Disclaimer. I don't own the characters which is a shame because our poor little pairing would actually get a break!

A/N: Hello! I'm pretty new to the whole fanfiction thing but this pairing is literally breaking me and I needed to write! So here's my shot at what I wish would happen in the series... It'll be multi-chapter so read and enjoy! All comments are greatly appreciated.

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'Kate wants to have a baby?' Celia stated incredulously as she looked across at her daughter who leaned heavily against the kitchen counter, 'why?' she asked, before a more pressing question popped into her mind, 'how?'

Caroline dipped her head a little as she took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. Kate was back at her place for the night whilst she tried to talk to Laurence about their relationship, but she could say nothing to her son when her head was filled with the idea of a new baby. She'd called her mother in a moment of desperation, needing someone to talk to about exactly what options she had when it came to this conundrum.

'She wants to be a mother,' Caroline began as she straightened up, wringing her hands as she did so, 'and can I really blame her? She'd be wonderful'. At her own words her mind conjured up images of Kate heavily pregnant, flushed and glowing with that serenity that expectant mothers had. It quickly changed to the woman cradling a little cooing bundle in her arms; her eyes alight with love and softness.

'But what about you love? You're 46 and you have your boys,' Celia pointed out and the images dissipated from Caroline's head.

'I know, god I know,' Caroline slumped back down onto a kitchen stool and hung her head in her hands. 'I want to spend the rest of my life with Kate, but I don't want another baby,' she sighed close to tears.

She felt so torn. She wanted Kate because she was everything she'd ever dreamed of in a partner and she couldn't imagine ever finding someone else this perfect, especially at her age. But then she didn't want another child. Her eldest was ready to leave for university, her youngest just approaching GCSE's; they were growing individuals who no longer needed her every second of the day. As much as she loathed admitting it to herself, she just couldn't see herself with a child again. It wasn't the fact that the idea repulsed her, but it was more along the lines that it quite frankly frightened her. If Kate were to go ahead and have a baby, if they had a baby, then she would be 60 by the time the child turned 14 and she just couldn't do that. Yes, as Kate had pointed out earlier to her, older parents were much more common these days, but she didn't want to be one of them. She wanted to spend her greying years travelling the world and whatever else she decided to do, with Kate at her side. But it seemed at that moment in time she couldn't have one without the other.

She couldn't have Kate without a baby.

'You'll just have to talk to her love,' Celia interjected and Caroline's thoughts quieted a little in her head, 'that's all you can do. Just tell her that you don't want a baby'.

'But it's not that simple!' Caroline said exasperatedly, 'I can't tell my girlfriend that I wish she didn't want a baby! I can't tell her that I can't see our relationship continuing if she has a child, I just can't'.

'It's hard, I know. But you must understand that you're a part of this relationship,' the word still sounded funny to her but she battled on, 'and you can make decisions. You can say no'.

'Yes,' another voice started meekly from the doorway and Caroline almost fell off her stall in her haste to get up, 'you can say no,' Kate whispered.

Celia stood a little awkwardly for a moment as she watched her daughter's face suddenly drain of colour, her eyes filling with tears. She knew that Caroline thought a lot of Kate; that much was evident after she'd witnessed her daughter's meltdown after the woman had handed in her resignation. But to see her child who was usually so strong and rambunctious, a force of the unflappable kind, falter and break as she looked at an equally emotional Kate, she realised just how intense the relationship between the pair was. She watched as Caroline looked at the woman as if she held a pair of scissors to the thread that tethered her to the earth, and it took a moment for her to realise just what that meant. Caroline had invested herself in Kate, placed her happiness in her hands and now, because of this clash of wants and needs, this woman was about to drop it. And she could see the terror in Caroline's eyes because she realised just that.

'I'll be next door,' Celia said gently knowing that they needed privacy, though she was sure that Caroline wasn't paying any attention to her. And she wasn't. Caroline could hear nothing but the heavy sound of her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

'Kate,' Caroline started but Kate shook her head, still standing in the middle of the doorway and looking so utterly, unbearably lost that Caroline could not help but step forward, wanting nothing more than to draw the woman into her arms and hold onto her for dear life. Instead she froze a few paces away as Kate moved away from her, just a little but enough for her to realise that Kate didn't want her touch.

'I… I came over to see how things were going,' she tried falteringly, her face ashen before switching tactics. 'I shouldn't have said anything,' she murmured, her face mouth downturned and hurt radiating from every inch of her.

'No. No.. you should've. You want this,' Caroline interjected.

Kate smiled sadly, 'but you don't'.

Caroline couldn't help but shake her head as she made her decision known. 'No, I don't'.

'Which is very understandable,' Kate forced her voice not to break as tears blurred her vision as it dawned on her that this was most likely the end for their relationship. They weren't exactly the most compatible of people on paper but they had gotten past that because of what they felt for one another, but this fundamental difference was too big. And Kate knew that; she knew that relationships broke down when one wanted children and the other didn't and just because Caroline already had kids didn't mean she wanted another. 'You have the boys and your job to think about'.

