A/N: This is a collection of humorous parodies that has been hovering my mind for a few days now. I think I've done a respectable job on them, and I made myself laugh. I hope most of my readers will end up laughing too. Hell, one of these may even serve to brighten up a bad day.

There is a fourth chapter that will be written and published soon, so I gave you these to keep you occupied for the time being. They are not related in any way, shape, or form.

Oh, and the T rating is because of the third chapter. It's not because of violence. ;-) It should be M rated, but who cares? I ain't gonna get in trouble!

If you take the time to read, please review and tell me which ones were your favorites.

Enjoy, everyone!

Chapter 1: When Life Gives You Lemons…

Rio was currently being bombarded by the sweltering summer sun, but that was not to say the atmosphere was unpleasant.

A playful sea breeze streamed inland without pause, cooling the air and increasing its refreshing power greatly. After snaking through the sprawling city, it melted into the jungle, where a particularly inviting odor was added to its salty tang. Every tree, bush, and vine had sprouted flowers and fruit, overloading the weakened streams of air with the scent of citrus.

One could be revitalized by simply stepping outside and inhaling one whiff of the gentle gale. It was the perfect day to frolic, either on the beaches, in the surf, or in the tempting afternoon sky. In the Blu Bird Sanctuary specifically, every tree was laden with as many birds as it could hold, all chattering and enjoying the vibrancy of the day.

In one hollow, however, four striking macaws sat, gathered around a sizable food pile. This was all due to the efforts of the senior male, Blu, who had prepared a small feast in honor of the festivities occurring in the realm beyond their home.

"What's this, Daddy?" Blu's six week old daughter asked while holding a purple oval in front of her face.

"That, Serena, is a grape. It's a highly popular fruit in the States. Oh, and it's squishy and sweet, just like you."

"Aww, thank you, Daddy," she replied, flattered.

"Anytime, Serena. Go ahead and taste it."

She eyed the grape for a second longer, and then popped it into her beak. She shut her eyes in bliss as she chewed, downing the pulpy mass with a hearty swallow after a few seconds.

She smacked her beak and said, "That was delicious, Daddy! Can I have some more?"

"Go ahead, sweetie. There's plenty for you and your brother."

After she had plucked another from the pile, her brother, Cristiano, seized his own, his eyes glittering with anticipation.

Blu and Jewel watched their newest set of children eat contentedly for a short while.

"They're so adorable, aren't they, Blu?"

Blu tossed her an affectionate gaze and replied, "I agree, honey. For being the last of our species, our gene combinations sure do make for healthy, lovely children."

She rewarded his nerd talk with a peck on the cheek, and he pecked her back. Blushing internally, Blu reached out with his foot and plucked up a green grape, the purple grape's sour twin.

Jewel studied it before he stuck it in his beak, and he caught her curious stare.

He lowered it from his beak as she asked, "Is that a grape too, Blu?"

"Yep, but you won't like it. It's full of citric acid, which makes it sour."

"Oh," she replied flatly.

"I suggest you eat the other variety."

"Okay then," she said, and picked up one of the violet orbs.

Blu stalled until she put it in her beak, and then he did the same.

As he smashed it inside his oral cavity, the acid came rushing out and began to assault his tongue.

Ooh boy, this is some strong stuff! But that's why I like it! he thought proudly.

His eyes narrowed and his beak pursed as the stinging took effect. He found Jewel staring at him, bemused.

"What's the matter, Blu? Is that grape too sour for you? The look on your face is just… priceless!"

She began to giggle.

He gulped down the remnants and smacked his beak loudly. He then used his tongue to rid his beak of any stubborn fragments and wash them down his throat.

Jewel was still giggling by this point, eliciting a response from him: "I can't really control my reaction, Jewel. That always happens when I eat sour stuff!"

Jewel stopped chortling and asked, "Could you eat another? I have to see you squint again!"

Blu hardened his stare and said, "Ha ha, very funny. No, you may not see me squint again."

With that, he turned his back to her and shoved another acid bomb into his beak. His muscles tensed as he consumed it, but his face was hidden from her view.

"Someone's a fun sucker, and his name is Blu," Jewel stated slyly.

"Hmmph," he retorted, still in mid-chew.

