Emotionally unavailable
Disclaimer: Don't own them just borrowing?
Rating: CSI 2
Spoilers: Way to go
Author's Notes: Got the idea, when I heard Marg describing Gil Grissom in an interview.
Series: Part of the 49-fic challenge on November 16th – happy birthday Marg!
Summary: It just wasn't meant to be...
Emotionally unavailable 1/1
She threw her car keys and her purse on the kitchen counter. Flung her coat on the nearest kitchen chair and stepped out of her shoes and began to unbutton her shirt as she walked towards her bedroom. The shirt was thrown on her bed and she unzipped her pants as she walked to her closet. She reached in to find a pair of sweat pants but found herself with one of his t-shirts in her hands.
"Knew the signs wasn't right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool"
She willed herself to put it back and close the door. She went into her bathroom and steeped into her shower. The hot water cascaded down her face, her shoulders, back, stomach and legs. She began furiously scrubbing her arms with the exfoliater, but finally gave in and leaned heavily against the cold tiles. Tears began to fall from her eyes, mixing with the hot water.
"So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be"
After a while she turned off the water and stepped out into the steam filled bathroom. She dried herself off and padded back into the bedroom where she without thinking about it pulled out the t-shirt from before and put it on.
"Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok"
She crawled under the covers and closed her eyes and tried to sleep. But it was useless. The image of him with Sara getting in the same car, his hand on her back, her head on his shoulder and the small kiss he gave her when he thought no one was watching kept playing in her mind.
"But I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be"
It had hurt her more than she would ever admit. Sure, they weren't a couple, the few times they had slept together had never interfered with their professional relationship, and their friendship had never really moved beyond that to something more permanent. Plus, it had been almost a year since they'd been together last. That didn't dim the pain though.
"So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You'll be out of my mind
I'll be over you"
And it wasn't just that he was with Sara now. As much as it hurt her, she knew that wouldn't last either. Gil Grissom wasn't ready, she wondered if he ever had been or would be, for a serious relationship. She for one had done her best to persuade him.
She even felt bad for Sara, who had been chasing him for ages. Sara didn't know they would never be able to build on something lasting. Catherine sighed. Deep down she knew he loved her and not Sara. Even if he had his own strange way of showing it, but she couldn't keep on hoping he would suddenly change. She had to move on, but it didn't change the fact, that she once again cried herself to sleep cursing the fact that this man was so completely emotionally unavailable.
The next day she woke and got ready for work. As she arrived at the lab, she practically ran into him when turning the corner of the hallway. She never got tired of the look he gave her. It was as if he was always trying to look into her soul, like he was undressing her or like he was trying to say "I love you" using his eyes instead of the words, she so longed to hear. But nothing ever happened.
"Catherine" he greeted her before he walked past her into his office.
She sighed knowing it would be hours until she could step into her shower before she would crawl into her bed wearing one of his old t-shirts just like she did every nigh in the circle of her lonely life.
"And know I'm
So confused
My heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never met to be
Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me