Kiss her?
If there was ever a time he might get away with it, it would be tonight. She was on a high. Triumphant. Carefree. Open. Inviting…
Everything slowed… and stopped. Harvey's world froze and the moment stretched itself out.
Was he drunk? Most likely no. He'd only had two glasses of champagne… aside from that he'd not consumed for the day. And he had a liver of steel.
Was he still high?
He'd have to be high. High or crazy. Or having a psychotic break.
There were red ants marching up and down his spine. Scorpion venom in his eyes. Acid on his tongue. His entire system was malfunctioning.
System Error.
God…
Help me.
He couldn't kiss her. There was a rule against that. Probably written into the by-laws. Probably written by her to boot.
She was laughing at something he'd said. Some nonsense that only he could make sound semi-intelligent. He'd said it just to make her laugh… What had he said…
Oh, right. He'd suggested that maybe they all go take a group piss in Louis' office, girls in one corner, boys in another. And maybe barbecue the cat, just because.
And she'd laughed. That big grin, all gums and teeth. She'd tossed her hair back over her shoulder, innocent as a schoolgirl and laughed.
God, she was sexy when she laughed. She was the numero uno in the building. One of the most powerful women in New York. One of the most powerful in America, he'd say… and yet, her winning feature, if you asked him, was her laugh. There was something so open about it. To the man off the street it might be no big thing but to him… To him it was rainbows and sunshine. A snow day and gummy bears. She could be a devil. She could be ruthless. She'd sue her own mother without blinking twice, but when she laughed he felt warm inside. Like a little boy again waking up on Christmas morning with a stocking full of gifts and a mugful of hot cocoa.
I'm a grown man.
A grown man.
And she was a grown woman.
He loved her.
She loved/liked/was fond of/ tolerated him.
Why couldn't he kiss her? Red lips. Her lips were always red… They were always smiling. And even when they were scowling at him, he'd never minded too much.
Harvey smiled, letting her joy wash over him and feeling rightly proud of being the one who'd made her laugh.
Shouldn't he have a reward? For all his efforts?
A taste of the forbidden fruit, perhaps?
The world was spinning on a different axis. The planet had shifted out of orbit. The sun had gone down in the east and risen in the west. The oceans were dry. The mountains were crumbling. The earth was splitting open and they were all drowning in molten lava. The ozone layer was repairing itself.
Kiss her?
Not the first time he'd ever thought about it. He'd had a couple fantasies over the years. Nothing too elaborate, just your run-of-the-mill stranded on a remote island, last man on earth, fuck or die imaginations. They'd started years ago and came on him infrequently… He'd never been lustful towards her… He'd simply filed it away that his boss/benefactor/best business friend was hot and looked absolutely stunning in a skinny black dress. Back when he was still wet behind the ears he'd nurtured a bit of a crush but that was all. He didn't spend days and nights mooning after her riddled with angst. Only losers did that. Usually, the thoughts of her would come on him in the lonely hours of the night. When he was all alone and safe in the walls of his house. When he had nothing else to think about. Rare times.
But now…there he was, in the office, in her presence, with music playing and a frothing bottle of champagne. Now, he couldn't stop turning the idea over in his mind, refusing to let it go.
He was so close… He could very well get up, stand up take two steps forward and kiss her. What was stopping him?
There was only the sixty-seven per cent chance that she'd slap him.
They weren't alone. Mike was there... Donna was there… But what would they do? What could they do? And he'd have to have witnesses anyway. You don't climb Mt. Everest and keep it a secret. Kissing her would be his Olympic gold medal.
He always liked showing her off. He always got a kick out of showing up anywhere with her on his arm…
Jesus Christ! She was still laughing. Was it that funny? Really it wasn't. Pee on someone's carpet? That's disgusting. Barbecue a cat? Who laughs at something like that?
Is she laughing with me, or at me?
He couldn't be sure.
He didn't really care. He was her pet. Her guard dog. Her poodle. Her parrot. Her trained monkey. Whatever she needed him to be on any given day. He could make a clown out of himself. Somedays he got to play knight in shining armour…
If I kiss her, will she laugh?
What would happen? She could bring him up on assault charges… but that was unlikely - it'd look bad for the firm. She could fire him, but that would look bad for the firm too. She could demote him all the way back down to associate, but that would be bad for the firm. She could banish his ass all the way to the 46th floor… and that would be slow torture.
