Reach for the future
Chapter 1: The beginning
A/N: This is a tribute to GleekAnnette17!
Disclaimer: I don't, under any curcumstances, own Glee!
I wish I could understand why? Why did this have to happen? Why my mom? Why on my birthday? I wish this feeling of being empty would just go the hell away, I'm so damn tired the sad stairs. The 'I'm fake sorry's' No-one gives a shit other than my own family. Even then I feel like they don't understand what I face year after year.
While other kids celebrate their birthdays. I celebrate the anniversary of my moms death.
While other rich kids have a shit load of money because their parents have damn good job. I inherited my money. While some rich kids hate their parents for never being home. I would give anything to have my mom back. While some kids find out that their parents died. I watched my mom die. Fuck life. My name is Samuel Mary Patrick Evans, I'm 15. My mom Mary Alice Harlow Evans died on the day of my 7th birthday.
X
Sam's POV
Two days earlier...
Flashback
"Samuel baby. Look to the camera." My papa yelled from a few feet away.
"Look baby. Its Papa" My Mama says as she holds me close to her. Her arms wrapped around my waist. Never to let go.
"Hi Papa!" I wave to him. Just then snow starts to fall.
"Dwight, we should go inside before this little boy gets sick" Mama says as she wraps me in her sweater.
"Just a little longer momma!" I say as I kiss her cheek.
"Okay just a little longer" She says with a smile. She holds me closer. "I love you my little star"
"I love you too momma." I say back as I nuzzle my head on my moms shoulder and drift off to sleep.
End of flashback
Alarm goes off.
May, 2010
Dear Journal,
I did it. I woke up once more from a dream. A dream that I wished I could have went on forever. I dream that everything went back to the way it was. I've tried so hard to be happy. I really have tried. Its hard to move on when HER things are still in the same place as they were when she left. Everything is still there. Right down to the quilt she made me the week after she came home from the hospital.
My 16th birthday is coming up in a few days. Fuck, a reminder of why I know I wont do all the things I say I would do. I know I should be excited about my coming of age, but I honestly don't give a shit. Age is just a number to me. Some people say that age makes you wiser. The years a person has grown to have.
To me years reminds me of what I lost almost nine years ago on the very day that I was a year older. NINE years, Nine years of remembering the morning in which my dad told me my mom had died that very morning. Nine years of sadness, and hopelessness. Nine years of hoping that someday I might wake up and not feel so cheerless. Maybe one night I'll sleep through the night and not hear my dad crying in his sleep, or find him with a glass of Whiskey sitting alone in the living room at three in the morning crying. One day I'll wake up and not hate my birthday. One day hasn't come soon enough.
I HATE MY BIRTHDAY
X
I finished writing in my journal and made my way downstairs to the kitchen, where dad was making waffles for breakfast.
"Morning dad" I say I sit on a chair at the kitchen table.
"Morning champ, how are you feeling today?" Dad asks as he sets a plate of waffles in front of me and leans over and ruffles my light blonde hair, styled into a Justin Bieber cut, of cause.
"I'm a little soar. Last nights rehearsals were intense. I'm singing 'I'll be true to you' by The Oak Ridge Boys" I reply as I pour hot syrup on my waffles.
"I thought you were gonna do a pop song?" Dad questions with a puzzled look on his face, he takes a sip of his coffee.
"The music Mr Schue gave me was too hard to follow. I'd rather stick to what I know" I lied.
Its not that I can't keep up with a basic pop number because I can, the music is too jolly-oly. It's was to happy for me, I just don't feel that way. If, and when I do an upbeat dance I want to mean it in and out.
"I look forward to hearing you sing. Do you need new guitar picks?" Dad said, smiling at me.
"Na, I have the pair you got me for the last performance, which was like last month. I should be fine for this piece." I said as I dug in to my breakfast.
"Okay. Well then let me know about costumes I'm sure your aunt Dolly can't wait to design something that will certainly stand out" Dad said as he sat in front of me with his own plate of food.
"No worries I will. I swear I have more awards for best costume, than my actual singing!" I laugh.
"Dolly sure knows how to make a statement" Dad smiled, he looks down at his plate for a moment. I can feel this sadness from him when ever I mention costumes and guitar picks.
"Dad, are you mad that I'm more of a singer than a dancer?" I asked as I looked at Dad, dreading his answer.
His head immediately shot up. The look of worry is all over his face.
"Son, why on earth would you ever think that?" Dad ask with a hint of concern in his voice.
"I'm just curious." I said softly.
"Did someone at school put this in your head?" His tone now more angry.
"Maybe..."
His head tilts to the right side, which often means spill or die.
"My Glee club director encouraged me to sing for the new assignment, he said that it would make you proud" I confess.
Dad quickly stands up and walks around the table and puts his arms around me.
"Baby, I love you no matter what you choose to do. If you love singing more than dancing, then sing! I'm gonna be proud of you no matter what you do" Dad said as he holds me close to him. "Your mom and I made a vow the day you went into your first singing class, that we would let you be what ever you wanted to be. If you wanted to join the Circus than we would sign you up. I don't want you to sing because you think I will love you more."
"I just feel like you want me to be her" I say sadly.
"Baby no, I want you to be my son. Smart, funny, stubborn, spunky and most of all determined. Your mom was all of those things, but it doesn't mean I want you to be her. I want you to sing because I know it makes you happy. If your happy than so am I" Dad said as he kisses the top of my head. "I love you so much for because you're my baby"
"Thanks Dad, I love you too"
"Now get your butt to school. I want to hear that song" Dad says as he kisses my forehead.
"It'll be the best one you've ever heard" I say with a smile.
"Good, I expect nothing less"
"I'm going to school. Apparently Rachel will kill me if I'm late for Glee this morning" I say as I grab my bag.
"Have a great day, kiddo" Dad say as he kisses my cheek before I walk down the hallway.
"You too Dad!" I call back with a smile on my face. I head out the door and out of the building. Downstairs waiting for me are my cousins Luke and Andrea.
Living to me isn't the same anymore. I know there's more to life than death. Its everywhere around me. Why did my life have to be filled with so much pain, and sadness. Its like I'm repeating her story once more. She had talent beyond words, but was isolated because of so much pain. Now here I stand living that same life.