"Nothing Is Forever"
A With One Headlight Universe Songfic
By Madelyn Gale
Disclaimer: The TMNT and all associated characters are property of Mirage Studios, Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, Saban Entertainment, Nickelodeon, and all other associated parties. All original characters are creations of Madelyn Gale, who surrenders ownership to all associated parties. All characters, places and events are used fictitiously. This story is written for entertainment only; no money, property, or other compensation has been or will be exchanged for this work. The "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers is used without permission.
Warnings: Adult Situations and Language. Takes place before the events of "She Don't Want the World." Consider this the "real" beginning of the With One Headlight Universe.
So long ago, I don't remember when
That's when they say I lost my only friend
Well they said she died easy of a broken heart disease
As I listened through the cemetery trees
When April was six years old, her best friend died in a fire.
It was the middle of the night, with sirens and lights and stinky air. Her daddy scooped her up in his strong arms and carried her out of her bedroom, downstairs, to stand in front of the junk shop and watch the buildings down the street fall in on themselves. Next to them, her momma held baby Robyn. They all waited to see if the fire was going to chase them down and kill them next, or at least destroy their shop and home and everything they had in the world.
It wasn't until the next day that April learned her best friend had been the first person to die in the fire. April cried, and cried, and couldn't stop crying.
I seen the sun comin' up at the funeral at dawn
The long broken arm of human law
Now it always seemed such a waste
She always had a pretty face
So I wondered how she hung around this place
They had met by accident, April and the small Chinese woman, a few weeks before April's sixth birthday. The woman came in looking for drop cloth, to cover her floor, like she wanted to paint a room. April's daddy said there were three kinds of people that came into a junk shop - those who wanted something specific and left disappointed, those who didn't want anything but might walk away with a trinket or two, and those who were flexible enough that whatever they had in mind could be improvised. Her daddy liked the last group the best. They were the ones who could see that a junk shop had more valuables than people realized. They were the repeat customers, the ones who you got to know and trust, the ones who would sometimes buy something they didn't need, just for the love of sharing and passing on history.
The lady - Ms. Shen Tang - needed drop cloths, but they didn't have any of those in the junk shop. April's father was in the back store room, so she took it upon herself to find three shower curtains, all big and only a little stained from where there had once been mold. They were clean, though, April pointed out quickly. Her daddy never sold junk that was dirty or rusty or could hurt you.
Ms. Tang took all three, and while she was waiting for Mr. O'Neil to come ring her up (April was too little to work the register), she found a selection of candies on the counter display. She selected two for herself, and asked what April liked. Green apple lollie-pops, April said. Ms. Tang bought one of those, too, and gave it to April. "To thank you for your help." To Mr. O'Neil she said, "I'll be back soon. I need a few thing that are hard to get, but I like it here. There isn't anything I can't improvise."
When Ms. Tang left, April's daddy gave her another lollie-pop. "For my best salesman," he told her.
Ms. Tang came a few times to buy something. Then one day she came just to chat with April. How was school? Was she making friends? Did she like being a salesman? April answered enthusiastically. Momma and Daddy asked her this stuff, but they were supposed to. They were the parents. Ms. Tang asked because she was nice, and because she liked April. And in two weeks, April realized she'd had a best friend.
Hey, come on try a little
Nothing is forever
There's got to be something better than
In the middle
But me & Cinderella
We put it all together
We can drive it home
With one headlight
"Do you have a husband?" April asked her one muggy day, when the air was sticky and they were cooling off with ice cream cones on the shop's front steps.
Ms. Tang didn't answer right away. April watched her neatly lick twirls around her cone, lapping up chocolate-chip-mint, until her cone was completely clean again. "I did," she said finally. "He died."
"Oh." April didn't eat her cone neatly. Her face was a sticky mess of vanilla swirl, and so were her hands. "I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be." Ms. Tang looked at April and patted her head fondly. "I had a baby daughter, too. They both are gone, but I still love them both. And no matter what, they're still with me."
April finished her cone and licked stickiness from her hands. "How come you buy baby things from the shop sometimes?" Her green eyes squinted in the sunlight. "Is that a bad question?" Sometimes you couldn't tell what questions were going to be bad questions. Bad questions were the ones that got you paddled. Or they made grown-ups cry.
But Ms. Tang didn't cry, or look mad, or anything. She just smiled. "Because I have babies at home that I'm taking care of. I've got four sons I adopted. They're very little, and they need a lot of things still."
"Does that make it not be as bad that you don't have your daughter anymore?" April felt brave asking Ms. Tang questions. She felt like she could ask any question at all.
Ms. Tang was always honest, too. Not all grown-ups were honest. "No. It doesn't hurt any less that I don't have my daughter. But I love the boys. It doesn't make not having her here any easier, but at least I can give my love to someone who needs it."
April thought about that. "Who takes care of the babies while you're here?"
"Oh." Ms. Tang's face turned a little red, and she looked more like a happy little girl than a grown-up lady like she normally did. "I have a boyfriend. He takes care of them for me when I'm here. And when he's working, I take care of them."
"So you both take care of the babies together sometimes?"
