County Fair
By Magewriter
Chapter 1: Forcing It
Disclaimer: All Akatsuki members and the Naruto universe belong to Masashi Kishimoto.
…So, I was asking my dad about story ideas because he doesn't know who the Akatsuki are, then my mom came in and suggested that they go to a county fair. Maybe it's just because it's 9:21 PM on a Wednesday night, but I thought it would make wonderful fanfiction. So, here we are…
If you haven't read Deidara's Troubles, you probably won't understand Ritonno or many other characters in this story. Ritonno is my name for the nameless character, and at this point she has a distinct personality.
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Ritonno came back to the Akatsuki commune one day and, before she put the groceries away, placed ten large, colorful tickets on the table in the dining room. Of course, no one would notice them until Hidan tried to use that seat at dinner that night, and if he were out she might have to bring them up herself, but she had bought tickets to the upcoming county fair.
She wanted to see the looks on the other Akatsuki members' faces when they found out.
She was happy that Deidara was finally a decent cook. Every day that she went grocery shopping was a day when he cooked instead of her. It was better than Kisame, with the amount of sushi (and, more precisely, sashimi) that they had eaten when he cooked for them.
They had sukiyaki. Ritonno wondered how well that would work out, since he was trying to feed an organization of nine (ten, if you counted Zetsu as two) athletic, teenaged (or a bit older) guys, two women, and a twenty-five-year-old assistant to one of the members. They were having it over rice, though, which added substance if not much else…
Hidan was, in fact, absent. Ritonno placed the tickets at Sasori's place while Deidara's sukiyaki bubbled. Finally, he yelled, "Dinner, yeah!!!" And the Akatsuki was in the kitchen within the next thirty seconds or so.
Having set her portion aside, Ritonno took Leader's portion up the flight of stairs to Leader's room in the attic. He thanked her, then she went back downstairs and ate her sukiyaki.
…or tried to. As she sat down, the tickets were held in front of her face, a few of them punctured by Sasori's claw-thing. "You left these at my place. I assume you want them back?"
"Sasori, what have you learned about getting poison on other people's things?"
"I didn't send poison into them. It would be a waste." His claw punched through the rest of the tickets. "I don't do county fairs."
"Really? You should! There's all sorts of fun stuff there! …And it's really a social thing. I was thinking of joining some of the sparring competitions. I mean, considering that Itachi is one of the strongest of us, and I'm stronger than Itachi, I should be able to get myself a little pocket money. It's hard being a girl with just the money Kakuzu lets us have…"
The table was quiet, except for Itachi, who was giggling a bit to himself.
"Okay, Itachi, if you really want to that much, we can spar at the fair."
He looked up, startled. "What?! Didn't we already do that once?"
"Yes, but there are different rules at the fair. Not everyone is as talented as us."
"Well, that's obvious if you look at Deidara."
"What, yeah?"
"Don't worry, Deidara – Itachi's just sad because I'm gonna whomp'im on Sunday, so he's taking it out on you. Itachi, don't be mean to Deidara."
Itachi grumbled a bit to himself.
"Well, anyway, I, at least, am going to the county fair. I love those things! Is there anyone else who wants to come with me?"
"Ooh! Ooh! I will, yeah!"
"Okay, so far there's Deidara and Itachi. Anyone else?"
"Definitely," Seiya said. "I love group events." (Seiya is from Pocky-machine's story. She's the housemaid, but when we combine our fanfics, she tends to appear within the Akatsuki.)
"Great! Anyone else?"
The room was silent.
"Anyone at all? None of you? You're all so lame…"
"Why would we want to go?" Sasori asked.
"…Well, first of all, there's good food, and Sasori, you could submit an art piece into a competition and maybe win something. There are competitions for everything – I'm sure there would be something there for all of you."
"Will there be bugs there?" The black side of Zetsu asked.
"Um, probably flies and stuff. Why?"
"I'm going. There aren't too many around here anymore – Sasori killed them off."
