Hello mah peoples! so this is a quick cracky thing I wrote for an English creative writing assignment where we had to use the names jimmy, bob, and 8 out of 12 words from a list. they all fit nicely except for this stupid way I had to include the word destiny. this is roughly based on Ocean's 11, 12, and 13. (bad ass movies if you haven't seen them.) you don't have to see them to understand, as this is a story completely on its own. Hope I cleared things up! ENJOY!
In The Distant Future Of 4014
In the distant future of 4014, something big is going on in the now casino-filled New York City. Lights are going out, the sound of screaming is able to be heard from cities away, windows are breaking, and explosions are rumbling through the tallest building in the city. The Triple Diamond Casino. Now let's go back a couple days to see how this all started.
If someone was paying attention to the busy streets of New York, they might see a suspicious looking landshark with a hot pink fedora and shades. To a New Yorker of this time, it wasn't too uncommon to see someone like this. In fact, it was quite usual to see various species like this, as there aren't many humans in the future. There are mostly fairies, pixies (yes there is a difference), unicorns, gnomes, aliens from other worlds, and any other being imaginable. The landshark was suspicious due to its habit of leaning in the doorway of an open coffee shop, as if waiting for something. If that person was still watching, they would see a little pixie with fuchsia colored hair walk up to the landshark. After that, the landshark and the pixie disappeared from sight of the mysterious viewer and into the coffee shop.
"I thought we agreed to meet up at the restaurant!" said the little pink haired pixie.
"What if someone heard us in there?" the landshark replied.
"Like this is any better?"
"It's the middle of the afternoon. Not many people buy coffee in the middle of the afternoon."
The pixie rolled her eyes before saying, " Whatever. That's not the point of what we are here for. We were called here on a mission. What is the mission and why is a stranger paying us in diamonds to do this?"
The other smirked. "Nice to meet you. The name's Sharkeisha."
"My name is Bobert," said the pixie with a sigh.
"Really?" Sharkiesha couldn't hold his laughter.
"Why are youlaughing? You're a boy and you have a girl's name! What's so funny about it being the other way around?" she said defensively.
"… Touché. Anyways, the guy who hired us is paying us 1.3 trillion dollars in diamonds to rob this other guy's casino. He wants us to get even with him." Said Sharkeisha
"Really? This is gonna be easy! I've been robbing banks since I was four! A casino will be no problem!"
"Ha ha! Not so fast! We have to break into the Triple Diamond Casino. It is the biggest casino in New York, and it has the most secure vault in the world! We need a good plan to get in there!"
Bobert's smile was gone. "Well what makes it so secure?"
"The vault is twelve floors underground and encased in two feet of steel. As you go deeper underground, there is more and more security. To get to level one, all you have to do is swipe a card. But to get to level twelve, you have to go through voice recognition and retinal scans. We're in trouble."
"Shoot."
In a fit of swears, Bobert hailed a cab to take them to the casino.
With a swish, the taxi landed (yes it's a flying taxi. Deal with it.) and a unicorn rolled down the driver side window.
"Heyo! My name is Bob The Magical Unicorn! Where do you need to go? I'll take ya!" said the overexcited unicorn with a smile.
Bobert burst out laughing and pointed at Bob The Magical Unicorn. "Who name's a unicorn Bob?"
Bob punched her in the face. "The same kinda person who names a female pixie Bobert!"
Before she passed out, she mumbled "Good point!"
With a sigh, Sharkeisha picked Bobert up by the foot and told Bob The Magical Unicorn where they were going.
"Sounds like fun! Would you like fries with that?" asked the unicorn.
"Sure! There isn't anything remotely wrong with getting fast food from a taxi driver!"
After they had burgers and fries in the strange unicorn's taxi, the duo arrived at the casino.
In a poof of sparkles and fairy dust, Sharkeisha and Bobert were magically wearing a dress and tux.
"We splitting up?" asked Bobert.
"Sure."
With a "too cool for school" attitude, Sharkeisha walked into the casino. He was obviously feeling overconfident. While walking through the main lobby, someone grabbed his arm/fin thingy.
"Come with me! I can show you your destiny!" said an old mysterious Indian fortune telling vampire.
"Uh, hehe… er, not right now thanks!" he said with a nervous giggle while pulling his arm/fin thingy away.
"Beware! I see danger in your future!"
Sharkeisha ran until he felt someone put their arm on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw a purple two headed alien with green polka dots all over its body.
