Story: The Aftermath
Fandom: Law and Order: SVU
Author: hippolover1326
Chapter: 1 (Impact)
All characters belong to Dick Wolf.
This is my interpretation of what's going on in Amanda's head starting about a week after the whole Kim fiasco.
My phone beeped at 4:30 AM on Tuesday. I checked the screen and it was Cragen. I picked up. "Yeah?" I said sleepily.
"I need you to come down to a crime scene. I wouldn't ask, but Amaro's in DC with Zara, Munch is over at Cold Case again - I swear the man works there now - and I figured since you're already at Liv's, the two of you could carpool. Wake her up and tell her to come to West 44th with you ASAP. Thanks, Rollins."
"No problem, I'll be there soon," I said, already on autopilot. I looked around. I wasn't in my own bed. I'd been living with Olivia since Kim took everything.
Once Liv and I got in the car, Olivia looked over at me. "Amanda, you okay?" Since the whole thing with Kim, Olivia had been calling me Amanda instead of Rollins. It seemed a bit patronizing to me, but I let it go.
"Uh, yeah. I'm fine," I lied.
We got to the crime scene at the same time as Cragen. I walked over to his car. "What do we have, Captain?"
"Jane Doe, age about 27, found by unis. Melinda's already there, says COD is unconfirmed."
"Why is this SVU?" I said.
"Vic was carrying your card, Amanda."
I tried to think of who it could be. When we walked up to the building, a blonde figure was laying on the sidewalk. It wasn't gruesome, thank goodness. I didn't think I could handle that so early. I walked over to Melinda. "So, what do we have?" I stepped over to Melinda's other side to see the woman's face. When I saw I almost passed out. Kim.
Olivia saw it at the same time. I sprinted from the crime scene into my car and drove without thinking. Soon I arrived at he precinct. I went to the cribs. Suddenly, I was shaking and my eyes were pooling and I felt like I was going to throw up. I was crying uncontrollably, the tears streaming down my face. I'd never cried that hard in my life. Kim. Kim was dead. She played me like a violin, set me up, and lied to me. She was going to go to jail. But then she was dead.
Olivia walked in. She sat down beside me and picked up my hand, stroking it with her thumb. "Amanda. Talk to me," she said.
I was still shaking. "All my life I've had issues with control. I make a point to control everything I can. To never accept help or get emotionally attached to anyone. A little like you, I think. But then the assault with my former captain - the gambling thing - I couldn't control that and now I can't control this and I'm trapped inside my own thoughts with no where else to go and I can't do this Olivia."
"Amanda," she looked right into my clear blue eyes. Her chocolatey orbs had filled with tears too. "Look at me. You're gonna get through this. I don't care how long it takes. You're one of the strongest people I know and if I seemed rude when you first arrived, it's because you're right. After my mom and Elliot, I don't want to get close to anyone. But I want you to know that I have your back and so do the rest of the squad. We're going to help you get through this, I promise. You're not alone."
I buried my head in her shoulder. She patted my back gently. Suddenly, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus. My chest hurt and I couldn't breathe and I was shaking really badly and I couldn't think.
Faintly, I heard voices.
Melinda - She's having a panic attack. Stand back...so sorry...I swear I never would've called if I'd known...To find out this way...
Cragen - Liv can you go tell the others and Amanda's mother...can't believe it...
Then everything went black.