"They made good practice targets for my poison claw, okay?"
"…And I think they don't like my clay dust, yeah."
"No. See, there aren't any decent bugs around here anymore."
"So… you want to go to the county fair because the venus flytrap part of you is dominant in spring?"
"Well, there's also a lot of pollen in the air this time of year…."
"Zetsu, not at the dinner table, okay? I don't want to hear about your weird plant-lusts."
Their venus flytrap attachments closed a bit, angry, then went back to normal and they continued to eat.
"Actually, Zetsu, do you think that Tobi would want to go?"
"Probably. He's not good for too much anyway."
"Is there anything he might want to do for it?"
"Probably not."
"Well, it'll be fun anyway. Okay, so we have Dei-kun, Zetsu, Seiya, Itachi, and possibly Tobi. Am I right?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Well, I'll be asking Leader after dinner, too."
The rest of dinner passed relatively uneventfully. Kakuzu had gone out that day to be a highwayman, and he was very proud of that day's money. And why not? He had actually done pretty well.
Hidan wandered back into the commune just as they were finishing dinner; they heard the door open, Hidan going down the hallway to his room, and Hidan flopping down onto his futon. For the sake of the futon, Seiya went down to check on him.
"Hidan, that's your bed. Don't bleed on it just because it's a full moon."
"Why not? What is the giving of blood to almighty Jashin-sama?"
"I don't know, but to you, blood should be a whole bunch of scrubbing at that futon tomorrow."
"Who cares? This is all for Jashin-sama!"
"Hidan, just – is that a fiber picker over there in the corner?"
"Yes. I special-ordered it online. It's useful for shredding things."
"Hidan, that's just disgusting! I mean, think of the blood stains that thing must have on it!"
"It can't be helped. Hamsters have an interesting texture, if you wanted to know. Just plop 'em down on the spikes and run the other spikes over it. They have some amusing squeaks, too."
"Um… I'll probably see you in the morning, okay? I hope you aren't so… weird… then." She didn't worry about him; Hidan didn't die from that sort of thing.
.-..-..-.
The next morning, Leader noticed the tickets still on the table.
"Ritonno, why did you buy us tickets to that death-trap?"
"Well, I figured if we could parade through town going to that noh concert, we could go to a county fair." (see the end of "Deidara's Troubles")
"We haven't raided the town yet, except perhaps for Kakuzu… But everyone goes to county fairs."
"I always used to go to those when I was little, though. They're fun! There are rides, all sorts of competitions, food, you name it."
"The Akatsuki will not go to that fair."
"What if I go to a public telephone in town and ask my friends in the Grass village to come?"
"No!"
"Pleeeeaaaase?" She hunched her shoulders a bit and took on a pitiful expression. Remember, at this point, that Leader has a crush on Ritonno.
"Okay, you can go."
"Yay!!! Thank you so much! I would hug you if you weren't a guy!"
"But be back before 2."
"It only goes until about ten."
"Good. Where is it?"
"In the Leaf village."
"Good. How many people are going with you?"
"Five. Dei, Tobi, Seiya, Itachi, and Zetsu."
"Itachi and Zetsu?"
"Itachi didn't mean to, but he challenged me to a fight. Zetsu are starting to get in-season and they're looking forward to all the pollen and bugs and stuff there."
"You and Deidara seem to be really close."
"Yeah. He's sweet! I mean, he acts like a little kid. It's adorable."
"But you're not…?"
"No, we're not in a relationship. I think of him as a little kid. I wouldn't date him. That's Seiya."
"Okay… Wait, Seiya?"
"Yeah. She heckuv likes him."
"I… guess I hadn't noticed."
"I didn't expect you to."
They ate their breakfasts in silence. Leader wasn't going to come, but at least she could go.
Around 10:00, she started looking for Deidara. She found him bugging Sasori.
"Pleeeeease will you make me one, yeah?"