"Well, um hi! My name is Jimmy and this is my brother Jimmy Bob! We own that coffee shop you went to earlier and we couldn't help but overhear your mission! Me and Bob The Magical Unicorn over there, say hi Bob, thought we might be able to help!" Jimmy explained kind of nervously.
"Um… sure?" honestly, Sharkeisha was just really confused by this.
"You see, Bob is an awesome tech guy, and we are explosion artists! We would totally make an awesome team!"
He seemed really eager and nice, so Sharkeisha couldn't refuse the offer.
Bob came over and said, "Miley Cyrus is performing Wreaking Ball! Let's move before this gets ugly!"
So they ran around the casino putting up cameras, surprised they didn't get caught.
"Wait… How did you guys get here so fast?" asked Sharkeisha.
"We hid in your trunk!"
Taking that as a legit answer, they found Bobert and drove back to their headquarters that just mysteriously came out of nowhere, crushing a guy like in The Wizard of Oz. Why you ask? Because I said so.
And if you were wondering how Miley lived so long, it is because she lives off of attention. Literally. She kept doing stupid things to get attention so she wouldn't die. I mean who does that? Let this be a warning to you young people.
"Bob, what do you have about the casino?" asked Sharkeisha.
"Well we definitely aren't gonna be able to walk through the front door, that's for sure!" said Bob The Magical unicorn.
"We know that already!" screamed Bobert angrily. "But is there any way in?"
"Well there are air ducts leading to the vault, but unless we go through the front door without breaking in, which is impossible, we'll set of the alarm! The floor is pressure sensitive! Plus, there are lasers throughout the air ducts!" Bob was obviously stressed.
Bobert cleared her throat. "Ahem?" she pointed at her wings. "I can fly, idiots!" she said with a smile.
"Then we have a plan!" Jimmy and Jimmy Bob shouted in unison.
"Short Stack to Pink Fluffy Unicorn. We ready to go?"
"Pink Fluffy Unicorn to Short Stack. You're all set."
Two shady figures covered head to toe in black behind the casino nodded to each other before tightening their heavy looking backpacks close to their bodies and entering the casino through the garbage shoot. They crawled until they reached the first set of lasers. Luckily, they packed a mirror to deflect them. Then they jumped into the maintenance room on the other side of the lasers. From there, they deflected the lasers guarding the entrance to the air ducts and yet again set off on their journey.
Meanwhile, a certain two headed purple alien dressed as a traveler was setting up tiny explosives throughout the tall building, as well as a tiny circuit capable of big things.
As the shady figures travelled deeper and deeper underground with their backpack full of supplies, they came to another room. They yet again performed their ritual of deflecting lasers as the smaller of the two flew into the room with her big backpack strapped tight to her.
She dodged the lasers with ease and pulled two duffel bags out of her backpack. The only reason she wasn't yet caught was Bob The Magical Unicorn's handiwork. She put all of the money in the duffel bags, left the back pack on the shelf and zoomed out of there as soon as the alarm went off.
Police were gathered around the building as soon as the alarm went off.
"Put your hands up and move away from the building! We have you surrounded!" said one of the policemen as two figures dressed in black walked out of the building.
One of the figures handed the policeman a note while pulling off her mask, showing her blue hair. She smirked.
The police man read the note that said:
Look Up!
Everyone looked up as the windows of the building exploded. The place was in chaos as fire slowly crept over the building and the electricity was cut. The patrons of Triple Diamond were forced to evacuate.
In a giant explosion of magic and sparkles, a pink helicopter with the words "Besties!" on back flew away from the building in escape.
The police man flipped over the note.
Gymnasts! ;)
"Did we really have to get a helicopter that shoots sparkles?"
"Well we have to travel in style! Don't we?"
So, the team got away with the money leaving a destroyed casino in its wake. They went down in history for craziest attempt at robbing a casino. They regretted their choice in helicopters, as it was the only one rentable at the time and remained close friends from that day on. They all shared the diamond reward. Surprisingly they never got caught, as the gymnasts they used as their escape method were arrested and no one spotted the helicopter due to the mass chaos.
And if you were wondering how they did all this? Just think of backpacks and gymnasts!
The End!
xD I cant believe I passed this in for a grade! And what makes it worse is that my teacher next year will see it too! well anyways! I hope it was somewhat entertaining! BAII!