Chapter 1

Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum, and I hate the internet. You'd think I would love it, seeing as I'm lazy. I like being able to look something up in seconds. Having to go though a big book is annoying and boring. I love online shopping, there's no judgment when you select your size. And despite the fact that the majority of the emails I get are offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess, looking up porn makes me giggle. Before you call me a perv, I don't get anything from it. Well, maybe I do, but give me a break. I'm only human.

I originally never used the internet. I was never a computer person. But I did eventually get a laptop, and I briefly worked with computers when I worked for Ranger. I'm not a computer whiz by any standard, but I know which end goes up.

Anyway, why I hate the internet is a pretty simple (very human) thing. In text, I can't tell when someone is being serious. It has nothing to do with being gullible. I am not gullible. But it's so easy to lie on the internet. You can't hear the other person's tone through the internet. And it's pretty easy to pull a prank on someone when you can't see their face. They could be laughing their ass off while they are telling you something they want you to believe. And you'd never know.

I work for my cousin Vinny. I'm a bond enforcement agent. It's my job to bring in the people who miss their court dates. I don't even know why I say "miss." Most of them didn't forget; they had no plans to go at all. So I guess I am sort of gullible. I've been tricked by my FTA's plenty of times. Far more than I'd care to count.

I can't seem to find my point. Oh wait, here it is. Recently, Vinny had the "great" idea to try a new way to contact our FTA's.

"Half the guys we bond don't even have a phone!" Vinny said one day when I told him I had no contact information for Tommy Galasnick. Tommy is a purse stealer. He spends what little money he has and finds on things like beer and cheap prostitutes. He apparently never saw a cell phone as being a good investment.

"We'll track him down," Lula said. "It can't be that hard."

"Please," Vinny said, carrying out the "e" sound in disbelief. "You two? I can't trust you to find a good pizza place, let alone a FTA."

"Hey!" I said offended. "What's wrong with Pino's?"

"I was just trying to make a point," Vinny said annoyed. "I'm not actually talking about pizza."

"Well then what are you talking about?" Lula asked.

"Tommy is a mybook junkie," Vinny told us.

"Mybook?" Connie asked.

"I think he means, Facespace," Lula whispered to us, quickly glancing at Vinny and chuckling.

"Whatever," Vinny said rolling his eyes. "He likes the social networking site thingies." Lula and I looked at each other. We didn't get the point he was trying to make here either.

"What does this 'my, face, you, twit,' whatever thing have to do with Tommy?" Connie asked.

"People these days use those things for all of their communication," Vinny explained. "We can find him through that."

"You sure that will work?" I asked. "I think we'd have better luck just tracking him down."

"And how long will that take?" Vinny asked, glaring at me. "I'm gonna loose the money soon."

"Wouldn't we have to make an account on one of those sites to talk to him on there?" I asked. "None of us use those websites."

"Well, start!" Vinny said, aggravated. He went back into his office and slammed the door.

"Hmmm…Pino's," Lula said.

"That's all you took from that isn't it?" Connie asked her.

"Yep," Lula replied. "I'm starving."

"Cripes…" we could hear Vinny groan from his office.

"Let's go," I told Lula. "I'm hungry too."

We got two whole pizzas and found a table in the free WiFi area of Pino's.

"When did this place get internet?" Lula asked.

"When everyone got obsessed with 'those social networking site thingies,'" I said. We had stopped by my apartment to get my laptop. We (or probably just me) were going to figure out how to get an account. I clicked on my internet browser, and waited for it to work. I turned to my pizza and picked up a slice. From the corner of my eye I saw my laptop swivel in a different direction.

"Uh oh," Lula said.

"What'd you do?" I asked. I didn't want any more problems with this computer.

"Whoa…I didn't touch it!" Lula covered up. "But some weird WiFi whatever thing is making a fuss."

"Wha?" I said confused. "Oh," I said, seeing what she was talking about. "I have to click agree to the usage guidelines of Pino's WiFi." I clicked the agree button, and waited for it to accept me.

"Aren't you supposed to read 'guidelines?'" Lula asked.

"No," I told her.

"But you have to make sure you know how all this works," Lula told me.

"What's to know?" I asked. "It's easy."

'Fine, whatever," Lula said. She focused on her own pizza. "Nerd…" she mumbled into her slice.

"I heard that," I mumbled. I opened Google and typed in, 'social networking.' A list of sites popped up. "Huh," I said, scanning it. "I wonder which one he uses?"

"Probably the 'my' or 'face' one," Lula said, peering over to the screen. "Isn't that what Vinny said?"

"He said Mybook," I told her.

"There's, 'Facebook,'" Lula pointed out. "Try that one." I clicked on it, and was brought to the homepage.

"Do you want to make an account, or should I?" I asked her.

"You do it," Lula said. "I don't have time for that kind of stuff."

"Right," I said. I typed in the info it asked for.

Name: Stephanie Plum. Gender: Female. It asked for my email, and the next line asked me to retype my email. What, they didn't see the first one? Date of Birth:…I lied about that one. And then I clicked sign up.

"Hey," Lula said, looking at my info. "You aren't 26."

"Huh? Wait…it should say I'm 24!" I said, put out.

"Oh, maybe that's what it is," Lula said. "I read it wrong. But you aren't 24 either."

"No one has to know that," I told her, I looked away acting innocent. After that page switched to a new page, I had to enter a bunch of other information that seemed pointless. Interests, school and work information, and what 'pages' I liked. I didn't see why this site needed to know all this. Who cares?

Finally after what seemed like forever, I had a Facebook page.

"That took forever," Lula said. She threw down the crust she was gnawing on. I looked down at our table and saw she had eaten all of her pizza, and was reaching for mine.

"Nuh uh!" I told her, slapping her hand away. I examined my new fun, and got confused. "Okay…" I said. "So, how do I find him?"

"Search bar," Lula said. She pointed to it with her greasy finger. It smudged my screen. "Type in his name." I typed in his name, and found 20 hits. None of them seemed to be him.

"Any of these look like Tommy?" I asked her.

"Nope," she said after giving the screen consideration. She turned away and looked around the room. "But that guy does though," she said, pointing to the counter. And there he was, Tommy Galasnick, ordering a pizza. "Should we get him?" she asked me. I slid out of my seat and walked toward him.

"Tommy Galasnick?" I called to him as I was getting closer. He turned away from the clerk and gave me a good look. He looked like he was trying to figure out if he recognized me.

"I'm Stephanie Plum," I told him. "I'm a…" And before I could finish, he was out the door. He seemed he recognized me, I figured I better chase after him. And after him I went.

I chased him in a half circle around the parking lot. Unfortunately there was no one around to help me. Lula was still in Pino's, as was everyone else. I figured I was giving them a good show though. Tommy ended up slowing down, clutching his side. I sped up in an attempt to catch him. But before I could grab his wrist, his hand flung out and whacked me in the chest. I was down on my knee with the air knocked out of me. I watched him finally head for his car and get in. As I was getting up off the ground, I heard a yell.

His car shook for a bit, and then stopped. What the hell had been going on in there? The passenger door opened, and someone stepped out. But it wasn't Tommy. I looked in the driver's side window and saw Tommy, with his hands behind his back.

"Babe…" Ranger said in that sexy voice of his. I just shook my head and laughed.

*the intro will make more sense further into the story. I will try to post a chapter a day. –DD *