In the immaculately white surroundings of Lauren's bedroom, Bo lay alone beneath the down duvet. She roused slowly, noticing that Lauren was gone when her eyes focused finally. She sat up in bed and held her head. The headache was back. Bo yawned and threw back the comforter, swinging her feet onto the floor.
She padded to the en suite bathroom and stood, naked, in front of the mirror, rubbing her eyes. Her body was wrecked. Cuts, scrapes, and bruises left a road map of pain across her fair skin. She had not fed in a few weeks, not since she promised to love Lauren the way she deserved. The way Bo deserved. Her fingers slid across her ribs, blue and green from fading bruises. She followed the scab that had narrowly avoided becoming a stab wound and took an inventory of the marks on her skin, remembering each and every attack.
Lauren winced when Bo undressed these days. As a healer, she tried to make Bo as comfortable as possible with salves and ice packs and for her part, Bo tried to make Lauren comfortable with her choice not to feed. The shower was running but Bo couldn't look away from the strange shapes of bruises decorating her back. Her head was pounding now. Not from drinking or fighting, but for her need to feed. Her destiny was calling her, begging her to heal.
Bo stepped into the scalding shower and gritted her teeth as the water pounded against her wounds. This self-flagellation was more common than anyone knew. Bo was defying everyone's expectations of herself and denying everything she craved. She couldn't go on much longer like this. And the irony of it all was that Lauren didn't even ask this of her. Bo knew she would never ask her to deny her very nature, but she was also hell bent on proving she could lead a monogamous life with Lauren.
When the shower stopped and Bo stepped out her skin was red. This is what passed for cleansing these days. She wrapped herself up in a thick white towel and sat on the edge of the bed. Bo sighed. She couldn't fuck this up. She didn't take Lauren as her lover after this long only to betray her.
The pounding in her temples was becoming more insistent. Ga-gunk. Her heart beat in her ears. Ga-gunk. Bo closed her eyes. Ga-gunk. She felt like it was going to bust through her rib cage. She was coming out of her skin.
Bo gathered the clothes from the chair beside the bed and she dressed quickly, fussing little with her hair before leaving Lauren's loft in a hurry.
It was hours later when again Bo returned bloody and bruised. Lauren rushed to her side as she entered her quarters.
"Bo, what happened?" Lauren asked breathlessly.
Bo grunted. "Troll ambushed me."
"Was it the Morrigan?"
"No." Bo shook her head, trying to catch her breath. "I went looking for trouble and I found some."
Lauren stared at Bo, her eyes wild with pain. "Why did you do this?"
"Because I can." Bo smirked and wiped the blood from the corner of her mouth.
"You have to heal, Bo."
"There's nothing life threatening here." Bo spun around. "Patch me up." Bo walked over to the stools near the kitchen and perched on the edge. A trail of blood followed her.
"What have you done?" Lauren peeled Bo's shirt away from her wounds. A precursory glance and she determined Bo had at least three broken ribs and a deep slash across her abdomen. She rifled through her desk and returned to Bo with gauze for the seeping wound. "Hold this against it."
She was clanking around in her medical cabinet now.
"What are you up to?" Bo threw her best winning smile over her shoulder at Lauren despite the fact that she was still wincing.
"Making a bruise compress." Lauren worked quickly. She rattled off amounts as she remembered them. "One tablespoon tincture of arnica…" was all Bo heard as she cobbled together the compress.
Lauren walked towards Bo, stirring the mixture. When Lauren laid her hands on her they were freezing.
"Jesus," Bo complained.
"Sorry," Lauren rubbed her hands together, bringing them to her lips to blow on them briefly. She dipped her hands into the mixture and began spreading it onto her bruises.
"That smells…" Lauren stopped and looked at Bo. "Incredible. What is that?"
Lauren smiled and returned to spreading the compress on Bo's ribs. "Just a little St. John's wort, witch hazel bark, chamomile flowers and four drops of lavender oil." Lauren washed her hands and came to check the gauze on her belly. Satisfied the bleeding had stopped, Lauren dressed the wound.
