Petal Gear
Chapter 1: A New Dawn
Snake tied his hair back with his premium high-quality 100% cow-pleather bandana. The sun was unrelenting today, and due to that combined with his own nervousness, he was drenched in sweat. Like, literally gallons, it was fucking disgusting. He smelled like shit too. But that is all beside the point. The panted with anticipation, his hands quivering in an attempt to reunite the dainty petunia with the magnificent, wholesome father that it called the Earth.
*bring bring*
Snake's Codec went off at the worst possible time, alarming him and sending the petunia tumbling towards the earth, which was now like an alcoholic deadbeat father that made a lot of poor life choices early on and paid for them later in life..
"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK YOU OTACON" Snake ejaculated into his Codec.
"Snake, I'm sorry that I'm so fit, fuckable, and fabulous, but what's wrong this time?" Otacon inquired.
"If we make it through this…I'll tell you…"
"Snake, ever since you joined that gardening club with Samus and Luigi you've been so distant. No longer can I confide in you who my personal waifus are like I used too. No longer can I watch hardcore hairy midget hentai in the living room without you changing the channel. NO LONGER can I make Super Saiyan noises on the toilet without some kind of snide remark. No longer can I be physically attracted to underage feline children without being criticized. Snake, gardening has changed. We have changed. War has changed. War never changes. Spare change. Pocket change. Change in timezones. Time. Our greatest enemy is the times. Monologue about an abstract thought concept relating to every individual. Boxes."
"I'm sorry Otacon, it's just when you INTERUPT me, it really grinds my gears."
Gears.
Gears.
Metal Gears.
Snake didn't realize what he had said until it was too late. Upon remembering his dark and troubled past, a half-hour long cutscene triggered where he had a severe case of PTSD, thought about his father, and had a few seizures.