"...and coming in again after I'd already thrown you out twice, really?" Nami bellowed, sending lightning after lightning down the corridor. "You're out of control! Twisted! There's no cure for you! And stop running away from me, you'll take what you deserve and you'll take it with gratitude!"
"My dearest Nami is cute even when she's dominating," Sanji cooed on his way to the deck, only barely dodging the blast sent out at him in retaliation.
Nami clutched the towel around her with one hand and the Clima-Tact with another, grinding her teeth together as her eyes were clouded by such a crimson mist of fury that it even rivalled the one Arlong had roused in her. A brutal thug though he was, at least he had never peeped at Nami while she was undressed. And to think that she had to put up with this from a crewmate of all people!
"What's wrong with you this time, swirly?" she heard Zoro say. It was countered by one of Sanji's bizarre outbursts of a combined insult directed at the swordsman and more sickening fawning over 'his Nami-swan'. Nami made it to the deck just in time to see Sanji disappear again. Zoro barely glanced at her from his weightlifting. "Oh, up to his old tricks."
And just when Nami thought it couldn't get any worse, Brook noticed her modest dress of fluffy towel and nothing else. Given the warm climate they were currently in, it was actually more than she had worn in quite a few days, and still it seemed to stimulate Brook's dirty old mind more than the bikinis had. "Yohohoho! Such a bold choice of dress, Miss Nami! You wouldn't happen to be wearing any panties under that, would you?"
Strange how rage had this way of going from its boiling point to chilling in the blink of an eye when provoked too much, Nami thought. She merely straightened her back, looked Brook straight in the eyesocket, and gave the musician a cold smile. "No, I wouldn't, to be honest. And what difference does it make to you? You may be a skeleton, but one crucial bone is missing, after all."
She didn't even bother to watch as the dead man crumbled in a pile of utter defeat, his soul leaving his body in agony; instead she turned to address the swordsman. "Zoro. I need to ask you for a favour."
Zoro wiped sweat off his forehead, still concentrating on his exercise. "What, you want me to beat him up or something?"
"No, no. It wouldn't work." Nami tried to loose her grip on her weapon. Her hand refused to cooperate. "I want you to take him back to the island. There's a red light district. Make sure he doesn't come out until he's done with it."
This time Zoro actually looked up from his weights. "Seriously? He goes on one of his pervert rampages and you reward him?"
"I wouldn't call it a reward," Nami said, raising Clima-Tact a little. She hadn't even activated it, but the air on the deck seemed to have become chillier all the same. "You'll see that it will end in tears."
Zoro managed to perform a confused blink with only one eye. "But..."
"I'll give you pocket money," Nami interrupted.
Two minutes later, Zoro was dragging a most unappreciative Sanji off the ship, trying to remember if he had actually seen this red light district anywhere when he was last in the city. He did remember a few bars, a sword shop, a fitness store, another bar...
"But Miss Nami, I would never be able to be with another!" Sanji ululated in his grip, making one last feeble attempt at wresting himself free.
"Pull the other one!" barked Nami before turning her back to the lust-addled cook. She wasn't finished with her bath, and considering the way it had started to evaporate when she had noticed Sanji still sneaking behind the door, the water would still be hot with the last embers of her fury.
Sanji sighed, attempting to twirl before noticing he was still in Zoro's grasp. "She's lovely even when she's all manly and enraged..."
"Sure, sure. So where's that whorehouse she was talking about?"
"It's a bordello! Don't you know anything about respect towards the ladies?" Sanji all but exploded, aiming a deadly but easily dodged kick at Zoro. "All you can think of is booze and battle!"
"I don't want you lecturing at me about respect towards anyone!" Zoro growled, throwing a half-hearted slash at his nemesis. "And we all know the only thing you can think of!"
"You probably don't have the mental capacity for that, anyway! Or physical!" Sanji taunted one last time and resumed walking like normal people. His thoughts turned back to what awaited him, and his mood changed so quickly that Zoro had to wonder if it caused something to sprain in his head. "Anyway, luckily we won't have to rely on your shitty sense of direction." Unaware of the incredulous stare his crewmate still had trained on him, Sanji squirmed with delight as his nostrils fluttered wildly in the city's inviting winds. "Because if it's women we're looking for, I will find them!"
Zoro almost looked away for fear that gazing at such an unclean creature would somehow cause his remaining eye to spontaneously combust in shame. "You're really kind of disgusting as hell, aren't you?" he managed to say - to no avail, for Sanji had already taken off and Zoro had to follow if he didn't want to get lost.
