He'd seen death. Twice before, he'd witnessed the murder of someone right in front of his eyes. He knew the smell of death, the sound of it, and the feel of it. Something twisted and broke off inside him. Everything he worked for, cared about, believed in became nothing. Nothing mattered anymore because she was dead.
The power in him, what he strained to control, broke free and he staggered back to his feet. NO! For once in his life, he refused to obey the most sacred of rules. This wasn't right, and he couldn't let it pass.
A sudden light, as bright as the noonday sun enveloped him and he froze in place, unable to move. He blinked and found himself standing in a familiar room of white that surpassed the gleam of snow on a sun drenched winter day. He could move, but men and women in white uniforms surrounded him on all sides.
"Why am I here?"
"I think you know why," said a voice that reminded him of fog on a river.
A man left the circle and approached on silent feet. The ring of people around them closed up like a healed wound.
"Please, send me back. I have to -"
"You know better than that."
"I can't let this happen."
"You can't change what is. She is already dead," said the man with black hair and eyes the color of dark chocolate."
"But, we can heal her, bring her back," he argued.
He hated the whine in his voice, but all he could see was the deep red of the blood surrounding her head as she lay still and silent on the floor of that terrible place.
"No."
"Sir, I -"
"No," the man repeated. "It's not possible."
"How can you say it's not possible? We can repair the damage. We're not savages like them."
"No, we're not savages like them. We were chosen by the Council of Planets to observe them because we most closely resemble humans, except for our language."
"Father, please, it's not fair -"
"Sadiki."
"No, my name is Spencer."
"That is your human name. Here, you are Sadiki. You were chosen for this assignment because like your name, you are faithful."
"I'm not under your command. I am a scientist."
His father sighed and tugged a hand through his black hair. "I have no military authority over you, that's true, but as your father you will do as I say."
"My father," Spencer spat. "I know you monitor everything that goes on with all your observers. You could have prevented this. I love her and you let her die."
"And therein lies the problem," said the dark haired man. "You lost your objectivity, young Sadiki."
"I'm not a child!"
"You're only five hundred years old, practically an infant."
"I -"
"No." He flinched at the cold anger in his father's voice. "You and I will return home. Earth is no place for you. I never should have let you come here in the first place."
"I'm not leaving Earth. My friends need me. If you won't help me bring Maeve back, then I will go back and avenge her some other way."
"You will do as I say."
The two men stood toe to toe as the rest of the men and women in the circle watched them in perfect silence.
Spencer suddenly stepped back and dropped his eyes. He looked at the glossy white floor under his feet. "I'm sorry, Father. Please let me go back and complete my assignment."
"I can't. The council made its decision three days ago. The Terrestrial Observation Program is discontinued. All observers are ordered back to Andromeda."
"Why?"
His father put an arm around him and tugged him away, through the circle and to a small, white sofa. He pushed Spencer down into the cushions. "It's generally felt that Earth is too primitive and savage to be considered for Contact. They are all children, Sadiki. They need another millennium, at least, before they'll be ready to join the Council. The last thing this universe needs is savages with the knowledge that they are not alone in the cosmos."
"But, father, I know they have it in them. They do many courageous and wonderful things."
"And yet, too many of them are like the woman that killed Maeve."
Tears coursed down Spencer's cheeks. "I know," he whispered. "Why couldn't I stop her?"
"Sadiki, the greatest gift the Maker of the Universe gave us, is the gift of free will. We cannot change that, nor can we interfere with the humans. If we gave Maeve back her life, we'd disrupt the balance of human time and history. Remember the oath you swore the day you agreed to be an Observer?"
Spencer nodded. "Yes, but it hurts."
His father squeezed his shoulders. "There will come a day when the humans will learn to repair mortal wounds like Maeve. Like us, they will become all but immortal and then perhaps they will learn, as we did how to get along with each other and they will be ready to join us in the stars."
"I don't know how to live without her, Father. How can I go on another five thousand years thinking about her every day?"
"You must take it one day at a time and remember all the happy times you had with her."
"It hurts… so badly."
"Yes, it does hurt, but you will survive because you are my son."
"Am I allowed to go back and say goodbye."
His father nodded. "It will take several of Earth's lunar cycles to finish out the project and gather data for the council. You may return until then."
Spencer stood up. "I'm ready to go back."
"Remember who you are, Sadiki. Hold on to that and you will get through the pain."
CMCMCMCM
His friends helped him to clear up the books he'd thrown from his shelves in a fit of rage six days after her death. It felt good to have them back in their proper places, but when the door closed after them, all he felt was relief that they were gone.
A beeping noise startled him because he'd only twice heard it during his time as an Observer. A man resolved out of thin air in front of him and smiled at him. "Sadiki, how are you, my son."
"I'm better, Father. My friends were just here and they helped me clean up the mess I made."
"I'm here because the date is set for departure."
"When are we leaving?"
"In ten weeks. That should give you enough time to clear up your human affairs."
Spencer nodded. "I care deeply about my friends, my human mother and father, but suddenly, I don't want to be here anymore.'
"Yes, I know," his father said. "I have been keeping an eye on you. It's time for all of us to go home."
CMCMCM
The white room felt like he sat in the midst of a cloud. The lack of color soothed the ragged edges of his soul. The spice in the air reminded him of the planet he hadn't seen for so long it almost seemed like a dream.
His father sat next to him. "How are you, Sadiki?"
Spencer nodded absently. "I'm fine. It was hard to tell them goodbye. They're going to wonder what happened to me."
"Yes, they will, but they'll stop thinking about you in time."
Spencer toyed with the edge of the white tunic he wore. "I don't know if that makes me feel better or not."
His father smiled at him. "You'll be okay. I promise."
A female voice announced that they were leaving Earth's orbit in three minutes. Spencer leaned his head back on the little gel couch and closed his eyes. If he didn't look out the window, he wouldn't see the earth receding away as they flew toward the edge of the solar system and then into hyperspace. He wouldn't feel like he'd left a part of his soul behind him.
He opened his eyes when the voice announced they were leaving orbit. He watched the planet get so small it became lost in the stars. "Goodbye, Maeve," he whispered and when the cool, female voice said to prepare for hyper jump, he wept.