Death is Life
By: Chelsea Lawton
Darkness snaps at me like an angry dragon. I can feel his jagged claws grasping at my feet and pulling me through the Earth's crust to a place of fire. My feet get hotter every day, I try to fight against the pain, but I just continue to sink. Soon I'll be pulled under and it will seem as though I never existed. I don't feel prepared to leave but I suppose nobody does. I just have to be thankful it's me and not someone I love. I feel I deserve it more anyway.
Everything about me has changed. I feel like an entirely different person. My eyes have opened up to this whole new world and everything is so vivid. But, I can't tell what side of me has changed. The light was once pulling me in, but now the darkness is waiting for me to give into it.
Against the grain I am being forced into life. I can only hope I am strong enough to fight my own battles. I still have to learn to trust, love, and feel but I know it won't be the same as what others tell me. But, it's all I have to live off of. I just hope others feel the same about me. I desperately need their guidance.
Tears wallow away from my eyes and drift to my heart. Though they seem to cool the burning fire, they are no relief to the rest of my world. They try to break free of their domain, as I do, but never manage to escape. Just as the dragon keeps me here broken emotions and dreams keep my tears stationary and immobile. Desperately the desire to cry visits my eyes, but I know this is an impossible dream. Every day another tear dries in the heat and I am left with one less emotion. But, the dragon guarding me dares not kill me as I desire, instead he insists on waiting until I kill myself. Dehydration.
Help, I cry out to nothingness that has become me. I can't seem to save myself no matter how hard I may try. Chains keep me where I am; chains formed by some incorruptible magic spell. These unbreakable chains will never give up and I would do well to follow their example. I try distressingly to keep the light alive but I can feel it fading. It shies away from every part of me that is left to inhabit. I know it won't be long before my soul is completely dark. I can never seem to win.
Is everything around me turning dark as well? I can see no light, not even from the outside world I once inhabited. Everything around me is being swallowed by this darkness unable to escape. Yes, it won't be long now before everything is dark as the dragon had imagined it would be.
Some people manage to retain their inner light. Life isn't as difficult for them. Maybe they just understand more than I. For some reason life is difficult for me. There is nothing left for me to live for. If only I could relive life again and change the path I chose to get to this point. But, I know once the dark swallows me there will be no turning back, no changing the past, and there will be no future. In the darkness there is no time, only lost time. There will be no life either, only death for all who fell into the abyss.
Light has fled from my life. I can only see the darkness now. Somehow I know I'm not alone. Other people who fell into the darkness are here with me and the dragon. They have no expression of worry or any emotion only dark expressions of nothingness. I know there is no way out but I still have hope and I will never lose that. Hope that life is still going on above me. Hope that light still exists even in its smallest portion. Hope that someone somewhere has made a mistake, and is on their way to set me free.
In this dark underworld I can see all who change. I can tell who the darkness has a hold of and whom the dragon plans to steel. He works with an evil smile pretending to enjoy the hunt. Only I know what he truly wants. He wants his chance for redemption. Steeling others light is the only chance he'll have at retrieving his own. I know it will only be matters of time before he evaporates from his own miss fallen tears.
Finally the dragon is redeemed for his light. Others will be coming to save us with light left. I can only hope I will be leaving too. The darkness may have swallowed my soul but it never swallowed my spirit. I know I am truly worthy of being removed from this fiery waste land.
Eternally I wait for the others to come back. They have long since left me though they were less worthy than I. Maybe the darkness has taken over me. Maybe there is no chance at redemption or light for me. Maybe I was meant to be sent here to rot away. I will certainly miss the way my life once was. Yet, I will remain to live down beneath the crust, in the fire, alone. Maybe the only reason I love is because my death is my life.