A Ridonculous Fight
Author's Note: This is a story on how Chet and Lorenzo got into the Ridonculous Race. Darren and Helen are Chet and Lorenzo's parents, and this scene is based on the fight scene from the 2008 movie, Step Brothers. Rated M for strong language and some sexual themes. Let the fanfic…BEGIN!
"Home alone on a Saturday," thought Chet as he lay sprawled out on the couch watching movies on Netflix. His mom, Helen, usually takes Saturdays to go out grocery shopping, Lorenzo's father, Darren, is at work, and Lorenzo himself is hanging out at a friend's house playing video games, meaning Chet was home alone, and like most teens, Chet loves it when this happens, especially when Lorenzo isn't home. He continued to watch his movie until Netflix started to run into issues with wi-fi connection. "Stupid wi-fi connection," whined Chet.
He decided to take the time to go up to his room and play some Grand Theft Auto 5. As he walked upstairs to his room, he passed a room that held Lorenzo's drum set. When Chet moved into Lorenzo's house a year ago, after Helen and Darren got married, he only had one rule for Chet, "Never ever touch my drum set without my permission." With nobody home, Chet was feeling really tempted to play on them for a while, but he knew he had to abide by Lorenzo's rule, even if he's, as Chet calls him, "a poo head." Nevertheless, Lorenzo shrugged his shoulders and said, "I guess it wouldn't matter if I play on them for a little while."
He went into the room, sat down on the stool behind the drum set, slipped on a pair of headphones, and grabbed some drumsticks. Chet started to bang the drum sticks on the symbols and multiple drums. He looked behind him to see that Lorenzo's drum set even came with a gong and some chimes, so he started to play with those as well. Chet was having so much fun that he was laughing. After a while, it got to the point where Chet just looked into one of the drums and shouted, "Fuck you, Lorenzo, Fuck you!"
Chet then looked at the clock on the wall to see that over an hour has passed since he started playing. "That's enough fun for now," Chet said as he put the drum sticks and headphones back where he found them. He went back downstairs, and turned on the T.V to watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was Chet's guilty pleasure. Five minutes later, Lorenzo returned home and found Chet sprawled out on the couch watching T.V in the living room.
"Hey," Lorenzo said, greeting his stepbrother. "'Sup," Chet said back. Lorenzo noticed that Chet had sweat on his face from his drum session. He decided to bring this up. "Why are you so sweaty? Did you actually do the unthinkable and exercise!" "I didn't exercise, you dingus," Chet said while trying to think of a cover story. "For your information, I was watching Cops, and it was a really exciting episode." "Oh," said Lorenzo, "Alright, I'm going to take a nap. I'll leave you to your stupid pony show." "IT'S NOT STUPID!" shouted Chet as Lorenzo went upstairs.
Lorenzo was on his way to his bedroom when he decided to go into his music room to see if Chet was in there at all. He looked at the drum set to see that everything was okay. It was exactly as Lorenzo remembered leaving it…until he looked at his drum stick and noticed that one of them had a chip in it. "Chet that motherfucker!" Lorenzo said under his breath.
Lorenzo ran back downstairs to the living room to confront Chet. "Hey, Chet, by any chance, did you touch my drum set?" Hearing that made Chet go into a cold sweat. "Uh, what are you talking about, dude, I was down here watching T.V the whole day." Lorenzo got mad. He took the remote from Chet and turned off the T.V. "Be honest, Chet! Did you, or did you not, touch my damn drum set!" Chet didn't answer. "I know you touched my drum stick, because the left one has a chip in it." Chet got up from the couch and said. "Are you crazy, man, you sound insane. You should be medicated." "Fuck you, Chet!" Shouted Lorenzo, "I know you touched my drum set, and I want to hear that dirty little mouth of yours admit it!" Chet started to get mad too. The two stepbrothers got madder and madder as their argument raged on.
"Lorenzo, you'd better get out of my face before I clock you in your jaw."
"You swear on your mom's life that you didn't touch it!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO SWEAR TO SHIT!"