"No, Deidara, we've been through this! My skills aren't going to be used anytime soon on you unless you say you were wrong about art and do something to make up the years of annoyance."
"Then where am I supposed to get one, yeah?"
"Why not try a pet store?"
Ritonno stepped into the room. "What are you looking for, Deidara? Hopefully not an animal…"
"No, nothing like that, yeah. I want a birdcage, yeah."
"Really? Why?"
"You'll see at the fair, yeah!"
"Awesomeness. I think this year is going to be great. You should come, Sasori."
"I thought Leader said you couldn't go."
"No, I begged him and he said I could."
"Could I see the face you used? I might want to use it in one of my puppets at some point."
"Deidara, do the 'pitiful' face. I'm out of practice."
"Not to help Sasori, yeah!"
"No, to help me. It's inadvertently helping Sasori, but I'm the one asking you to do it."
Deidara placed his feet about a foot away from each other, then turned them in, pushing his knees together. He brought his hands together and balled them into fists, pressing them together against his mouth, tilting his head down. He paused for a second with his eyes closed, focusing. When he looked up, emitting a soft whine, he looked about ready to cry.
He was the master.
Ritonno squealed and hugged him, but he managed to maintain a similar effect.
"Ritonno, get away from him! I'm trying to get this down in my – Deidara, are you crying?"
"Just sketch it, yeah!" Deidara sounded as if he were, in fact, crying. Ritonno, knowing that it was entirely fake, started laughing.
"Don't laugh, yeah! You'll break my concentration!" sniff
"Okay, I'm done sketching it. How the heck is that supposed to be 'cute'?"
"Well, it's like the reaction you have when puppies and kittens make that face; you just want to hug them until they're happy again. It's easier to manipulate women, I guess…"
"Definitely, yeah."
"Great job pretending to cry, by the way. I didn't know you were so good at that!"
"It's nice to have one or two things up your sleeves, yeah."
"I prefer to have my arms in my sleeves."
"Hehe… Come help me pick out a birdcage, yeah?"
"Sure."
They went to town on a giant clay owl – Deidara seemed to be getting more varied in the types of birds he made and he was getting better at making them big. Ritonno was amazed that Deidara was brave enough to stand up on his creation; she stayed on all fours during the entire ride. She wasn't afraid of heights or anything, but the bird was constantly moving up and down as it flapped and she wasn't the one controlling it.
They got to the town in only a few minutes and landed next to the pet supply store. Deidara did a quick jutsu to make the bird smaller, then flew it up to the roof for safekeeping.
The store had a decent supply of birdcages; eventually, they decided on a small metal cage with a rounded top and a small perch in the middle. It had little metal flowers and leaves on the outside, along with wire "vines." Deidara bought it – it was inexpensive, too – and they went back outside, boarded his re-enlarged clay bird, and flew back to the commune.
When they got back, it was lunchtime. Ritonno checked the rice cooker (Itachi and Sasori had found it one day while cleaning) and saw that there was no more left in it and no one had started another batch. So, she measured out some rice and some water and pressed the button.
She liked electricity.
.-..-..-.
It was Sunday, finally! Over the weekend, she had managed to convince every Akatsuki member (and Tobi) that they would have a good time at the fair. Finally, they left for it. They all took the train, except for Deidara and Sasori, who had art pieces to present.
Today, Ritonno found out that the Akatsuki really did have a very limited wardrobe. Not only did they not have decent formalwear, but they also had no casual clothes except for the black, short-sleeved shirts (with netting on the collar and sleeves), black capris, and knee-length tabi socks. Ritonno wore short tabi socks with zori, but she also wore her black yukata with a thin, red obi. "Thin" in this case means that it was about fifteen or so centimeters. Seiya wore the same, as she hadn't managed to get any new clothes since the time she had come to the Akatsuki.
Leader, of course, was the only other person in their entire organization with decent casual clothes, so he wore dark hakama with a dull red kimono shirt. His sash was the same color as Ritonno's.
