Rick took a swig out of his flask, waiting for his grandson to stop speaking. Morty was ranting again. Man, what was it about this time? Wanting to pick where they went again? Was it the tenth adventure already? Yeesh. Where was this kid's off button?
Morty's lips kept moving. Rick could see two and a half of him speaking. He couldn't take this anymore, he was too damn wasted to give a shit where they went.
"Alright, Morty! You wanna pick where we're adventuring, Morty? Whatever. I don't care."
He tossed Morty the portal gun.
"Go nuts, Morty."
Morty fumbled with it. "W-w-wait, Rick! H-h-how do I-I tell it where t-t-t-to-"
His finger slipped and pulled the trigger.
"Great, you picked, let's go, Morty."
Rick shoved Morty through the portal. Pine trees stretched around them. Wherever they were, the area was heavily wooded.
"Rick, where are we?"
"I don't know, Morty. You chose where we'd be going, remember? Dumbass. Like I know everything about everything, Morty."
Morty looked around. "Maybe we can ask for directions..."
He could see some ramshackle cabin in the distance.
"R-Rick! Let's go check out the c-c-cabin. Maybe we can find an adventure there."
"Whatever. Let's get this over with, Morty."
They knocked on the door. Almost immediately, a girl with long brown hair and mouth full of braces threw it open.
"Hi, I'm Mabel! I'm twelve and I LOVE BOYS!" She tackled Morty to the ground. "Will you be my BOYFRIEND?"
"RICK HELP ME!"
"Fight her yourself, Morty, I'm not leaning over."
A wrinkly, hairy hand wrapped itself around Rick's shoulder.
"Hi, there, traveler. Welcome to the Myster Shack!"
"Oh, I know where we are, Morty. We're in Gravity Falls, Morty. This is a pretty kickass universe." He looked past the wrinkled monster before him into the shack, where the rest of that universe's cast of living beings stood.
Rick grabbed Morty by the back of his shirt, ignoring the extra weight of Mabel, who clung to his grandson like stink on shit.
"Listen here, Morty. I'll say this once. That's Stan, Stan, Soos, Wendy, Waddles, and Dipper. The beast clinging to you is Mabel." Rick pointed to each one of them respectively.
"I LIKE SWEATERS AND BOYS."
Rick narrowed his eyes. Something was off here.
"Stanford, you got anything to sell me today?"
"PRINCESS UNATTAINABELLE."
"Never make that goddamn face again you piece of shit I swear I'll end you. Look away, Morty."
Morty was crying. "She's trying to take some of my hair, Rick!"
Rick wasn't listening. "Whatever, Morty." He had to confirm his fears.
"Everyone here, say something."
"W-what, Rick?"
"NOT YOU, MORTY, THEM."
"I want MONEY."
"PRINCESS UNATTAINABELLE!"
"Doods! HAHUEHAEUGH."
"I'm too old for Dipper."
"Oink oink. Mabel cares about me."
"Look at this book with a handprint on it I want to feel its sweet carress as I sell my soul to a triangle."
Rick wrinkled his nose in disgust.
"For fuck sake, Morty! This isn't any regular Gravity Falls universe. It's the shitty universe where all the terrible, one-dimensional, lifeless fanfiction versions of these guys go and where the real ones' character development is sent to die! Out of all the universes containing these people, you had to choose this one. Dammit, Morty. This is why I don't let you choose where we go, Morty. I'm commandeering this adventure, Morty."
Rick shot down every one except for Morty down.
"No use need to hide the bodies, Morty, they can't track us."
"Rick, you killed these people!"
"They're the shitty one-dimensional soulless representations of these people, Morty, it doesn't count."
"Who are you to play God, Rick?"
"Shut the fuck up, Morty."
This is it. This might just be the worst representation of Rick and Morty you've ever seen. It's too much! You can't stand to see such bland, hollow shells of these two portrayed while they hypocritically nag the Gravity Falls representations. It's too painful. You eye the trigger. Dare you shoot this fanfictional universe's Rick and Morty? Do they really deserve the penalty of death for the God awful irony, if it can even be called that, portrayed here? What chapter do you cut to now? Three, where you decide they may live peacefully? Or two, where their rotting corpses will remain on the porch of the Mystery Shack along with the Pines' hollow, one-dimensional fanfiction representations? You hesitate before mousing over the chapter select button. You've made your decision.
Author's note:
At this point you're supposed to pick your ending.
If you go to chapter two, you've killed this universe's Rick and Morty. Good on you!
If you go to chapter three, you've decided to let them live. What a cinnamon roll thing to do.
Or you could go to neither or both. I'm the fanfiction equivalent of a shitposter not someone who scrutinizes your life choices.