"That's because you touched my drum set, because I know that Cops doesn't start until 4:00!"
Without saying another word, Chet started to make his way back to Lorenzo's music room. "Where are you going?" Asked Lorenzo. "I'm going upstairs to your music room." Answered Chet. "Because I'm going to rub my nut sack on your drum set!" Chet continued his way upstairs as Lorenzo continued to yell at him. "Chet, don't do it! If you do it, then I will stab you in the neck with a knife…in your sleep!"
Too late, Chet already made it to the music room. He unzipped his pants, pulled out his balls, and started to rub them against Lorenzo's drum set. "John Bonham is playing Moby Dick for real!" Shouted Chet. As soon as Lorenzo heard that, he went ballistic. He came bolting up the stairs and into the music room, where he promptly tackled Chet into a wall. Lorenzo then grabbed his headphones and wrapped the wires around Chet's neck. As Lorenzo attempted to choke Chet, he shouted, "There was one rule, in this fucking house, and you broke it!" Chet managed to push Lorenzo to the floor, but he still had the headphones and wires still around his neck, and every time Lorenzo tried to pull him down, Chet would slam on the pedal to the bass drum so that it would hit Lorenzo in the face.
This process continued until Lorenzo kicked Chet back into the wall. He tried charging at Chet, who dodged out of the way, causing Lorenzo to hit the gong with his head. Chet grabbed Lorenzo by the back of his shirt, and threw him into another wall, causing the CDs on a shelf to fall off. The two left the music room and took the fight to the hallway. Lorenzo slammed Chet into a wall, causing it to crack. As they continue their brawl, they made it to the stairs, where they promptly fell down. That didn't stop the fighting, however, because they got up and continued to punch each other.
Outside, the noise from the fighting attracted one of the neighbor's dogs. Chet tried to escape Lorenzo by running outside. Lorenzo gave chase to him as he shouted, "You rub your balls on my drum set, I'm going to rub my balls on your mom's face! How about that?" Chet didn't respond, he just opened the door, where he promptly got attacked by the dog that was observing the fighting from outside.
The dog bit Chet's leg as he started to scream like a little girl while running out to the front lawn. Before Chet knew it, he was suffering a beat down at the hands of the dog, and Lorenzo. "This isn't fair!" Cried Chet. "I'm getting tag teamed by a flea ridden beast whose breath smells like crotch…and a dog!" "I am not a flea ridden beast!" Shouted Lorenzo as their fighting continued. "Your drum set's a whore!" Chet shouted. "I tea bagged your drum set!" "My drum set's a guy, so that makes you gay, you brony!" Lorenzo shouted back. "Shut up about my love of MLP, dick munch!"
The two stepbrothers got up as their fighting began to attract some of the neighbors. Some of the neighbors even began to call the police. "Let's get it on!" shouted Lorenzo, who started to crack his knuckles. Chet got scared and started to scream, "Rape! Rape! Rape!" It was at this time when Helen, Chet's mom, returned from grocery shopping. She looked at the fight and ran up to the two boys to try and break the fight up. "Chet, Lorenzo, stop this fighting at once!" "Shut up, Helen, you're not my real mom!" Lorenzo shouted. "Mom, help me!" Chet cried as Lorenzo but him in a headlock. Helen managed to break Chet free of the headlock, but Lorenzo pushed her away…where the same dog from earlier tackled her to the ground. "No!" Cried Chet. He tried to run up and help her, but ended up being pulled away by Lorenzo. "We're not done here, yet, tough guy!" Lorenzo shouted. "My mom's being eaten by a dog and there's nothing I can do!" Chet cried.
The fight continued as the dog's owners came out of their house to take the dog back home. It's at this point where Helen ran into the house to try and call her husband, Darren.
Meanwhile, at Darren's job, he's a big CEO at a toy company, and he's giving a presentation about their sales when his cell phone rings. "Excuse me for one moment." Darren said as he put the presentation on hold. He answered the phone to hear his wife screaming frantically. "Darren, they're like animals! Chet and Lorenzo are at it again! Come home, help!" Helen shouted. "Don't worry, babe, I'm on my way!" Darren hung up the phone and ran out of the conference room to try and make it home before the fight got any worse.