The madam looked over the list of booked appointments, tapping her cheek with a perfectly painted nail. Today wasn't going to be very busy, it seemed. Unless no one else came in, she would have a whole hour to herself and the only hobby on the whole island that she had not seen someone turn into some sort of baffling fetish. She took a quick look at her surroundings. Yes - apart from the cashier, perfect solitude. She pulled out a sheet of paper, dipped an exquisitely decorated quill in purple ink, and with precise and elegant strokes drew a small grid on the paper.
The madam had just placed an O and was contemplating where to draw the X when the door was thrown open, and inside stepped a fresh-faced young blond who looked far too clean to be as dirty-minded as she could immediately tell he was. Years and years of experience at this line of work never lied, so she quickly put her game away before the man could somehow become aroused by the circle in the grid.
"Women!" cried the young man.
"I know," grumbled another young man as he followed the blond inside. "Everybody knows, especially after the way you kept yelling that every ten seconds on our way here."
"Welcome, gentlemen," the madam greeted.
The blond gave her a wolfish leer. "Gentle? Whatever the ladies wish, although I could be persuaded to be a little more..."
"Shut up and leave that for the bedroom!" hissed the other man, face contorting with horror the madam would not have expected to see on such rough features.
"Will both of you be staying?" she asked pleasantly, preparing to call at least two of the girls to the lobby.
"Have you got a bar here?" asked the tough-looking man.
"Oh! We do - if you'd like one of the girls to keep you company..."
"No need," said the man, and indeed he looked as though he had no such needs at all. "I'll just have a few bottles while waiting for this idiot here," he slapped the back of the blond's head for emphasis, and amazingly the blond ignored it, "to finish. If he gives you any trouble, call me and I'll beat it out of him."
"As if I could trouble the gentle flowers of this exotic establishment," crooned the young man whom the madam was starting to suspect of having no experience whatsoever. What a pity that Rosemary was not available at the moment, she was the most understanding of the...
"So is the bar over there?" asked the tough one, pointing at the open door a few feet away from the desk.
"Yes, please go on in," the madam said. The man stomped through the door with little grace or manners, but she wasn't going to complain about a customer bringing in money without taking the girls' time. And now, as for the man who was going to do just that...
Zoro had just barely settled down with a nice big bottle of sake all for himself - and not the cheap stuff either, Nami's pocket money had seen to that - marvelling at the fact that chaperoning the pervert cook might actually come with some benefits, when pervert cook himself showed up in the bar, squirming like he had started and left unfinished some unspeakable sex act. He was so uncomfortable, in fact, that he didn't even notice any of the beautiful women chatting with the customers.
"Damn, that was fast. Did you at least stay long enough to thank her?"
Sanji gestured frantically, letting out an urgent hiss from between his teeth. "Look, seaweed head, I have to ask you something and I'll beat you to a pulp if you..."
"You need to buy a novelty condom or something? A bit of extra?" Zoro reached for the fat wad of cash he had unceremoniously stuffed inside his haramaki when Nami had looked away. He was starting to see why she was so in love with money; it bought one the things one wanted, and it could also be used to buy some peace and quiet to enjoy said things alone.
"No, you'd pay for that afterwards anyway!" Sanji whispered. "I... I need to ask..."
After some time of staring at Sanji's increasingly red face, Zoro started to worry about his bottle getting lonely. "What? If it's about the money, Nami gave us enough that even you should be able to satisfy your disgusting fantasies. Just get back in there, I want to drink alone."
"You bastard!" Sanji looked around the bar with desperation, then leaned closer to Zoro and lowered his voice to barely audible. "What..."
"What what?"
"What... am I actually supposed to do in there?"
Zoro's astonishment knew no bounds. "Why the hell are you asking me? Do you think I'm interested in that sort of thing when I've got booze, swords and... booze?"
"And you call me weird," Sanji grumbled. "Fine, I'll just expose my ignorance in front of a lady and ask her instead."
Although he felt like there was an easy insult somewhere in that sentence, Zoro really just wanted to enjoy his drink in peace. He waved his hand dismissively, returning to it without waiting for Sanji to leave. "You do that."
As Sanji left with the defeated gait of a man facing his execution, Zoro poured his first cup while contemplating the weather outside. The wind was a little chilly; not particularly wintery, but maybe cool enough to justify hot sake. Not from this bottle, though, something of lower grade, just a little something to warm his belly...
