Hush Now, Darling
***There's nothing I can really say about this one-shot except that it made me tear up while writing it. It's by far the saddest unrequited-love story I've ever written. Sorry guys. XD
Let me know if you want a part two or something for Alby and Newt to be together. Because this was just...ugh, too sad.
Reviews are very appreciated. Thanks for reading :)***
"Fading in, fading out
On the edge of paradise...
Love me like you do
Love me like you do...
Touch me like you do
Touch me like you do...
What're you waiting for?"
–Ellie Goulding
Alby was sitting, alone, on the edge of a bed. The silvery light of the moon glowed from the window and stained the floor blue. It illuminated the little, shabby room with its single desk and chair. Life in the Homestead wasn't exactly luxury. It certainly wasn't for Alby, who was just now recovering from the Changing.
Wincing, he lightly touched the bandage on his chest; the white fabric was turned a dark shade of pink from the Sting underneath. He dropped his hand again with a sigh. A shiver passed through him. He wished he could put his shirt back on, but it would probably bother the Sting. He settled for staring at the floor between his boots, forearms resting on his knees. The numbness was settling over him again. And with the numbness came the sadness.
The same damn sadness he could never get rid of. It had started as soon as he'd gone into the Maze with Minho a week ago and had never stopped since. He couldn't help it. He was always depressed and quiet around the Keeper of the Runners. But he tried to never let it show. That wouldn't be fair to Minho; he couldn't help that he was in love with Newt, and Newt loved him back.
Newt, who was Alby's second-in-command.
Newt, who was Alby's best friend.
Newt, the boy Alby loved.
Yes, loved. Alby was hopelessly, awfully in love with Newt. He had been since the first day he'd seen the adorable blonde climb up out of the Box. They hadn't been very close at first, though. Newt had become a Runner and made a different group of friends. He'd also found happiness with Minho, the Keeper. But after his incident in the Maze, when he'd broken his leg beyond repair, he'd had to give up being a Runner. He became Alby's trusted friend and second leader of the Glade. The two had grown closer than brothers over the years. And over the years, Alby had fallen more and more for Newt.
But it was hopeless, of course. Newt was with Minho, and the two were happy together. Alby was just...a friend. But oh, how he wanted to be more. He would've given anything to be special to Newt, to spend his days making him happy, to be with him. It ate at his heart every day, until the pain became too much. He just wanted it to end.
Blinking, Alby realized his eyes were burning with tears. "Shuck it," he muttered, wiping at his eyes with one hand. He refused to fall apart. He refused.
The click of the door inching open made him glance up. His pulse stopped. Newt stood in the doorway, concern in his midnight-azure eyes. He looked soft and touchable in his loose cream hoodie. Pushing the door open farther, he gave a half-smile. "Hey, Alby. How're you doing?"
Alby swallowed. He couldn't look at him. "Fine."
"That's good." Newt hesitated, one hand on the doorknob. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," Alby answered, softening his flat tone with a brief smile. It faltered when Newt closed the door behind him and crossed to Alby's side. The bed dipped as Newt sat down, close enough for their shoulders to brush.
"Are you okay?" Newt asked in the silence. "You seemed really quiet the last time I saw you."
Alby ran a hand over his short hair. "I'm okay. Just tired."
"All right," Newt replied, but he didn't sound convinced. He studied the bandage on Alby's chest. "Does it hurt?"
"Not much," Alby admitted.
"Okay. Jeff told me you might be in some pain. If you are, just tell me and I'll leave."
"You don't have to leave. I don't want you to."
"All right." Newt watched him for a long long moment. "I wish you'd tell me what's wrong," he said softly.
Alby started in surprise and glanced sharply at Newt. "Nothing's wrong," he insisted.
"You're lying," Newt accused.
"How do you know?" Alby scoffed bitterly.
"Oh, come on, Alby. I know you." Newt's voice was heavy with sadness. "I can tell something's wrong. You're barely looking at me."
In reply, Alby looked away.
"Shuck, Alby, what is it?" Newt demanded. He placed a hand on Alby's shoulder, sending electrical shocks into his bare skin. "What did I do?"
Alby's eyebrows rose. "You didn't do anything. Why would you think that?"
"Because you're ignoring me after you just got Stung. I want to know why."
"Oh, you think you do?" Alby asked harshly. The pain was building now, and he struggled to hold back.