The rest of the Akatsuki wore the same clothes that they wore every day. While Ritonno was comfortable in her Akatsuki clothes, she didn't like wearing them in public. Wearing netting in front of strangers bugged her for some reason…
Hidan wore a shirt, too, which Ritonno considered to be a good thing.
When they got to the fair, they split into the following groups:
Ritonno and Leader
Zetsu
Tobi, Hidan, and Kakuzu
Itachi and Kisame
Seiya, Deidara and Sasori
You might think that Deidara and Sasori wouldn't be caught dead next to each other, given the choice; however, they each had an art piece to submit. Deidara had brought his birdcage with him; now, he submitted it to the contest.
He and Sasori immediately parted, Sasori to get tickets and Deidara to find Ritonno and Leader. On the way, he found Tobi, who had become his friend. They shared the same bubbliness.
They went together to find the other group. Ritonno, guessing why Deidara and Sasori would want to do anything together, was trying to get Leader to come toward the contest registration booth. They found Deidara, Tobi, and Seiya.
"Dei-kun! Tobi! Wazzup?"
"I submitted my piece, yeah!"
"What, you mean that birdcage? You didn't even make that."
"I know, yeah; you'll see!"
"I guess we will…"
"Oh. Do any of you want to go watch Zetsu-san?" Tobi asked. "He acts really funny this time of year."
"Nah. We can do that later. Plants work a lot more slowly than humans… Maybe after lunch."
"Good idea. What should we do?"
"Whatever we want, yeah!"
"Haven't you ever been to a county fair, Tobi-kun? They're really fun."
"Um… not in my memory."
"Awww, Tobi is a deprived little boy! C'mon, let's see what there is for lunch!"
They ended up getting the carnival food of their choice and splitting a few orders of curly fries. Ritonno had packed a sandwich for herself and fruit for whoever wanted it. She ended up splitting most of the fruit with Tobi and Seiya.
"How did you manage to get strawberries like this at this time of the year?" Tobi seemed so fascinated…
"The season is just beginning. In the middle of summer, they'll be even better!" So Seiya knew about fruit…
"Really?"
"Hey, these are pretty good, yeah!"
"I know! You should try the cherries."
"What do you think would happen if we did this in front of Zetsu, yeah?"
Tobi shrank back a bit, surprised. "We can't do that!"
"Tobi, you need to live a little, yeah."
"But… I owe Zetsu-san so much for keeping me…"
"Oh, c'mon, Tobi! If he does anything to you, I'll beat 'im up!"
"But… but…"
"Don't worry, Tobi. We won't let you take any of the blame, promise!"
"…Well… you go ahead. I won't. Not to taunt Zetsu-san."
They went to the open field. Zetsu was crouched near the ground, to all appearances flirting with a poppy.
"Zetsu, get away from her! You're already a mutant; you don't need anything more mutated than yourself!"
Zetsu gave one last, romantic look to the flower before standing up. "We were just getting ready to exchange pollen!"
"Listen, Zetsu. Don't inflict your mutation on other people. You're cursed to not have a defined species, okay? Same with Kisame and Oro. Deal with it!"
Deidara interrupted their conversation. "My shoulder hurts, yeah."
Zetsu looked up and snatched something off of Deidara's shoulder. The next thing Ritonno knew, he was holding the body of a bumblebee. "I love these things! They're the perfect mix of crunch, raw meat, and fuzz!" She could tell from his voice that he would savor it, and saw the ecstasy on his face as he chewed it.
Meanwhile, Deidara pulled the stinger out of his shoulder. He hadn't even twitched when he had been stung! "Let's get you to the first aid tent, Dei-chan. That must hurt."
"It'll be fine, yeah. It's only a bee sting, after all, yeah."
"Yeah, but bee stings give off a weak poison – just ask Sasori! I'd feel better if we got you something for it."
"Well, if we're going to start associating things with Sasori, I'm definitely not going with you, yeah."
