It Always Works in the Fanfics

By: Luimenel

Disclaimer: I do not own Middle Earth or anything else mentioned in the Fic besides me. Anna owns herself and she gave me permission to use her in this Fic. I think that about covers everything so now on with the show...er fic.

It Always Works in the Fanfics

OhmygodthatwassuchagoodmovieandTheTwoTowersisgonnabesooooocoolIcan'tbelieve
wehavetowaituntilChristmas! Audrey paused to inhale, Legolasisgoingtobeso
incrediblyhotinthenextmovieIwishitwasChristmastheentslooksocoolandEowynand
Farimirandthatpyromaniacguy,Iforgethisname,wowIcan'twaitandthenIcangetanother
soda!yaysodasodasoda!

Anna just watched her friend hop around in circles and tried to pretend she didn't know why the hell the was talking to her.

Audrey, people are looking at you strangely, you know.

Of course, people would have been looking at Audrey strangely even if she hadn't been hyped up on caffeine and jumping circles around her best friend. She had brown hair that was pulled back from her face in a pony tail, but that wasn't what most people were looking at. Her ears had small pieces of tape around the tips so they would come to points so, as Audrey had tried to explain so many times to her friends, she would look more elfish.

Audrey stopped hopping, the caffeine finally beginning to wear off, You know, we should go to Middle Earth.

Anna just stared at her friend as if she had just suggested a trip to the moon.

Middle Earth? Anna asked a bit pessimistically, Us, go to Middle Earth?

Darn you and your not listening! Yes, us go to Middle Earth. Audrey said a bit exasperated with her friend's inability to grasp such a simple concept, We just have to find one of the vortex thingies that are constantly opening all over the place in fanfics.

said Anna, So, all we have to do is just find one of these thingies, go through it, and we will be in Middle Earth?

You never listen do you? Yes, all we have to do is find one, go through it and we will be in Middle Earth.





I don't think that is going to happen any time soon.

And why the hell not?

Hmmmm, let's see. Maybe it's because Middle Earth doesn't exist?

Audrey gaped at her friend, completely baffled.

Anna continued, You do know it's all just a story right? It is just a really cool idea that J.R Tolkien came up with?

Audrey started very slowly as if she were talking to a very small child, First of all, no, it is not just a story. It is real and I will get there or die trying. And second of all, it isn't J.R Tolkien, it's J.R.R. Tolkien!

Now it was Anna's turn to gape at her friend. I will bet you ten dollars you can't get us to Middle Earth.

Alright, fine, it's your money. But before we go we should probably pack. Middle Earth can be awfully dangerous if you aren't prepared, what with Orcs and all.

Anna decided that when Audrey was in this mood, and under the influence of far too much caffeine to be thinking straight, it was best to just humor her. Alrighty then let's go to your house, we can pack there, then go.

Audrey started hopping again, and singing I'm gonna meet Legolas, lalalala.

Anna just sighed and worried about her friend's sanity for the zillionth time that week.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After a long, and pokification filled car ride, Audrey and Anna got to Audrey's house and started to pack. Well, Audrey started to pack, Anna sat on the bed and watched her friend rummage through the disaster area that was her room, muttering all the while, Hmmm I'll need socks, lots of socks, and shoes, shoes would be good and maybe a brush, wouldn't want to look bad for the elves. Now where did I put my teddy bear?

Without even looking Anna said, Under the covers, by the bed.

Thank you. came Audrey's muffled reply from under the covers of the bed. Why there's my other slipper. Ha, I knew I would reclaim it from the pile monster. Death to pile monsters!

Audrey continued to pack and Anna just looked at her friend and watched as about ten gazillion things flew into her backpack but all magically seemed to fit. Audrey, how come you have put all kinds of junk into your backpack but it hasn't overflowed?

Author's license



Have you seen my calculator?

On the desk under the papers.

Thank you. How about a pencil?

In the pencil jar, or if you want a sharpened one you are standing on it.

Splendid now I just need my...

On the bed.

How did you know what I was going to say?

Secondary character's license.