As Darren pulled up to the house, Helen was still trying to break up the fight by spraying Chet and Lorenzo with a hose, Chet and Lorenzo started to use things like baseball bats, golf clubs, gardening tools, fishing poles, hockey sticks, and a freaking bicycle as weapons, and the fight has attracted even more dogs, and even more people. "What the hell is going on?!" Darren said as he got out of his car. "Honey, do something!" Helen cried. Darren ran up to the two stepbrothers' fight, only to get pushed away by Chet and Lorenzo. "Stay out of this, dad!" Shouted Lorenzo. He looked at Chet as he raised a golf club up and said, "It's time to end this!" Chet raised up a baseball bat and shouted, "Leroy Jenkins!
WHAM!
Both Chet and Lorenzo hit each other hard in the head with their weapons, and fell to the ground unconscious as their fight ended. "Oh my God!" Darren said in utter disbelief. "What the fucking fuck?!" Helen shouted, also in disbelief.
The police finally arrived as well as an ambulance, and Chet and Lorenzo were carted off to the local hospital, where they spend the night. When they returned home the next morning the stepbrothers sat down in front of the television where they watched the Toronto Skateboarding Championship, and one of the participants did an awesome flip in mid-air. "Awesome!" Chet said in awe. "Yeah, somebody got some air." Lorenzo said as he and Chet high fived each other. "I still hate you." Chet said. "I still hate you too." Lorenzo said.
After a while, Darren and Helen came into the living room and Darren shut off the T.V. "Dad, what are you doing? It's the championships." Said Lorenzo.
Darren ignored that comment and said, "Okay, here's what's going to happen, first off: you will fix that fucking dry wall now! And number two: Your mother and I are sick of you two constantly fighting. I organized interviews with the producers for that new show, "The Ridonculous Race," and you will go!"
Lorenzo was confused. "Dad, why are you talking to me like this, I'm your son." He said.
"I'm not buying that crap anymore!" shouted Darren. "Helen and I are hoping that you two will get along more if you join this game show together."
"We don't want to go!" Chet protested. "And besides, we're fine."
"Are you really?" Helen asked. "Yesterday, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. Plus, you yelled rape at the top of your lungs."
"Mom, I honestly thought that I was going to be raped for a second." Chet explained. "He had the craziest look on his eyes, and at one point he said 'let's get it on!'"
Lorenzo quickly retorted by saying, "That was about the fighting, I am so not a rapist."
"About the fighting," Helen said, "Why were you two fighting to begin with?"
"This dingus over here touched my drumset….with his nuts!" Shouted Lorenzo.
"I told you, I didn't touch your drum set!" Cried Chet.
"I witnessed, with my own two eyes, your nut sack touching my drumset." Said Lorenzo.
"You're such a liar," said Chet .
"Eat shit!" Lorenzo shouted as he pushed Chet.
"You eat shit!" Chet said as he pushed back
"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT!" Bellowed Darren, finally having had enough of his son and stepson's constant fighting. "You boys leave me no choice, no television for a week."
"WHAT!?" the stepbrothers shouted in disbelief.
"We are so serious." Helen said as she took the t.v remote from the table, and handed it to Darren.
"You're fucking high!" Shouted Chet "Seriously, are you out of your minds!?"
"This is going in my wall safe, and it will stay there until you boys can behave." Darren said and he and Helen walked off to their bedroom.
"No!" Cried Lorenzo
"This house is a fucking prison!" Shouted Chet
"On Planet Bullshit!" Chimed in Lorenzo
"On the Galaxy of This Sucks Donkey Dicks!" Chimed in Chet.
There was nothing the two teens could do. The decision for them to audition for the Ridonculous Race was set in stone. So, as much as they didn't want to, the two teens auditioned for the show, got on said show, and prepared themselves for the rather ridonculous adventure that lay ahead of them.
THE END