"If it were anyone else who specialized in poisons, I would talk about them. Now, come on, Deidara! It'll only take a minute or two!"
Suddenly, an announcer came on over the speaker system to say that the sculpture competition was about to start. "Oh! That's me, yeah!" Deidara yelled, and ran back through the field to find his experiment, reaching into his clay pouch as he did so.
The others followed at a slower pace. Sasori had an exhibit, challenging anyone to fight against a puppet which none of the other Akatsuki members had seen assembled. Deidara's exhibit was much more peaceful – a clay bird in a birdcage. He actually tricked a few people into thinking that it was a real bird – after all, he had made a hole in it so that when he fanned it, the air rushing through the hole made a pretty "tweeee" sound. It flew and hopped like a real bird, too, making it one of his nicest and most demure creations ever.
Deidara ended up winning first prize in his division; Sasori was disqualified because he had injured someone with his puppet. After he won, Deidara asked around to see if any of his friends wanted his sculpture. None of them did, so he found Sasori. After a quick exchange, Deidara led the Akatsuki out to the open field that they had found Zetsu in earlier and threw the birdcage into the air.
"Katsu, yeah!!!"
The birdcage blew up, producing a bright, magenta flame rather than the usual orange fireball. Deidara took a picture with his scope.
"Thanks, Sasori-danna, yeah!"
"As long as you don't value your art, you ought to at least get something beautiful out of it."
Leader was confused. "Wait. What happened here?"
"Sasori-danna let me use some of his poison in my bird if I took a picture, yeah! That was the tall, pink fire, yeah!"
"Oh."
Zetsu grabbed him from behind. "Deidara, you idiot! Now the bugs are all going to leave!"
"Hang around the food area, yeah. Don't get mad at me."
Suddenly, Itachi noticed that their group lacked the two women who tended to tag along. "Where are Ritonno and Seiya?"
Leader, at this point, knew perfectly well that the women were capable and had probably just gone off on their own, but in the back of his mind, he wondered if something bad had happened to them.
.-..-..-.
Across the field and well into the line of shops, Ritonno heard Leader's voice in her head. Ritonno! Where the heck are you?
I'm with Seiya. We figured everyone else would be bored. We're looking around the shops at clothes and stuff. We're in the shop with the nice dyework right now.
Why didn't you tell me?
What, you need to know where I am every second of the day? You would be bored if you tried to tag along.
We should have a meeting place, though.
Where and when? Seiya's already looking at me like I'm crazy.
In one hour at the front of the fair.
Okay. We'll be there.
She pulled out of the conversation. Leader didn't try to get back into her mind.
"Hey, Seiya! Leader says to meet him in an hour at the front of the fair."
"Wait, you just did that all in your minds?"
"Yeah."
"Why don't you just get cell phones?"
"Cell phones are expensive, unneeded, and easy to detect."
"Good reasons, actually."
"I know. It's nice to know how your leader's mind functions. It cuts down on the arguments you have."
"It definitely would."
"Ooh! Isn't this a cute shirt?"
"Yeah! How much is it?"
Ritonno looked for a tag, and finding none, asked the woman who was running the stall.
"Darn it, it's too expensive. That's the problem with hand-dyed stuff – it's really pretty, but it's way too expensive."
"Yeah…"
They thanked the woman and, being done looking through everything in the stall, they went to see what else they could do.
"Ooh! Ritonno! Let's go over there! We could get our faces painted!"
"Let's look at her pictures first."
They did and were amazed, so they waited for her to be done, then asked about prices. "If I got a vine on the right side of my face like this with flowers and stuff," she outlined with her hand. "How much would that cost?"
"Probably two dollars."
"Awesome!!! Could I please get that?"
"Sure." The woman set to work. First, she outlined the vines in green, connecting one to the edge of Seiya's eye. Then, she did the white petals of the flowers, waited for that to dry, and did pink shading and yellow dots in the middles. Then she was done.