She wouldn't be happy about it, he imagined. She'd be disappointed in him and she'd give him a look that said really? You're like a son to me.
Ugh.
Being the favoured son of the boss lady had its privileges, he couldn't argue against that. He'd never really had a problem with it before. They had a nice simpatico going. They had a nice vibe. Finished each other's sentences on a good day…
No need to disrupt a good thing.
Or maybe he could make a good thing just a little bit better?
"Finally, we're back in business," Donna said, nudging him out of his reverie.
"I know," he cut her one of his trademark I'm too cool for school smirks. "I feel like celebrating."
"Ha," Jessica scoffed, face lit up. She pointed to the champagne bottle on ice. "What do you think we're doing. This is the good stuff."
"I know… but I drink champagne everyday…"
Mike, "You do?"
"Do you not?" A beat. "I feel like doing something extra special. Something reckless…" He traced his fingers over the leather armrest of the chair he was sitting in.
They were both relatively young. So what if she was a couple years older than him? They were almost the same age. Yeah, she outranked him, but not by very, very much. He was senior partner now, not the lowly mailroom boy. He could grow a beard now. Had some chest hair. They'd look good together on a bed, naked and tangled up like a pretzel. He wasn't sure but she seemed limber enough. She had that graceful little queen-of-the-world strut, all long legs and long neck and head held high, hair like a flag behind her.
If he could get a handful of that hair… He'd put one hand in her hair and use the other hand to pull her leg up out of the way…
For the love of God…
In a way, he supposed he owed it to her. When last had someone fucked her brains out? She didn't date. She didn't have a string of lovers following her around. All the while he'd been practising regularly, fine tuning his game.
He'd be undoubtedly the best fuck she ever had. Hands down. And if he wasn't, he'd hunt down whoever beat him and blow his brains out with a sawed-off shotgun.
Mike filled his glass with champagne and held it aloft for a toast. "I want to say a couple words in celebration..."
If everybody else in the world could disappear and leave him alone with Jessica for just one minute he'd be ever so grateful. Just for a minute. Just so he could kiss her. Then everything could go back to normal.
"Long live the queen," Mike finished.
"Long live the queen," Harvey muttered, downing his glass in one.
"Hey!" the door burst open and in stepped Harold, another one of them. He spread his arms wide, and Jessica stepped into them cheerfully.
Too cheerfully.
Harvey tried his best not to frown as he watched Harold spew empty words of congratulations. To be on the safe side he poured himself another glass.
This was his night. His and Jessica's. And maybe Mike's. Donna - he wasn't so sure about. She had shredded vital evidence… but then if she hadn't, they'd never have looked into it the way they had and Daniel would still be on the throne… so okay, maybe Donna too, but what the fuck had Harold done to deserve champagne? Jack shit.
When the times were dark and grey, he'd been the only one to step up and pledge unwavering loyalty. He was the only one truly in her corner. Even Mike might have sided with Daniel if it hadn't been for his lack of a law degree and the whole illegality of his situation.
He'd earned at least a kiss. At least that. He'd been a good boy. Worked extra hard…
Extra hard…
He couldn't get a strong grip on the idea though. He couldn't completely imagine what she'd feel like. What she'd smell like. Was she a quiet one or a screamer? Would she claw her nails down his back and mark him. Top or bottom? Fast or slow? Hard or soft? Wild, or tame?
Most likely it'd be something strange. Something regal and off putting. Like fucking the queen of England.
Ugh.
Or maybe not.
Maybe she'd give as good as she got. Maybe she'd jack him up against a wall and make him feel like a blushing virgin all over again. Jessica Pearson wouldn't let him be in control. She'd show him a whole other side to fucking.
Aaargh! He raked his hand through his hair in red angry frustration as Harold took his leave. Jessica waved the man away and closed the door behind him. She turned, looked at him… and frowned.
"What's up with you, you look sick," she came towards him, concerned.
Did he? Did he really?
"You're pale and…" she touched the back of her hand to his forehead, "clammy… What happened, adrenaline rush too much for you?"
Okay, so he wouldn't kiss her. Not tonight at least. Sometime when Donna and Mike weren't standing there. Preferably when they weren't at the office either. It'd have to be somewhere where he had the upper hand, somewhere out of her jurisdiction. He took her hand, kissed it, gave it a gentle squeeze and let it go. "Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it all. The beauty of it."
