Neon Genesis Evangelion
NGE Drabbles
By B.C.E.
Dedicated to Monty Oum
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Title: Everything Dust Becomes Gold
Prompt: n/a
Word Count: 1.6k
Rating: T
Summary: Set in my "Not What You Bargained For" AU. Asuka takes in everything that happened up to Third Impact, and finds peace before leaving Instrumentality.
Disclaimer: I do not own NGE
Notes: I wrote a RWBY oneshot while listening to "Dust and Gold" by Arrows to Athens [nightcore version, as is normal for me] and had to write something for it. This is a companion piece to it, using a similar -though NGE- theme. Check out the other story, titled "Gold to Dust, Dust to Gold", and let me know what you think there and here.
Written in honor of Leonard Nimoy, "Spock", who died the end of February. "A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory. LLAP"~Leonard Nimoy
Sorry for the spoilers to "NWYBF", but once I started I couldn't stop.
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Asuka looked across the orange void, the featureless expanse stretching out before and around beyond her sight. She'd felt her life leaking from her fingers, dust escaping to the wind. She'd known, before climbing into the beast, her beloved Unit-Two, that things were coming to a close.
She'd do it again, a thousand times, facing every pain and trial for her family.
Touji, Mana and Kyo. Shinji and Misato. Rei, Hikari, and Kensuke. It had always been for them, since she woke up on Over The Rainbow. Every tear, every laugh, every quiet moment. She never once forgot what she was living for. Never forgot what she had now died for.
Was it death, though, in this Instrumentality. Infinite realities at her fingertips, any one of which could be hers. It was tempting gold, but she knew it was only dust. None of it real, just an illusion to trap her.
She could feel them nearby. She knew, in her heart, that Shinji would do anything for her. She'd been the first girl to catch his eye, to treat him equally without any hidden goals. Even when he realized -when she told him of her relationship to Touji- that he couldn't have her, he still looked up to her.
And that humbled her beyond meassure. To have someone -other than her children- look at her like she held the sun? She couldn't put it to words. He'd loved her unconditionally, just as he'd loved Misato for her care and love -bumbling though it often was-, just as he'd loved his friends Touji and Kensuke, just as he'd loved Rei. The only one, there at the end, that he loved... not more, but differently, was Hikari.
And now it was all ending and she felt like she should be crying but couldn't. All her tears were spent, lost on the other side of Third Impact as her body failed her as fast as Unit-Two. The pain remained, though no wetness touched her cheeks.
She looked back at her Lives. Saw how the things she'd once thought Dust had become more precious than Gold, while all the Gold she'd horded had faded away to Dust as she grew up in her second Life.
They felt closer now, she could even trick herself into believing she could see them standing before her. Hope hit her like Ramiel's beam, a burning coal in her heart as she felt Shinji reach a decision and and Instrumentality twisted around them.
But she was the closest to Shinji, besides Misato, and she knew the other woman felt what she did: the underlaying sorrow wrapped in joy as reality paused, and the world faded in around them.
The others became solid as the orange expanse became the beach outside Tokyo-3, blue skies with a bloody scar and red waters slowly shifting back to deep blue. But one didn't join them, one ghost remained.
They and Asuka smiled as the others gasped, the realization hitting them as everything set in. Tears returned, not quite enough to blind. The whole world for one person. She'd known, somehow, that it would be this way. Nothing is ever free, everything for a cost.
She wanted to call out, to tell him not to go yet, to not settle for less. But she knew he would have lived if there had been a way. He wasn't a martyr, he wasn't giving up on living like she once had. This was what he wanted, his family living. Even if he couldn't be at their side.
She wrapped her children in the tighest hug she'd ever given, Touji's arms around the three of them, as Misato ran to Shinji and dropped to her knees. The older woman sobbed and begged her son to stay, to come back, tears pouring from her eyes as everyone else felt their own tears join hers. To her right she could hear Rei sobbing for her brother beside Hikari's softer cries for love lost before it started.
Across from her she could see the tear-stained smile on Kaworu's face, the Angelum boy knowing as she did what Shinji wanted. She felt a pang of sorrow for the boy, his unique look on the world meaning he had loved Shinji just as he had loved everyone here: Unconditionally, seeing only brilliantly shining souls in a dark world.
So she stood, her children holding her skirt as she realized everyone was as they saw themselves. Touji and herself were Misato's age now, dressed in their normal clothing, while the others were still teens in their preferred uniforms. The realization paused her for only a moment as Touji stepped over to comfort Rei and Hikari beside Kensuke before she moved to stand beside Misato.
"Thank you, Shinji-kun." she let the tears flow, her children's hiccups a background to words she knew everyone could hear, "We'll always love you."
"I know." his words were clear and sure, no sign of the tears on his face in his voice, "You'll look after them?"
"Of course I will." She looked to Misato, then Hikari and Rei, "We're family, little brother, we will always look out for each other."
"Thank you." he gave her a smile and a nod before focusing on Misato, "Mom? It's ok. Rei and I knew this was a chance. But I couldn't let her take this, she never got a chance to live before now. You have to raise her, ok?"
"No, Shinji, you're gonna be here too." Misato snapped through her sobs, hiccupping as she spoke, "We- we still have to get the papers done, a-and what about that picnic you promised? You p-promised!"
"I know." he knelt, though the sand remained undisturbed, "I know, mom. I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry! Be here!"
"I can't, you can feel it just like Asuka, and Kaworu, and Rei." he gestured passed Asuka, and she felt Rei and Touji moving closer, "I twisted control from her and set things as right as I could. You have to be there for each other now."
"M-mom..." Rei's soft, heartbroken voice drew the older woman's gaze, and the two latched on to each other as if their world was breaking. And maybe it was.
Kaji had died just like in the first life, leaving Misato a single "I love you, I'm sorry" on her answering machine. And though his hold on Rei was broken, she still had loved Gendo as her father.
And now Shinji, Misato's son she never had and Rei's brother she never knew, was dying as well. Making the greatest sacrifice someone can for those they love.
The Dust was long gone, but in burning it away the Gold left behind was tarnished. Kintsukuroi, Asuka thought as Shinji faded away with a smile, repairing pottery with gold, and understanding the piece is more beautiful for having been broken.
They were so many shards of clay -all their imperfections, edges, and broken hearts- but Shinji had been the Gold that put them back together. And even if he wasn't here, what he left behind was a beautiful Family. A life is like a garden, she thought, Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.
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A/N: I wrote this right after uploading "Gold to Dust, Dust to Gold", my RWBY oneshot. Hope you enjoyed it, and my nod to Leonard Nimoy here.
I was also partly inspired by "Hello My Old Friends" by TenchiSaWaDa, and Jaune's reason for doing what he did.
Everything we do, whether we are aware of it or not, we have a reason for doing. Sometimes we don't know why until afterwards, other times we know going in the reason for what we are about to do. As long as we do it for the right reasons, and more importantly hold ourselves to a high standard, we never need fear regrets. Do what is right for the right reasons and the right way.
Even a "cache 22" has a right choice.
Equivalent Exchange is something I believe, even when I help others it's because all I ask in return is that they help others as well. Everything has a cost, whether we realize it or not. Sometimes it's like me, just wanting to be repaid through kindness to others. Sometimes it's more physical, wanting the help returned directly.
Every Action has a Reaction, to borrow a phrase, just make sure your actions are the right ones.