"Yes, and sometimes we put the babies to bed and just spend time together." Ms. Tang's face got pinker. She looked a lot happier.
April wiped the last of the ice cream on her jeans, like she wasn't supposed to, and said, "I'm glad you have a boyfriend and the babies. You look happier when you talk about them. You should be happy."
"I'd like to be," Ms. Tang said, and pulled April into a hug.
She said it's cold
It feels like Independence Day
And I can't break away from this parade
But there's got to be an opening
Somewhere here in front of me
Through this maze of ugliness and greed
Ms. Tang didn't come for a few weeks, and then she showed up, looking worried. "I need a few things," she said, but not to April. Normally April was her salesman. Today she went right to Mr. O'Neil, handing him a list.
Mr. O'Neil looked it over, then frowned. His big moustache pulled down. "Going away so soon? You just moved here."
Ms. Tang smiled, but it was one of those tight smiles that grown-ups got when they weren't really happy, but wanted to pretend they were.
"I didn't realize I'd become such a fixture in the neighborhood that anybody would notice if I was heading out. It's not for long. I'm visiting my grandmother in China for a few weeks. That's all." Ms. Tang did a lot better with those fake smiles than most grown-ups, because April's daddy smiled at her and gave a sort of relieved little laugh. "Well, I don't know why you'd need all this luggage for a little trip, but if you want it, I'll see what I can put together for you."
"It's not for the trip out," Ms. Tang said. "It's for all the stuff that I'm going to be bringing back! My grandmother is likely to send me with half her household as 'souvenirs.'" They both laughed now, but April could tell Ms. Tang was lying.
April's daddy called her momma down from their apartment, and the two of them started looking for big trunks and suitcases that would fit the bill. "Would you mind," Ms. Tang called after them, "if I said goodbye to April out front? I thought I'd buy her an ice cream cone."
"Go ahead," April's momma said, "but don't go spoiling your dinner, kiddo!"
Ms. Tang took April out front, walking her down the street to where the ice cream truck was parking. She bought them both a cone, but instead of hurrying back to the steps to eat them, Ms. Tang took her time, walking slowly.
"April? Can you keep secrets?"
The little red-head squinched her nose at Ms. Tang. "My teacher says if someone says that, go tell another adult."
Her friend rolled her eyes. "Yes, well, it's not that kind of a secret. Remember how I told you about my boyfriend and the babies? You know you're the only person I told about them, right?"
She hadn't know that, but April nodded anyway.
"There's someone looking for me. Someone... not nice." Ms. Tang looked down at April, seriously. "There are a lot of ugly people out there, April. They might have really beautiful faces. They might look like nobody special. But they aren't good people." Ice cream ran down Ms. Tang's hand. Normally, she'd lick it up before it got goopy like that, but she looked so serious, like she forgot the ice cream.
April was six. She didn't forget her ice cream. But she did listen to what Ms. Tang was saying. "So, maybe somebody's going to come asking about you, like if we've seen you and stuff?"
"Maybe. And they might ask other questions, questions you won't understand, or won't know the answers to. I don't have a whole lot of friends around here, because I thought it was dangerous if too many people knew where I lived. But some of the neighbors know you and I are friends. They aren't going to hurt you, I don't think, but they're probably going to try to bully you into telling them things about me. Like where I lived, or if I talked to anybody, or where I worked. You don't know any of that, right?"
April blinked. "You work someplace?"
Ms. Tang's smile was nicer now, more sincere. "Good. Whatever you do, don't let them scare you. They won't hurt you. If they ask where I went, you tell them just what I told your father. I'm going to China. To visit my grandmother. Remember that."
"I will," April promised. By the time they got back to the junk shop, April's parents had three good trunks and a couple of suitcases stacked up, and everything seemed okay. April thought about Ms. Tang going away. Secretly, she hoped that Ms. Tang was wrong. That nobody bad would come asking any questions, and she'd come home soon. Maybe with a trunk full of Chinese things that April could enjoy, like the little jade Buddha she had. April helped Ms. Tang load up the trunks and cases in her little car, and waved when her best friend drove away.
And I seen the sun up ahead
At the county line bridge
Sayin' all there's good and nothingness is dead
We'll run until she's out of breath
She ran until there's nothin' left
She hit the end-it's just her window ledge
He showed up that same day, about an hour before closing time. He was a tall black guy who wore one of those long rain coats that looked cool even when it wasn't raining. He had glasses on, so April couldn't see his eyes. He didn't go inside right away. He stayed outside, watching April putting glitter on a new sign for the shop. Then he squatted down beside her. "Hi there."
"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," April said primly.
The black guy looked really surprised, then laughed. "I guess that's what they tell you these days. Don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to help me look for my puppy or anything. I just wanted to ask about a lady I think you know."
April said she wouldn't tell anybody about her friend. But little girls aren't very skilled at pretending things. She felt like the tall man was staring down inside her brain, like an X-ray into her head. Don't tell him anything, her she told herself, and don't be scared of him. Those were the two things Ms. Tang told her.
"There's a lady, I believe her name is Tang Shen? She bought a few things from your father's store. I was wondering if you know where she is. She and I used to work together, and I was hoping to see her again."