"I know I do!"
"You don't know anything."
"Dammit, Alby, tell me."
Alby snapped. "Fine. You wanna know? FINE." And he seized Newt by the back of the head and brought their mouths together.
The kiss was hard, and short, and Newt was too shocked to kiss back, but it still sent lightning bolts into Alby's entire being. He broke away, glaring at Newt with brokenness in his eyes. He still held the back of Newt's head, fingers locked in blonde hair. Newt stared at him, mouth hanging open.
"A—Alby," Newt stammered, "I—"
"Don't." Alby cut him off. He fought down the sob in his chest. "Don't say anything. I know." He dropped his hand from Newt's neck. He was surprised when Newt caught it before it fell and slowly touched Alby's fingertips to his cheek. Alby's breath caught. He watched dumbly as Newt leaned his head into Alby's touch, letting him cradle his face in his hand.
Newt's eyes fell shut for a minute. He seemed to be fighting with himself. Then he opened his eyes again and they locked onto Alby's. "You love me," he whispered, as though he'd just discovered something.
Silently, Alby nodded.
Hurt flickered in Newt's expression. "How long?" he asked gently.
Alby took a deep breath. "Since the first day. The very first day."
"And...you never told me."
"No. I didn't."
Newt looked heartbroken. "Alby," he gasped suddenly, and he crushed their lips together once more.
Alby's heart pounded in his chest and his whole body lit up with sparks. He couldn't believe that Newt was actually KISSING HIM, even though he was with—
No no no, don't think about that. Think about NOW.
Whimpering with need, Alby grabbed Newt by the shoulders and stood up; roughly, he shoved Newt across the room and up against the wall. The blonde inhaled sharply as his back pressed against the wood. Alby buried his fingers deep in white-gold hair and kissed Newt with everything he had. Newt kissed him back just as desperately. His hands were at Alby's waist, searing his skin with heat. They kissed senselessly, intoxicated, until Newt tore himself away.
He looked up at Alby, breathing hard. There was awful agony brimming in his gaze, and a single tear escaped down his cheek. "Minho," he choked out.
Alby felt his soul shatter. "I know," he murmured. "I'm sorry." He took a step back—and Newt grabbed his belt loops. He paused, startled.
Newt was gazing at him with so many emotions in his face: pain, sorrow, grief, longing. He tugged Alby closer. "Just one night," he said quickly, before kissing Alby again.
The words barely had time to register, and when they did, Alby found he didn't care. One night. Just one night. It was more than he'd ever thought he'd get. And dammit, he was going to take it.
Growling, he knotted his fingers in the bottom of Newt's hoodie and ripped it upward. Newt lifted his arms to let him tear it off, stripping off his tank top as Alby threw the hoodie away. A gasp left him as Alby braced his forearms on either side of Newt's head. He crowded in on the other boy, their foreheads resting together. Alby admired the golden skin and lithely powerful muscle of the blonde in front of him. "God, you're beautiful," he breathed.
Newt shut his eyes. "Don't talk," he mumbled, slinging his fingers in Alby's waistband. "Kiss me." He tipped his head up invitingly and Alby couldn't resist.
He kissed Newt hard, possessively, sucking on his bottom lip. Newt moaned into his mouth and the sound made him crazy. He felt Newt's fingers unbuttoning his jeans. Liquid fire filled his veins and he dragged Newt back from the wall. He managed to kick out of his boots halfway across the room, and by the time they reached the bed, his jeans were slipping to the floor. Allowing Newt to push him back onto the mattress, he shuddered.
Oh god, Newt looked so gorgeous, his hair falling jaggedly into his eyes as he straddled Alby. Alby reached up to place a hand on Newt's hip, stroking his thumb over hard abs. "Newt..."
Newt chose that moment to lean down and press his lips to the side of Alby's neck. Panting, Alby tilted his head as Newt continued down his throat, leaving scorching tingles in his skin. He kissed a path down Alby's chest and stomach, tongue grazing rippling muscle. Alby's fingers curled into the sheets at the sensation. When he felt Newt tugging his boxers down, he stopped breathing altogether.
"N—Newt," he gasped out, arching up as Newt pulled his boxers off completely.
"I want you." Newt backed up his words by running his tongue along Alby's length once.
