Author's Note: This is literally the first piece of 7b7b I ever wrote. It was an idea that I had way back when the show was actually on, and when I discovered fanfiction, I immediately remembered it. Rereading it recently, I thought about all the things I would change. This is the updated piece. I appreciate any reviews and thoughts.
No Orphans Live Here
-One-
Guthrie McFadden sat hunched over a blank piece of paper, a pencil in his fingers. He looked at the clock again. He had been staring at the blank page for what seemed like hours. He read the instructions at the top again. Think about your own personal heritage. How have your parents influenced you? What qualities do you share? Where do your ideals and theirs differ? How do you bridge that gap? "Stupid assignment!" He said angrily to himself and tossing down the pencil he stormed downstairs. He wandered from room to room, frustrated and restless. He finally ended up in the kitchen where his sister-in-law, Hannah was working on dinner. He stood leaning in the doorway watching her, and then wandered over to the refrigerator. He poured himself a glass of milk and stared absently out the window into the grey November sky.
"Something wrong?" Hannah asked him, her soft hand resting lightly on his shoulder.
"Nope." He said quickly, unnerved by the way she always seemed to know what he was thinking.
"Hmmm . . ." She said studying him thoughtfully. But she began to cough and then went to the sink to wash her hands.
"You okay?" He asked, worried.
"Oh, I'm fine." She dismissed him. "Wanna peel potatoes for me?"
"Sure." He glanced toward his sister-in-law wondering, not for the first time, if she could read his thoughts. He sat down to work at the table. Hannah hummed as she worked and he found himself joining in, in spite of his grey mood. Music always made him feel better. So did Hannah.
***7***
Hannah McFadden paused looking across the wreckage that had once been dinner. The aftermath of seven men eating a meal together never ceased to amaze her. She sighed and forced herself up to tackle the dinner dishes, trying to ignore the headache that pounded in her ears.
"Yeah, well, don't call me when it breaks down." Crane said to one of his brothers in the living room as he walked back into the kitchen. He immediately began to help clear the table.
"Wash or dry?" He asked his sister-in-law.
"I'll wash." She said with a smile squeezing his arm with her thanks.
"You feel okay?" He asked her. "You didn't eat much."
"Don't worry about me." She said. "Besides next to all of them, I never eat much! Did you see how much Ford and Evan ate tonight?"
Crane laughed. "You should have seen Adam when he was thirteen! Poor Mom was hard-pressed to keep him fed." He chuckled at the memory. "He and Brian once cleared out the entire fridge while she was at choir practice! Everything!"
Hannah tried to picture her husband and his younger brother as gangly teens eating endless amounts of food and driving their mother to distraction. She sighed, wearily, leaning against the counter.
"I just wanna double-check." Adam said to Brian as they walked into the kitchen.
She had planned on teasing them with the story that Crane had told her, but was caught in another fit of coughing.
"Honey, we're gonna go check on that steer. I don't like the way that leg . . ." He paused studying her. "You feel alright?"
"You look kind of pale." Brian said. "Doesn't she?" He turned toward his brother.
"Just a cold, I think." She said pushing Adam's hand away from her forehead. "I'm fine."
Since, the miscarriage they had all become twice as protective - watching over her. She appreciated it and could feel all the love behind it, but it made her nervous and self-conscious too. It reminded her.
"Daniel!" Crane shouted. "Get in here!"
"What?" Daniel asked irritated.
"You wash. I'll dry." Crane demanded. Turning to Hannah he said. "You can go lie down. We got this, don't we, Daniel?"
"Yeah, sure." Daniel shrugged and took the sponge from Hannah. "Don't worry, Mrs. McFadden, we got this."
"Thanks." She thought about arguing with them, but honestly she just felt so very tired. "I think I'll just rest for a little bit." She left the kitchen to head upstairs and Adam watched her, his brow furrowed with worry.
"She works too hard." Brian said. "I wish she would take it easy. She just jumped right back into everything. It's too soon."
"Yeah," Adam's jaw tightened with stress. "She . . ." He stopped himself and shaking his head said to Brian, "Come on, we better go."
***7***
Guthrie McFadden hesitated just outside his oldest brother's room. He felt funny about stepping inside now that Hannah lived there. It used to be his room, too. Before Adam had married, Adam and Brian had shared the room. They had initially left the room untouched after their parent's deaths, but eventually, the oldest brothers had moved in bringing Guthrie, just a toddler with them. In a house tight with space, and heavy in brothers, living life three to a room was pretty normal. After Adam had brought Hannah home, He and Brian had moved downstairs. He stood in the doorway of the open door to the room, wondering if he should do something. He could hear Hannah coughing. It sounded terrible.
"You need something?" He asked quietly. "I'll bring you some water."
