uzumaki knuckle-headed, pervert ninja extraordinaire, fell asleep in unfamiliar territory.

Eh, she had faced a literal Goddess, what was another ninja?

Damn, she would regret that later. The moon twinkled outside the cave she resided in, as if laughing at the fool who would literally and figuratively stay in the dark until morning came.

AN: hey, I honestly wasn't planning to write this. I guess the bug bit me. Well hope you enjoyed. You don't have to review if you don't want to, and I guess you're here because you've already read. Relax and enjoy the ride, I'm not sure when I'll update. Depends on how I feel I guess. Later loves.