In all shapes and forms, this is so not meant to be taken seriously. Not what so ever. Consider it some sort of gag ending, an AU, some sort of crack story, or whatever that was created with my odd sense of humor. This thing came to be because of voice actor jokes, and that in both English and Japanese, the Imperator's voice actress voices C.C. from Code Geass. The character absolutely loves pizza, has a cheese plush, and keeps Pizza Hut running, and well, I just had to write this! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this piece of complete randomness!
Date Published: 9/14/14
Word Count: 3,445
Page Count: 5
Chapter 1: The Imperator and her Pizza Shop?
There are many things that could be used to describe the leader of the NOL. She was a woman filled with despair, hatred, and overall was rather terrifying to most people with those eyes deprived of emotions. Her goal was rather simple, all she wanted was for the world to fall into the hands of despair and that all of the people would perish. She wasn't the mastermind here for nothing. That though isn't all that surprising considering that the Imperator was technically Izanami the Goddess of Death and Creation but was using Saya's body as a vessel. How exactly she even got out of the underworld was a mystery but oh well, all she wanted was to screw with her brother/husband Izanagi and kill everyone because he left her rotting body down there. What a wonderful lady, huh? Seriously though, Ragna's whole entire family has had it complicated since day one basically, they so need a vacation. Of course good luck getting them in one room without blood being shed and incestuous innuendos being tossed all over the place. It's like they would fit right on in with the Gallagher's dysfunctional family.
Anyhow, there was one thing about the Imperator/Izanami/#ThatOneDespairingBitch that would surprise all of the people that know the truth about her. It had nothing to do with incest, her real body being filled with rotting flesh and maggots, or that she seemed to be the bad guy a lot these days. She couldn't help but fall prey to the hands of a single recipe that the humans of the world loved so dearly. At first she couldn't comprehend why people would crave such a thing, but after trying it for herself she was automatically hocked on the dish. She wasn't sure though if it was her own desire, or if Saya just loved pizza a lot as a child.
"Pizza…," she said in the most relaxed and happiest voice that no one would have ever believed came out of her mouth. If Ragna heard her like that he would think he was going insane. She was currently in a medium-sized kitchen, sitting in a chair and out-of-the-way in the business district of the 6th Hierarchical City of Yabiko. She normally stays in her home of operations in the 1st Hierarchical City of Ōkoto, but was currently chilling out here instead for the food. The kitchen she was currently residing in was filled with all sort of cooking utensils perfect for the creation of pizza. It had a bunch of fresh made dough, cheese, sauce, and all sorts of crap to cover the food. To her it didn't matter what was on the food. Anything that was meant for a pizza topping was fine with her, and she would gladly gobble it up. As long as they didn't shove odd stuff on it like chocolate or ranch on it she was perfectly fine with it.
She wasn't alone in the room of course, for there was no way she was going to cook the food. She tried once out of pure boredom, and thanks to that she had accidentally poisoned the few people who knows of her existence. Oddly enough one of her subordinates enjoyed the food, but why he did was beyond her comprehension. After taking a small nibble out of the sludge she called food (it didn't look like the food from the underworld so she assumed it was fine) she was determined to never cook again. After all, she has servants to do that anyway. Either living down there for who many centuries killed off her sense of cooking good food, or Saya's cooking skills where interfering with her thought process. She was sure it was because of Saya though, if all of her clones lack any sense of taste, it just had to be her fault.
"The smell is just so…wonderful," spoke the Imperator yet again while taking a sniff of the smell all around her. She never thought anything from this world could ever be this intoxicating. Something about it was just so alluring, like destroying this world, distressing her annoying subordinates, tormenting Ragna with the knowledge he wasn't getting his sister back, taunting Jin while having his childhood friend obeying all of her orders. Just the usual stuff that helps her get through the long and aggravating day. Before finishing off this retched place pathetic humans and other creatures called home, she had to make sure she had a pizza buffet. It would make the satisfaction of watching the world being destroyed just so much more gratifying. Oh, and maybe torturing the important people of 'her' brother's lives right in front of them, and having a magnificently bloody and excruciating death sequence that belonged in some horror game. Something about the combination of her two favorite things just seemed enticing to the body snatching and world hating Goddess.
