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Whole, Empty Heart by psychopath-convention.
"You can't just see your best friend be blown up and be okay again."
StevexEvie
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Rated "T" for mild cursing, non-explicit drug use, and implied sex.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton. Or much of anything else.
Her laugh broke the silence.
"That's a crock of shit, Steve," she said. "You're fucking high, shut up."
"I am not," I lied. Since about a month after I got to Vietnam, I was high whenever I could get the stuff.
"Yes you are." Her voice cracked. I tilted my head over to look at her. Her eyes were glassy. So much had changed in a year. This time last year, I would be maybe a little buzzed. We'd be laying on the same pillow curled up together, peacefully asleep. Now I was shooting up as soon as she fell asleep and we were as far away as we could get from each other on my small double bed. She wiped her eyes and I snapped back to alertness.
"I do love you, baby," I said, rolling over on my side to face her. She kept wiping her eyes and staring up at the ceiling like her life depended on her holding her gaze there. My gaze drifted down to her neck. She wasn't wearing my dog tags anymore. That wasn't a good sign.
"Are you even listening to me?" she snapped.
"Sorry," I mumbled. I hadn't even noticed she was talking. "I just… what'd you say?"
"I said that if you loved me you'd stop doing that shit."
"It don't work like that. It ain't that easy. And hey, why'd you stop wearing my dog tags?" I asked.
"That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the fact that ten minutes after we have sex, you're getting high in the same room. I ain't one of those girls, Steve. And I didn't think you were one of those guys."
"People change."
"No shit." Her voice shook. It sounded almost like she was laughing. "I took off the dog tags because they remind me of you, and lately that isn't a good thing," she said.
"Does that mean anything?" I asked. She finally looked away from the ceiling. Now she was looking at me like I was a huge dumbass.
"What?" she asked, her voice dripping with disgust. She never used to talk to me like that. Or look at me like that. She used to admire me. Think I was tough. Hell, she used to love me.
"We're still… me and you, ain't we? I mean, that don't mean we ain't together or nothing, right?"
"I don't know if I can stay with you, Steve. You're not the guy I wanted to be with when we first got together. That guy don't exist anymore. It's like you left him in 'Nam or something."
"You don't know what I've seen, Evie," I replied. My voice sounded meaner than I felt. That's been happening a lot lately.
"I SURE AS HELL DON'T!" she screamed. She sat up and started to get dressed. I could tell she was about to try to leave. And this time I didn't know if she was gonna come back. It was dead silent after her yelling like that. My head hurt and I didn't know what to say to make things better.
"You know why I don't know what you've seen, Steve?" her voice was barely a whisper now, but bitter as I'd ever heard her. "Because you won't fucking tell me. You ain't told me anything. Your letters didn't say nothing. Oh, at first they were love letters. But I saw you change. After a while, I felt like you were writing to your mama, the way you talked without saying nothing."
"That was because I didn't have anything going on that I wanted you to know about. I wasn't about to tell you the truth, okay? I still ain't," I said.
"Then I don't see how anything will get better. You have to talk to me, Steve. Because if you keep this shit up, we're over." She was finished getting dressed now, and she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
"Evie, please…" I was at a loss for words.
"Get clean. And while you don't have that mess affecting your brain, decide what's most important to you. You better not be drunk or high next time I see you, either," she said. She left. I stared at the wall in a daze for about ten minutes before getting up to pour myself a shot of whiskey.
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-Sorry for all the inevitable typos. I forced this out after school and have no time for editing. However, I haven't written much of anything lately, and I want some feedback on this little piece of crap. C: So I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know what you think, if you made it this far and have the time. I'm not sensitive, so lay on the criticism. ~Emily
p.s. should I continue this? let me know. I can't decide if it stands well enough on its own or not.