"Thank you." She said and then started coughing all over again. She lay in bed, her cheeks bright pink. Concerned, he went immediately downstairs.
"How's the homework, kid?" Crane asked from where he sat at the kitchen table going over the books.
"Hannah's really sick." He said as he poured a glass of water. "Her cough sounds bad. I think we should do something." He didn't stop to hear Crane's reaction but hurried upstairs with the glass.
"Here." He said handing it to her and sitting beside her on the bed. "Should I ride out and get Adam?"
"I'm okay, Guth." She said patting his hand, her low voice raspy. "It just sounds terrible."
"You take any aspirin?" Crane asked from the doorway. He was reading the label on a bottle of cough syrup.
"Before dinner." She said and looking at their worried faces, she smiled and added, "Hey, fellas, it is just a cold. Quit looking so worried. I'll take some of that cough syrup and sleep." She reached out and ruffed Guthrie's hair. "Go on and finish your homework."
"Ok." He hesitated. "You holler if you need something." He said and walked down the hall.
Hannah handed the medicine cup back to Crane. "Keep an eye on him. Something's bothering him. He's been mopey all day."
"Hannah, just rest, would ya." Crane said shaking his head at her.
She smiled at him, "I am." She closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. "See if he won't talk to you, Crane. I got a bad feeling about it. Something is really bothering him."
"He's probably just worried about you." Crane said softly. He turned out the lamp beside the bed and closed the door behind him.
When Adam had arrived home just a little over a year ago with Hannah beside him, they had all been in shock. They hadn't even known that Adam and Hannah had been dating when be brought her home, and announced that they had just gotten married.
"You got married?" He'd shouted at his older brother. "You didn't think to let us meet her first?" He couldn't believe that his brother had done something so completely unexpected and shocking.
They had been hard on her, mostly out of shock, but also out of genuine confusion. No woman had lived in the house in ten years. They hadn't known what to do or say around her. She threw all of them off their groove - upsetting the balance of the house. It wasn't that they didn't like her, but rather that they just didn't know what to do or say around her. She was unknown to them, and as unfamiliar as an alien. They couldn't seem to function normally around her - except for Guthrie. He'd loved her from the start, and it was partly watching her care for him with love and gentleness that had won them all over. Seeing her treat him with warm compassion had melted them all.
Guthrie had always been a unifying factor for the brothers. He was everyone's baby. Not quite two, when their parents died, he'd cried for his mother night after night. It had been unbearable. They had done the best they could, but it never seemed enough. They all agreed he deserved so much more than a pack of teenage brothers could offer. It was ten years later, watching Guthrie lean against Hannah at the kitchen sink, as they washed dishes together, that Crane realized that she was exactly what their baby brother needed; maybe what they all needed.
He wandered down the hall to his younger brothers' room. Ford was sitting on his bed reading and Evan was working on some math. Guthrie sat with a blank page in front of him staring out the window into the dark night.
"Need help, pal?" He asked him.
"No. I already finished my homework." Guthrie answered. "Is she okay? Maybe we should go get Adam."
Evan and Ford paused in their work, and looked up at him with questioning faces.
"Hannah's got a cold." He explained to them. "Don't worry, Guthrie. She's sleeping." He studied his youngest brother, feeling an uneasiness. Hannah was right, Guthrie seemed upset. "She'll be fine." He reassured them.
***7***
Hannah McFadden awoke shivering. The room was pitch black and she stretched out her arm expecting to find her husband's familiar form, but the bed was empty. She struggled to sit up but was stopped by a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"I'm right here." Adam said softly. He sat down beside her on the bed, straightening the covers around her.
"Wh . . .what time is it?"
"Uh," He glanced behind himself at the clock. "Eleven or so."
"You talk to Guthrie? He's not . . ."
"How about you lie back down and get some sleep, hon." He said, cutting her off.
"I'm worried about him."
"Well, I'm worried about you." He confessed. "Don't get me wrong, darlin', you are beautiful as always, but you don't look so good."
"Thanks."
"You feeling any better?" He leaned over, his lips brushing her forehead. "You are burning up!"
"It's just a cold, Adam." She responded, her voice low and raspy. "I'm fine."
"Yeah, I can see that." He shook his head at her. "I'm calling the doctor."
"This late?" She asked. "Why don't you just throw our savings in the fire? It can wait til morning."
"Sweetheart . . ." Adam hesitated.
"We still got that hospital bill . . ." She whispered.
"Stop, worrying about that!" He sighed and rubbed his face with his. "That doesn't matter, girl. I've told you that."
"We don't need another bill like that. I am fine."
Adam met her gaze, as he rubbed a gentle thumb along her cheek. "You are alive and I don't care about a bill for that." Her eyes filled with tears, and she turned away from him, wiping them.
"I'm fine. I just need another dose of medicine."
