Title: Heartache No More
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles, Jane/Maura
Rating: PG-13 and F (for fluff) and S (for Splenda Sugar Sweet, gack)
Notes: Written for a fanfic challenge "heartache". My muse apparently wasn't in the mood for real heartache, so it wrote this instead.
Notes 2: why does it sometimes take weeks and weeks to write something and sometimes it takes 30 minutes (like with this? Why muse, why?)
Notes 3: Must I say it? Feedback. :)
Heartache No More
"And it just hurt so much, Jane. For so long it hurt so much. It seemed so easy for everyone else and I couldn't figure out why it was so hard for me."
"Sure, I could emulate what I knew would work – I could smile, I could be demur, I could listen to their stories, laugh at their jokes. And when it came to the physical side, well that part was the easiest part of it all, in a way."
"But when I really wanted to be who I was, when I would start explaining the origin of—oh, I don't know—pizza, let's say, or when I would answer what turned out to be a rhetorical questions, or excitedly tell them about an article I had just read, or ask them for something in the bedroom they didn't expect, or when I truly didn't understand why my date was upset when I had to cancel to study or work… that's when things would start going badly for me."
"I quickly came to realized that these men – and some women – that I dated were very interested in my body, some of them in my money, but very few, if any were interested in me. Or worse, they thought they were interested in me until they found out who the real 'me' was, then they weren't so interested anymore."
"Oh, don't get me wrong, it wasn't all heartache and pain. There were a couple real connections sprinkled throughout. But for the most part, it was just hard. And confusing. And lonely. And it hurt, for a lot of different reasons."
Maura finally paused. She knew she had been rambling but she couldn't help it, she was nervous. She had planned everything she was going to say but now that they were sitting here on this park bench, the one they would meet at to stretch before a run, the one they'd go to just to talk, the one they'd many times stolen a quick lunch break together on, now that they were here, she was finding all her well-thought-out-words to be coming out far more jumbled and stream-of-consciousness-like than she'd hoped.
The doctor brought her eyes, which had settled in a far-off stare, back to Jane.
And she exhaled.
Jane was just sitting there calmly. Confused, clearly, but calm. The detective was turned slightly towards the doctor, one arm stretched out behind her on the bench, the other now reaching forward to settle on Maura's knee, "Maura…what are you talking about?"
Maura stared deeply into Jane's eyes as her lip curled up into a wistful smile. She swallowed and took a deep breath.
She looked down at Jane's hand on her knee. "I'm saying, Jane, that all of that—all of it—has changed." Maura placed her hand on top of Jane's and brought her eyes back up to Jane's. "It's changed because of you."
The detective's face softened and she opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off.
"No, wait, let me finish," Maura said, "Because my finish is the important part." The doctor took another breath.
"All of that was to give you background, to let you know that you're not like everyone else. You're interested in my body, yes," Jane smirked at that, but Maura continued on, "But you're not interested in my money, and you are interested in me. In me Jane. You can't imagine what that means to me. You can't imagine how that makes me feel."
Once again Jane opened her mouth to speak. But once again, was cut short.
"No, wait, I'm almost done," Maura plowed on, clearly determined now, and when Maura was determined, there was no stopping her. "I just wanted to say all that before I tell you why I asked you to meet me here at our bench."
Our bench.
Just saying 'our bench' – hell, they very idea that she even shared a bench with someone – made Maura's heart clench. But she couldn't stop to dwell on it long.
"I asked you to meet me here so I could ask you a question, Jane." Maura's gaze sharpened, looking into Jane's eyes now with certainty, clarity.
That got Jane's attention. Her face went blank. A…. a question? Like, maybe the question? The one Jane, herself, had started thinking of asking Maura? That one?
Maura swallowed one more time and took one more deep breath.
"Jane Rizzoli," Maura brought the hand she'd been holding up to her mouth to kiss it.
Jane's heart was pounding. Oh my god, oh my god.
"Will you please ask me to marry you?"
…
Wait…
…
…what?
"What?" Jane's mind was replaying Maura's words, trying to figure out if she'd heard them right and if she'd interpreted them right, "I mean… did you…? Wait… what?"
Maura for some reason wasn't nervous about Jane's response, not nervous at all. In fact, she was amused at how off kilter she'd managed to put the detective. "Yes, Jane," she replied calmly and with a trace of a smile in her voice, "I just asked you to ask me to marry you."
"Wha…" Jane still couldn't figure it all out. This wasn't normally how proposals went, was it? Wait, was this a proposal? It was, wasn't it?
Off of Jane's apparent inability to speak, Maura took off verbally again with an explanation, "Well, I know I shouldn't be caught up in gender-normative expectations and I know that there's no reason to attribute you as the more 'male' of this relationship, anyway, and that even if others do attribute that role to you, heck even if you yourself attribute that role to you, there's still no reason to expect that you be the one to propose."
Jane tried to follow that quick fire set of expectations or lack thereof from Maura but was left mentally hanging, like there was supposed to be a 'but' at the end. So she prompt Maura with just that, "But…"
"But…" Maura took the prompt, "I also know that, in my heart of hearts I want to be swept off my feet and be romanced and proposed to. And I know that even if you don't admit it, in your heart of hearts you want to be the one to sweep me off my feet, romance me, impress me, and be the one to propose."
Jane just stared and blinked. Several times. Because this woman.
This woman.
Like Jane loved Maura for whom Maura was, it was clear Maura loved Jane for whom Jane was, too. And that affected Jane just as much as it did Maura.
But the detective's silence finally started to get to the doctor, a niggling doubt creeping in that maybe she was wrong and she started rambling again, only this time she couldn't figure out at all what she wanted to say, "I mean, I'm not saying that you don't want to feel…. It's not that I think or expect that you… What I'm trying to say is…"
Thankfully Maura's stumbling and bumbling kick-started Jane into action. She leaned in and captured Maura's mouth with a kiss. They usually refrained from public displays. But not this time. No, not this time.
She kissed her fiancé-to-be.
Kissed her right here on their bench. For all to see. She then cupped Maura's cheek and answered with a smile on her face, "Yes, Maura Isles, I will ask you to marry me. Not today, not tomorrow, but soon. I promise. You just have to give me some time to plan how to sweep you off your feet."
Maura smiled back in return. All the heartache, the confusion, the loneliness, the hurt – all of it – was over.