Alby's body tensed, his mind shutting down. "Please," he managed breathlessly. "Please, Newt, please." Newt licked him again, causing his hips to lift off the mattress in his need for more. "Oh god."
Newt made a tiny, pained sound. "I can't take it when you beg," he whimpered. He took Alby's length in his mouth and sucked.
Alby's head was thrown back now, and he let out a groan of pleasure. Dear god, Newt's tongue... He gripped the sheets as hard as he could while Newt drove him wild. The blonde was torturing him, letting his tongue run up every side of Alby and then sucking hard. Alby's eyes rolled back, helpless moans escaping him. He wanted more more more. Collapsing against the mattress again, his chest heaving, he watched Newt slide up his body. The blonde planted a hand on Alby's stomach, desire in his slow movements.
Gritting his teeth, Alby took Newt's shoulders and flipped them over. Newt hit the bed with a thump, surprise in his features. The surprise fogged over when Alby harshly tore open his jeans and wrenched them down. Revenge, he thought with an evil smirk, before sucking Newt's length once through his boxers. A frantic, shaky whimper left Newt and he threw his head back. Alby grinned, then hurriedly got rid of Newt's boxers.
Both of them managed to slip under the sheets, the covers falling like a tent around them. A safe little place where no one would see. Where they could be together. Before it happened, they just stared at each other. Newt's hands were splayed on the curve of Alby's back, his breathing unsteady. He was absolutely stunning in that instant. Overwhelmingly so. Alby cupped Newt's face, caressing his cheek with his thumb. "Newt, I love you," he confessed softly, tears brimming again in his eyes.
Newt nearly sobbed. "I know. Oh god, Alby, I know. I'm—" He was interrupted when Alby touched a finger to his lips. Alby shook his head slightly: don't say anything. He took a shuddering breath. "Make love to me," Newt whispered, voice choked. "Please."
Alby couldn't say no. How could he? He was sure to be gentle with Newt, asking first if he was okay with this or that. Newt simply choked out, "yes." Slowly, Alby moved his body over Newt's and the blonde's back curved beneath him. The feeling of it, of being with Newt like this, was better than he'd ever imagined it'd be. He kept going, until Newt's soft mewls turned to delirious moans and begging underneath him. He ducked his face into the crook of Newt's neck, whispering meaningless words to him, hushed soft things.
When at last they fell asleep, exhausted, they were curled around each other.
Morning sunlight spearing from the window woke Alby the next day. He squinted blearily, lifting a hand to shield his face. Blinking, he thought dumbly: ...what day is it? He went to sit up, stopped by Newt's hand on his chest. Pausing, he stared down at the lovely blonde. Newt was snuggled up against his side, holding Alby in his sleep. Slowly, Alby rested his head against the pillow again. For one, beautiful moment, he let himself pretend they would be together like this, always. But the thought only broke his heart more.
Suddenly, Newt stirred, eyelashes fluttering. His stormy blue eyes opened and met Alby's immediately. At first, content and some other emotion brimmed in them. Then they shattered. He drew away slightly, bringing a hand to his mouth. "Oh my god."
Alby's heart ached. "Newt—"
"Oh god, what have I done?" Tears slipped down Newt's face. "M—Minho."
"You still love him...don't you ?" Alby asked, but he didn't say it like a question. Newt nodded, trembling. Alby knew the answer already, but it only made it hurt more. Wordlessly, he hugged Newt closer. "I understand," he murmured. "I do. If you want to be with him...that's okay. This was only for one night. You said so."
Newt clung to him. "I love you," he sobbed. "But I still love him too. I need him, I can't leave him. I'd never leave him. But I love you, Alby." He fell into more sobs, shaking.
"Shhhh," Alby soothed, wrapping an arm around Newt's waist. He stroked Newt's hair. "Hush. Hush now, darling. I know. You don't have to leave him." He held back his own sob. "I'll let you go."
Newt didn't answer. He stayed in Alby's embrace, shivering, until the tears stopped coming. He inhaled a long breath and let it out. When he raised his gaze to Alby's again, the agony was still there. But it was hidden a bit by a new numbness. He gulped. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay." Abruptly, he darted forward and kissed Alby's mouth briefly. "I'm so so sorry, Alby."
And Alby felt like his heart should be breaking.
But that was impossible, wasn't it?
His heart was already far too broken.