Title: Dear Yusuke

Disclaimer/Summary: Keiko's response to Yusuke's letter; sequel to the story Dear Keiko. This story can be read alone but to get the full breadth of the nonsense/humour check out the other one as well.

I own nothing except a head of hair that's revolting against me and trying to eat my face. That is all. Oh, and I own my stories.

Dear Yusuke,

Well fuck you too sweetheart.

Yeah. That's right. I said it. What, you think you're the only one who knows how to drop an f-bomb when the time calls for it? Just because I can spell without the help of a 1000-year old fox demon whose roots are in dire need of a touch-up does not mean that I am unable to lower my self to your level of communication to try and get my point across. So try and keep up, you no-good greasy son of a bitch.

And speaking of greasy, what's with the hair-gel? Are you trying to substitute military-issue protective helmets with that turtle shell on your head you've been trying to pass off as hair? The only reason you haven't died more times is because you usually land on your head. And another thing, make up your mind already: are you here, alive, whacking off to buck-toothed gravure models or are you dead and in Spirit World desperately trying to find your dick, because I sure as hell can't find it.

Yeah. I went there.

And another thing, where in the hell do you get the idea that I feel unattractive just because you feel the need to pull at your stump like a monkey in a banana tree at every wet t-shirt video? Well get something straight, I'm not annoyed and wholly disgusted by you when I constantly walk in on you because I feel ugly because with or without you, I know I'm hot. I only ever throw the griddle at you because I would like children one day and for some reason you keep coming around so I might as just settle for your sperm and I can't do that if you're shooting it off everywhere!! Ever heard of conservation? I know Genkai didn't teach you The Way of Lotion-ed Palm. And no, I would not walk in on you less if I knocked; I shouldn't have to knock when it's my fucking room!!

You'd like to see where my legs lead? As if you didn't try to find out? Don't think I didn't find the peephole you drilled beside the showerhead? Yeah, mother was not amused when she found that. I don't know why my parents haven't made you the soup of the day yet. Probably because they know 'Thrice-revived high-school drop-out Spirit Detective' is a bit of an unsavoury flavour.

And another thing!!...I'm kidding.

Sigh. You know, this whole 'get your feelings out on paper' is actually really useful. I was getting carpal tunnel from slapping you around so much anyways.

Tch. So you love me huh? Yeah well, you better. You are right about one thing though: we both know you're not going anywhere. You're locked in by the story line.

Truly yours (until you fuck up royally),

Keiko Yukimura.

P.S. Find your ass over to my house for dinner tonight. And wash your hair.

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Kurama sat back and watched the expressions flit across Yusuke's face as he read the letter. Keiko had stopped by earlier in the day, smiling politely with his family and regarding the thief with a look of severe contempt. Once in his room she'd unceremoniously dumped the letter on his desk with his order of Kitsune Udon (noodles with deep-fried tofu) before turning on her heel and tromping from the building. Back in the present, Yusuke had finished reading and re-reading and was stalking about the room muttering.

"She has the nerve to……I can't believe that……fucking gravure …."

Kurama watched the nonsensical proceeding with slight disinterest as his hand idly reached up to his hair to feel his roots. His attention shifted as Yusuke stopped and seriously regarded the fox.

"I'm going over there," he said finally.

"Good."

"And I'm going to wear half a tub of extra-hold gel just to piss her the fuck off!" he exclaimed, his eyes and face ablaze with vindictive glory.

"Well, that's somewhat counterproductive but whatever you feel is right," Kurama said, very weary of the whole proceedings and very aware of the new growth sprouting from his scalp.

"Damn straight!" Yusuke said as he moved to the door, the letter clutched in his fist. Stopping in the doorway, he said, "although she is right about something."

"Oh?" Kurama said, surprised that Yusuke would concede any point in an argument.

"Yeah. You really need to get your hair done. Maybe get some highlights; bring out the green and angry gold in your eyes," Yusuke said laughingly, running from the door as Kurama bean moving from his desk, his chair raised in his hand.

Sitting down, the very tired fox turned to face his desk and the homework de for the next day. The work was no issue and he could use the distraction from the nonsense that had somehow pervaded his life these past few days; following a pattern that seemed to have evolved, Kurama decided to try and get his feelings about his friends out on paper. Thinking deeply, the youth put pen to paper.

"Dear Hiei," Kurama though.

"Yes?"

Kurama paused, his pencil broken against the crisp white sheet of paper that held the letter's salutation, the words broken from the surprise of Hiei's abrupt answer and presence in his room. "Yes?" repeated the fire demon rather impatiently.

"Nothing," Kurama sighed tiredly, crushing and tossing the paper into the bin. "These people will e the death of me…"

"Hn. Well I was sent to fetch you; we're needed at Genkai's temple."

"What for?"

"Something insignificant that might balloon into a more serious issue resulting in danger to the three worlds resulting in a new story arc and the ending theme song changing."

"Ah. So the usual then," Kurama said, following Hiei as he left the room. The miniature demon grunted in response, flitting from the house and running along towards the temple. He cast a sideways glance towards Kurama and asked curiously : "Why is your hair two different colours?"

Kurama grit his teeth and ran faster against the wind.

The End. Just to clear the cobwebs from my mind so I can at least pretend I can still write. So please leave a review and check out the first one Dear Keiko or my other story The Theory.

-MB.