Author's Note: After reading the Chronicles of Narnia in 2015, I had two ideas for stories. The first one came very easily, and is published on FanFiction – it is called Finding Aslan, and I would thoroughly recommend it; though I am biased – I wrote it. The second one is finally finished, nearly two years later. I am in my second year of BSSM in Redding, California, and I suppose it did not get finished because I myself was still learning many of things that Edmund learns in this story

This story was inspired by my own journey of learning what manhood really looks like. I learnt a lot from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge and by watching men around me love their lives, love their wives and live courageously. I hope this story inspires everyone, but particularly men, to know their own courage and their purpose.

Enjoy:

Edmund was feeling uncomfortably tense, as he stared into the moss-covered mouth of the dark cave that had swallowed up his brother only a minute before. Whenever they went on these expeditions he was always a little afraid that someone was going to suggest that he went in too, but even though that hadn't happened, he couldn't calm himself. Straining his ears to listen for any sign of what might be happening inside, he couldn't help humorously wondering for the hundredth time what on earth he would tell mother if Peter died in Narnia.

He jolted as he was awakened from his reverie by a mouth nuzzling his ear. Turning, he found Philip, the horse he rode, had noticed his tension. Philip wasn't his horse, as horses are free in Narnia, but Philip was the horse who allowed him to ride when going into battle.

"You saw them going in." Philip said gently, "Peter was confident. They'll be fine. They always are."

Edmund said nothing, but only smiled. Philip had become a close friend in the last year and was always ready with a kind word. It was certainly true that Peter had unsheathed his sword magnificently and twirled it arrogantly before entering the cave. He had been perfectly confident and had inspired confidence in all of them. Just as a King should. Edmund knew that Peter would be fine.

Sure enough, Peter emerged swinging the hag's grotesque head by its stringy black hair, looking aggravatingly smug. He grinned at Edmund, wiped his sword, sheathed it and said cheerily, "Mission accomplished. If we ride fast, we might even get back to Cair Paravel in time for dinner."

Edmund rode at the tail of the small column, thinking. He was afraid. Not so much for Peter, since every time anyone saw Peter raise his sword Rhindon into the air, they were inspired by their leader. There was something about his bearing that left no room for doubt that Peter was a great king. Edmund was no exception to this influence, and except getting a bit nervous (as family do) when Peter put himself in danger, he was not generally afraid for Peter's well-being.

He was afraid of his own inadequacy. He was afraid that he didn't have courage. He was afraid that he wouldn't have been able to go into that cave fearlessly as Peter did. And if he had and there had been an ogre in there, he would have run away terrified and everyone would have seen him as the coward he was. He knew that one day everyone would realise that they had a spineless child for a king, and he would get shunned.

They could see the gates of Cair Paravel, their shadows were trailing long in front of them and there were faint tinges of orange in the sky when Philip finally broke the silence.

"Does something trouble you, sire?" he asked.

"I just feel a bit anxious about Peter," lied Edmund, "always going into danger like that."

"Bree-hee-hee," whinnied Philip, which was his equivalent of a laugh, "Do not trouble yourself about him. He is fast becoming the finest swordsman in the land. Is that all that troubles you?"

Edmund felt bad for not telling Philip the truth, and probably would have told him everything then and there, except they caught sight of the small figure of Lucy holding up her skirts and running towards them as fast as she could. Thinking something was wrong they all sped up, but when they reached her, her expression was one of pure joy.

"Come quickly," she cried, "Aslan's here!"

And so, after Lucy had clambered up behind Peter, the whole party merrily hastened down to Cair Paravel.