He sighed again. "Hannah, I don't like the way that cough sounds and your fever is pretty high."
"Things always seem worse at night. Can I have that medicine, please?" She raised an eyebrow at him, and he recognized that she would not be persuaded. This was Hannah at her most stubborn and independent, even illness couldn't hide her determined spirit. It was something he found irresistible; despite all the challenges she'd faced, she was still unbroken - a wild spirit.
"I think we ought . . ." He began half-heartedly, handing her the cough syrup.
"The morning is fine. It is just a bad cold, Adam. I'm alright." She swallowed the cough syrup and settled back into the pillows. "Promise you'll talk to Guthrie. I'm really worried."
"Yeah, me too." He moved closer and brushed the hair off her forehead. "You are one damn stubborn woman." He said. "If you die, I'll be mad as hell at you."
"I love you too." She said smiling at him and then launched into a powerful coughing fit that frightened him.
"Maybe we should . . ."
"No. " She said interrupting him. "Tomorrow's soon enough. Now, let me sleep." She lay back down and closed her eyes but reached for his hand. He sat beside her holding her soft fingers in his.
***7***
"I've been thinking about the essay I assigned." Mr. Whedon said to Guthrie as the classroom emptied out. "I was thinking that perhaps you should have an alternate assignment."
"Why?" Guthrie asked angrily looking out past his teacher into the gathering storm clouds outside.
"Well, the topic might be painful and I wouldn't . . ." It was clear the English teacher was uncomfortable.
"I don't need special treatment. I got it nearly finished." Guthrie lied, feeling an unexplainable rage storm up inside him.
"Oh, well, you are? I guess that's alright then. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't too . . ."
"Don't worry. It was a long time ago and nobody needs to treat me differently." Guthrie said and strode out of the room."
***7***
"Bronchitis." Adam McFadden said to his brothers after he'd returned home with Hannah. He had first immediately taken her upstairs and tucked her back into bed. When he came downstairs he found Brian and Crane pacing in the living room, and even he, tired as was, had to appreciate the way they had come to feel about his wife. "The doc said it is a pretty bad case of it. He gave her some strong medicine and said she needs to rest. Her immune system is still pretty weak from . . ." He swallowed unable to finish.
"She'll be fine." Brian said resting a hand on his older brother's shoulder. "Why don't you go lie down too. I don't think you slept last night." Adam nodded and disappeared back upstairs with his wife.
"He's gonna get sick too." Crane said. "I don't know. It seems like maybe they both . . ."
"Give it time. It's only been six weeks. She just needs rest and she'll be fine." Brian sighed.
When their parents had died, he had been just sixteen and Adam not quite eighteen. They had somehow managed to keep the family together - the two of them doing the best job they could. As much as they'd shouldered that burden together, it was Adam who was really in charge and responsible. Brian had his older brother for guidance and help, but Adam had no one. He wondered sometimes what their lives would've been like, if that truck hadn't careened off the road and into their parent's car. Adam had been about to leave for college and was hoping on medical school, when everything changed and he'd been forced to put every dream on hold.
They fell into a steady pattern of the ranch and the brothers first - above all else. And it seemed that it would stay that way forever. He figured Adam would live a solitary life; sacrificing everything for his brothers. And then he'd surprised them with a five foot four brunette powerhouse. She completely overturned their lives just as she had once overturned their table. She was fierce, independent and stubborn, but deeply devoted to Adam, the ranch and the family. Much as he hated change, Brian had to accept that some change was good. He recognized how very happy she made Adam, and how very much the brothers benefited from her presence - especially the little guys.
When she had announced to Adam, and a roomful of brothers she was pregnant, he had felt a tremendous joy. It was as if something inside him loosened a little, and for the first time in a decade it felt like the McFadden family was moving on. Adam seemed to de-age - as though all the hardened layers he'd built up over that decade of struggle were stripped away, and he was the young man he had been before the responsibility of raising his brothers had fallen on him. Brian couldn't remember a time when his older brother had seemed so joyful; so carefree which made the crushing blow of the miscarriage all the more cruel and unfair.
Adam had already lost enough in his life. They all had lost enough. Everyone had been sad. Everyone was worried about Hannah who returned from the hospital a quiet, subdued version of herself. Neither she, nor Adam spoke of it much. They returned to the same working ranch they'd left and so it was easy to claim they were too busy for rest or introspection. Still, the family had finally cornered the both of them, tagging their own agenda on the end of their weekly family business meeting.
"Hey, there's just one more thing." Brian had said, as Adam had risen to leave the living room after the meeting had ended.
"What?" Adam asked, sitting back down on the edge of the couch. Brian glanced over at Hannah who sat in the armchair across from her husband, the brothers scattered around the room, silent and anxious.
"We wanted to . . ."
Hannah rose up suddenly, "I better get super on and . . ."
