For My Sister
I am awake still, sitting alone under a large tree, branches heavy with blossoms. I am satisfied with my own company, grateful for the solitude for once.
The events that have happened over the last few months have shocked me to the core…but I had imagined that things would work out, that everything would be okay.
You are the only one who I can think of now, your face is imprinted in my memory forever as it should've been – young, happy and with that big grin on your face. You had so much left to see, to experience, so many more dreams to capture.
It hurts me to realise now, afterwards, that you was so unhappy and that he could give you so much pain. You didn't really love him…you told me so, on that night it all fell apart. You ran from your new life back to your family, back to where you belonged, only to fall away to a place that is further away that I could ever have imagined.
The shock and grief on our father's face will haunt me forever, and the astonishment covering the expression of every officer, of everyone who knew you was almost incredible. You shouldn't be gone; you should still be here with me and the rest of us that love you.
Maybe I knew. What if I had seen your pain without identifying what it was? Pain and darkness were such things that did not seem to touch you, my flame of hope and warmth – always laughing and full of happiness.
I'm sorry my sister. I miss you so much it hurts, and I will love you always.
I miss you,
Your older brother,
Sun Ce