Hello there!
I took a short break from The Slave Of The Fear (but don't worry, the next chapter will be ready soon!) :)
I wanted to try something new (it's different from my other stories but I hope it's still okay)
Timeline: After the events with Rako Hardeen. (I've always wanted to see how Anakin, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka cope with Obi-Wan's mission) :)
The story has three parts (each chapter contains other POV, the first one is Anakin's)
Now, please read, review and all this stuff! I hope you enjoy it! ;)
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
Warnings:
General bad feelings, you've been warned.
~~~ Chapter 1 ~~~
Anakin Skywalker was no stranger to pain and the feeling of loss. After all, he had experienced this himself many times, a few years ago.
The feeling of numbness and helplesness. Emptiness, as he watched his Mother drew the last breath. The touch of her soft hand on his cheek. Her face and the grimace of agony across it haunted him in his nightmares not once.
And his hot tears, flooding his eyes. The heart that broke for many little pieces.
He was too late. He didn't free her as he'd once promised.
"I love..."
These words, these two words haunted him many years after. These two, last words sounded like agony. She died and he was alone.
He had promised himself back then, that he would do anything to protect the ones he cared about. That he would never lose them like he had lost his dear, beloved Mother.
He had promised to protect Padmé, his beautiful wife. And Ahsoka, she has been his little sister. His duty as a Master was to keep her safe. And he still does it. He still cares. Some argue that even too much as for a Jedi.
He had been doing his best, he had been trying to protect everyone from death. Then, one shot destroyed everything he'd worked for. One bullet that had killed his father. That had killed Obi-Wan.
He had been doing everything to protect him. He rescued him not once, not even twice. And when the day had come, when he hadn't been able to do this, his world fell apart.
His heart shattered to pieces.
He remembers that day. He remembers the moment when his limp, dead body hung in Ahsoka's arms. And when the same body was buried, he remembers. The pain, the loss, helplessness. Just because he hadn't been able to protect him, to save him this time. This one time.
It felt like the worst day of his life. Even his Mother's death hadn't broken him that much. Perhaps it was because Obi-Wan has been his Master for about ten years. Maybe because when he left Tatooine, he had only him. No one else. He took him under his wing.
He didn't want to smile, laugh, he didn't even want to talk to anyone. No one could help him. Not even Padmé. All he wanted, was too see Obi-Wan's calm face and hear his voice, to listen to his wit and sarcastic remarks.
But it hadn't been possible, for he had been killed. He had been with the Force. Or so he thought.
He had believed in that. He had suffered because of that.
He had just drowned in his own grief and pain. Nothing was really the same. He felt so helpless, it was only he. He against the whole galaxy. He was alone. And he felt like little kid, scared of storm and evil. Because there was no one to protect him any longer. There was no one to rescue him from his own doubts and weakness. From himself.
When the truth was revealed, it was beyond his expectations.
Because he would never expect his Master to lie like that. No, not Obi-Wan, he just couldn't have hurt him like that.
But it was true, he had hurt him. On purpose.
And Anakin didn't try to stop the anger, nor hatred. It consumed him like flames.
He used to cry in his Master's sleeve as a child. He used to trust him. He loved this man.
He has always wanted to have a father. And he used to have one. For a long time, Obi-Wan Kenobi has been his parent, his safe haven where he could hide and wait until the storm raged no longer. He felt so safe within his strong, warm arms. He felt loved and protected. It was all he had needed back then.
Then, everything, every memory of him had been buried with that dead body. Killed as the bullet murdered his Master. His Master whom he gave all the love he could feel.
But it was all a lie, everything. It was a game.
Because the same man used him and his feelings. The same man betrayed him.
He would have understood if it had been the will of the Council - to lie to him like that. He would have expected that, for not a single Master trusted him. But it wasn't the Council. It wasn't them.
"It was my decision to keep the truth from you."
It was his decision. Only his. And he had considered him a friend. A father, even.
He will never make such a mistake again.
He will never trust him anymore.
Because how could he?
It was for the mission, yes, sure. His former Master, his friend and ally, betrayed him because of the mission.
Was it worth it?
The Chancellor is safe now, nothing bad happened. Obi-Wan is the new hero of the Republic. The great Negotiatior saved the galaxy again. Cheer, cheer, everyone!
But was it all worth it? Was lying and betrayal worth it?
It was a question only Obi-Wan should answer.
He had left him alone, after all these years. He had let him cry every night. He had let him be alone, without nothing but tears and grief.
It was for the mission. Because only mission matters, nothing more. Feelings does not. Truth does not.
His love does not. The Jedi do not care. Does anyone care? Does anyone care that he had been hurt and betrayed?
He felt cold, he was cold, even if the room was warm. When he was younger, when he was this 9-year-old boy from Tatooine, his Master would always be there, ready to warm his frozen heart up.
He had been sure Obi-Wan Kenobi would never let anybody hurt him. He had been sure that when he had said "I will always be there for you, I will not let you suffer, little one", he had really meant it.
But eventually, he was the one who had done so. Who had let him sit alone, grieving for the loss. He was the one who had decided to hurt him.
After all, he did everything on purpose. He knew that his Padawan, with his attachment that was no secret to anyone, would be suffering. He knew that he would be crying. He knew what would be his reaction. That was precisely why he had done all of this.
He had hurt him on purpose, being fully aware of the consequences.
Is he even sorry? Is he feeling as wrecked as his former Padawan?
Huh, of course not.
The Jedi do not feel wrecked. The Jedi feel nothing. They can hurt and break a heart, just to achieve their goal. Just to complete a mission.
He should have predicted it would end like that. They have never trusted him, they have never accepted him here. Just because he knew the feeling of love, as if it was something bad. Just because he knew his Mother and because he gave her his heart.
And in the end, they simply used this love. He felt as if his heart was ripped off his chest and thrown out straight into the bin. Into the merciless desert of sorrow and emptiness.
Because the man he loved, betrayed him. Because the man he loved, killed his hope and light.
Anakin Skywalker was no more. It has been only his pain and anger. He has been a shadow of the great Jedi he used to be. There was only a shadow. Nothing more, nothing less. A shadow.