Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect, Bioware, or any of the characters herein.

Kaidan Alenko stared at the improved, battered, but incredibly still intact Normandy. Shepard was inside. Alive, and still undeniably herself. The news that she'd broken ties with Cerberus had come directly from Anderson. She'd save them all, again. And this time, she'd done it without him.

Kaidan had been a complete ass, and his apology letter had been...horrible. Awkward. Not nearly enough. He winced at the thought. She hadn't responded. He didn't know what that meant. She was probably furious with him. That is, if she even still thought about him at all, and hadn't moved on.

He had to win her back.

Right after Horizon, he'd told himself that she wasn't really herself, not anymore. She was some monster created by Cerberus. He tried to forget the look on her face when their eyes first met, tried to tell himself that he hadn't seen that moment of joy and love before he crushed it. But he had seen it, and it haunted his dreams.

And he still loved her. How could he move on to anyone else, after being with her? Who could compare to someone who'd saved the galaxy not once, but twice?

Alliance soldiers surrounded the ship. One spotted him and saluted. "Sir."

"I need to get aboard that ship," Kaidan said.

"It's under quarantine, sir. Who knows what kind of stuff they might have brought back from the Collector base. We can't let anyone in or out."

Kaidan scowled. She'd saved all of their lives (again) and they were keeping her locked up on her ship?

"I have authorization from the council," Kaidan lied. "They want me to interview Shepard in person, see if I can say for certain that she is who she claims to be." As if her actions hadn't proven that beyond any shadow of doubt.

"We won't be able to let you out till the quarantine period is over." The soldier stepped aside.

Kaidan nodded and approached the ship. The doors were closed. He sighed and called the bridge. He hoped they still used the same communications frequency.

"What do you want?" Joker's familiar voice demanded.

"I want to see Shepard."

"She's busy. Conferencing with the council. She's been arguing with them for hours."

Kaidan winced. She wasn't going to be in a good mood, then. "Just let me in, Joker. I can't leave now, the quarantine soldiers won't let me."

A long moment passed. Kaidan worried that Joker might actually leave him standing there. But then he heard Joker's familiar sigh. "Fine." A minute passed, then the door hissed open. Joker stood on the other side, glaring at him.

"I don't know what you said to her on Horizon, but you'd better be here to apologize," Joker growled. "She tried to hide it, but I've never seen her so upset and hurt."

Kaidan looked at the floor. "I sent her a note. An apology. She didn't respond."

Joker snorted. "We've been a little busy. Anyway, come on. I'll take you to her quarters. You can wait there." He led him through the eerily familiar, yet subtly different halls. "Don't touch anything." Joker waved him into Shepard's room.

Kaidan gaped. It was huge. There were fish. And ship models. And music. He stepped inside and stared, trying to take the space in.

"It's good to see you again, Kaidan. She's not the only one who missed you," Joker said. "But if you hurt her again, I'll kill you."

The door hissed closed before Kaidan could reply.

He threw himself into the desk chair, and the picture frame by her computer console flickered to life. Kaidan stared at his own face. His stomach lurched. She still had a picture of him on her desk. He reached for it, and bumped a datapad. It tumbled to the floor.

Kaidan swore and picked it up. It flickered to life. "Identification," it demanded.

"What?" A light shot out of the datapad and scanned over his face.

"Identity confirmed. Kaidan Alenko. Message begins."

Shepherd's voice floated out of the datapad.

"Kaidan, if you're listening to this, I'm probably dead. Tomorrow, we raid the collector base, and our odds of survival aren't good.

"On the one hand, I'm glad you're not here. I want you to be as far from this danger as possible. On the other hand, I miss you so much that it aches. It's-it's so hard. I keep turning to you, but you're not there. Remember our last suicide mission? And the night before? I could use someone to hold me, right now.

"I know that you're worried about what Cerberus did to me, but I swear, I'm still me. I died loving you, and they brought me back loving you still. It looks like I might very well die again, still loving you.

"I just wanted you to know that. I hope you have the very best life, and the very best of everything. Goodbye, Kaidan." Her voice faded, and Kaidan hugged the datapad to his chest. He imagined someone finding it, after, in the wreckage, and bringing it to him.

He blinked back tears. "I should have been there."

But his guilt lost out to joy. She still loved him!

The door hissed open and Shepard walked in. She was smiling. She looked strong and beautiful, like she could take on the entire universe. Then she closed her eyes, and the mask fell away. The smile slipped into an exhausted frown, and her shoulder slumped.

She didn't glance at her desk. Instead, she went straight to the fish tank and fed the fish. Then she went to her bunk and flopped onto it. She buried her face in her pillow and shouted some curses that Kaidan had never even heard before.

Kaidan cleared his throat.

Shepard leaped off her bed, dove behind a chest, and drew her pistol.

Kaidan held up his hands.

"Kaidan?" She lowered the gun. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you." He stood up and put the datapad back on her desk. "I accidently heard your message." He took a deep breath. "I love you."

For a moment, she just stared at him, like she couldn't believe that he was real. Then Shepard threw herself into his arms, nearly knocking him off his feet. Her kiss took his breath away. He held her, marveling at how warm and real she was. This wasn't a dream. He'd lost her, but now he had her back.

"You were an ass," she said between kisses.

"You died. I didn't handle it well."

"I promise to do my best not to do it again."

Kaidan snorted. "No more suicide missions, then?"

Shepard laughed and pulled him toward the bed. "I'll bring you along next time. You can protect me."

They fell together onto her mattress. It was wider and softer than her old one. "I missed you," he whispered.

"How long can you say?" she asked as she pulled his shirt off.

"Can't leave. Quarantine."

Shepard laughed. "I suddenly love being quarantined."

Kaidan grabbed her hands and held them between his. Her skin was hot against his. "I really do love you."

"I love you, too." She gave him a long, lingering kiss. "I was fighting to protect everything, but all I was really worried about defending was you." She grinned. "You broke up with that doctor, right."

Kaidan nodded. "I couldn't be with anyone else, not with you alive."

"Good. I'd hate to have to fight her for you."

Kaidan laughed as he tugged her shirt off over her head. She had new scars, rough and unfamiliar beneath his fingers. "No one can compete with you."

"Good."