"Hey," Brian said gently. "We don't mean harm." He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, meeting her dark blue eyes which were clouded with sorrow. She said nothing in response but say back down in the armchair.
"One mistake we've made in the past and we said we wouldn't keep making it," Crane said looking at Adam. "Is not talking about things that matter."
"Crane, don't . . ." Adam began.
"You said not talking about difficult things doesn't make it easier." Daniel pointed out. "You said that."
"And," Brian hesitated willing himself to finish. "Losing, uh, losing the baby is difficult. We understand that." He glanced at Hannah who now covered her face with one hand. He felt suddenly sick and unsure. "But we wanted you to know that it is difficult for us, too."
"Hey, would ya stop she's . . ." Adam held out a hand indicating Hannah.
"She's our sister," Daniel interrupted, "and we care about her. He turned toward Hannah. "You are and you are important to us."
"And we can manage things," Crane added. "We don't want you to feel like you have to jump back into anything. You can count on us to pick of the slack if you need some . . . if you need time."
Both Adam and Hannah were silent, she with her face hidden by her hand, and he with his jaw set in a firm line. Brian half-expected Adam to blow up, and was truly surprised that he remained where he was and didn't go to where she sat clearly struggling.
"This . . . we . . . I . . ." Adam attempted to speak, but was at a loss for words.
"Hey, brother," Crane said, laying a gentle hand on Adam's shoulder. "We got this. You don't have to say anything. That's maybe what we are trying to tell you. Do what's best for you, and for her," He indicated Hannah with a crisp nod. "You don't have to worry about us, or explain it to us. We got the rest of it covered."
Adam nodded, swallowing hard and drawing in a deep breath said, "Sweetheart?"
"I . . . I . . ." Her voice was soft, and muffled at first by her hand. Then, drawing in a deep breath herself, she dropped her hand from her face, wiped at her tears, sticking her chin out in brave defiance, "I appreciate it, fellas. I appreciate all you've done for me, but right now . . ." She paused thoughtfully. "Working feels better than stopping to think. It seems like . . ." She paused again, attempting to regain control. "It hurts too much, just now, you know?"
"Yeah," Brian agreed softly. "We do."
He could easily remember dark days when he and Adam threw themselves relentlessly into the work in front of them - anything other than face the searing pain of knowing their parents were forever lost.
"But . . ." Crane began before Adam cut him off sharply.
"You said this is about telling us that we can have what we need. She just told you. She needs you to let her be."
"You are right." Crane agreed quickly. "I'm sorry, Hannah. I just . . . I just want to fix things."
"Some things can't be fixed." She said softly, and then slowly glancing around the room at all the brothers added, "But I do appreciate how much you want to. I do."
At the end of it all, Brian had felt somewhat defeated. He supposed like Crane, he had wanted to have the meeting and heal all of Adam and Hannah's hurts in one fell swoop. He knew better than that, and he felt stupid for even trying. Some hurts lay buried so deep in your heart that they became part of it.
Still, he knew it was right that they had at least said something. At least she knew how much they wanted to set things right. At least both Adam and Hannah knew their brothers would be there for them. There was a saddness to the house that hadn't been there in years, and certainly not since she had come into the house. It was underneath everything else; a shadow. At night just as he would drift off to sleep, he would be swept into the memory of Adam falling into his arms so overcome with gratefulness that Hannah had survived that he couldn't even stand. It shook him to his core, and reminded him again, that life was a very fragile thing, and loving people the most dangerous choice of all.
***7***
It was just an hour after Adam and Hannah's return from the doctor, that Ford, Evan and Guthrie rushed in, slamming the front door behind them, filling the house with the noise of their chatter.
"Hey, Hannah's trying to sleep." Brian said.
"What did the doctor say?" Guthrie asked, immediately worried.
"Bronchitis. She'll be fine, Guth. She's resting and so is Adam, so you all keep it down." Brian turned to head back outside where he'd been working. "Somebody stir that stew every now and then."
Guthrie watched Brian leave. "I had that once didn't I?" He asked Ford.
"I dunno. Probably. You got sick every ten minutes is the way I remember it." Ford told him. "Go start your chores before you decide to be sick too."
Guthrie shook his head, irritated with his older brother. Sometimes they acted like he was a stupid baby. He wanted to head upstairs and check on her, but knew that Adam would probably yell at him too. He tried to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He never liked it when anyone in the family was sick. It made him nervous, but Hannah being sick was the worst.
"Come on!" Ford said, his hand on the door. "We got chores, man!"
"I'm coming." Guthrie responded irritably. "Keep your pantyhouse on, Marge!" At least chores were better than that stupid essay he still hadn't written. Maybe Ford had given a good idea - maybe he could be sick, too. Then he would have to face his English teacher and explain that he hadn't written the stupid essay at all.