"Do you like it?" She handed Seiya the mirror.
"Oh, my gosh! It's so pretty! Thank you so much!!!" Seiya fished in her purse again and dropped a dollar into the "tips" box.
"How much would it cost for a full-face butterfly?"
"Eight dollars."
"Nice." She produced the money. "Okay. Here you go…" She took off the silk flower that she wore in her hair, pushed back her bangs, and secured them with the bobby pin attached to it. She tucked the rest of her hair behind her ears.
"What color butterfly do you want?"
"I don't care. You're the artist."
Ritonno closed her eyes. She could feel the colors going on her face. She waited a minute after the painter was done before opening her eyes because she didn't want the paint to smear.
When she finally did open her eyes and looked in the mirror, she was amazed. The color blending under the black wing outline amazed her.
She, too, dropped a dollar into the tips box. She would have put in more had she not just spent eight dollars.
Wandering around, looking in the jewelry shops, they found Deidara and Tobi talking to a seller of cameras about lenses. Or, Deidara was. Tobi just looked bored.
"Hey! Dei-chan! Tobi-kun! You two want to ride the tilt-a-whirl?"
Deidara turned around holding a small plastic bag. "Sure, yeah!"
As they walked to the tilt-a-whirl, the best ride in the park which all of them were willing to go on, they discussed seating.
"Okay. So, everyone, listen up. Seiya and I are sitting together. Who's gonna sit next to who otherwise?"
"I'll sit next to you, Seiya-chan, yeah."
"Okay. Tobi, where do you want to sit?"
"Ritonno-san? Do you mind if I sit next to you?"
"Of course not! …But, you can call me 'chan.' I'd really feel more comfortable if you didn't refer to me so formally…. I mean, we live together. Why not be friends?"
"Because of Sasori, yeah! I'm not friends with him!"
"Deidara, shut up. Hey, look. Everyone came for the artistic competition, so now there's a huge line. We should be able to get on next ride, though."
They actually ended up being first in line for the next ride, so they all crowded into one tilt-a-whirl unit and lowered the protective metal bar.
They got a satisfying amount of spins and almost-vertigo, especially considering that they were on the tilt-a-whirl, which by definition isn't an overly exciting ride. When they got off, Seiya and Tobi got back in line while Deidara and Ritonno got in line for the Wipeout, one of the best spinning rides at the fair.
Unfortunately for Deidara, the larger (or, in this case, since they were about the same size, heavier) person was supposed to sit on the outer seat. There was no single seating for safety reasons.
Ritonno did her best not to crush him (the ride depended on centrifugal force, which was very strong in this case) and they both had a great time. Deidara had a bit of trouble walking afterward, but they got back into the Tilt-a-whirl line with Seiya and Tobi, who were in about the middle but going to be on the ride the next time, and rode the Tilt-a-whirl three times before they had to go back to the front of the fair.
They arrived before everyone except Leader and Sasori. When everyone had arrived, Leader declared that they were all going to meet back there an hour later.
"Hey, Itachi!" Ritonno yelled as they split up again. "Didn't we have something to do today?"
"Um… no?" He looked afraid.
"Then let me refresh your memory. I mentioned that it's hard to afford pads, tampons, and good chocolate with the money that Kakuzu gives us. Do you remember what happened next?"
"Um… hopefully, you don't?" He looked even more afraid. He was cringing a bit.
"You laughed at me. So now, we're going to spar."
"Kisame, what the (expletive)?! You said you'd help me get out of this!"
Kisame held in laughter as he watched Itachi being dragged after Ritonno by the wrist.
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Nice chapter ending, huh?
Tomorrow I get promoted! We don't call it "graduation" because we aren't graduating from anywhere, but in fifth and eight grade, because we're going to a new school, we get "promoted." School is going to be open for eighth graders for, like, three hours, then we go home and come back at five or six or sometime and have an eighth grade dance.
I feel sorry for Pocky-machine. Her bf is in seventh grade.