Unknown to most of the world, the leading lady of the whole entire world had opened a pizza shop. She would have liked it to just have people make pizzas for her whenever she desired one, but a shop was more cost effective. From the calculations done by a certain puppeteer, she would spend far too much money on pizza that could cause the operation of the NOL to be affected. So instead of wasting the money that was meant for abolishing the world and controlling her armies of idiotic puppies, she would just have a few of her soldiers work in this shop. It wasn't going to be a full year thing though, just long enough so she could make enough money to keep up with her desire for the dish. Plus she was enjoying one person's despair, for his position annoyed him so much she was loving it.
"Can someone tell me again when I turned into a pizza delivery boy?! I am meant to be trolling people, making Rags feel like shit, messing with people's memories and mind, not going around and giving lazy ass people their god damn pizza!" bellowed a certain green haired man walking into the kitchen from the open doorway, "Not only that, but I hate this hat! I want to use mine, it makes me look sexy and mysterious! This just makes me look stupid and pathetic!"
The Imperator turned her head to the direction of the complaint, "That is enough Hazama. You know quite well way you are the delivery boy, your work in the Intelligence Department allows you to find people's home much easier. Not only that, but I believe while you are out you can gain much information towards our final and true goal. Besides, you never know whose ware bouts you can learn of by delivering pizzas," she explained in a cold and brash voice.
Hazama, who was currently wearing black pants and a shirt that was mostly green with a black border going around it with a bland looking black cap sighed, "I seriously do not understand why we have to do this." He was fine with all of the other things he has done, hell, he enjoyed doing most of it! Sure, time repeating itself over and over was bad, and then there was the whole continuum shift nonsense that had to take up a lot of years, but this was ridiculous, "I much rather shift through the same time repetitions and our reality being altered than doing this grunt work! Why can't you get anyone else to do this shit?! I'm no lackey when it involves nonsense like this! Just find some orange haired moron do to all of this work!" No matter what way he looked at it, this was total bullshit. He couldn't get anything done while delivering damn pizzas all day long! How could he be a villain if this was all he was doing?
The other person in the room was everyone's favorite father of the year Relius Clover who, along with his wife turned into puppet Ignis. He and his wife puppet was busy making the pizzas at an unusually fast pace, but that was mainly thanks to Ignis. Relius who had discarded his usual coat had changed into white shorts and a purple dress shirt that was sleeveless, "Stop your complaining Hazama, a change of pace is a good thing. You never know who you might run into doing a job like this. Besides I'm sure you could find a lot of people with interesting souls out there for me," he explained. He wasn't one for cooking much, his wife usually took care of it for his household. Even so he was enjoying himself.
"Yeah yeah, you have it easy. You have your super puppet wife to handle all of it! She's moving so fast she could put a blue hedgehog to shame!" bellowed Hazama while pulling out some sort of device out of his pants pocket, it looked like something to detect radiation with a radar on the screen, "Tell me again, what the hell is this thing for? You don't expect me to go around and find radioactive spiders or over-grown lizards do you?"
Relius turned his back to the oven behind him, and looked at him while readjusting his little mask, "That thing there is used to detect anomalies in people's souls. If the device starts to go off, that means there is something either abnormal about them, or something very interesting. Remember Hazama, take special note of the person's home if it goes off," he explained while Ignis was busy working by him. This was one of the benefits of not sitting around an office and having Hazama do all the work for a change, he could find new test subjects without leaving the kitchen. Hazama was officially the Imperators bitch, but it didn't mean he couldn't make him his bitch as well. The green haired fellow is certainly bitchy, so it only made sense he was going to be their bitch.