"Are we going to talk about this?" Lauren looked up at Bo.
Cocky as ever, Bo replied: "What's there to say?"
Lauren nodded, skeptical. "You know, just because I can put Humpty Dumpty back together, doesn't mean I enjoy seeing him fall off the wall."
"It must be serious if we're speaking in nursery rhymes."
Lauren walked away from Bo. She was quietly causing a commotion in her desk, but Bo was unfazed, walking to the opposite counter and snagging the bottle of wine she found there. Twisting the cork, she released it from the bottle. "You know, I don't think you're going to find what you're looking for in that desk of yours."
Lauren stilled. "No, you're probably right." She stood and crossed to Bo, who held out a glass of wine for her. "Why won't you feed, Bo?"
"I don't need to. I'm fine." Leaning back against the counter, Bo sipped the ruby colored wine and shook her head.
"Fine? Have you seen the latest trail of blood on my floor? Bo, you can't keep doing this."
"I just want to live a normal life. Be a normal couple."
"You are. We are." Lauren reassured.
"No we're not. I'm a succubus and you're my human."
"So what? That doesn't change a thing"
"Sure it does. It makes you food."
"You're not human, I know that. I didn't fall in love with a succubus, Bo, I fell in love with you."
And Bo had fallen in love with Lauren's humanity, her pluckiness and loyalty. All of which added up to the burning she felt in her chest. Bo shook her head. She was going to fuck this up.
Lauren set her glass of wine aside and lifted a hand to Bo's cheek. "You have to heal, Bo."
Bo pulled away. "No, I don't. I am not a slave to these urges. I'm in charge and I say no."
"Why deny your hunger?" Lauren reached out for Bo, only managing to stroke her arm, crossed tightly across her chest.
"Do you know how lucky you are? Your life is short and fragile but you have free will."
Lauren grew still before she looked into her hands, as if the words would magically appear there. Bo regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth.
"When I first came to work for The Ash, I was awestruck by the variety of Fae. At some point, I even wished that I could be one of you. But you know something, every Fae I've ever come into contact with came with a pity party. You're ageless, superior physically and your main food source doesn't even know you exist. Forgive me if I don't feel sorry for you."
"I don't want your pity." Bo leaned against the counter, arms crossed.
"What do you want, Bo?"
"You. That's it." Bo pushed away from the counter and walked away, heading up the stairs.
"Where are you going?" she called after Bo.
"To get cleaned up."
Bo found herself standing naked in front of the mirror again, scrutinizing her most painful marks and comparing them to the gruesome, yet relatively pain-free wounds. They overlapped now and it was becoming more and more difficult to remember what happened when and why. She peeled off the dressing from her abdomen. The angry red gash was mesmerizing.
The door creaked open and Lauren stood in the doorway looking Bo over. Bo's eyes lifted from the mirror to meet Lauren's.
"Look at you…" Lauren tsked as she approached Bo. She trailed a hand over the bruises on her neck and collarbone, down to the compress still sticking to her ribs. Bo lifted Lauren's chin and kissed her.
Lauren sighed contentedly and leaned into Bo. As their lips parted, Lauren spoke: "Distracting me will only work for so long."
"You doubt how long I can distract you." Bo smiled and tugged Lauren's top over her head.
"Bo…" she said seriously.
She shook her head and hushed Lauren. "I know."
She would feed tonight. She would prowl the strip and consume the chi of someone too drunk to notice. Not because she was tired of the aches and pains, but because Lauren asked it of her. She wanted nothing more than to settle into a comfortable rhythm with Lauren, to live their lives together simply, without complication. She also knew that was a pipe dream. There would always be danger lurking nearby, Fae elders to appease. She would always need to feed. But she hoped that if she felt an ounce of what she felt for Lauren now in the years to come she would have had a reason for it all.