The Wrong Side of the Veil
by Sallene
It was so cold and so very dark. There was no movement and no sound. It was as if I were in a tomb.
As I lay there, I struggled to make sense of what had happened. I remembered fighting to protect Harry. I remembered Bellatrix. My own cousin. A flash of light and pain as I fell. But, at least I was still alive. Wasn't I?
I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't been listening. Now I heard them. Voices, or rather, the echoes of voices. I sat up, straining against the blackness. I couldn't make out the words, but it sounded like they were right beside me. Rushing to my feet, I looked around blindly. There was no one. Only the whispers and moans. The cries of anguish, anger, and pain.
A slight rustling caught my attention. Whatever had made the sound was very close by. With my hands in front of me to serve as my guide, I followed the sound. I brushed against something that felt like cloth. My addled brain finally made the connection.
The veil.
All the years in Azkaban should have made me more prepared to deal with this. All of the suffering at the whims of the dementors should have made me immune to panic and fear. I was a fool to think that it would. Nothing could have prepared me for this.
"NO!" I screamed, only to recoil with horror when I realized that my scream came out as a mere whisper. It was the sound of nothingness, barely a murmur in the air.
I told myself that this was just a curtain. Just a piece of fabric. Harry and the others were on the other side, waiting for me to rejoin them. I simply had to reach them. I groped the material in front of me, struggling to find a way out. It should be simple. If nothing else, I would rent the thing from top to bottom. I would find a means of escape. In blind fury, I tore at the curtain. I have to get back! Harry needs me. I can't let him down. I can't let it happen again! I can't! I won't!
My thoughts raced to James and Lily. James was like my brother, closer than any blood could have been. I would have died for him. But I didn't. I failed. Lily, so beautiful, so full of laughter. Brimming with love. "NO!" I screamed again, the faint sound fading away. I had let them down. It was my fault they were dead. I had vowed to make their betrayer pay. To seek vengeance against their murderer. I had told myself that I would protect Harry, their son. I would keep him safe or die trying.
A sob escaped me as I realized I had done just that. I was dead. My life had only begun again after years of torment. Yet, now, it was over. My screams of fury resounded in my head, much louder than the actual sound, which drifted away to join the others I had heard earlier. I threw myself against the veil, although I knew it would do no good. I wasn't even able to make a ripple in the black shadows around me. Realization crept in.
There was no going to the other side. I was no longer among them. Divided by death, I was no longer a physical being. In the inky blackness, I could feel the presence of others who shared my fate. Their hopelessness and anger seeped into me. I took small comfort in the fact that I was not alone. My own feelings of helplessness and rage escaped my body and joined with those around me to create a deadly mix of emotions. Sadness filled my being. I shivered, knowing that I could never go back.
On the other side of the veil, there was a battle continuing. I was helpless to assist. It was a fight for the living, for those that still exist.On the other side of the veil, there was still hope. Hope for a brighter future. The battle was no longer mine. My future will be filled with darkness.
I had fought but not won. I slowly drifted away, trying to accept my fate. There was only darkness and anguish. A hunger to exist that would never be filled. My own personal hell. I was trapped on the wrong side of the veil.
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter and all related characters are not mine. If AR were mine, I'd be dancing. :-)
Special thanks to Jennifer and Judy for their encouragement and for betaing my little piece.