'Wait, no – well yes there's that – but there's you. I have to think about you,' Caroline managed to say. She didn't want Kate to think that she was only thinking of what would affect her, she needed the woman to know that she cared about her, that she wanted nothing more than for them to stay together.

'I'm not going to change my mind,' Kate said slowly, trying to understand what the blonde was saying, 'I want to have a child of my own'.

Caroline nodded, 'I know. Of course I know that,' she ran a hand tiredly over her face, 'but I honestly can't see myself with a baby anymore. I've had my children-'

'Exactly,' Kate opened and closed her mouth as she tried to figure what to say. Watching Caroline try her hardest to be understanding was both amazing and heart breaking because she knew the woman didn't do relationships very well. Despite being a formidable headmistress she wasn't the best communicator when it came to her feelings and her being there and trying her best made Kate ache. She ached to her very core for this woman and for their relationship. 'I should've told you sooner what I wanted. It isn't fair for me to do this to you'.

'And it isn't fair for me to hold you back,' Caroline whispered even as her eyes fluttered closed, the weight of her words resting heavily on her shoulders, 'I wish… I wish I could change my mind. I want it to be that easy, but I can't do it'.

'It's ok,' Kate tried to say in a vain hope of making herself believe her own words, but she had never been the greatest of liars.

'No it's not,' Caroline shook her head, sounding like a child but she didn't care. God she didn't care because this wasn't fair in the slightest. She'd just managed to admit to herself and to her loved one's who she really was and suddenly she was losing the woman who had restarted her life. 'I don't want to lose you, but I … I suppose we have to accept that we want-'

'Different things,' Kate finished for her, and this time she couldn't help but let her tears streak down her face, 'it's funny', she managed to choke out, 'because I remember my mum telling me a long time ago that sometimes love isn't enough. And I always thought she was mad because how could your love for another person ever not be enough?' Caroline's face crumpled as Kate continued on, 'but I guess she was right'.

Caroline clutched at the sleeves of her shirt as the implication of Kate's words sunk in. She was certain that at any second she was going to break because everything felt like it was too much.

'Kate,' she sobbed. It was all she could say despite the overwhelming tide of emotion that swelled within her chest and begged to spill out of her; a thousand different words to plead with her to stay. This woman had broken every rule in her book; had fought past the walls around her heart and had weathered every storm with her. Kate had tried and pushed until they'd fallen together at last, but now they seemed to shatter apart which was the last thing that Caroline wanted. What she really wanted was to take back every word she'd said and say yes, that she wanted to have another baby. But she couldn't; she refused to build their relationship on a foundation of lies. She wouldn't become like her ex-husband.

The silence in the kitchen was tangible, hanging like a guillotine over their heads, but neither wanted to break it with a movement. They both knew that as soon as either one of them stepped out of the room their relationship really was over. Here they could hold onto it, could drink one another in openly and without remorse, without feeling like they'd lost something. They could pretend.

But then Laurence came crashing down the stairs, yelling something about going to play football before hurtling through the front door, and the silence was broken. The gap between the pair seemed too large to bridge suddenly, and they both realized it. Kate smiled sadly, pressing the backs of her hands to her cheeks as she wiped away the tears that would never really go away.

'I'll go and get my things and then I'll leave,' she said without venom, her voice unbearably soft and Caroline wanted nothing more than for Kate to scream at her. She wanted her to scream at her for being selfish and for breaking everything that they had, because if she didn't then Caroline would do it to herself because the guilt, which settled over her like a second skin, was unbearable. But she didn't say it, didn't say any of it and instead just nodded absently, her tears still tracing the lines of her face.

She remained standing in the kitchen; eyes closed as she listened to Kate hurry around the house and collect the scant number of things she'd left behind, removing them like memories from a photo album. She breathed out shakily when she heard the woman come back downstairs, and opened her eyes in time to see Kate approach her, her eyes reflecting the same emotion that she was sure ran across her own face.

For a moment the woman just looked at her with those dark eyes, before Kate dropped her bag at their feet and cupped Caroline's damp face in her hands. Without words she leaned in and kissed her, and Caroline knew without a doubt that this was it; this was her goodbye. She didn't dare close her eyes as her own hands rested at the small of Kate's back, wanting to pull her in but knowing that she shouldn't. Kate brushed her lips one last time over Caroline's before bending to grab her bag and headed slowly for the front door.

Caroline couldn't bear to watch her walk away but she knew she had no choice.

'Kate, I…' she began as the woman opened the door before turning to look at her with a sad smile on her face, clutching her bag like it was a life line.

'I know,' she said softly.

And then the door shut behind Kate and Caroline finally let herself fall, her knees giving out beneath her as she slid down the wall, much like she had in her office. Only this time when she sobbed, when the world seemed to fall from beneath her feet, there was nobody there to wipe away her tears.

...

TBC (and I swear things will be happier if you stick with me!)