Audrey was now trying to extract a snorkel and flippers from the closet, Vile beast of the closet release this snorkel or suffer my wrath! Eeeek! Audrey had managed to detach the snorkel gear and, with the extra momentum from the , she also managed to fly across the room. After hitting the wall she looked dazed for a few seconds, then jumped right back up and began to hunt for some more stuff. Into the backpack went last year's Halloween candy, a pair of binoculars, a duck (what?!?!?!?!), a picture of her old guinea pig, Nicky, one toe sock, a book of Garfield cartoons and a box of Jell-O mix.(whew, that's a mouthful)

After surveying the disaster area that had once been her room, Audrey picked up the backpack, turned to Anna, said, Well, we're packed, let's go., and galumphed out the door. Anna sighed and took off after her friend with a muttered, under her breath.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After much walking, and singing of annoying songs by Audrey, the two girls reached a rather run-down park.

Audrey stopped, held out her arms and said, This is it!

Anna looked unimpressed. This is what?

Audrey looked completely exasperated with her friend who seemed extremely slow on the uptake. This is where the entrance to Middle Earth is. Audrey said, running out of patience, Now I only know the vortex is in this park somewhere, the park isn't very big so we shouldn't have to look for very long.

Audrey took off, covering every inch of the park so she wouldn't miss a thing. Anna started strolling along but then got tired of it so she sat down on a bench and started wondering if Audrey was going to give up in time to make it back for dinner.

She was just about to ask whether it was really necessary for her to be there when, Ah ha! yelled Audrey, sounding downright euphoric, I knew I'd find it!.

Anna followed her friend's voice until she found Audrey standing on top of the monkey bars and still managing to hop up and down without falling.

Get up here and hurry. This vortex won't be open forever, Audrey called down to Anna.

Anna replied to this by saying, Where exactly is this vortex you keep speaking of?

About six feet directly in front of me, we are going to have to jump.

You're kidding right? Anna said.

Nope, but if you're scared I'll go first, following which, Audrey crouched down and then leaped. Anna didn't exactly see what happened because there was a really bright light and when she looked back Audrey was gone.

Anna said, now getting a little worried, Where did you go? After about five minutes of waiting for Audrey to pop out of the bushes and say, Haha got you, Anna realized she might be able to see the whole park if she climbed up to the monkey bars, then maybe she could see where Audrey had run off to. She got up to the top and looked around. She could see the whole park, but no sign of Audrey. Audrey, come on, this isn't funny! Anna shouted, now extremely worried. She thought she saw someone on the other side of the park so she stood up to get a better view.

Just FYI, Anna has this funny habit of falling over for no reason every now and then which is usually a good thing to keep in mind when you are standing on top of some rickety monkey bars. As Anna, once again, began to lose the battle with gravity she remembered the vortex. Well, I either fall and break my neck or I fall through a vortex to Middle earth or break my neck. Gathering her strength and remaining balance she jumped.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Anna? Anna? Get up your going to miss swim practice! At this Anna sat bolt upright and jumped up to get dressed. Unfortunately, she wasn't in her room and she wasn't in a bed. She was lying on the ground in a forest with Audrey leaning over her with a grin that could have melted the ice caps. I knew that would get you up. I think you owe me money, said Audrey snickering.

Wow this is one realistic dream. she mumbled looking at the trees.

It isn't a dream, said Audrey. And just to prove her point she walked over and pinched Anna, hard, on the arm.

Of course Anna's response to this was Ouch! Why did you pinch me? It hurt!

Audrey just looked at her very evenly and asked, Does one feel pain in a dream?

Anna looked like someone had just smacked her upside the head with a two-by-four, You mean, WE'RE IN FREAKING MIDDLE EARTH?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! Anna paused for breath and noticed that she and Audrey were not the only ones here. She said to the tall blond man covering his ears, And who might you be?

I am Legolas Greenleaf, Prince of Mirkwood, fair maiden.

Anna just mouthed a silent and would have fainted right there if she hadn't preferred greasy old men that hadn't bathed recently(Aragorn).

Audrey just beamed like there was no tomorrow. Oh, yeah, look what I found. If at all possible, Audrey was grinning even more than she had in the beginning, I landed on top of him when I fell through the vortex and he promised to take us to Rivendell with him. Isn't that great?

Anna opened her mouth as if she was about to say something then closed it again. After a few tries she managed to put quite a few things that were on her mind into words.

HOW CAN YOU BE SO CALM?!?! WE ARE IN ANOTHER DIMENSION!!!! WHY ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT?!?!?! Anna yelled. Legolas covered his ears and Audrey winced,

Not so loud! Audrey hissed, You are hurting Legolas' ears.

