Songfic of Carrie Underwood's Just a Dream. I was lying in bed listening to it and had the sudden epiphany that this song was perfect for post-CoE Janto.

It was two weeks after the day she turned eighteen.
All dressed in white,
Goin' to the church that night.

Did I even have the guts? Did I? I don't think I did. But I had to. Even if I wasn't noticed. I owed him that much.

She had his box of letters in the passenger seat.
Sixpence in a shoe:
Something borrowed, something blue.
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down
Trying to hide the tears.
Oh she just couldn't believe it.

I couldn't. I couldn't. Not him. Please, just anyone but him.

She heard trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hand.

The world's always ending. Well it did. Because my world had ended.

Baby why'd you leave me?
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know.

But we both knew it might end like this. I just shut it out. There was never such a possibility.

I can't even breathe.

Can't even think. I might as well die.

It's like I'm looking from a distance,
Standing in the background.
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now.

Never again. Never, never again. Not that face, those lips, that touch. He'll just be like everyone else I've ever cared for and will ever care for. Just dust in the wind, ashes in the snow.

This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream.

When I wake up tomorrow, he'll be next to me.

The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray.
Lord please lift his soul, and heal this hurt.

Decades of hurt. Centuries. Millennia. Eons. Eternity of hurt. Forevermore and nevermore. It would never heal. For the others maybe, but not for me. Living each day with the guilt and pain. The hurt. Because it was my fault.

Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard.
Then they handed her a folded up flag.
And she held on to all she had left of him.
Oh, and what could have been.

And it could have been so much more. So so much. He could have lived a full life. Grown old with gray hair and wrinkles.

And then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

And I died again. The bullet in the heart killed me one last time, forever.

Baby why'd you leave me?
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know.

Forever for him and if time was nice, maybe me. But, "no one in Torchwood ever lives to draw their pension do they?"

I can't even breathe.

Not now, when I'm unnoticeable at the service, standing in the aisle. She's looking at me. The black haired Welsh native and her husband are looking at me. They know no one else sees me. They know no one else sees my pain.

It's like I'm looking from a distance,
Standing in the background.

Just standing there. Still, like a tree.

Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now.
This can't be happening to me.
This is just a dream.

But when I wake up from death, I know that's not true.

Oh, baby why'd you leave me?
Why'd you have to go?
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know.
Oh, now I'll never know.

So I bend down above his body. I look at the face of this. The beautiful, sleeping face. Marvelous even in death. I look and I give him my last parting gift. A kiss and four words. "I love you cariad."

It's like I'm looking from a distance,
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now.
This can't be happening to me.
This is just a dream.

And they look at me, that couple. We lock eyes and I see the tears in theirs like they see the tears in mine. She gives a subtle salute and I nod.

Then I'm gone.

Oh, this is just a dream.
Just a dream…
Don't I wish?