Though he could not see her, there was another object that he was far more interested in.

The object in question was spherical, dotted with tiny pits all over, and as yellow as the sun. It rested next to the grape pile, innocuous as a rock. But to those who comprehended its secrets, like Blu, it was so much more.

Hmmm, Jewel finds my expressions humorous, eh? Well, all I have to do to get even is to convince her to take a bite of that lemon. Then we'll see who's laughing! This is gonna be good…

Once Blu sent the mutilated orb from his beak into his stomach, he turned to the right and rolled the lemon over to him. He toyed with it idly until Jewel was annoyed enough to speak.

"Blu, what are you doing? Aren't you gonna eat that… thing? What is it, anyways?"

"It's called a lemon. It's crammed with sugar, and is even sweeter than those grapes."

He did not feel an ounce of regret for telling the little white lie. The reward he would receive was definitely worth bending the truth.

"Would you like to try it?"

"Umm… sure."

He sent it her way with a flick of his foot, and it bumped into her legs. She surveyed the outer surface and then nibbled at it. She jerked her head away and spat a few times in disgust.

"Yuck! The outside is nasty! How am I supposed to taste the sugary part?"

Blu stood up and moved closer to her, stopping on the opposite side of the lemon.

"You'll have to chew past the peel and endure the bitterness. Trust me, you'll love what's in store, honey," he announced emphatically.

"If you say so…" she replied heavily.

She slammed her eyes shut and placed her beak upon the bitter sheath. She opened it wide, and then bit down forcefully, gouging out a hefty chunk.

A few paces away, Blu squirmed in fiery anticipation of her impending reaction.

Oh, what a surprise she's in for! Blu thought excitedly.

She lifted her head up and chewed once, twice.

"Blu… thish ish… sho…"

The bitterness caused her to gag briefly, but then a flavor explosion went off.

In an instant, she realized it was the farthest thing from sweet imaginable. It was as if a lightning bolt had zapped every inch of her beak, and the sheer intensity of it sent her pulse racing.

Her eyes shot wide open, and the first thing she saw was Blu, smiling massively.

She ejected the terribly-sour sludge from her beak, not caring that it splatted all over the wall. Her children ceased to chew and locked their eyes on her, astounded at what their mother had just done.

She then furiously scrubbed her tongue with one of her wings, desperately trying to rid it of the liquid that seemed to be burning it.

"Pth… mmth… blth… aghh…" she mumbled as worked.

All of a sudden, a voluminous cackle erupted in the hollow: "Ha ha ha! Yes! YES! Oh man... that was rich! I win, Jewel! I tricked you… so easily! Oh gosh… oh gosh…"

She dropped her wing and shoved the lemon out of the way, revealing the source of the noise. Blu was flat on his back, his wings enfolding his chest, his whole body shaking as he laughed.

The epiphany that ensued sent her blood to a boil, and her eye twitched in anger.

Blu… you little… jerk! I'm gonna kill you!

"Tyler… Blu… GUNDERSON! YOU'RE SO DEAD!"

His laughter was cut off instantly, and he scrambled to his talons. Jewel took one furious step in his direction, and he shot his wings up defensively. His face was drowning in astonishment and dread, his pupils shrunk to pinpoints.

"He he he… Jewel… l-let's be r-rational here! I-I was o-only… getting e-even! J-just calm d-down…"

She continued to approach him maliciously as he backed away, driving him towards the rear wall of their home.

"Uh-oh, looks like Daddy's in big trouble," Cristiano whispered.

"Yep. We better move, or Mommy might step on us…" Serena warned.

The two chicks ambled around the fruit pile, settling down near the wall to watch the action.

They had never seen her so enraged, and they knew that their Daddy was not going to forget this day for a long while. They did feel bad for the trauma he was about to be subjected to, but the upcoming excitement far outweighed their regret.

His tail was bent to the side as he retreated, the distance between him and the sturdy border of the hollow decreasing steadily.

"When I get… my claws on you… I'm gonna make you eat… the WHOLE LEMON!"

Blu was startled by the outburst, and hopped in reverse in the wake of her threat.

"No no no… please… d-don't! Look… I'm s-sorry… honey. I'm really sorry!"