Hazama watched the puppet move all over the place, pondering how he was moving her around while doing nothing at all with his hands, "You and your damn souls. I feel like you're more sadistic than I am, and that's saying something! What's next, you're going to start eating them to turn into an all-powerful weapon? Oh, are you secretly trying to unleash some sort of powerful monstrosity on the world to make everyone go mad? I feel like you belong down in Rapture, even if you can't get down there, I am sure you would fit right on in with those crazy spliced up bastard. That stupid mask of yours would fit in too, or the Phantom of the Opera," complained Hazama to his comrade, "Anyhow, why do I have to do it!"
The Imperator sighed at his behavior, he could always be just so annoying. Not only that, but was it really necessary to make all of those references? He was all over the place with them. Though he was extremely useful, she wasn't fond of his personality, "As I said before Hazama, you can gather information for us out there. If you don't want to use your skills for something useful, I could always dispose of you," she explained with her emotionless eyes gleaming at him, "Or perhaps you would rather be placed on an island full of cats?"
Hazama's face paled a bit the moment her heard her say that. He had an absolute hate for those damn little furry things. They always made his allergies go wild, and that still sounds more horrifying than being facing her wrath, "Fine fine, I'll behave. I swear though, I am so not doing this non-stop. I better get to change my job with someone else. I did not sign up for this shit."
"I will take that into consideration Hazama, but there are no grantees that I will listen to your pleads," she explained in her usual demeanor. She has no real interest in changing the setup, all of the calculations show, he fits best as the delivery boy. All she cared about was not going in the red with her new-found love of pizza.
Before Hazama could say anything else, Ignis grabbed a completed pizza and began to walk towards the open doorway that lead into the front of the building. Besides being a delivery service, the place also doubled as a restaurant. It wasn't anything too special, Izanami didn't want to waste too much money, but it was big enough for people to sit around and eat. After all, the whole entire point of this place was to make money so she could eat her pizza and continue her plan. Well, that is what she says but she does get a kick out of their current situation, "Relius, being around all of these pizzas I have gotten hungry. I would like you to create me one. Remember, nothing funny about it. I would prefer to keep this vessel in working conditions. "
Relius gave her a thin smile, "No need to worry. I would never do anything to it," he explained simply. It wasn't like he hasn't thought of tempering the ingredients to see what type of things would to the unsuspecting victim, "I'll wait until I'm give a good time," he thought with a smirk crossing over his masked face.
"That's good. Make sure you get to work then," she replied simply while continuing to watch his puppet move around. Ignis not only worked fast at creating it, but also in delivery. It would also make sense to have her deliver the food to the people in their homes, but then production would decrees. Besides, it would cause Hazama to be around more often. Yeah, that was a no thanks. She doubted that there was anyone in the whole world that liked him.
While that was going on Hazama walked to a chair laying around in the kitchen and sat down, "Ahh, finely I get a break. I'm sick of this job," he thought to himself. Relius got it easy, all he has to do is have his puppet wife do everything! He can claim he does work, but in reality his puppet bitch does everything. He closed his eyes and leaned back, he can sit around and do nothing like his boss. Why she would shove a bunch of chairs in the kitchen was beyond him, but he kept his mouth shut for once. They did have a back room, so why wouldn't she just use that? To think of it, he doesn't even know what's in there…
"Captain, there is an order going out," exclaimed a voice from the other room. That snapped Hazama out of his peaceful rest, "Aw shit, already? Why can't people just walk here? They have legs, what is so damn hard about using them?! It's not they had it torn off in some science experiment that everyone said to never do!" he exclaimed as his body shot up. For the love of God way couldn't he just do jack shit for a change?!
"I'm sorry Sir, but that is your job. The Imperator gave it to you herself, and as such you should feel honored," spoke the voice again as she walked into the back room. The figure belonged to the currently brained washed Tsubaki. Her eyes didn't bear the usual clear gleam of her blue eyes, rather they were distorted by Phantom's magic and where blood-red. Besides that, she was donning an outfit similar to Hazama; a black skirt that reached down to her knees and a simple black shirt with a red trim.