April squinted her green eyes at him, trying not to say anything bad. "She bought a bunch of trunks and junk."
"Trunks?" He squinted back at her, even though she couldn't see it through his glasses.
"Yeah. And suitcases. She's going to visit her gramma in China. She said she was going to bring me back a jade dragon that I can wear on a necklace."
"I see. That's too bad. Shen and I were very good friends once. I do miss seeing her. Did she say when she'd be coming back?"
"Nope." April looked down at her new sign. Fifty Per Cent Off! it said. Her momma was going to fill in what was fifty percent off in black magic marker later. Selecting a colorful glue, she drew lines and sprinkled multi-colored stars all over. The guy wasn't going away.
"Oh well," he gave an exaggerated sigh. "Too bad. I guess you must miss her, her going away so long, and being so far away."
"I guess I'll miss her," April said, dropping green and blue blobs of glue around the edge of the lettering she'd done. She was going to put red dots in the center of those.
"So she hasn't left yet?"
April spilled glue in one corner, but covered it up with more sprinkles. "Um."
"Well. I'll have to look around and see if I can catch up to her, before she leaves."
How long did it take to pack up all the stuff they were going to take? Everybody thought Ms. Tang just lived by herself, but she'd told April about the babies, and maybe they had a lot of stuff, and that's what the trunks were really for, not for bringing things back! Maybe she'd be still there, wherever she lived. Did it take a long time to pack?
"Do you think your father would -"
I'm not supposed to talk to strangers! April shot to her feet and ran up the steps, screaming. "Daddy! There's a man, he keeps talking to me, make him go away!"
Her father came out, a human wall, and her mother behind him, holding baby Robyn. "What's going on?" Mr. O'Neil demanded.
Things got awkward. The adults started asking him questions, which the tall guy tried to brush off. He was a smooth operator, except that sometimes the guys who talked calm and sounded reasonable were child molesters. April didn't know what a child molester was, but they were scary enough monsters that no matter how much this man tried to act like he was a good guy, her daddy acted like he wanted to punch him.
The tall guy backed off, raising his hands. He didn't want to make a scene. He was just curious about an old friend. No harm, no foul. But before he left, April got a look at his eyes from the corner, where the glasses didn't quite cover. And he looked mad.
When April's mother tucked her in that night, April said her "now I lay me," and added a very heartfelt prayer. Please don't let that man come back! Let him go away and never come back!
Then the fire. And the man never came back.
Well this place is old
It feels just like a beat up truck
I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn
Well it smells of cheap wine & cigarettes
This place is always such a mess
Sometimes I think I'd like to watch it burn
The fire burned through the night, and into the morning. Four buildings had gone down in the flames. About twenty people died. April didn't know any of them, except for one.
Ms. Tang.
The police and fire department kept everyone away for days and days. They were lots of inquiries, police officers asking questions, passing around photographs, all sorts of things that didn't amount to much. It was a month before the hubbub died down enough that April could sneak around the burned out area. There were plastic "Do Not Enter" ropes everywhere, and stories about people going looking for family who ended up hurt, or killed, when weakened walls crashed on them, or weakened floors gave out under them.
April didn't care. She was six, yes, and perhaps like many children she still felt immortal, but part of her wanted to know what it was like to die inside a fire. She wanted to see walls fall on top of her. Feel herself not able to breathe. Because that's what happened to Ms. Tang, wasn't it?
She found the basement that Ms. Tang lived in after looking around for an hour on her bike. The newspaper said which building it was. That was the building where the fire had started, the newspaper said. They said it looked like arson, then said no, looked like some kind of accident. There was a fire chief who was getting into fights with some guy on the city council, or something. All that was between the grown-ups. The only thing that mattered to April was finding Ms. Tang's apartment.
Most everything had burned up in the fire. Most.
A couple of the trunks were still there, with some clothes in them. Some things that looked like they went inside a computer. Some things that were metal but were really melted, and still kind of hot, even after all this time.
There were baby cribs, too. One had a blanket and a stuffed teddy bear in it. The bear was all soaked and black, and smelled like it had been put in the oven. The blanket was half-eaten by fire. She recognized it as one that Ms. Tang picked up from the junk shop.
The newspaper said Ms. Tang died. It didn't say anything about babies. If babies had died, then that would be in the paper. Same if she'd had a boyfriend there, and he died, too.
Twenty people died because that one crazy guy who talked down to her (Ms. Tang never talked down to April) did something to them. He set them all on fire.
There were some ugly people out there. They might be good-looking, like the tall guy who asked all the questions. They might talk nice and sound like they were good guys. But they were ugly inside. Ugly enough to kill people. To kill April's best friend.
Some people, you couldn't tell the truth to.
April climbed up the burned-out stairs, not caring that she had ash all over herself.
Some people would try to bully you.
She found her bike and climbed on, peddling fast toward the Second Time Around shop.
Some people, you just couldn't be afraid of.
I'm so alone, and I feel just like somebody else
Man, I ain't changed, but I know I ain't the same
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin' dreams
I think her death it must be killin' me