She bounded forward and closed the gap between them, pinning him against the damp wood, her wing at his throat.

She thrust her face right up to his and said scathingly, "Yeah right. You're done for, mister. Man up, and get ready…"

He threw a swift glance in the direction of the entrance, and that brief action was observed by both Jewel and their offspring.

Like a feathered missile, he ducked out from under her wing and charged for freedom.

"Get back here, jerk!" Jewel screeched as she whirled around.

He never made it out.

As fast as he could, Cristiano ran in front of his father and flung himself to the floor, shielding his head with his wings. Just as he had expected, Blu tripped on the plushy lump and fell hard on his chest.

"Ow! Hey!" the adult male squawked incredulously.

Before he could stand again, Serena aimed for his extensive tail and latched onto it firmly in a sort-of bear hug. Cristiano recovered and gripped his father's right leg in his beak, squeezing with just enough force to stay attached.

Blu tried to scoot forward with his wings, but to no avail.

"My own kids have turned on me! What kind of planet is this!" he yelled.

With one foot out of commission and Serena's dead weight slowing him down, his escape was forfeited. He craned his head around to see Jewel tromp toward him menacingly, victoriously.

She patted Serena on the back, and then Cristiano.

"Good work, you two! You can let go now," she ordered.

As soon as they relinquished their holds and bounced to their feet, she grabbed his half-splayed wings and flipped him onto his back.

"Oof!" he grunted.

She planted her feet on each side of his tail near its base, her lower body hovering over his in a highly sexual position. She then crushed his wings to the floor with her own.

She had him immobilized, and she highly doubted he had the guts to throw her off.

"Jewel… c-can we… c-compromise here? P-please?"

She formed a wicked grin and replied harshly, "You're outta luck, Blu. It's payback time!"

She lifted her head while still glaring at Blu, and said, "Cristiano, Serena, could you bring me the lemon, please?"

"No problem, Mom!" they cheered joyously.

Jewel kept her intimidating stare trained on her mate as the pitter-patter of footsteps held the silence at bay.

"Here you go, Mom!" Cristiano exclaimed.

She looked up slightly to see her offspring standing behind the devilish fruit, which was almost equal in to them in size.

"Thank you very much."

"You're welcome, Mom," Serena said merrily.

"You and your brother are free to stand by and watch. In fact, why don't you hold the lemon, so Daddy can eat it?"

"You got it!" Cristiano said gleefully.

The two macaws wrapped their wings around the rear of the bulbous fruit and eased it closer to Blu's beak. He spun his head away from it, but that was the extent of his refusal.

"Uh uh uh, Blu. You better take a bite! Why don't you just get it over with?"

Ugh… remind me not to trick you ever again… Blu thought disparagingly.

"Okay, Jewel, you win. I'd rather eat it than suffer your female wrath any longer…" he moaned.

She inhaled and replied, "Good choice, big boy."

Ruefully, he rotated his head back the other direction, his beak brushing the pitted rind. He gulped pitifully, shut his eyes, and sliced out a sector with a drawn-out, deep bite.

His system went into spasms as the one-two punch of the bitter peel and sour innards pounded his tongue. He knew he was going to end up with digestive problems by about the next day, but he was grudgingly forced to acknowledge that that was his punishment.

He gasped and wheezed as he chewed, his face contorted oddly.

Jewel snorted with laughter and squawked, "Not enjoying the taste, are we, Blu? Serves you right. Now swallow!"

He did so, stifling a potent gag. He exhaled painfully after it went down, and looked at his children pleadingly. Their expressions wilted as a result, but they did not respond otherwise.

"Alright, Blu, go ahead," his mate commanded.

And so he scooped out a second bite.

Jewel, I swear I will never again betray you for my own pleasure, he repeated endlessly in his head. Your ferocity and dedication is unmatched, and I will never make it so that I have to be on the receiving end.

Secretly, Jewel's love for her mate ballooned in expanse.

He was willing to obey her wishes instead of fight her, all to please her and make amends. The fact that it was his fault was irrelevant. He truly deserved her affection and companionship, and as long as she lived, she would give him as much as her heart could give.

Moral: When life gives you lemons… do not use them to prank your mate!