"Really, I'm supposed to feel honored to be delivering pizzas to a bunch of lazy assholes? You know what Red," began Hazama using his bland nickname for her, "You might think doing anything for her is an 'honor' but really this is just grunt work. An honorful moment is killing I don't know, your childhood friend or best friends' maybe. You know, something that involves a lot of blood, gore, and final pleads filled with despair." Hazama was all up for brainwashing people, he loved doing it! This type of devotion though was seriously over bearing.
Tsubaki gave him a cold stare, "I would rather not kill my friends unless it is absolutely required by the Imperator. For all we know, they could always reconsider and join us…" Despite the magic spell placed over her, she still had some free will left.
"Yeah yeah, whatever Red," with that Ignis handed him a pizza already completed. Just how it was completed in like five seconds flew over his head, but he really couldn't give two shits. He noticed that Relius was smirking, "I can see that you know!" he whined.
"Obviously, you were meant to see it Hazama. Now then, make sure you get going. You don't want to keep the costumer waiting. You know when that happens...," cooed Relius while continuing his work with the puppet.
"I know, the food is free if I'm late," spoke Hazama in an annoyed tone, "Do I look stupid? I'm not Rags thanks, I actually have a brain of my own that is fully functional."
"Sometimes I'm not all that sure, you can be rather arrogant in certain moments," retorted Relius while a smirk.
"Oh just shut up," with that he turned his back on the smirking coronel and started to head out of the opening to the dinner area. While he was leaving the Imperator made sure to put out a warning, "You better not be late Hazama. You know there is a penalty for such a thing." He didn't say a thing to the woman and continued to his walk.
The diner was typical for a pizza shop, the floor was a basic tile pattern. The wall had a red wooden border and light wall paper. There where booths lined up along the sides and some in the middle. In a corner there was some arcade game for the customers to play, something along the lines of a fighting game. There were a few people inside the booths chatting it up, eating pizza, and drinking pop. They all looked so happy, much unlike him.
The only non-customer was the well-endowed women cleaning up the left over plates. Hazama gave her a sly smile and spoke in his usual tone, "Why hello Miss. Faye-Ling, how are you this fine day? Enjoying the menial labor of a dog all for the sake of that precious blob?" His voice was sarcastic, even if Relius was bugging him, bothering her could cheer him up. The pain and annoyance of others could always help him perk up.
Litchi turned her body to face him, and she was wearing a traditional dish-washer outfit. Black pants, black shirt that also had a red trim, and a white apron. The look upon her face spoke of how much she wasn't enjoying this place nor Hazama's comments. She did join with the library all for the sack of saving Roy somehow, but she never thought she was going to get stuck doing a job like this, "I could be better of course. It seems we both hate our current jobs. I didn't think I would need to clean up dishes to save him."
"You sure as hell got that right!" spoke Hazama, surprised he actually agreed with the doctor, "At least you don't have to go out and deliver a bunch of pizzas. Cleaning up after lazy people seem so much better!"
Before Litchi had the chance to respond to him, he bolted out of the door. She looked over to the opening where the rest of her 'co-workers' were, and felt some sort of menacing aura emanating from the back room. She assumed that someone back there was involved and she thought to herself, "The things I do for love."
So here laid probably the most bizarre restaurant in the whole world. A pizza shop ran by the strongest lady in the universe, ran by high ranking members of the Library, one brainwashed women, and a desperate scientist. To the customers the people where just eccentric, but if they found out who was in charge, they would have been left scratching their heads in confusion. If Ragna and company found out, they would probably storm in and pick a fight with them. Things may never be the same in Yabiko. The same could be said for the life of a certain green-haired jackass who would win the tittle of the worst delivery boy in the world. Probably.
Truth be told, I actually gave up on this before I finished it multiple times. It sounded like a funny idea in my head, but typed out it seemed kind of stupid and I didn't have much interest in writing it. Maybe it's because it's only the introduction. I want to write more with the rest of the cast, like Ragna finding Hazama, Jin walking into the pizzeria wondering what Tsubaki is doing there, Bang storming in trying to save Litchi, Kokonoe screwing with Hazama, and what not. If anyone is interested in more, just let me know. Anyway I hoped you liked this odd idea, all of the references, and of course please review.