A/N: Below, you will find an attempted parody I began and never ended around 2011 or '12. It is egregious and was never meant to leave my hard drive. This was back when I thought that moronic Cup of Life Noodles account I created to house an atrocious Strawberry Panic! crackfic was actually funny. Anyway, as I was looking through some folders in pursuit of naughty content, I found this thing again, and decided to post it on the premise that time capsules are amazeballs.
I don't know if I'll ever return to Sweet Bitter Love Song. The ideas are still there, but my interest in K-ON! sort of fizzled out along with my activity on the forums here. I haven't even checked out the movie, yet!
Let's Watch K-ON! ...HIGH-ON! ...Crack?
Episode 1: Logic... Suspended?!
A picture of four young girls (hi2u, FUKKEN LOLIS!) makes its appearance, depicting schoolgirls as happy broads without noses.
Either that, or they're simply fucking dots that can't be seen without Blu-ray clarity.
The foursome on said picture appears ecstatic, and they're blushing. MAH GAWD SO KAWAII DESU~
You just know at least one of these loli fuckers is gonna be a main character while the others are just part of the backdrop and not even in the story at all. LOL, STORY IN K-ON! WUT.
The two in the front are each holding something questionable. They could be black dildos; it's anime.
Backing up a little, the picture is revealed to be on a bulletin board. There's another picture of someone's eye, and one of two girls' asses.
A creepy-ass, green chickenfuckroosterwhatever is then seen.
In short, whoever lives here would be widely considered... special. Yeah.
An alarm clock rings as a bookcase is shown off. The contents are of course nothing but H-doujins and other manga with cliché plots for easy money.
The mysterious resident of the room tosses in bed as the alarm clock interrupts their wet dream, involving Justin Bieber, probably. The chickenfuckrooster's there again, this time without a head. Must be a reference.
A hand then creeps out of the covers to touch the clock, which makes it stop ringing after contracting AIDS and dying.
A girl whose hair should clearly be left down but isn't then enters the room.
"Onee-chan, gimme a chicken sandwhich and some waffle fries... FOR FREE!"
The creator's lack of ingenuity is then revealed along with the girl's sister, who bursts out from under her blanket. She looks exactly like the other fool if her hair was down. Guess that explains her bad hairstyle. But not where the sister got AIDS.
The loli with the better hairstyle then picks up her cellphone, which was next to her pillow. Instead of simply looking at the time, SHE THROWS THE FUCKING THING IN THE AIR.
"Eight o'clock?! I'll never get my first Pokémon, now!" She exclaims as she runs out of the room.
"Why do you sleep with your cellphone, anyway? Do you really think you're that important?" Asked the sister with the bad hairstyle.
One Darren Lynn Bousman transition scene later and the sister with the better hairstyle was transported from her room to the living room. She immediately trips and falls on her ass to showcase a quirk, and her tights. She grabs some toast before leaving because jam is more important than Pikachu. She also didn't shower before leaving, which is just fucking gross. This may shed some light on the AIDS thing...
Another backdrop bitch outside says the main character's name, 'Yui,' for the sole purpose of stopping me from calling her 'the sister with the better hairstyle.'
In fact, that was the purpose of her existence, too.
As she runs to get her first Pokémon, some scenes of blatant foreshadowing are displayed, including Yui feeding a cat. Because that's vague enough to confirm Azusa's appearance in the anime, right? :D
"Squirtle, Charmander, Bulbasaur; anyone's fine, just save one for me!"