Anna thought she heard a muttered, As well as attracting every monster within a three mile radius of here, from the elf prince but was a bit preoccupied hyperventilating at the moment to come up with a witty retort.

Audrey, noticing that blue was not her best friend's color, tried to get Anna to calm down. Anna if you don't exhale soon you are going to pass out. So sympathy was never her strong point, big deal.

Come on get up we have to get a move on if we want to make it in time for the council. Audrey paused for a moment, then continued, Aragorn will be there.

Anna perked up at the mention of Aragorn, her hyperventilation forgotten, Could I, like, actually talk to him?

Audrey nodded and Anna jumped up, saying Well then what are we waiting for? We don't have all day come on! Let's go! Move along people. Because of Anna's current lack of oxygen and talent of falling down for no reason she almost fell right back down on her butt.

Careful, Lady Legolas said as he reached out an arm to steady Anna.

Audrey scowled jealously and mouthed, My elf, hands off. Anna rolled her eyes.

Legolas hopped up onto his horse and started riding, slowly of course, while Anna and Audrey followed behind wondering what havoc they could wreak once they finally got to Rivendell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

What do you mean, three weeks? Audrey yelled at the elf, I don't have time for this, I have a term paper due tomorrow!

Audrey had been walking quietly for quite some time when she asked Legolas whether they were going to make it to Rivendell in time for lunch, as she was getting hungry. Legolas had explained that they would not be reaching Rivendell for a long while yet seeing as they were still in Mirkwood and they still had the Misty Mountains to cross.

Audrey sat down next to her backpack and started to rummage through it, Paper weight, scented candle, socks, more socks, light bulb, telephone, Ah ha! Here it is. And with that Audrey sat down cross-legged with a book on her lap titled The Atlas of Middle Earth and started frantically flipping pages. Mirkwood, Mirkwood, page 80. Ha there is Mirkwood, we are probably somewhere in here, those are the Misty Mountains and there is Rivendell. She pulled a ruler out of her backpack and measured the distance between the two points. Ok 15 centimeters, one centimeter equals ten miles that means it is a hundred and fifty miles from here to Rivendell. Audrey looked pleased with herself until she realized what she had just said.

A hundred and fifty (expletive deleted) miles? That can't be right! There is no way I am walking a hundred and fifty miles, no way in hell.

As Audrey continued to mutter Legolas leaned down from his seat on his horse and whispered to Anna, Is she always like this?

Anna just looked at Audrey grumbling to herself, turned to Legolas and replied Oh no, she's normally much worse, especially when she's embarrassed about something. Hmmm, whatever could I say to embarrass Audrey? Hmmm, now that is one tough question. I have it! I can tell you all about her obs- Anna didn't get to continue this train of thought because Audrey the human bullet had launched herself at her best friend and was now sitting on her stomach staring her straight in the face. If looks could kill the one on Audrey's face at that minute could have wiped out the entire furry woodland creature population in all of Mirkwood and Imladris combined.

Audrey decided she had glared enough and moved on to a verbal reprimand stressing every word by shaking Anna by the shoulders, YOU(shake) WILL(shake) NOT(shake) TELL(shake) HIM(shake) ANYTHING(shake) UNDERSTAND?(glare)

Anna had clamped a hand over her own mouth to keep from laughing at the expression on Audrey's face, so she just nodded, concealed mirth held in her eyes.

Audrey, convinced that her friend had been temporarily silenced, went back to her first concern, the extremely long walk they had ahead of them, I am not walking a hundred and fifty miles.

I am terribly sorry you feel that way, Lady, said Legolas, but as you have no other way of getting to Rivendell besides your own feet I believe you had better get used to the situation.

I have an idea, piped up Anna, Why doesn't Audrey ride with you?

Legolas looked at Audrey, who was looking like she had been smacked upside the head with a two by four and she liked it, fidgeted a bit, sighed and said, Very well, as long as you promise to remain silent.

Audrey was in no place to reply currently, her eyes had glazed over and she had gotten that look that she seemed to get whenever she imagined anything to do with close contact with Legolas, in her opinion, the hottest elf, ever, in the world, ever. Anna knew the signs that said Audrey was spaced out and would probably not fully responsive to anything for at least five minutes.

Legolas looked worried, Is she alright?