Zoro leaned back in his chair, finally tasting the most expensive drink he had had since... well, how long had it been? Too long if he couldn't remember. Either he had taken too much damage to his head in his many battles or then he should learn to manage his finances better. Terrible prospects, both of them. Ah well, it was nice to have a quiet moment with some quality alcohol every now and then.
Zoro was only halfway through his bottle when he thought he could faintly make out the sound of Sanji calling for him from the lobby. He tried to ignore it, but the damned pervert kept calling and finally Zoro had to stand up, letting out a deep and angry sigh, and leave the confortable chair with his sake.
"The hell do you want now?" he snapped the moment he caught sight of Sanji.
Instead of his usual show of foul-mouthed adolescent posturing, there was a distinctly uncomfortable look in Sanji's visible eye as he turned away from Zoro. "You need to pay the cashier," he muttered, sticking his hands in his pockets.
"...what?"
"You've got the money. That's why you're here," Sanji continued, still uncharacteristically subdued.
A bubbly young woman Zoro had not paid attention to made a cooing sound and patted Sanji comfortingly on the shoulder. "Thanks for the tip, though!"
Although it had seemed impossible at first, Sanji immediately looked even more uncomfortable, his whole body turning remarkably stiff when one considered what he had just been doing. Shaking his head, Zoro went to the cashier to hear how much the cook owed to the establishment. The sum was smaller than he had expected, and he briefly wondered if he could get away with adding the rest of the pervert money to his pocket money for having to deal with Sanji. Common sense told him that he would then have to deal with Nami... maybe if he forged the receipt? No, no, her eyes were too damn sharp...
Taking an angry swig out of the bottle, Zoro motioned for Sanji to follow him. "If you're done here, we're leaving."
Scanning the streets for that one bar that had looked promising, Zoro had to admit this trip hadn't been as bad as he had expected. For once Sanji was not running his mouth about having to spend time with Zoro, probably because his lips were so tightly pressed together that they almost looked like they had been welded shut. Zoro smiled into the mouth of his bottle and emptied it. Sanji didn't notice as he still refused to meet Zoro's eye or even look anywhere in his direction. He walked rigidly in a silence that was as refreshing as it was unnatural, thick enough to cut with a knife as the saying went; and something about it began to tug, weakly yet maddeningly, at Zoro's instincts. What was this feeling..?
Zoro narrowed his eye, trying to make sense of it. Was this what pity felt like? No, not that... not malicious joy either, as Zoro felt no need to laugh whatsoever. Some new sort of irritation, then?
And then it hit him like the blunt edge of a katana. Thick enough to cut. He glanced at Sanji again, aware of the wall of silence between them. Silence that was thick enough to cut with a bladed weapon, fortified by Sanji's mortification. Could he do it? Could he cut the intangible?
Although Zoro had not even instinctively touched his blades, Sanji's haki seemed to pick up the threat coming from his flank, and he stirred. Zoro had to act quickly, get the drop on him. And cut. "So which tip was she talking about?"
Ten full minutes later, Sanji was still crying against Zoro's shoulder with such lack of dignity that it was as mind-boggling as the tears were wettening. "People are staring," Zoro pointed out, voice dripping with sympathy. How did so much salt water fit in just one man?
"...and she was so... so... so nice about it too, even though I... I... I'm a worm in the ground, a failure among manly men!" Sanji blubbered. Much to Zoro's horror, there was a fair amount of snot among the tears. He desperately wanted to forge that receipt now and knew that he never would; his fear of Nami at that moment was far too great.
"Well, if you weren't such a goddamn pervert," he attempted to console Sanji. Why did the bottle have to be empty now?
"I'm hated by all women!" wailed Sanji.
Having already used the only suitable line he could think of for that statement, Zoro's brain struggled to come up with a non-violent solution to its owner being used as a humanoid handkerchief. "I... I need a drink," Zoro said quickly before the first notes of panic could creep into his voice.
Sanji made a series of wet noises, face still pressed distressingly deep into Zoro's shoulder. His death grip on the swordsman's clothes, however, eased a little and his shoulders didn't heave quite so violently anymore. He seemed to be making word-sounds now, but they were drowned out by his sobs.
"Stop mumbling and say it so I can understand it," Zoro encouraged.
"Can... can I come with you?"
Zoro did need Sanji to stay with him if he wanted to make it back to Thousand Sunny on the first try. He could have said that. He could have very well cut Sanji again. But his enemy was already vanquished, and his too easy victory rang hollow. Zoro looked away, cringing. "Yeah, all right."