She grinned again. Big toothy grin. "Nothing better than staking your claim on what belongs to you."
Harvey's eyebrows shot up, "Really?"
A wink. "Really."
He shouldn't kiss her. He most definitely shouldn't…
Just as she was turning away he grabbed her hand. The very hand he'd just let go. He rose from his chair swiftly, started heading for the door.
Jessica nearly stumbled behind him, caught off guard. "What are you–"
"I've got a surprise for you." He was heading towards the elevator. Her grip on her hand as tight as ever. She didn't try to resist but if he wasn't going to take a chance. This was his one shot. As Eminem had said, you only get one shot.
"What's the surprise?" she said, still laughing as she followed behind him.
"It's not really a surprise."
"Harvey…"
He grabbed a telephone directory from off a secretary's desk. "Trust me."
They stood in front of the elevator and waited for it.
Waited… Waited… Waited…
"What do you need the phonebook for?"
"Do you trust me?"
She smiled.
Then ding, the doors spread open.
And her smile faded. "You're really going to do this?" She stepped inside the elevator, her dress hugging every curve, revealing her figure perfectly.
Why'd she have to be so damn tall?
Was he really going to kiss her?
Deciding to jump into a volcano would be less daunting. Less terrifying.
He stepped inside the small metal room and let the doors close behind him.
Ding.
48. 47. 46. 45...
He hit the emergency stop. Turned around to look at her. She was beautiful in the bright white light. Simply beautiful.
He moved over to her, took get by the shoulders and guided her to the wall.
"Harvey..." Just a whisper. "You don't get to do this."
"You don't know what I'm going to do." He set the phonebook down right in front of her.
Then he got up on it. Right in front of her. Right there in her space. Breathing her air.
"Feeling like the big man on campus now?"
In fact he was. He might consider wearing heels... It was weird. And nice.
He was just inches away. Only inches away… "Surprise." He leaned in until there was no room between them, their noses rubbing, their breaths mixing, both of their eyes wide open.
"This isn't a surprise," she said flatly.
"Oh?" Harvey pulled back, just a little to take her in. To take the moment in.
"No, it's not a surprise. You've been lusting after me for years."
"I haven't."
"You're always looking at me, you hang on my every word, your world revolves around me. I'm your queen. You're empress. You're divine ruler–"
"And I'm the one with the ego?" He stepped in again, closing the space between the two of them, pressing her into the wall.
"I'm taller than you."
"That's why I brought the phone book."
"That's why you need the phonebook. You–" His lips brushed over hers for a split moment. "You sad, short, over compensating sorry excuse for–" He trailed his fingers up her neck slowly. She shuddered. Her body tried to sink further into the wall, futilely. "Sorry excuse for a man." He raked his fingers through her hair, pulling it all back from her face. "This is borderline incestuous."
"Uh huh," he smiled and kissed her. Really kissed her.
She pulled back when he was halfway through, flushed. "So what do I call you from now on? Oedipus?"
"As if I care what you call me."
She wiggled out of his grip, went around him, restarted the elevator.
Silence.
44, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39…
Silence.
35, 34, 33, 32…
"You can't just not talk to me. And don't call me Oedipus. First off, you're not my mother, you're my hot boss. Second, Daniel wasn't my father. Third, I didn't kill him, just got him thrown out. Fourth, you want me just as bad as I want you. This isn't some one-sided thing. This has been building for years. Since you picked me out of the mailroom. You cleaned me up, got me groomed up nice and neat. I got the five hundred dollar haircut and the thousand dollar shoes. I get my nails done every fortnight. You've shaped me. I was a diamond in the rough and you refined me. I stand before you now a made man. I am everything you want me to be! I am everything, so what else can you want? "
Ding. The elevator doors opened, and she whisked pass him with a smile. Graceful. Victorious. Arrogant as hell. "I told you," she said laughing.
"Told me what?"
"I'm taller than you."
The nightman at his desk got to his feet clumsily. Rushed to open the heavy glass doors for her.
"Of course you are in those heels," Harvey called after her.
"Even without the heels," she called back as she strode towards the door, "I'm taller on the inside."
"What?"
"Think about it."