Anna suppressed the urge to laugh and said, She will be in a bit. She is just fantasizing about- Audrey the human missile strikes again. This time was much the same as the last except that now she sounded really pissed off and the look on her face would have killed every single furry woodland creature on the face of the earth(or Middle Earth, as the case may be).

YOU(poke, shake) DID(poke, shake) NOT(poke, shake) LISTEN(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) ME(poke, shake) WHEN(poke, shake) I(poke, shake) EXPLAINED(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) YOU(poke, shake) WHAT(poke, shake) YOU(poke, shake) WOULD(poke, shake) NOT(poke, shake) SAY(poke, shake) TO(poke, shake) HIM(poke, shake, glare)! This time every word was not only accompanied by a shake of the shoulders but also a poke in the side, where Anna was most ticklish. Needless to say, Anna had been warned.

Audrey stood up, brushing herself off, and then walked over to where Legolas sat on his horse, watching the fight with amazement. I get to ride with you, right?

Legolas reached a hand down to help Audrey up in resignation, Yes, lady, as you seem so opposed to walking normally.

Audrey grabbed his hand and pulled herself up behind Legolas on his horse, You will have to hold on to my waist, lady, or you will fall off, he said turning part way around.

This was too much for the fangirl in Audrey. Anna saw what was coming and said to the elf prince, You might want to cover your ears.

Audrey shrieked in her very best and highest pitched fangirl squeal.

The elf prince cracked open an eye from the grimace of pain on his face, and whispered to Anna, Is she done yet?

Anna nodded and the prince uncovered his ears, Very well, let us continue we have many miles to cover before the sun sets. Then, because Audrey didn't seem to be in a state of listening, he reached behind him, grabbed her arms and made Audrey hold on to his waist. He clicked his tongue to make his horse start to move and Anna walked a little bit behind. They were off to Rivendell.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Twilight was falling on the forest of Mirkwood and three weary travelers stopped to make camp for the night. Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood,(and hottest elf ever) got down off of his horse and began to unpack. Audrey, who had been riding behind Legolas awoke from her daze and said, Wow, how long was I out?

Anna, Audrey's best friend, replied, About four hours, I'd say. Then, Anna paused and asked, Do you think I could ride tomorrow? Walking too much hurts my knees.

Legolas looked up from the fire he was starting, glad that he wouldn't have to ride with a rabid fangirl the next day, Very well, lady, it seems only fair as your companion rode all of today.

Audrey was doing an incredible impression of a dying fish, she kept opening her mouth and then closing it very quickly like she couldn't get enough air. But, finally, she saved up enough breath for a, at the top of her lungs. Then Audrey jumped off of the horse and opened her backpack, panicking that she might lose elf. She rummaged through the backpack, Hmm where did I put it? Hmm, potted plant, copy of The Hobbit, plastic dinosaur... Audrey continued rummaging until she finally found what she was looking for, Anna, help me pull this out, it's big. Anna went over to help her friend, mystified as to what was so big it wouldn't come out of the backpack.

Audrey pulled on whatever it was and Anna pulled on Audrey, after about a minute of tugging the thing popped out of the backpack and bowled the two of them over. Audrey was the first to recover so she jumped up, Here, you don't need to ride with Legolas because you have this! She said gesturing towards the bicycle she had managed to stow in and take out of her backpack, must be that author's license again.

Anna jumped up when she saw the bike and started muttering things about air pressure and sprockets and whirlygiggers and stuff. Audrey beamed, very proud that she had kept Legolas all to herself. Looks like Anna is set so I get to ride with you again! She said to elf.

said Audrey's stomach. Audrey looked down at her tummy and said, What's that, belly? You're hungry? Ok I will see what I can do. Then, turning to Legolas Belly is hungry. He wants to eat something. What's for dinner?

I only have enough rations for one person. said Legolas, I hope you have packed something for the two of you to eat.

Audrey looked at Anna and yelled,

You packed some? asked Anna, overjoyed that they would be able to have their favorite meal.

said Audrey, smugly getting out the cans and tossing one to Anna, Always be prepared, you know.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I am not sure if that was a good place to end for right now or not but that's where it's gonna end because I don't feel like typing anymore tonight.

I hope you liked it and will convey that likeage by hitting the little button down there in the corner. Yes, the little one that says submit a review. Please review! Reviews boost my morale and make me feel apreciated. Flame if you must but know that flames will only be used to burn the other flames.(will that work?)